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Sorry excuse for a post… really

All I seem to do lately is apologize…

I have been irritable… moody… discontent.

I have a horrible habit of misdirecting angry outbursts at inappropriate times and places.

I am tired… exhausted to the bone… the kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.

I have felt trapped by obligations…

I have fallen into this spiraling victim mode… where everything is out to get me.

I have felt gross… do you know that feeling… when just everything about yourself feels gross? <shrugs> maybe that only happens to me.

I have been lashing out at my lot in life… the life that I have striven for… dreamed of… worked so hard to get.

I cannot ever seem to get ahead.

In short… I am burned out.

I’m sorry… Because in reality… I know I am so blessed… and have the greatest friends in the entire world… who have been there for me… always… I know I am loved… So much is going on in the world… and I cannot seem to see past the trees to the forest… I know this will pass…

This post… which is the most I am capable of recently… is inspired by the writing prompt “Tell us about a time you had to apologize”

mama kats

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The magic that the smallest amount of sunshine can work!

Don’t believe in Magic? Not a huge carrier of faith in Miracles?? Have you met SUNSHINE!!! I cannot believe what a difference in the world a little bit of sunshine after all this … well… winter… we have had… The bronchitis… the strep… the injuries from snow removal… the arthritis… the flu… the flu again… some more vomit tossed in just for shits and giggles…. and then… wait for it… hold out some hope…here comes the miracle… here comes the magic!

SUNSHINE!!!!

It is out the window RIGHT NOW!

and my shoulders feel like whatever has been lurking there… all dark and heavy… might be melting away a little bit as the snow does…

So in-case it is not shining where you are today! here is some! Do not give up 🙂

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Not my sun … but well… WOW! right?

 

… It’s the thought that counts

mama kats

 

Tell the story of trying to learn a new talent or hobby that you only pursued briefly.

 

I wanted to be the perfect mom!

Tall Child arrived half-way grown…  She became my daughter when she was 12.. She came with only a few things to call her own… but one thing she did arrive with was a dufflebag stuffed with yarn…

I looked at small child… at his tiny little two year old self… and begged Tall child to teach me!

I wanted to give small child a blanket… a homemade mommy blanket… something he could pass on to his kids… you get the idea… I wanted to be the perfect mom… I wanted him to have everything…

I invested in some Crochet Hooks/Knitting Needles (Did you know these were two different things? I never did figured out what the difference was or which one I was doing) I chose two different colors of blue yarn… She taught me the easiest stitch… and after much cursing… and poking her with the needle/hook… I got the hang of it enough to do a couple of rows….

Then a couple more….

Then a couple more….

<sponge bob voice> Six Months Later

I finally handed small child his scarf…

He loved it!

He roped the dog with it while wearing his Indiana Jones hat… and swung by the banister with it doing his spider-man impression… he tied people up with it and returned as superman to rescue them…

Until one day it mysteriously disappeared and was never mentioned again…

because….fuck knitting!

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This is an older pic… but damn… we are cute!

 

How to make major decisions as a couple… Really.

Mr Amazing:  This looks cool 

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Mr Amazing:   It has a super nes emulator  & tons of games to download for free

me:  Okay okay… Why would Nintendo let that happen?

Mr Amazing:  :  who is buying NES64 games? Plus minecraft is available

me:  I want it! buy me it!

Mr Amazing:  :  lol

me:  Not funny anymore!

Mr Amazing:    I no longer want it

me:  LOL!  I WANT IT!

Mr Amazing:    smiffbib

me:  Bratface!

Mr Amazing:   it has a SNES and NES64 emulator

me:  I want it all Every Effing Mario Game since the dawn of time!

Mr Amazing: Plus you download ANY game & try it for free even the $50 games

me:  Want want want NEED

Mr Amazing: Oh Kerry

… Donkey Kong 64

… Paper Mario (the original)

… Mario Party

… Diddy Kong Racing

me:  PAPER MARIO I JUST DIED AT MY DESK… Coffee saved me

Mr Amazing:  Super Mario 64

me:  Buy Buy Buy

Mr Amazing:  It is being released June 2013

me:  We could give it to the smalls for their birthday!

Mr Amazing:  lol here kids

me:  and then steal their birthday present and play it

Mr Amazing:  now get the FUCK out of my way

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing:  seems disingenuous somehow

me:  It wants me to buy it

Mr Amazing:  I want to spend $1200 on a security appliance for home

me:  A security appliance?

Mr Amazing:  Yes, with IDS, content filtering, and anti-virus and anti-phishing built in

me:  doesn’t sound like a lot of fun

Mr Amazing: It would make it so we could control where are kids go online and verify they never download crap they aren’t supposed to

me:  <yawn>

Mr Amazing:  

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me:  paper Mario

Mr Amazing:  and it would make our wireless signal awesome

me:  paper Mario… paper Mario… PAPER MARIO YAY

Valentines Day? Smiffbib!

The holiday of love when sweethearts celebrate with crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two…Nauseating… isn’t it?  Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion… almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress… depression…  guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives…maddeningly…year after year.

I think the holiday is total crap

I think I always hated it… even when I was a teenager… and had a boyfriend… I always felt that it was really hokey… I’m not a teddy bears and roses stuffed inside of a ginormous heart balloon kind of person.

It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t

Frank Sinatra got it wrong when he sang about “My Funny Valentine.” … there’s nothing remotely funny about valentines or a day honoring them.

The resentment definitely makes me want to not just ignore the holiday but do something as a protest … a statement against dinner for two and cheesy professions of love… Luckily I married Mr. Amazing… Who I think is secretly relieved that he doesn’t have the pressure… but finds other ways to let me know I am the one…. he will still will lose his train of thought… and stop mid sentence if he happens upon me getting ready not properly attired yet… I will take that as my romantic gesture… it means more than any bear in a balloon ever will.

meh

 

… This is a post in self defense!

So for a few days now I have been trying to come up with something really amazing to post… My 200th post is SO CLOSE and well…  did you hear me? 200 POSTS! (almost)

I tried to remember what life was like before smiffbib… and I really couldn’t … Much like when a child enters your life…  I suppose in all reality… it is my BABY!

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I think back to my time blogging on Smiffbib…. It’s been almost a year of reflecting… opining… and sharing many cups of coffee with you…  my dear readers… Whoever the hell you are… while we’ve chatted about life and everything in between.

And over that time… I feel like a part of my life has actually changed directly as a result of this blogging experience….

Laughing at myself isn’t something I’ve had too much trouble doing over the years … Things that were once kept in the dark recesses of my rapidly fading memory are now on full public display for all to enjoy at my expense… and the pressure of this magical post quickly began to weigh on me… stress me out… how could I ever put it into words how much this all means to me… when it is all complete nonsense? I actually shed a tear trying to find a way to express everything it is to me… everything it means… words aren’t enough…

So I decided to call it off… 200 is no big deal…. HAPPY 199 BABY!

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 I get some sort of gift for this don’t I???

Sssss … Sssss…. Ssssss

mama kats

This week’s prompt – The last time you were sick…

My brain is mush … I have soooooo much snot … leaking from every orifice .. I am gleaking (just trying to give you a mental image) from the corners of my eyes when I sneeze… which is often…. I am incapable of blogging in this state… Which is why I chose this prompt… also… I think I am funny….Hell… I think everything is funny today… Here have this Gchat conversation rather than me explaining… I think it says it all…Send help… or cheese.

me:  When I laugh I sound like that dog on Duck Hunt… Just sayin… LOL and I think everything is sooo funny today

Mr Amazing:  you sound like wooof…wooof…wooof??

 me:  Nooooo When he snickers when you miss the ducks!

Mr Amazing:  sssss..ssssss..sssss ??

 me:  YEAH! Like that And It hurts to breathe…I think it is lack of oxygen due to this damn cold LMAO even that is funny

Mr Amazing: not funny

 me:  Im pretty sure it is funny, cause I am sitting here alone at my desk sssss ssss sssssing

 me:  I think assuming I get home alive – that I am going to make enchiladas for dinner and they will be magically delicious

 me:  It will be a magical magic kinda enchilada delirious wife kinda night… Im so excited! Do we own cheese?

 me: LMAO! LMAO!

 me: I dont know if we own cheese…

Mr Amazing:  we have cheese

 me:  Thank God! …  I love cheese

I am pretty sure I will be deleting this post as soon as I am feeling better… and of sound mind… think of it as a limited edition!! SSSssss Ssssss Sssssss

UPDATED: I picked up take out on the way home 🙂
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11 random facts you probably wish you never knew about me

liebsterLabelsFinalI was nominated for an award! This is new! I don’t really get an actual award… although I do have a trophy shelf for the day it happens… when I am discovered… it will most likely happen while I am searching out the perfect avocado at the grocery store… I will shriek eureka! and the playwright/producer/art-gallery owner (whomever happens to discover me) will echo my shrill exclamation at the very sight of me and my talents… and that is how it will happen… I just know it… Until then- Tamara Tipton a fellow blogger has nominated me for this adorable heart bearing graphic above… and to receive the award I have to answer these questions (Something about nominating others… but I’m skipping that part… because I don’t think we should give these out to everyone.. I don’t need the competition)

 kidding aside, It is a fun blog prompt & I adore Tamara and her blog 🙂

  1.  A childhood memory- One of my earliest childhood memories is trick or treating at the 7-11 in California… My Mother stayed in her blue station wagon and let us kids run in for what resembles a spit cup at the dentists office amount of Slurpee they were giving out… It was my first rebel moment… I chose coke flavored! My mother informed me I was disappointing the prophet and most likely going to hell… and I gleefully slurped up my evil Slurpee… Mm-mm
  2. One of your biggest fears – Aside from the normal… Loss of a child… Zombie Apocalypse… and living in North Korea… I would have to say my BIGGEST fears are anything body related… that is no longer attached to the body… it freaks me out people!!! Clipped Toenails…. Trimmed hair… Whatever the hell is inside that little catch on my Ped Egg…. (I just threw up in my mouth a little) and don’t even get me started on the fluid.
  3. Something you wish you knew at 18- I knew it all at 18, doesn’t every 18 year old?? I wish there were some things I had not known… But that is another blog post.
  4. Five things you cannot leave the house without- Keys, My Phone, My I Pad,  Lip Goo (I love it) and Gum (Wow I feel like that all should have been more profound)
  5. Something you like about yourself. My Parenting skills… I feel like an outcast when I say that… So many moms spend so much time beating themselves up… but I am actually a pretty kick ass mom… I love my kids.
  6. If you could spend an hour in the past, when would you want to visit? I have to tell you… I really believe we are living in the most amazing of times! In my life I have witness the birth of DVD, Internet, Cell Phones, Smart Phones, Tablets, the first black President… I’m a firm believer I will be here for the first woman President as well (HILARY 2016!) … I think life is a wonder… and miracles happen everyday… I would like to take that one hour… and extend my life in this time by that much.
  7. If you could have a thousand dollar gift card to one store, which store would it be? Any art supply store would do 🙂
  8. If you could anonymously grant a wish, whose would you grant? My Son … I do not know what he would ask for… but I would give him the world if I could.
  9. What flavor evokes the strongest memory for you? See #1 – Cola Flavored anything!!! I Love it!
  10. Why do you blog? I am pretty sure my head would expand and explode if I couldn’t get all of this out … There is so much to say… Plus I really like annoying people with these ellipses… I do it on purpose
  11. Dog or Cat person?? Both!!! I have one of each!!! File this one with the what I wouldn’t leave the house without response 🙂

There you go! Now you know! Gimme Gummy Coke Bottles now!