Articles

Apr 09 2012

The View from inside a Panic Attack

Author: Kerry

The view from inside a panic attack…  

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the same experiences as others… I do not claim to know what it feels like to be in your skin… Im just telling you what its like living in my own skin. Holidays, Such as easter are a huge trigger… I don’t know a lot of people who are in my situation that they are not a trigger for…

 They build for days… They didn’t used too… I used to just have them…. But I have learned enough coping skills that I can usually head them off… and function around them… in fact so practiced that I can do this without anyone being aware they are happening… This is a description of one that none of my behavior changing techniques have worked on… and I feel completely helpless too…               

Start Sunday one week prior…. Mild head ache… Muscles tensing… appetite gone… but I over eat regardless hoping to bury it in spicy Indian food … Release a little extra serotonin… bile rising in my throat… My noise tolerance and touch tolerance is wavering… sometimes I want to get lost in my senses… sometimes I cant handle them being touched at all… I’m snappy… Exasperated… stressed… every little task put in front of me is met with the question of how… how am I supposed to do that… how am I going to do that… I am already riding myself for not accomplishing everything I think I should be right now…. Pause… pull out a notebook… writing can help so much… Mr. Amazing bought me this domain saying that If I didn’t write… he thought my head would explode…  hoping the paper will make it seem less overwhelming…Monday arrives…thinking that I put way too much pressure on myself… and perhaps this just doesn’t need to be that big of a deal… the tense muscles are now cramping… Shoulders are hunching without thought given to them… thighs are clenched as I draw my legs up to my chest when I sit… when I sleep… I keep moving… still not giving in… Tuesday is here now… I do not eat much during the day… Over compensate for that at night… treating myself  and indulging in an hour of TV … I cannot get through a sentence without sounding sharp and biting… My stomach at this point has joined in the muscles cramps… it is rolling in protest… If it carried a sign like the occupy movement.. it would read “Ulcer will not be silenced”… and it flares up… Short breaths are all I am capable of now … filing away all of the emotions and fears that are accompanying this  kind of silent hyper ventilation…. My eyes begin to show strains of the… tenseness… funny breathing pattern… every once in a while I feel my heart hammer against the cage of my ribs… and I breathe deep… and try to think about anything else…. Wednesday… I am sick… It hurts to walk… I cannot relax my legs… and the muscles are weak from the constant holding… my feet fall asleep every time I sit because I am holding my legs so close… limbs in close to my core at all times… arms wrapped around my center… legs drawn up… every ligament tense and working… shoulders drawn up to the lobes of my ears at this point… I start wearing layers of clothes so that people cannot see these strange expressions of panic… I cannot drop my shoulders.. the muscles have locked… I begin lowering my head so the hunching is less apparent… My shoulder blades are cramping if I breathe deeply… I am on the couch… everything hurts… I am so cold (I think this comes from being so still) I am wrapped in a blanket and move like an old woman … careful… painfully… and the tears start… This is always the end for me… I cannot stop crying… I have officially stressed out everyone around me… and they aren’t even sure what is happening… I have cut them off… not allowed them to talk… lectured them endlessly for things that I honestly hold myself responsible for… such as remembering little details… I verbally empty my head… and every thought and fear I have… while sobbing and shredding tissues… I don’t allow Mr. Amazing to reason with these thought… I think them… reason doesn’t make that go away… and I finally exhaust my tear ducts… that are now almost swollen shut… and I crawl in bed with tissue… because often the crying continues through the night while I sleep… Monday morning … Today … I am embarrassed… Humiliated… weak feeling… trying to make up for my behavior… my fears of shortcomings… everything I tore myself apart for the night before… and my shoulders start creeping up again… and tears are hovering in the corners of my eyes… I do not interact with anyone around me… I am trying desperately to cramp back up… get those safeguards secure again… I think it might be over… I am not sure yet… I begin the coping mechanisms again… writing being my favorite.

Apr 08 2012

… That damn bunny!!!

Author: Kerry

I remember thinking that when I had kids of my own that there were some super lame holidays I just wouldn’t get sucked into…. and before we go all righteous on the religious meaning behind them…. you’re the people telling your kids fictitious characters come into their homes in the dead of night and leave them things…

… Santa I understood… he sees you when your sleeping… he knows when your awake… all that creeper stuff…. I get it.. besides I love Christmas magic… I really do… but let’s go over a few I don’t get…. the tooth fairy…. okay seriously disturbing… and I’m not the only one who thinks so… there are horror movies about it…. and beyond that… gross… what am I supposed to do with that tooth… I remember sneaking through my mothers drawer and finding them… eek… what’s she gonna do with them.. give them to me with my baby stuff…. “Thanks a heap for the rotting hunk of bone from my prepubescent mouth Mom! ”

… and of course the Easter bunny…. anyone wanna take a stab at explaining the sense behind this tradition and not make it sound lame? … good luck…. but of course by the time I had the small child .. I was not the only person with a vested interest in his up bringing… and MIL had known my plans to deprive him of this weirdness….. and blackmailed me with threats of trying to indoctrinate him into organized religion if I didn’t participate in her favorite holiday…. so… obviously she won…. he was almost two when we introduced this holiday to him…. he loved coloring the eggs…. he could have spent hours bathing those precious little cooked eggs in colors … and he left them in the fridge in his crayon decorated and stickered carton… went to bed happily chirping about eggs and them representing spring…. and the colors were so pretty… in the morning he awoke to a chocolate laden basket… with jelly beans… and stuffed bunny larger than his tiny toddler body…. the Easter bunny had come… and he ran to check on his eggs hoping the bunny had liked them… only to find the empty Carton on the kitchen counter …. his grandma and father were poised with cameras to catch the reaction of his first egg hunt…. I wish I had caught their reactions to his…. small child’s face skewed into the angriest most disgusted expression I had ever seen… then in a low voice spit out the words…”That damn bunny took my eggs! “…. shocked to say the least someone pointed out a hidden egg to him and suggested perhaps that bunny had just hid them…..(I laughed uncontrollably through the entire charade… muttering that damn bunny everytime he looked like he may have gotten over his fury… keeping his rage harnessed) … oh he found those eggs.. proclaiming the Easter bunny the “biggest jerk ” as he found the eggs one by one… until each of his beautiful eggs were back in the carton where they belonged… and then he ate that chocolate rabbit… it was in vengeance, biting those ears off angrily… for the prank that had been played on him….that damn bunny! the following year he drew scary faces on the eggs to try to scare the bunny off…. this year he is helping me make the basket for smallest child… and he still thinks the Easter bunny sucks …. I couldn’t agree more.

Apr 05 2012

… You probably had to be here…

Author: Kerry

Does everybody have “that guy” in your office that has that weird horse statue on his desk….Sure its probably some sentimental gift from Vietnam that was given to him by a close friend…. Well… Im “that girl” who cant leave it alone… it turns into a 5 year game of hide said horsey thing and hold it for different ransoms… or hide him bathrooms… or drawers… or planters…. or pose it in weird sexual positions with a gumby key chain? and write mass emails about their escapades???

Dear Weird Horsey,

You are my king and my prince. You are my knight in shining armor. We have so much in common. I am so glad we like the same things like going out to eat at romantic restaurants like Morton’s and watching movies. I can’t believe you were ever shy but I am glad you broke out of your shell before you met me.

I know you have been hurt in the past and I will never hurt you like that. I am yours and you are mine forever and always. I want to die loving you. I want you to be the last man I ever kiss. I hate that we broke up that one time but I think it made up realize what we lost.I cherish each and every day with you. You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. I love to hear you laugh, see you smile and watch you eat. You have a way about you. You are irresistible to me and I don’t know how anyone could let you go. I know I never will.

I didn’t used to be romantic but you bring it out of me. You have taught me so much and I admire your strength. The thing I love most about you is how you can change my mood from sad to happy. I love going places with you like weddings, the beach and walking. I am yours for as long as you will have me. See pictures below of our escapades

Love always,

Gumby

Apr 05 2012

… Got Sleep?

Author: Kerry

Set the goal not to tweet while sleep deprived… this Gchat was the result of said goal

Gchat –

Mr. Amazing: Do you want to transfer $30 back to my account so I can get Setebello for dinner?

 me: Roast in slowcooker… your family coming

Mr. Amazing: Oh… pot roast
  damn
  never mind
  oh well
  See… I offered

 me: That was pure evil

Mr. Amazing: lol
  monkey torture…

 me: Hey Kerry… Do you want to eat your favorite dinner? Or you want to play with a raw hunk of cow with ice cubes sticking to it in the morning and eat it that night

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

 me: With people over… (I hate people)

Mr. Amazing: ooooh… Oh… umm…. oh….. …uhhh…. ummm….. uh…. Oh OH… the second one?! 

 me: Tell the lucky lady what she won
  Well Bob… she has won a hunk of beef… that will cause her to be ill.. and she will do the dishes too!
 Just so you know… Ice cubes rip raw cow ass up… just like they would stick to your tongue
  … Got Sleep?

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO
  really
 rip raw cow ass up
  I can’t stop laughing

 me: YAY!
  But… Its true

Mr. Amazing: I didn’t think you would be stirring the cow ass with the ice cubes

me: It really was all a bit more complicated that you imagined I think… remember when I asked… at the last-minute this morning… Do you think it will all fit?
  I had to RIP ice cubes from the hunk of cow ass.. and rearrange them
  Gagging the whole time.. doing the potty looking type of dance and squealing in terror

Mr. Amazing: ripping off cow flesh
  it will just add flavor to the potatoes
  cow ass flesh flavor

 me: Right? That is what I figured…
  I will serve you a heaping plate of it tonight… assuming I remembered to turn on the slow cooker

Mr. Amazing: oh God
  please tell me you did

 me: Ofcourse I did… I checked twice… and locked the doors twice

Mr. Amazing: and make sure  to turn it to low

 me: and went back and checked my curling iron
  ….  I just sneezed gum into my hands… see.. these are the things you learn when I cant tweet it

Mr. Amazing: lol – would you have tweeted that?

 me: Yes… Yes I would have
Mr. Amazing: got sleep?

me: Belly Buttons can join Feet and Raw Cow ass on my , NASTY list again… what I would have tweeted

Mr. Amazing: belly buttons?
   like your own?
  are you inspecting your naval?

 me: Maybe?

Mr. Amazing: Why?
  Are you looking for something?

 me: …. I don’t have a valid response

Mr. Amazing: ROFL… I love you

Apr 03 2012

My Vagina hates Santorum…

Author: Kerry

Gchat Stream –

me:  I kinda want to make my status update of the day be “My Vagina hates Santorum” … But I dont think i can LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol   not a good idea

me: I didnt post it… but it was funny…

Mr.Amazing: questions will inevitably arise, like “how do you know? you have Santorum in your vagina lately?”

me: Noooo I dont think so… well maybe from you… but no one else im friends with would have the guts to respond to that LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol there is always womb for Santorum, Santorum, pro womb

me: ROTFL!! That is horrible

Mr.Amazing: Santorum will never clean your womb
that’s the worst ever – btw

me: That was soooooo bad!

Mr.Amazing: I am so pro life
but before a brain has formed, I have a hard time forming an argument
but seriously, I hate it

me:  So this is why even though I am pro life, I dont judge other people based on their opinions, I dont feel I have the right to legislate a womans womb so
keep government out of my womb
HAHA! that should be my status update
Mr.Amazing: no womb for government

me: Exactly!!!

Apr 01 2012

Every Soul… A star

Author: Kerry

My Angels angel…

I remember when Tall Child first called me… “We want to bring you dinner”

We? The new boyfriend that I met a few weeks prior? He seems nice enough… and encouraging her to spend time with me gets a bonus point… “I would love that”

I know there is more to this… I knew immediately… But I didn’t let my conscious mind wrap itself around that yet… and looked forward to the visit instead….

Tuesday night… 5:45 pm… phone rings.. Tearful daughter… “Mom, we aren’t going to make it down… I didn’t want to do this over the phone… I’m pregnant”… Breathe… all I say is… “I love you”… breathe… “Thanks mom”….” We will talk about it when you can come … How can I get you to come see me…” we make arrangements for a few nights later… I figure out something else to feed my son for dinner… and I crawl onto my bed and cry… and cry… and cry… pause.. put son to bed… cry some more… wake up to a wet pillow, I’ve been crying in my sleep…

A couple of days later, Tearful Enraged Mother and Tearful Enraged Daughter have it out… Just the two of us… and it’s not pretty… but we come to an understanding… it is her life… and I love her… that is all that matters…

But, I will not be called grandma!

Flash forward a few weeks… I force myself to buy baby diapers at the store… I am getting used to the idea… I hold friends babies, and coo and ahhhh at them and smile… maybe I can do this… I try to communicate with daughter… I try to be supportive… Christmas has arrived; there are presents under the tree labeled “Baby”… The previous mentioned diapers… a teddy bear frying pan… Only teddy bear pancakes are good enough for this baby on the way… Christmas is a family event, I have everyone I love under one roof, that can be under the roof… and I am sure that everything is going to be okay….

Flash forward a few weeks… My cell phone rings… I am expecting the call, she calls after all of her doctor’s appointments to tell me how the baby is doing…. I smile at her picture that pops up on my phone when she calls “Hi angel girl”…. “Mom”….”Honey… what’s wrong?”…. “There is something wrong with the baby… there are these lumps on her neck… They said they are cysts… they are running tests… we are not panicking yet….”… desperately trying to find something to write on… “Heather, tell me what they are called… spell it for me?”…. “Cystic Hygroma… They said not to google it… that it would only be upsetting”… “Of course honey” I am already typing it in on the computer… I tell her I love her and to let me know what she learns…. And that I can be there in a heartbeat if she needs me… as I look at the monitor on images of babies with cystic Hygroma… Tears fill my eyes and dread fills my stomach… and I read, and I read, and I study… and I know the outcome and the odds… and I am prepared… this baby is going to be just fine… as long as it doesn’t develop into Hydrops… the cysts will dissolve… and we will get through this….

Flash Forward a few weeks… “Mom… they are running more tests… the baby is missing a chromosome…” I am already typing on the computer… oh my god… please don’t take this baby from my baby… Missing chromosome.. Google’s response? Down syndrome…. A Down syndrome baby… my heart does a little leap… we could raise a little down syndrome baby, I have worked with children my whole life and have a lot of experience with down syndrome… they are the most beautiful children in the world… We can do this… I continue to walk the baby aisle every time I grocery shop, just waiting to find out of it is a boy or a girl…

Flash Forward one week…Cystic Hygroma, It has now developed into hydrops… The baby is not going to make it… There is not chance… They give her two weeks… and Tall Child gives her a name. My heart feels like it is breaking, breaking for my angel girl… and her angel as well… we wait and we wait, each Friday they check to see if the baby has passed on… but she doesn’t, she can be seen on the ultrasound, moving around, waving at her Mommy and Daddy on the screen… Licking her fingers… playing with her toes… Soon Tall Child can feel her moving, they both feel her kick… by placing their hands on her stomach, she is showing for sure now… Tall Child cooks teddy bear pancakes and eats them, She sends me a text that says “I made teddy bear pancakes for Corynn today, I think she liked them”….

Every Friday my throat tightens, and I work until I hear from her and then fly across the valley as fast as my little car will go to her… to check on her… to see the ultrasound images…. Pause Here for a moment… Tall child could have ended this from the moment she learned the baby wasn’t going to make it… Tall child could have chosen to terminate and have a D&C, But she chose a different option, She wanted to wait and let it happen naturally, and then she chose to have the baby, and keep her as whole and baby like as possible, This was no small task, because Corynn didn’t pass away in two weeks like was predicted…

Tall Child let her belly grow, and went through some of the hardest things of pregnancy … and then prepared to give birth to this little angel. Flash forward to this last Wednesday… The text comes in… “Just had an apt. Corynns heart rate is very low. We have another apt. On Friday and the doctor suspects she will have died by then.” “I love you angel girl what can I do to support you?” “I have no idea The doctor kept telling us to have a clear idea of what we wanted to do at the hospital … and burial… and I don’t know what I’m going to do” “I think you should have a plan… What do you believe in when it comes to that?” “We are talking about it right now… There is one thing I need” “ What? Anything” “A Blanket. At the hospital they will wrap her in it and bring her to me and then the support group will make a bear out of it I would love for you to pick it out” “ I am so so so honored to do that I will go right away and it will be amazing” “Thank you” “I Love you, you can call me if you need anything, I am very proud of you and your daughter” “Thanks mom”…

HOW! How do I give my angel girl her baby? When all she will have to remember her by is this blanket? How am I doing to do this… I walk the aisles of Babys R US, HATING every single person in that store… those people shopping for babies that are alive… Grandmothers for their grandchildren… mothers for their young… I am desperate, and so sad, it overwhelms me, drowns me, and I shop in sunglasses, tears pouring down my face… I find the perfect blanket (I hope it is at least) and I pay for it… hating the cashier with every offer of baby registries and frequent shoppers cards… I wont be needing those… I throw my card at her and buy this beautiful blanket… It is getting hard to walk, I feel sadness physically at this point…

Flash Forward to Friday… The doctor’s visit went as they predicted… The baby’s heart has stopped beating, I went to the national star registry and named a star after this little baby, I put her in the Aries constellation because that is where her birth date will fall… The star is named Corynn Lily… After Corynn Lily … I wrote her a little message that will get launched into space on some future date… with her name and the coordinates of her star….”Instead of little feet, you grew wings, tonight a new star adorns the sky, a new voice joins the choir of angels and sings” … I spend Sunday with Tall Child… They have scheduled inducing labor for first thing Monday morning, I take her to buy some comfortable clothes, and out to breakfast, and I show her the blankets I have chosen, and the certificate for the star as well as a satellite image of it, and a star chart showing it as well…. They have at this time planned where to bury her, thought of caskets… have someone sewing a special small dress…. We all start to prepare for the following day, I leave mommy and daddy alone, and go home and am surrounded by and comforted….

Fast forward to Monday, March 28, 2011,  they are checked in and have text me the room number and I make it right up to them … And we wait… We talk a little… I completely lose it when the social worker comes and gives them a little box of remembrance, the people here are kind, and careful, and refer to the baby by name, and to me as Grandma…I’m so okay being called Grandma… They seem to take things a little better than I do, I glare at the newborn window every time I pass it… and as the social worker leaves, I go walk outside in the crazy snow and try to catch my breath… I need to be tougher… I need to try to not cry all day… Her room is right above the helicopter landing pad…. The sounds of the life flight helicopter will always haunt me… that’s another story…. But I listen to them all day, they give her an epidural at 4pm, she is just now starting to feel contractions, and there is no need for her to feel any pain at all… I’m sitting here in the waiting room typing this… I see an older couple walking the halls, she is older than I, and pregnant, I’m sure they are trying to speed up labor… for the first time I don’t hate the woman who walks past me… Tall Child will be here again one day… I’m sure of it… 6pm she is dilated to a one and her water broke…sitting in the lobby so she can sleep some… its nine pm… no change… 3 am dilated to a two…. 4 am a two…. 5 am… She was getting more medicine to help her induce when a very strange look crossed her face… “Something just happened” to the nurse and I…. The nurse checks her… the same strange look passes her face… “You are at least a six, I am paging the doctor now”… The doctor is here within fifteen minutes… and I leave the room, because Mommy and Daddy want to have some privacy… By Five Thirty, and it is over…. Emotions are running very high, I might be verbally assaulting every person that walks by me with tearful pleas of how she is… They all assure me she is okay, their answer isn’t enough, and I continue to ask again and again… Mr. Amazing comes and takes me to sit down, worried that I might agitate them just on the other side of that door, and only twenty minutes pass before he comes to get me, and let me in to see her.. And there she is, holding that little bundle wrapped in pink… I am so relieved to see that they all hadn’t been lying to me, she is okay…. I took a turn saying my goodbyes to that little angel as well… I left my beautiful strong daughter in the care of the most amazing and tender nurses… and let her rest finally. And then she will lay corynn to rest as well…. I am so proud of both of them.

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Mar 31 2012

Sooooo I’m a Clutz… Whew! I feel better getting that off my chest!

Author: Kerry

…Inspired by a recent urgent care visit tonight… I bring to you yet another window into my life… From the view of an ER….

The First time I can remember having any kind of emergency service (I was actually looked over by a police and paramedic, didn’t actually go in anywhere) was when I was 10 (ish?? Maybe?)… I had been trying to catch my escape German Sheppard … I was in a grouping of Oaks at the park at the end of my street and had caught up to him (okay really… He had stopped running in order to chase and corner a cat up one of the oaks) … A man walked into the oak, and started yelling at me (I remember thinking the things he was yelling didn’t make sense, but I can’t remember what he yelled… in my adult life, I have come to assume he was either a schizophrenic, or on some kind of hallucinogen) He chased me (For him to chase, I assume I started to run?) and pushed me down, gave me a pretty solid kick and let me go… I drug the huge dog home crying hysterically the whole way, and my parents called the police… after being looked over I went for a ride in the police car to where it had happened so I could show them…

…11 years old… Standing on a wall (retaining wall type of thing) in the neighbor’s yard and jumping onto the trampoline strategically placed below… I had done this so many times… This time after the initial bounce on the canvas, the second impact was the grass which I threw my arms out to catch myself or break the fall… Dislocated my elbow, tearing all the ligaments around it… this turned into (over the next 7 years) nineteen casts, two surgeries, screws and pins and artificial ligaments…

 12 Years old… Camping in the spruces.. in a tent with some sort of family (I don’t remember who) when golf ball size hail began to fall… Making a break for something more sheltering than a tent being pelted by the hail, I slipped tearing a huge gash in my shin..

… 13 Years old… Skiing with some church group… Hit a mogul … Torn knee ligaments… Toboggan ride down the mountain, knee brace for sports the rest of my life (never actually wore it)

… 15 Years old… Swallowed an entire bottle of diet pills (maybe it was vivarin actually? I don’t remember)… Stomach pumped

… 16 Years old … Car accident (driving this time… I’ve ridden in several others)…

…17 Years old … Swallowed an entire bottle of anti-depressant (Oh man, those weren’t helping huh – I never hurt myself again after this… It was a miracle I was alive… and I was ready to be grateful for it)

…  These are all melted together in the 18 years I was married, funny how age doesn’t mean as much when you’re an adult Broken Toes (Both feet … Thanks a heap for stomping them.. They broke continually after this, because they never quite set right)… Broken foot (Stress fracture… this is why I think I’m allergic to exercise)…. Broken fingers (Wild wind storm blew door shut on hand… oh and once in a fight with a desk… the desk won)… Cracked ribs…Fractured foot (Yes the other one even… )

 Rolled the car down an embankment once…

Spent 7 months in the hospital for miracle small child

… Hysterectomy, Gall bladder surgery, Scar tissue removal from gall bladder surgery… Dates with mr. frosty before the hysterectomy

… I was hit by a car and mugged at the same time (HA! That’s an awesome story)… fell down a man-hole (OH I really did… I couldn’t make this shit up!)

… Iron deficient anemia… Ulcer (Ha ha! Ya think?)

38 years old … Rolled ankle …Just a sprain… a painful sprain (I have a pretty high pain tolerance after all this)… This time  an amazing roll (I have learned how to roll not fall)… Chasing two beautiful little girls across a wide open lawn on a warm spring evening… Priceless… I am so grateful… and super sore… I wouldn’t change any of it and risk not being on that lawn.. Not being the person who chased those girls on the beautiful evening surrounded by the people I love.

Mar 29 2012

So Called … “Pink Slime”… Smiffbib!

Author: Kerry

Did you freak out when you read it?? I mean … We don’t frequent fast food joints often anyways… trying to achieve a goal of 75% organic in our diet … But when they announced the schools were using it?? I instructed the smalls to only eat salads at school… because let’s be honest… I will never be the mom that packs home lunches… I consider mixing organic granola… and greek yogurt for breakfast and serving it up home cooking… I begged the small child to not let his father take him to McDonald’s on his weekends with him… and if they had to eat that way… and let’s be honest.. they do… to only eat Wendy’s …. I work with this amazing woman named Gale… Who not only provides my body with caffeine in every type of way ingestible… but is fascinating to listen too… and she shared with me this letter to the editor she wrote our local tribune in response to their scathing report on it… and well… stop F*ing panicking… Pink Slime? Smiffbib!

From  Gale S Rudolph, PhD, C.N.S.

Letter to the Editor

Aren’t we elitist?

With more than seven billion on the planet, I applaud the food scientists who have developed methods to use all of the slaughtered animal.  Aren’t we to be “stewards of the planet” using all of our resources wisely?  I understand that 1 ½ million more cattle have to be raised to make up the deficit in mechanically separated meat (MSM) that will be discarded.

I’ve used MSM to make chili, chicken/apple sausages and more high-quality protein products.  Everyone can’t have sirloin steak.

Beehive Machinery right here in Utah developed the process and it is valued around the globe.  Yes, we strive to improve this creative technology and the meat safety.  But we cannot afford to dismiss it.  Clearly label the MSM and let consumers vote with their wallets.

Now… That being said… It still doesn’t sound good… I agree… I don’t want to eat it… But then she put it to me this way… Apple Sauce… We eat organic apple sauce at my house… Do you think that apple sauce only contains the white sweet portion of the apple? and it was lovingly hand cut from the core? or was it ran through a machine.. they cores it, and never claims to have gotten out every seed… and every little speck of skin… No… that would be too expensive… I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep smallest child in her drinkable apple sauce packages which she will drink as many as I let her a day… and it is so good for her… It is Mechanically separated… and it doesn’t have any added sugar… and it’s not something else textured and colored and sugared to look like apple sauce…  Okay.. So I am past the first issue…

….The second issue is this…. product is treated with ammonium hydroxide as an antibacterial and then frozen into 60 lb. blocks. I question the value of this treatment as the product is only sold frozen and it was used for the first 10 years without the treatment. In the last few years, Cargill Inc. has begun producing a similar product called Finely Trimmed Beef (FTB) and uses citric acid as an antibacterial. At the ground beef processing plant, the LFTB is ground directly from the frozen state and mixed at no more than a 15% level with other lean and fat beef trimmings before final grinding. USDA ruled the LFTB product did not have to be labeled separately since the original raw material it came from is beef. … Gross right? … However …

…If this product is not used anymore, the meat industry will be obliged to grow or import about 1.5 million more cattle each year according to Meatingplace.com My feeling is that USDA will eventually change the labeling rules to make it plain to the consumer which ground beef has LFTB and which does not. If that happens, I think a fair amount of grocery store consumers will choose the cheaper product with LFTB  because it works well in burgers or recipes and is safe. However, I do not believe the major QSR chains (McDonald’s,  BK, etc.) will ever use it again due to the current furor. Wendy’s has never used it because their burgers are from fresh meat only and LFTB is always frozen… Like school lunches…

So there you go … It is what it is… Take it or leave it… but at least know what it is… Smiffbib …

Mooooooooo!!

Mar 27 2012

I’m not a number!

Author: Kerry

…. Soooo something interesting is going on in this brain of mine… I work in social media… for the greatest company in the world… and we started judging our online strategies and partners based on how many followers they had… and how many views something had… and spending money based on that… but then we got a negative mention on a blog.. .and sure enough… she had 60,000 followers… panic ensued…. I took a closer look… 60,000 followers… and no comments on her blog… 60,000 followers and I had never heard of her… So I began to do some research… I found companies that sell followers for an extremely low price… shell accounts essentially… and wondered how easy it was… In the sense of full disclosure I tweeted what I was doing and tested it out… Yep! sure enough… New followers… I went through the painstaking process of deleting them so that I wasnt misrepresenting myself… but then something weird happened… I got more followers… I can only assume that this is because I suddenly showed up on the recommendation list to a bunch of other shell account followers because I certainly didn’t ask for them… at one point… I’m thinking I pissed someone off by testing this theory… So I woke up to another 1000 followers this morning… and a coupon code tweeted to me if I want more… Ooohhh Proactive advertising of fake people… I stayed awake last night thinking about this… Tweeted openly about it… because I can’t tell who is fake or real anymore… and Decided something…. I am not a number… My influence is not decided by my followers… My opinion isn’t less important… and my ideas are certainly not less genius… So… before you judge me.. By my many followers (I think about 1150 of them are real LOL) …. In fact…. Reach > Following … and one has nothing to do with the other…. Next I will research the buying of Klout points… Dont tell me who the experts are… or suggest that I am not one!