I’m in the middle of crunch time for a HUGE conference at my day job… school started this week… I cannot keep up… don’t give up on me… LOL Here is my theme song for the week!
Aug
29
2013
smiffbib
socially acceptable f@#% off!
Articles
Aug
01
2013
Meet the tallest :)
I don’t write often about Tallest Child… Because she is all growed up… and out on her own with the tiniest of all child… cooking another one in her belly!
But this weeks writing prompt only could be dedicated to her… because well… ha! she was freaking stuck!!
“A time somebody got stuck”
This is my baby girl… My daughter… and if you have been reading for a while her stories are intertwined with mine through out… I write about her on Mothers Day cause I’m her mama dammit! I shared my angels girls story of her angel… (with her permission) … because I was so proud of her… She brings me joy … She is part of every humorous story I share about small child growing up in fact… she was a key part to smiffbib even being created… I’m sure there are a million more tall child stories on here… but I’ve linked in a lot if you want some history on this beautiful woman pictured above… My god I love her… and how we show our love? By embarrassing the shit out of her!
“A time somebody got stuck”
She was standing on the stairs that went upstairs, I was standing in the kitchen below her in a Romeo and Juliet almost moment… I say almost because we aren’t Romeo and Juliet… and then… without really understanding why… she decided to shove her knee into the metal bars of the banister… you know… to see if it fit…. She stood there nonchalantly for a moment… trying to slide it back out… but after a few minutes began to panic… We (The smalls father and I) took a few minutes to laugh hysterically… trying to push her … and pull her knee… before I began to panic!… I start thinking the fire department is going to have to come and cut her out of this thing… when the father type figure had a genius idea…. Butter! you should use butter to get out of these kinds of things… and I run to the fridge…. no butter…. BUT! we own butter flavored Pam… which is really the same thing… sprayed her knee… and rescued her from its clutches…Never to be lived down again…
Psst… Tallest Child… you know about the mothers curse right?.. those Tinys are gonna make for some great stories!!!
Jul
17
2013
And then he was 14…
You are horrified… no doubt… that I am writing about you on your birthday.
Perhaps if I were a better mother… I’d save this letter… give it to you privately. But I’m your mother… some days better than other days… and today… while you sleep I wrap your gifts … minecraft … spiderman… you really are still you…
Did you know that when you were two years old… you clapped liked a crazy man on my birthday? Every candle I blew out… every gift I opened… you clapped and clapped in excitement… I don’t remember what the cake looked like… I don’t remember what gifts I received… I just remember your smiling face, your happy eyes, your blonde hair… I’ve hated every birthday of mine… but that one… My gosh, I loved you then.
When you were ten… we had a fight over schoolwork … frustrated… I went to my room and closed my door and screamed at you that I wanted to be alone… And I laid on my bed… trying to figure out how to mother a growing boy with a distinct personality of his own… how to make everything all right… And when you walked into my room, I asked you what you were doing… and I wasn’t kind… And I said, “I don’t know what to do about this.” And you said, “Maybe we could forgive each other.” And that remains the most humbling moment of my life… My gosh, I loved you then.
In your 13th year you buried your father… You played your recital piece for his funeral… for him… And I knew that I would never have been brave enough to do that … My gosh, I loved you then.
You made me a mom… And you made being a mom easy.
You… quiet… learning how to be a man while still being a boy… Sometimes needing me and sometimes not.
And now at 10:09 am… you will be 14… And we’re going to figure this out, you and me… You’re going to figure out how to grow up… And I’m going to figure out how to parent you as you do… we will mess up… I will make mistakes… so will you… I’m going to try to hug you in public… your going to make inappropriate jokes… we are going to forgive each other… we are going to survives this… because… My gosh, I love you in this moment.
Happy Birthday Angel Boy.
Jul
14
2013
And then she was 7
Dear Pretty Facey,
I cannot believe you are 7 years old today… The time certainly has
flown by… It hasn’t been very long that you’ve been in my life…
but I cannot remember (and do not want to) what life was like
without you… You are one of the best things that has ever happened
to me. And even when you drive me bonkers (something you love to do
because, let’s face it, you’re 7)… I still look at you and thank
the gods for giving me such a wonderful gift. My life changed in
the best way possible by making that commitment to spend my life
with YOU and your dad… You’ve kept me on my toes ever since… I
feel so privileged to be given a front row seat in watching you
grow up… Getting to play a supporting role in your life… Being
a step mom is something I didn’t know how to do… you taught me. I
enjoy our evening reading times… I love being the recipient of
all your beloved art (though I may eventually have to rent a
storage space just to have enough room for all the drawings!).
During these our years together I’ve watched you develop your
strong loudly spoken personality… and I’m proud of the girl
you’ve become. You are kind when you want to be… talkative
always… generous… compassionate… so full of love… energetic
without fail…. intelligent and a truly beautiful person inside
and out. You tell me often that you love me . Well, my darling step
daughter, I love you so much more than I counted on… You truly
are a blessing from above…. I am proud to be your friend. Happy
birthday, Sweetheart.
Jul
11
2013
ThemeSong Thursday…. Be okay today
A moment of clarity… in the middle of the busiest week of the summer… in the middle of everyone’s birthdays… in the midst of work… the flu… colds… eye infections.. pneumonia… ear infections… and the bloody noses that have taken up residence in our home… Today it came… a moment of clarity… and here is the themesong of the day… and I know that maybe I will be okay…
Jun
24
2013
World War Z – A mom’s review
First thing worth mentioning- Pitt always looks as if he not only needs a bath, as well as a haircut and shave… And yet, still totally hot.
Opening scene shows us Lane interacting endearingly with his adorable family: wife Karin and two daughters, one with a stuffed animal and one with asthma. We have just enough time to fall in love with them on what seems like an ordinary day.. They really are an adorable family… The mother really is the hero of this story in my book, and all hell breaks loose while they are driving to work and school. At first, all is confusion and chaos, and then the zombies arrive. They are fast and aggressive and it takes just 12 seconds after a person is attacked for them to become fast and aggressive zombies themselves. Zombies are, as we have come to know from many other movies, extremely focused and therefore extremely effective. They have just one purpose: to create more zombies. They will do whatever it takes to whomever it takes. And the humans who must try to survive will be faced with terrible choices.
PG-13 Rating
Parents should know that this film has graphic and disturbing images, extended very intense sequences of peril with many characters injured and killed, scary and disgusting zombies, emergency amputation, guns, explosions, and chases.
I took my 13 year old (Weeks away from 14) to see this and I offered several times to walk out of the theater with him if it were too much… He declined through out the movie… even though he jumped in his seat multiple times (He has never seen anything that is not age appropriate to him, I have managed to keep him from any R rated films thus far) The movie keeps things taut and involving, holding back information to keep us just a little strung out and then allowing us some release at just the right moment. The zombies are fast and relentless. Even at a PG-13 level, with muted gore, they are very disturbing. One just clicks his teeth with what could hardly be described as a knowing look — maybe just focused — and it is really creepy. From the heartbeat sound behind the opening logo to the seemingly innocent moments that turn ominous, the pacing is tight and absorbing and the the characters and the puzzle weighty. But it is Pitt who makes it all work. He is so good at everything that we almost wonder why he needs a plane — surely he can just fly to the next city on his own — but his un-angsty goodness and sheer star power is itself the most powerful reminder of why it is that we want the humans to win.
It described Mother nature as the most clever serial killer, I loved this view point and think that it makes some great discussions for classic philosophy, Good Vs. Evil, Survival of the fittest, ect.
We were all a little bit jumpy afterwards- The amazing super moon hovering over us on the drive home with cloud wisps across it, as if it were a drawing from a horror novel didn’t help much.
I highly recommend it, It is a good teen flick (perhaps a bit older teens, as my own slept with his laser gun last night)
Jun
20
2013
Our Exotic Island… and the Antelope
“Take us somewhere local spot in your city and show us what we’re missing…you’ll be saving us thousands of dollars now that we won’t need to take that trip!”
Grab a cup of coffee … Buckle up… Play your favorite CD .. and drive… about 45 miles from my home is an island… Not the tropical banana tree coconut cocktail lounge chair on the beach kind I crave… But an island none the less… it is a beautiful drive… with a road built right out over the water to drive out to it… the smalls love to “drive on water” and really this little island has its own magical properties… even if lacking all the other magic.
There he is… The antelope the island is named after… Just kidding.. there are huge herds of them
These are much more common to site than the antelope… infact they are EVERYWHERE… their youngin’s are adorable and playful together though
Surrounded by the great salt lake (which smells like ass most of the time) the scenery is stunning
There are fun visitor centers and gift shops located on the island, as well as a few places to eat lunch… but I recommend packing a picnic.
There is also the ranch, which is so much fun for the smalls.. There are entertaining activities and things to see.
Just until the day I can afford the other kind of island 🙂
Jun
12
2013
The Lake – Edgar Allan Poe
Unplugged all weekend
THE LAKE.
In youth’s spring, it was my lot
To haunt of the wide earth a spot
The which I could not love the less;
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound.
And the tall pines that tower’d around.
But when the night had thrown her pall
Upon that spot — as upon all,
And the wind would pass me by
In its stilly melody,
My infant spirit would awake
To the terror of the lone lake.
Yet that terror was not fright —
But a tremulous delight,
And a feeling undefin’d,
Springing from a darken’d mind.
Death was in that poison’d wave
And in its gulf a fitting grave
For him who thence could solace bring
To his dark imagining;
Whose wild’ring thought could even make
An Eden of that dim lake.
Edgar Allan Poe
May
21
2013
Something lost.
It was four Saturday Mornings ago now… I have avoided writing this… because I don’t know what to say… and I don’t know what to feel… and I don’t think I can figure it out with out blogging it… and then this week’s writing prompts came via email from Mama Kat’s and I chose the prompt… and I’m going to tell you…The last thing I lost.
Saturday morning… lounging in bed… It was small child’s weekend to be at his dads… and Mr. Amazing got out of bed with smallest child… I reached for my IPad to scroll through Facebook .. Twitter…. fall back asleep… this is my routine… my phone rang…. I heard his panic not the words… I had to ask small child to repeat himself…. “Dad’s Not Breathing!!!”… I am out of bed… throwing on flip flops and racing for the door before he finishes telling me the ambulance is on the way… this is not a first time event unfortunately… this has happened twice before… when we were still married… I flash back to those times… angry that he is now putting his son through this as well… I pull into the trailer park that his dad resides in… with his new wife of three weeks!… I had spoken to him last night… he was happy again… it had been many years since he had been happy… addictions strip happiness from your soul… like marrow from the bone…. We had planned to attend small child’s recital this day… both families… his new one… and mine.
I pulled up to the end of a row of ambulance… a fire truck… and several police cars… and I text Mr. Amazing…. “No one is running”
and they weren’t running… or rushing… they were removing life saving equipment from the trailer… slowly… and taking in a stretcher…
I grabbed the closest officer … I explained who I was… I did not feel I had a right to be in that living space… I had divorced the man… I just wanted to let my son know I was outside… I wanted to know if he was okay….
His new wife came out… I hadn’t met her yet… She is pretty… we make our introductions to each other… and I ask “Is he okay?” she shakes her head no… “Do you want me to take the kids (meaning hers as well) while you ride in the ambulance”… she shakes her head no… “What hospital? “… No again…. “Is he dead?” finally her head nods yes… she is unable to speak… she is not crying… I understand this… neither am I… Shock is a body’s self defense mechanism… and it is working in our favor right now…. “I need to see my son”… she nods again… “Do you want me to call someone for you?” she shakes her head no… and holds out her phone for me to see she has it…
I run in the trailer… glance around … how can they live like this?
I walk into my sons room… he is there with his new step siblings and his dog… god he loves that dog…. who will take the dog?
I tell them … and I reach for my son… and I hold him… and soon I am reaching for her daughter who is crying uncontrollably… and try to comfort her… but I am a stranger… small child is able to calm her… and speak to his step brother as well… whose face has tears on it… but devoid of all other expression.. and he makes not a noise… and I cry with them… for them.
I walk back outside… and to her again… She looks at me… and I ask if she has called his family… No, she does not know their number yet… she is embarrassed by this … I have their number memorized…. we were married 18 years…. I call my sons grandmother… Hearing this from one that would not stand by him any longer… The mother of their grandson… could not have been easy… but then again… is there ever any good way to hear that they have outlived their son? I am the one who answers the officers questions… who his primary care physician is… what medications he is on… why… how long… I walk them away… I tell them the truth… far enough away that other ears will never hear it… but they know… we all know.
Tall child and her sweet baby, the tiniest child of all come spend that Saturday with us… and we spend the whole day on small child’s bed with him… just together.
The funeral is awful… planned by his new family who were strangers to most… Conducted by his immediate family… who hadn’t really known him for years… Small Child was finally able to play his recital piece for his father… his urn set upon the piano… My heart almost burst through my chest with pride… I thought that was simply an expression… but it was a very physical feeling this day … The amount of people that love my son… my friends and family that were there to support me as I was there to support my son … amazed me… and I was so grateful…
In the days that follow… Small child and I make several more trips to that trailer… he wants his dads things…. fishing gear… camping gear… trophies… coins… everything they shared… and the new family lets him take it all…
Mr. Amazing was truly amazing… how do you comfort your wife and step son in a situation like that… how do you know how to move… talk… be.
He figured it out… and he cried as he told small child that he knew he wasn’t his dad… but that he loved him so very much.
I cry sometimes… at very event-less detached times….
Our 16th anniversary. Flowers delivered to me at the office
When I don’t know why I am crying… I think those are those feelings of my own grief .. stuffed way down deep inside… I had spent more time with that man than any other person in my life… but our son… our son that we had together… will surpass those years… he is almost fourteen… and I have been with him all those years of his life… I will cling to him… I will be here for him.
I let him camp in the backyard in his dads tent and sleeping bag… I take him fishing with his dads tackle box… We fumbled through the stringing of the fishing pole together… we managed to get the tent up ourselves…. I will stand by him through this.
His dad showing him how to set up the tent.
I have had many more conversations with his grandparents who will have to come to and done very well with the fact that I am the mother of their grandson… who is the spitting image of their son… and he will be a part of their lives.
With his parents at Tall Child’s high-school graduation
He misses his dog from his dads house… but he cuddles up at night with his dog at my house and knows that those other kids needed to keep the dog…
I take him to see them, and the dog, whenever he asks. No questions asked.
Biggest Firework Package ever! They lit off every single one together.
Pinewood derby car… He will always remember these days. I will help him
I know there is a very rough road ahead … this is our truth… we are standing in it.
Apr
09
2013
