No Really… I’m not opposed to you living out your days trying to repay the debt… in fact… I encourage it…
Clicking on that little Icon will take you to the website that will save your life when the Zombies come… Typing in your zip code will tell you where to go for your best chance of survival… Such as Liquor stores (HA!) … Gun Stores… Grocery Stores… It will also tell you where the most Zombies will probably be… based on Population.. and wide open areas…
You’re Welcome!
Night terror
Definition – Night terrors are a sleep disorder in which a person quickly awakens from sleep in a terrified state.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors – Night terrors (sleep terrors) occur during deep sleep, usually during the first third of thenight. The cause is unknown but night terrors may be triggered by fever, lack of sleep, or periods of emotional tension, stress, or conflict. – In contrast, nightmares are more common in the early morning. They may occur after someone watches frightening movies/TV shows or has an emotional experience. A person may remember the details of a dream upon awakening, and will not be disoriented after the episode. – Night terrors are most common in boys ages 5 – 7, although they also can occur in girls. They are fairly common in children ages 3 – 7, and much less common after that. Night terrors may run in families. They can occur in adults, especially with emotional tension.
http://www.healthcentral.com/
They come in waves… As stated above they are common when there is a lot of emotional tension… I have them almost nightly lately it seems… I bolt upright confused, and then immediately embarrassed…. I scream out sometimes…. I have been known to run out of bed… or run out into the living room before realizing I am awake…I am always confused by how I got from where I was when my eyes were closed to where I am upon opening them… I hate feeling weak, they leave me gripped in such terror that it can take a long time to unwind my muscles again, pull my shoulders down from my ears, work out the “Charlie Horses” in my calves… Uncurl my toes, Unfold my arms from around my stomach…. Breathe deeply instead of quick and Shallow…. There are times I go months without them, there are times I have actually normal nightmares where I am being chased, or drowned by a tidal wave…. But mostly, Mostly it is these terrors, repeats of things I have experienced in real life, in short flash like images, .. Being held down… Being hit… the car rolling… Lifeless baby… a fist at my face… a fist at someone elses face… Faces distorted by a noose, in a casket… Blood, Emergency rooms… Life light helicopters… Trying to break car windows… Screaming her name hoping to wake her up… Different Homes… Different beds… all the places I have slept… Him jumping through the glass on the ninth floor of Artec… My grandpa passing away… Other peoples nightmares that they have shared with me… Over and Over again…. Sometimes I reach out… Sometimes I try to run away… Sometimes I cry because its just sad… Sometimes I am so afraid I don’t sleep again… Sometimes I don’t fully wake up at all and hear about it the next morning… Sometimes I wish they would stop… But mostly, They just are…
So it took me years to perfect this technique… but I have been keeping track of which ones get the biggest reaction… hence the quickest retreat… The 4 below are the winners! … I have included useful ways to work these into the conversation if you ever find yourself needing to end it…
#1 “I’m an elf.”
(No explanation necessary.)
#2 “you wanna touch it?”
I know from experience that this is one of the most awkward questions in the English language. I have a certain blonde headed friend who uses this phrase as his calling card of awkward situations. In order to really achieve the beauty of this question, one must say it just loud enough to be heard. The goal is not to be clearly understood, but rather just barely understood. The victim should walk away disappointed, confused, and emotionally violated.#3 “You’re the one!”
Once again, I have experience with this one. This exclamation should be utilized in the most hopeful voice that you can muster. You have to sound like you really believe the person is the one for you, otherwise this is just stupid. Other special effects for this one are puppy dog eyes and an awkward half-smile. This might just be the most potent of the 4. Also, if you happen to attend a Christian university, this phrase works like magic. Ask me how I know#4 “Tell your mom I said hi!”
Talking about people’s moms is weird enough, but for a total stranger to ask for you to tell your mom that they said hi? That is ridiculous. I think this one is funny because think of the hours of sleep your victim would lose at night because of the constant wondering about how you knew your mom, if you knew your mom, and why you did know your mom if you weren’t lying.
You’re welcome…
2012 a bad year for people who suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia — the fear of Friday the 13th…. Maybe those damn mayans had it!
Why? … There are three this year… instead of the usual two…. There was one in 2011.
That’s not all. For the first time since 1984, those three Friday the 13ths — Jan. 13, April 13 and July 13 — are exactly 13 weeks apart.
But! before we all grab our chain saws and make for the local summer camps… Is there any truth to the unlucky legends of Friday the 13th?
Sometimes, everything you know is wrong… No, you’re not stupid… you are the victim of urban legends – modern folklore tales that have the ring of truth but are almost always false.
Legends often have elements of horror or humor, they are fun to talk about and spread…. There is also a certain paranoid strain within any population that is willing to believe those stories that feed their paranoia (I personally, prefer to be around these people, as they are easy targets and make me feel smart!)
Some urban legends are repeated again and again on television shows, such as the Kidney Heist legend: being knocked out and waking up with a kidney missing…. Law and Order had a field day with that one….
Thank god for Myth Busters… right?
The Smalls can be excused for being naturally gullible, but adults who “should know better” are the real culprits of these myths… President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not depart on a (train) trip on the 13th
… FYI! For many pagans, 13 is a lucky number, because it corresponds with the number of full moons each year
And does anyone know – is Dr. Pepper really prune soda?
The view from inside a panic attack…
Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the same experiences as others… I do not claim to know what it feels like to be in your skin… Im just telling you what its like living in my own skin. Holidays, Such as easter are a huge trigger… I don’t know a lot of people who are in my situation that they are not a trigger for…
They build for days… They didn’t used too… I used to just have them…. But I have learned enough coping skills that I can usually head them off… and function around them… in fact so practiced that I can do this without anyone being aware they are happening… This is a description of one that none of my behavior changing techniques have worked on… and I feel completely helpless too…
Start Sunday one week prior…. Mild head ache… Muscles tensing… appetite gone… but I over eat regardless hoping to bury it in spicy Indian food … Release a little extra serotonin… bile rising in my throat… My noise tolerance and touch tolerance is wavering… sometimes I want to get lost in my senses… sometimes I cant handle them being touched at all… I’m snappy… Exasperated… stressed… every little task put in front of me is met with the question of how… how am I supposed to do that… how am I going to do that… I am already riding myself for not accomplishing everything I think I should be right now…. Pause… pull out a notebook… writing can help so much… Mr. Amazing bought me this domain saying that If I didn’t write… he thought my head would explode… hoping the paper will make it seem less overwhelming…Monday arrives…thinking that I put way too much pressure on myself… and perhaps this just doesn’t need to be that big of a deal… the tense muscles are now cramping… Shoulders are hunching without thought given to them… thighs are clenched as I draw my legs up to my chest when I sit… when I sleep… I keep moving… still not giving in… Tuesday is here now… I do not eat much during the day… Over compensate for that at night… treating myself and indulging in an hour of TV … I cannot get through a sentence without sounding sharp and biting… My stomach at this point has joined in the muscles cramps… it is rolling in protest… If it carried a sign like the occupy movement.. it would read “Ulcer will not be silenced”… and it flares up… Short breaths are all I am capable of now … filing away all of the emotions and fears that are accompanying this kind of silent hyper ventilation…. My eyes begin to show strains of the… tenseness… funny breathing pattern… every once in a while I feel my heart hammer against the cage of my ribs… and I breathe deep… and try to think about anything else…. Wednesday… I am sick… It hurts to walk… I cannot relax my legs… and the muscles are weak from the constant holding… my feet fall asleep every time I sit because I am holding my legs so close… limbs in close to my core at all times… arms wrapped around my center… legs drawn up… every ligament tense and working… shoulders drawn up to the lobes of my ears at this point… I start wearing layers of clothes so that people cannot see these strange expressions of panic… I cannot drop my shoulders.. the muscles have locked… I begin lowering my head so the hunching is less apparent… My shoulder blades are cramping if I breathe deeply… I am on the couch… everything hurts… I am so cold (I think this comes from being so still) I am wrapped in a blanket and move like an old woman … careful… painfully… and the tears start… This is always the end for me… I cannot stop crying… I have officially stressed out everyone around me… and they aren’t even sure what is happening… I have cut them off… not allowed them to talk… lectured them endlessly for things that I honestly hold myself responsible for… such as remembering little details… I verbally empty my head… and every thought and fear I have… while sobbing and shredding tissues… I don’t allow Mr. Amazing to reason with these thought… I think them… reason doesn’t make that go away… and I finally exhaust my tear ducts… that are now almost swollen shut… and I crawl in bed with tissue… because often the crying continues through the night while I sleep… Monday morning … Today … I am embarrassed… Humiliated… weak feeling… trying to make up for my behavior… my fears of shortcomings… everything I tore myself apart for the night before… and my shoulders start creeping up again… and tears are hovering in the corners of my eyes… I do not interact with anyone around me… I am trying desperately to cramp back up… get those safeguards secure again… I think it might be over… I am not sure yet… I begin the coping mechanisms again… writing being my favorite.
1. I eat tacos with a fork.
2. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
3. I don’t believe in democracy.
4. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.
5. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
6. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.
Friday Flashback!!! ( I say that like it a theme… or a real thing… it’s not) I just found an old post I had written about the night Mr. Amazing proposed to me…
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
In the middle of Suicide awareness week… approaching all the 9/11 memorial images flashing across the web… 1 week before my 38th birthday… I would like to pause… and tell a love story…Sunday night… 8 pm, I finally … Stop focusing on the self loathing… and the injustices…. resentments… insecurities… fears… I finally agree to a night out… Just the two of us… There is a Super Nova! We will never see anything like this again… We pack an ill-gotten telescope (Ill gotten because I was ill over what was spent on it) and swing through Walgreen’s for canned coffee (this was before I discovered the magic beans … Addicted to Coffee ), and gummy coke bottles (find some, trust me)… and we set off driving through the desert… These moments are so rare… Rare just the two of us… and we talk, about ridiculous things… we cringe a little over insecurities… Walk through every horrible past relationship we have had and make comparisons to the relationship we have now.. we discuss our isms….
Then, on some god forsaken road… in some crazy little town… we stop… We get out… Careful not to shut the doors, you know… incase the boogie man comes… and we laugh… and we giggle… and we ooohhh and ahhhh at the night sky… He fumbles with the telescope… trying in the dark to make it work… We take turns down on the pavement, trying to see anything in the great black vastness of space… We line it up with the google stars app… but to no avail… we hide in the car as another vehicle passes… prepared to run… leaving the telescope … if they are the dreaded mass murders that always find stupid young kids in the middle of no where… I sit in the back of the hatch back… he sits on the ground… cursing the telescope… and I am laughing hysterically as the clouds set in… making the stars invisible to the naked eye… even the moon… and he is so frustrated…
… and I tell him he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me… and he stops… crawls across the pavement on hands and knees… and kisses me.. and tells me he is so glad I think so… and asks me to marry him… Ring in hand… I think I said the word yes… I believe if not, my kisses confirmed that I wanted too… I so want too… I slip the ring on my finger… I cannot see it in the dark… I am ridiculously crazy in love with him… we have a lot to get through… telling the kids… telling the exes (oh god.. the crazy other parents of our children)… Figuring out logistics… convincing me, that 38 isn’t too old… and the world isn’t too horrible… and I deserve to be happy and healthy … and Forgetting everything else… I will leave this one as the love story 🙂
Gchat Stream –
me: I kinda want to make my status update of the day be “My Vagina hates Santorum” … But I dont think i can LMAO
Mr.Amazing: lol not a good idea
me: I didnt post it… but it was funny…
Mr.Amazing: questions will inevitably arise, like “how do you know? you have Santorum in your vagina lately?”
me: Noooo I dont think so… well maybe from you… but no one else im friends with would have the guts to respond to that LMAO
Mr.Amazing: lol there is always womb for Santorum, Santorum, pro womb
me: ROTFL!! That is horrible
Mr.Amazing: Santorum will never clean your womb
that’s the worst ever – btw
me: That was soooooo bad!
Mr.Amazing: I am so pro life
but before a brain has formed, I have a hard time forming an argument
but seriously, I hate it
me: So this is why even though I am pro life, I dont judge other people based on their opinions, I dont feel I have the right to legislate a womans womb so
keep government out of my womb
HAHA! that should be my status update
Mr.Amazing: no womb for government
me: Exactly!!!
…Inspired by a recent urgent care visit tonight… I bring to you yet another window into my life… From the view of an ER….
The First time I can remember having any kind of emergency service (I was actually looked over by a police and paramedic, didn’t actually go in anywhere) was when I was 10 (ish?? Maybe?)… I had been trying to catch my escape German Sheppard … I was in a grouping of Oaks at the park at the end of my street and had caught up to him (okay really… He had stopped running in order to chase and corner a cat up one of the oaks) … A man walked into the oak, and started yelling at me (I remember thinking the things he was yelling didn’t make sense, but I can’t remember what he yelled… in my adult life, I have come to assume he was either a schizophrenic, or on some kind of hallucinogen) He chased me (For him to chase, I assume I started to run?) and pushed me down, gave me a pretty solid kick and let me go… I drug the huge dog home crying hysterically the whole way, and my parents called the police… after being looked over I went for a ride in the police car to where it had happened so I could show them…
…11 years old… Standing on a wall (retaining wall type of thing) in the neighbor’s yard and jumping onto the trampoline strategically placed below… I had done this so many times… This time after the initial bounce on the canvas, the second impact was the grass which I threw my arms out to catch myself or break the fall… Dislocated my elbow, tearing all the ligaments around it… this turned into (over the next 7 years) nineteen casts, two surgeries, screws and pins and artificial ligaments…
12 Years old… Camping in the spruces.. in a tent with some sort of family (I don’t remember who) when golf ball size hail began to fall… Making a break for something more sheltering than a tent being pelted by the hail, I slipped tearing a huge gash in my shin..
… 13 Years old… Skiing with some church group… Hit a mogul … Torn knee ligaments… Toboggan ride down the mountain, knee brace for sports the rest of my life (never actually wore it)
… 15 Years old… Swallowed an entire bottle of diet pills (maybe it was vivarin actually? I don’t remember)… Stomach pumped
… 16 Years old … Car accident (driving this time… I’ve ridden in several others)…
…17 Years old … Swallowed an entire bottle of anti-depressant (Oh man, those weren’t helping huh – I never hurt myself again after this… It was a miracle I was alive… and I was ready to be grateful for it)
… These are all melted together in the 18 years I was married, funny how age doesn’t mean as much when you’re an adult Broken Toes (Both feet … Thanks a heap for stomping them.. They broke continually after this, because they never quite set right)… Broken foot (Stress fracture… this is why I think I’m allergic to exercise)…. Broken fingers (Wild wind storm blew door shut on hand… oh and once in a fight with a desk… the desk won)… Cracked ribs…Fractured foot (Yes the other one even… )
Rolled the car down an embankment once…
Spent 7 months in the hospital for miracle small child
… Hysterectomy, Gall bladder surgery, Scar tissue removal from gall bladder surgery… Dates with mr. frosty before the hysterectomy
… I was hit by a car and mugged at the same time (HA! That’s an awesome story)… fell down a man-hole (OH I really did… I couldn’t make this shit up!)
… Iron deficient anemia… Ulcer (Ha ha! Ya think?)
38 years old … Rolled ankle …Just a sprain… a painful sprain (I have a pretty high pain tolerance after all this)… This time an amazing roll (I have learned how to roll not fall)… Chasing two beautiful little girls across a wide open lawn on a warm spring evening… Priceless… I am so grateful… and super sore… I wouldn’t change any of it and risk not being on that lawn.. Not being the person who chased those girls on the beautiful evening surrounded by the people I love.
