Articles

Jun 26 2012

Alright stop …collaborate & listen…..

Author: Kerry

This time last year I was blogging about  my stomach doing somersaults of fear… dread rising in the back of my throat…. agitated…. unable to sleep….small child going to his summer visitation…

When he is gone… I cling to my phone… he texts me frequently out of boredom…. he is getting older… and therefore less willing to admit he wants his mom… but he gets weepy with my calls at night to wish him sweet dreams after only a day or two… We begin counting the days til he is back home…

Home.. That is what is different from this time last year…  My blog home is not the only place that changed… we moved into a house… and I moved my thoughts here…

I married Mr. Amazing followed by Smallest Child, Small Child, Mr. Amazing and I residing together… along with the dog… the cat… the two frozen dead fish…

Tiniest Child arrived safe and sound to Tall Child …

Small Child has had some personal changes as well… His voice cracked at voice lessons this week… and he giggled about it… Zits are erupting on his cute little button nose…. Hair… in places it wasn’t before…

He leaves for visitation in 35 hours …I’m terrified every moment he is gone… there are so many issues  … alcohol consumption… pornography… a hand gun… no gun safe…. supervision…. nutrition… cleanliness… that he will have to combat with his dad…

<insert scream here>

he loves his dad… but he is scared of him as well… but this being the fourth summer visitation… it is so far the shortest time his dad has requested…. ten days…. and then another week sometime in august….

I noticed him hugging a little longer a few days ago… as well as building a few extra walls around himself….

I noticed myself doing the same thing…

Our family has completely changed… again… since this time last year… I look to the next year…

Brought to you by… Lack of sleep… panic attacks… and Mama Kats Prompt….

Jun 23 2012

Dedicated to Tolman… And her children who really know how to end a conversation

Author: Kerry

Mom: “Em, what do you want mama to make for your birthday dinner tomorrow night?”

Em: “I want to go to Las Vegas!”

Mom: “A little out of my price range, my dear little diva!”

Em: “Okay, mac n cheese.”

 

Noel: <snort!>
Mom: That’s disgusting! I knew someone who got fired for doing that!
Noel: What did they do when they got fired?
Mom: They cried!
Nikolas: Waaa! <snort!> Waaa! <snort!> Waaa! <snort!>

 

Nana to Noel: “When is your audition for ‘Annie’?”

Nikolas: “Tomorrow! Tomorrow!”

 

Em: Guess what Noel! We had a sleep over at my dads… Mom slept in his bed!

Mom: <Silence>

Em: Mom you didn’t bring your Pajamas!

Mom: Look <pointing out the window> Horses!!

The family is eating pizza… Minding their own business…

Mom: Hey dad (Grandpa) i have a question for you.

Steve: <Jumps in being funny> Where do babies come from?…

Noel: from a penis! <She was 3>

 

Jun 22 2012

… Icepack in bras & bras for balls… I’m thinking we could be famous…

Author: Kerry
My Facebook Status: … Boob sweat… And that’s all I have to say about the first day of hades… I mean… summer…
G-Chat
me: I posted about boob sweat in my status update… see… my life is really complete
Mr Amazing: Well, now I think it is complete  Boob sweat is way better than ball sweat
me:  And now I am giggling at my desk
Mr Amazing:  <— sleep deprived
me:  Note to self: purchase baby powder
Mr Amazing:  Seriously, two words: testicular cancer, Talc isn’t our friend
me:  You all act like your balls would be worse than boobs… Which are just BIGGER balls… higher up!
Mr Amazing:  boobs don’t have small semi-hard balls inside a fluid sack that is constantly being squeezed between two thighs
me:  Glands! They have Glands!
Mr Amazing:  glands being squeezed by?
me:  More Glands! and a bra!
Mr Amazing:  bras are just there to help support men don’t get support, they get uncomfortable wedging
me:  Support to a 16-year-old… is squeeze and hoist the sails to a 30-year-old
Mr Amazing: ditto
me:    Touche …. but that just gives them breathing room
Mr Amazing:  between your leg, your pants crotch, and what? now imagine the guys in skinny jeans those guys are total retards and I can guarantee you they will be infertile
me:  icepack in bras… and bras for balls… im thinking we could be famous
Mr Amazing: There should be a brand of jeans called “infertile blues” underwear with ball bra (infertile blues was funny, just sayin’)
me:  Ummm So tolman says… in the next chat window over….
Tolman:  OMG!!! I would think ball sweat, for sure!  I just can’t imagine how unpleasant it would be!  And who would really care if a woman is wiping her sweaty breasts off?? If a man wipes his sweaty balls off, he can get arrested!
Mr Amazing:  I love her, she understands all you can do is cowardly attempt to move the fabric of your jeans in a vain attempt to fix matters
me:  <speechless>
Mr Amazing:  oh god
me: I think you might be exaggerating
Mr Amazing:  I should stop talking to you
Men! I don’t even understand how they walk around with those things!
Jun 21 2012

Theme Song Thursday… The Third!!!

Author: Kerry

I cannot explain why this has been my constant … Since it came out… I don’t know if it is the energy raising rhythm and build up… or if it is the sad undertones… or the message of I’m not who I thought I was… but I’m still here… I still breath… This has been my theme song of theme songs… for as long as I can remember… Somewhere in the back of my mind I think it is this line “Be my mirror, My Sword, My Shield… My Missionary in a foreign field”… I think it’s that…

Jun 19 2012

… NOT Your Ami… My Ami

Author: Kerry

Week two of Summer Vacation .. Small child is old enough to stay home alone all day this year… Sure I have it split up… Picnic with the neighbor kids once a week… Lawn Mowing on Thursdays for his Grandparents.. which then morphs into a day spent with Grandma… which he so desperately needs at this time in his life… Every other weekend and each Monday afternoon into evening with his Father… He has a couple of weeks of a Music camp scheduled next month… and his birthday… and we have already managed one trip to the lake…. All in All it will be a quiet summer… Sometimes he tells me he misses our other summers… that he misses the pools… and the different beds…. and I just laugh at the memories… Single Mom… Two amazingly wonderful deserving of a million trips to Disneyland children… no money… Summer time…  We needed a break… Blind Folds securely fastened around their eyes… Weaving in out of traffic on the Freeway… Describing scenery to them that is not really there…. Small child was small… Tall child just played along because well…. swimming pool!…. “Now we are driving through Texas… Look! Steer” Tall Child: “Moooooooooooo” Small Child: “I wanna see!”…. “Florida! I can see the ocean!” Tall Child: “From Utah to Florida in 45 minutes… my you are magic” Small Child: ” Yeah! you are magic!!”…. After having driven around enough to ensure I have even confused Tall child … I pull into an airport Hilton… Put the car in park… Take off their blind folds and announce “MIAMI!!!!” Tall Child: Eye Roll as she jumps out of the car to look around…. Small Child full of wonder: “Miami???”… That’s right …. We spend two nights in that hotel… eating at the cafe… swimming in the pool…. watching movies in the room… walking around an area of town neither of them were familiar with…. fed ducks at the pond…. THE MAGIC OF CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST!!!… I let them unpack their bags and put their clothes in the hotel drawers… we stopped at a convenient store for goodies… ICE MACHINE!!! … the stuff childhood dreams are made of….  and as we were checking out Tall child who has been won over by the magic of room service is no longer rolling her eyes asks Small child… “Did you like Miami?”… “Not your ami… MYYYY ami”…. “No honey.. that’s the name Miami… It’s not mine or yours… it is just Miami”…. “Not YOUR AMI…. MY AMI!!!” … Through laughter I try to back her up… and his frustration level continues to rise…. and his mumbles under his breath all the way to the car… “not your ami…”…. and no one even asks questions as we arrive at our home sun-kissed… and happy… 15 minutes from the hotel…. He runs off with his hotel pen and paper to save them in his treasure chest… He is turning 13 this summer… Tall child is off with the Tiniest child of all…. He still has never made it to Disneyland…. But I am thinking we will make it back to His Ami this year…. fuck the Happiest Place on Earth!

This post is inspired by… if not slightly deviating away from the prompt “Time for a break! Show us where you go for quiet time.”

Jun 14 2012

… Theme Song Thursday the second!

Author: Kerry

I have to try all types of songs sometimes… Sometimes it depends on what was the Catalyst into the pit… sometimes it depends on the lies my depression is screaming in my mind… and … well… I would be lying if I didn’t say some indignant anger didn’t work sometimes to get me fired up enough to get out of bed and making some changes… usually that is all it takes… finding a way to get out of bed…. This week… my angry song.


 

Jun 12 2012

Super Hero Against Retrieving Porn (SHARP) … Nerds love acronyms

Author: Kerry
Mr Amazing:  My computer barfed – Did I miss anything?
 me:  Barfed? That’s a horrible word
Mr Amazing:  Did you smile though? Or are you just mortified?
 me:   Of Course… I snorted
Mr Amazing:   lol
 me:  So I hate to tell you this.. I was looking at what gets read the most on my blog…. Top Ten spots… our g-chats
 Mr Amazing:   lol, ridiculous
 me:  ROTFL!
Mr Amazing:   that is because you mention crap you should not, and it is from porn searches, or I mention rather and you post it … Spitzer’s
Clothing Colony for instance
 me:  oh come on… It’s not like I go around typing in crap like “Happy Endings” to come up in search engines
Mr Amazing:   lol
 me:  Bahahaha!
Mr Amazing:   yeah, no mention of clit or vagina
 me:  I know right? Or uterus
Mr Amazing:   lol, perfect
 me:  I usually throw a couple of politicians in there… Like Romney has a Uterus (serious? he should be so lucky!)…Or… President Romney means no Happy Endings for Americans …ROTFLMAO!…OMG!
Mr Amazing:   lol
 me:  I just died… seriously… that was hysterical
Mr Amazing:   President Romney’s four-year massage will not come with a happy ending…
 me:  bahahahaha!!! That would just be wrong… wrong to post things like that and divert people searching those things to my meaningless nonsense blog
Mr Amazing:   It seems to me like a good thing
 me:  Right? I’m really just trying to help out! do my part… I’m kind of a super hero… In the keyword porn fighting arena… Search Term Super Hero
Mr Amazing:   ROFLMAO you should post that… as a post
 me:  Oh yeah, Like im not already highlight this G Chat gold! and pasting it in my blog
Mr Amazing:   Oh God
 me:  G-chat… Not G-String
Mr Amazing:   You could just post an idea … Rather than copying my words verbatim to a blog
 me:  Ha ha! My readers love you
Mr Amazing:   I hope you at least fix my spelling errors
 me:  (always)  and this time! it was me being funny! that’s never happened before!
Mr Amazing:  Super Hero Against Retrieving Porn (SHARP) Nerds love acronyms
 me:  ROFL! oh great… okay now its all about you again
<Spongebob voice> Five minutes later
Mr Amazing:  Nerds Against The Use of Rhetorical Acronymous Lingo (NATURAL)
 me:  That took you a while didn’t it LMAO
Mr Amazing:  lol, it did but I am against myself doing it
Jun 08 2012

… Funday Friday?

Author: Kerry

Perhaps everyday needs a fucking theme…. Soooo I feel like you have been deprived of Mr. Amazing and I’s g-chats… I will skip the political rhetoric… and move you straight into this… because well… its Friday 🙂

me: I love you! Im drinking coffee… in the afternoon… I havent done this in months… I have the worst headache… its all magic

Mr. Amazing: oh man, my back hurts, and I am starving, and my head feels …I can’t think of the word, like it’s full of fudge

me: Mmmm fudge

Mr. Amazing: do you want to eat my brains

me: YES!

Mr. Amazing: I bet they don’t taste like fudge but I am told brains have the consistency of jello stringy jello

me: Warm jello or cold jello

Mr. Amazing: warm, bloody, jello

me: Im feeling a little queezy

Mr. Amazing: sorry

 

Jun 07 2012

… The Start of Theme Song Thursday

Author: Kerry

… If you read this you know… I don’t ever really write about my depression directly… but it plays such an active part of my life that you find it in my writing… in my storytelling… in the events of my life… I have a list of “go to” songs… Things that pull me out of that dark place I never talk about… I’ve always called them my theme songs… and  change them up based on what is happening in my life… I love music… Thus hatched the thought of Theme Song Thursdays…. I was inspired this morning… driving in my car… Thinking of everything I haven’t accomplished… Who I (in my mind) am letting down… How I am falling behind… never enough… always too much… those types of thoughts… When This popped on the radio… Which began an entire Behind the wheel choreographed dance routine for all of those commuting with me… Truer words have never been sung… I just thought I might not be the only one who needed them this week….

Remember, If music, or any other of the tools you use aren’t working… tell someone…

“Depression Lies” – The Bloggess