I hate the phrase… yet you cannot hear a news story with out it… sometimes it feels like people are trying to find a way to work it into a sentence I swear… but then yesterday I did a thing… and I had no other phrase to use as I tossed and turned all night long trying to make sense of things in my head.

Let me start this story by saying this… Sewing is against my religion

But… The New Normal… sigh

it took me hours… half of them didn’t fit… I was still proud. I take a LOT of pictures… I mean a LOT. I love them… and I love to finish an adventure and then flip through them… and when I got home and laid on the couch… again… cause thats the new normal… I notice something in the photos…

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Their eyes reminded me of their reaction…. Two weeks ago my house donned masks for the first time… we made masks (no sew version) as the CDC recommended and put them on..

We drew them on our favorite disney characters… used hoodies in stead…

But what I didn’t realize is that these littles… were so little… that this new normal… is normal for them… and they were so happy to get masks… and didn’t even question having to wear them… they donned them instantly… in fact… they looked terrified to not have them on once they had them. The eyes of my Granddaughter haunted me all evening afterwards… and I reached out to a friend… and her mother to talk about it… because my heart was sick… and sad… I didn’t want them to feel that way.

They told me “Its not scary to them… Its kind of cool and fun to wear them… plus their Grandma made it for them… which makes it even better.” Something about that rang true to me… They weren’t scared… it was more about my sadness than theirs… even if their eyes are haunted. They aren’t haunted by the masks… they’re haunted by the panic in us. They are just trying to do anything to make that better.

Knowing I hadn’t scared them didn’t make me feel much better… I am still sad… but it did make me realize we have to do this… we can do this. I need those kids… and myself to be okay… I need to wrap my arms around them again… and cover their faces in kisses… I need to get close enough to tell them I love them… instead of using sign language through windows. This new normal is something I have to acclimate to… so we can get there.

As the world is losing their minds… protesting in large numbers… the stay at home orders… that aren’t even being enforced… but highlighted by right wing nut jobs (Our president specifically) I am back in my home… tucked into my couch desk… typing this taking is solace in the only thing I can. Love. I love them so much…. Love and the fact that this too shall pass… it is what it is.

One day soon I will make those haunted eyes lighten with laughter and excitement again… one day soon I will hold them… even if it is with masks on and we wash our hands after… and we don’t touch our faces… Soon.

“It’ll be okay, Mom” – thats what tall child told me. Today I am going to believe her.