Yeah… That happened, I thought I would take the cheat prompt this week… Not have to put a lot of thought into it… have been soooooooooo busy that I haven’t had time to really sit and write… sad… because this blog is the one thing that is truly me… that I do for myself and I honestly love it… so I grabbed the questions… and sat down to answer them…. and I didn’t know the answers… Have I even listened to a full album this year? I have not, I have not slowed down or connected to much of 2012… So this took a lot longer to write than I anticipated… because I have to do some of the things on the list… to actually get to know myself again… so I can share it with you
Dear Santa…
Without sounding like I am accusing you of doubting my goodness… I feel it is important to point out some of my finer qualities… because lets face it… My Christmas list is not small… and nothing short of cliche…. I would have to point out that I have been good this year… I have helped where I can… I have been a regular bundle of sunshine when people are down… I go to work… I work hard… I come home and I cook dinner… and I clean house… fold laundry…. scrub toilets…. attend recitals… drive carpool… make chamomile tea before bed… I love… my god do I have the love thing down… I love my children…Mr. Amazing… others children… my childrens children… my friends… some of my family… I could go on… I have references…
I am no saint … this much I know… I have thrown my share of hissy fits… I have melted down over plenty of “1st world problems” … I have lost my temper… lost my patience… not returned a promised phone call… forgotten a birthday…. but I do try…
What I want this year for Christmas is breathing room… I would like a little more time between each challenge… Money to last a little longer… I am grateful ends meet… just a little less barely…. I would like a few less coughs… and a few less tears… a trip to disneyland… only in america can I flog myself and my parenting skills for never having gotten my son there… I know … I know it is wrong… when I have so much to wish it… but I do dammit… Im not done either… I wish for peaceful sleepful nights…. less nightmares… I wish for less debt… less instability… I wish for more time in the sunshine… more time with my little family… more laughter… and a kitten… Mr. Amazing says I cant have one… that one cat is enough… and I dont want anything to take my shadow cat away… I would like you to convince him…. and more than anything… more that anything I have asked for prior to this… I want all these things for others… Give my kitten to some little girl that has never had something of her very own… and give my comforts to someone who doesnt know what it is like to make ends meet… even barely… Give my less coughs to kids that dont have a mom to take care of them… and give my sunshine to those who dont have the freedom to run in it as often as we do… because honestly no matter how much you have… it is never enough…Capture Kony… Stop Assad… There is so much more wrong that I could add… fix it… make the hurting stop…. and please… Let me have DisneyLand
Merry Christmas You Guys!!!
Love is Love – Who you love and how you love will never make you a second class citizen.
Rape does not come with birth control – There is no excuse in this world that makes it acceptable, no amount of alcohol drank, no amount (or lack of) clothing.
My friends with disabilities and/or their children with them deserve to have every opportunity we can provide them.
Global Warming is real … it just is.
My Child watched me … I had the responsibility to teach him that EVERY vote counts … and it is our duty to vote our conscience.
… Live next to the ocean …I will fall sleep every night with the crashing waves creating white noise… rather than my fan… or my app on my phone… and start each morning with the scent of coffee filling the small loft… I will finally find the time to write all of these stories trapped in my head…and there will always be music… and always be candles… and I will always be found perched high above the walk below… in a window seat… laptop on my lap… watching the people on the boardwalk below… making them my characters… giving them names… and roots… I will walk to my favorite coffee shop and sink into a large over stuffed chair with a vanilla lo-fat latte and discuss politics with the local older men… and laugh at their passionate debates… with my hair piled on top of my head in some ridiculous form of a bun… and the softest oldest most tattered hoodie, with the most comfortable jeans … I won’t be wealthy… this much I know… But I would like to be comfortable… comfortable enough to spoil the grand-babies or whomever babies I will dripping with on Sundays… searching for moonstones on moonstone beach … passing out apples and sandwiches to the older ones running barefoot in the sand… cradling the sleeping newborn whose form has found its natural curve from a head on my shoulder… torso over breast… and tiny feet poking out from my arm holding it there…I want to experience the peace and quiet at the Mission so often that the Father and Sisters know me by name… I want to light candles in remembrance .. and not attend a single service there…I want to drink a dark beer when at hauffbras… and a peach wine when anywhere else… I will watch and wait… every night either from the window… or preferably with my toes in the sand sinking in a bit deeper with each wave as it stretch to its limited reach out of the ocean… I will wait for my chance to see the green flash… I will know the temperature it needs to be… what cycle of the tide… with a breeze or without… for its perfect chance to appear… and I will see it… and I will know then that I have done it all…. You see… This may not sound like much… But I have done everything else… I have birthed my child… raised a few more… had a first grandchild… I have toured the Louvre… and watched the sunrise from the lawns around the Eiffel tower…I have been papered by the armed policemen in Red Square… I have seen the castles on the hillside in Portugal … I have walked the streets of Paris… Moscow…Lisbon…. I have flown from coast to coast several times… I would like to do it all again I suppose… I would like to see more things… meet more people… experience more cultures… But all of that is secondary to my wanting to write…
I chose this writing prompt from my favorite writers workshop…
… Someday…
Sooo the prompts came out this week, And I have been lurking in this workshop for a long time, and I post quite often from the prompts, and I was counting down to them this week, because I am simply want to write so badly, but cant seem to focus on one thing long enough to get it out, so the prompts were posted yesterday and I quickly scanned them… Nothing… Nothing sparked… There was one that made me nostalgic… But I’ve written my share of despondent posts lately… So I opened it again this morning… and the same prompt jumped out at me… And I realized the reason the prompt made me sad is because that time in my life with small child has passed… I am a HUGE believer that when something exits your life it makes room for something better… and on that note I am choosing to write from the prompt “Pumpkins! Anything with pumpkins!”
This will be the first year small child is not going to go Trick Or Treating, He is too old.
No more fighting him to put a coat on under his costume.
No more cute costumes.
No more shrieks of joy and disgust at reaching into the pumpkin for the seeds as we carve.
Gone.
Trading them for the Haunted Houses!
The scary movies!
The hiding around corners to scare the Trick or Treaters.
Zombies! Ghosts! Werewolves!
Fake Blood
Pumpkin carving with those cool kits! Making amazing designs!
Roasted pumpkin seeds with Cayenne pepper!
Hot Pumpkin lattes!
Smashing pumpkins (not the band)… well and maybe the band too.
Doorbell ditching, Toilet papering!
There is a new teenager in the neighborhood, and a mommy that just loves acting like one!
Disclaimer: this is being typed in a pitch black room… First time from a mobile device…From my bed… And I have taken Tylenol PM… It’s only 9 PM… But I need sleep… So spelling and grammar nazis back off… This is bound to be full of typos and half formed thoughts. Go pick on the other posts … Which all have the same problem and do not contain the disclaimer… In fact… Apparently that is all the Tylenol PM did was give me manners…. It’s not Ambien what did you expect.
Its October… You know the month after September…. Like the thing that happens when September is over… That’s right… Over… I made it … Only one run in with anemia… Which was probably really more of a blessing seeing as how it wiped me out for almost a week…that combined with an insane amount of work… Insane in the form of a ridiculous amount of hours and stress… And I cried a lot of tears of frustration over it… But really it was a blessing in disguise… I get that now… It can stop anytime… I am okay for the most part… A lot of the time…. Sometimes…. My birthday came and went how I prefer it, with hardly a mention… The thirtieth passed Sunday and I spent it surrounded with friends and tucked all those horrible feelings away and didn’t acknowledge them…
So I up my amount of red meat consumption to get on top of the anemia… I stop being fascinated with how the bruises come and counting them… And I try to start sleeping again… I feel like I got off too easy… Like something is lurking… But I digress….
I am ready for autumn.
Orange and red leaves covering the mountains everywhere I turn… The mornings are a little brisk… Pumpkin bins are popping up outside the grocery stores… Costumes are being thought up and planned… Corn mazes… Scary movies…. Tv marathons as the nights get darker sooner…
Soon I will be able to see my breath in the mornings… And smell the heater the first time it turns on… And see the smoke lilting out of the chimneys as I drive down the hill…
Warm breads… Hot drinks…hoodies…
Fall is like a brisk breath of fresh air after the summers oppressive heat… The gnats and Mosquitos will freeze up and die…
Spiders try to move indoors and we all take our turn saving each others lives … By being the mighty spider slayer…
One year almost to the day I moved into this home … Weeks before our arts and crafts wedding…. One year ago we formed this little family… It’s been a lot of firsts… Firsts of everything really… Im so ready to try the seconds… I hope they are as wonderFul and laughter filled as the firsts…
