Articles

Jul 05 2012

Hello Wall…. I’d like to introduce you to depression…

Author: Kerry

Hello wall… I can’t seem to stop staring at you… through half closed eyes that feel like they are full of sand… and are rubbed raw… with the partnering of swelling that the tears always seem to bring… My head feels to heavy to lift off this pillow… smears of black mascara … smells like a mixture of my hair product… and laundry detergent…. I can’t breath in too deeply without sharp stabbing pains behind my shoulder blades from being clenched so tightly… shoulders hunched up to my ears…. Every 8 minutes the door opens… Mr amazing wants to know if I am okay… If I am convincing enough… he will go 15 minutes before checking again…. But I can’t seem to look away from the wall… I cant seem to find any reason what so ever to not try to continue disappearing into the mattress of this bed…. I feel so heavy…. I am half way through… Small Child comes home soon….

This song … This week

Jun 21 2012

Theme Song Thursday… The Third!!!

Author: Kerry

I cannot explain why this has been my constant … Since it came out… I don’t know if it is the energy raising rhythm and build up… or if it is the sad undertones… or the message of I’m not who I thought I was… but I’m still here… I still breath… This has been my theme song of theme songs… for as long as I can remember… Somewhere in the back of my mind I think it is this line “Be my mirror, My Sword, My Shield… My Missionary in a foreign field”… I think it’s that…

Jun 14 2012

… Theme Song Thursday the second!

Author: Kerry

I have to try all types of songs sometimes… Sometimes it depends on what was the Catalyst into the pit… sometimes it depends on the lies my depression is screaming in my mind… and … well… I would be lying if I didn’t say some indignant anger didn’t work sometimes to get me fired up enough to get out of bed and making some changes… usually that is all it takes… finding a way to get out of bed…. This week… my angry song.


 

Jun 07 2012

… The Start of Theme Song Thursday

Author: Kerry

… If you read this you know… I don’t ever really write about my depression directly… but it plays such an active part of my life that you find it in my writing… in my storytelling… in the events of my life… I have a list of “go to” songs… Things that pull me out of that dark place I never talk about… I’ve always called them my theme songs… and  change them up based on what is happening in my life… I love music… Thus hatched the thought of Theme Song Thursdays…. I was inspired this morning… driving in my car… Thinking of everything I haven’t accomplished… Who I (in my mind) am letting down… How I am falling behind… never enough… always too much… those types of thoughts… When This popped on the radio… Which began an entire Behind the wheel choreographed dance routine for all of those commuting with me… Truer words have never been sung… I just thought I might not be the only one who needed them this week….

Remember, If music, or any other of the tools you use aren’t working… tell someone…

“Depression Lies” – The Bloggess