Articles

Dec 11 2013

Death of the Stache

Author: Kerry

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)

Stach

Nov 28 2013

Thank you.

Author: Kerry

mama kats

I don’t even know if this is really a post… I guess it isnt really… I just needed somewhere to say it all.

I’m typing this while listening to my favorite Jewish man in the whole wide world sings christmas songs…. LOL  It is fitting seeing as this is the only time Hanukkah and Thanksgiving will overlap in our life times?

Whilst Tallest child texts me and tells me I am ruining her life because I am not going to my mothers for Thanksgiving (again… in fact… I could be mistaken… I am getting older… but I do believe I have never had a Thanksgiving meal at my mothers home in all of my adult life)

She is joking of course… We are making plans to see each other this weekend at some point….  Small child is with his late fathers parents… and Smallest child is at her mothers this year…. Mr. Amazing and I are going to his mothers… so no cooking for me… or cleaning… or even getting dressed really if I don’t want to… but I will miss seeing the tiniest children of all.

I hate Thanksgiving… I don’t want that to be mistaken for not being thankful… or grateful for all the amazing blessings in my life.

I am so blessed

I have the most amazing people in my life… and they love me…. I them

I have children in my life who I cherish more than I have the ability to express

I have the ability to see beauty in all things.

I am a creation of the most amazing experiences …

I am so grateful for all of these things, I am so grateful for life, and the things that come and go in mine.

I am so thankful for all the people not with their families today, firefighters, service men and woman, police, doctors and nurses.

I am so thankful for this land we live in, even with all its vices.

I am so thankful for the ability to love myself, even though I am very different than what is tradition…

So much love and light to all of you and yours… eat extra stuffing… there is not nearly enough stuffing served at other times of the year.

May your day be merry and bright!

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Oct 29 2013

For better or for Worse… I am

Author: Kerry

mama kats

Hi, my name is ______ and I am a _______.

Hi… My name is Kerry… and I am a Human Being.

… I wanted to put so many other things in that spot… I ran through every positive thing about myself I could put in there… and mentally these were quickly replaced with every vice I have put into name calling form as well… I am my own best friend… and my own worst enemy all wrapped up in one… I motivate myself and set goals… I am a driven individual… I also tear myself down… tell myself I am not capable of reaching dreams… I am a Self Sabotager… I am a friend… I thought of my closest friends and how much they mean to me… and how much I love them… and want to be there for them… and I am an unreliable friend… who oftens stands people up… overbooks herself… and is guilty of only calling when I need help… I am a wife… I am a nag… I am a confidant… I am an instigator… for better or for worse… I will judge you… and I will tell you… I guess that is just part of the package deal…. I am the only person I know that can beat herself up for beating herself up… I am a Mom…  the good and the bad… and I love fiercely! I am a self harmer…. albeit in remission… also an addict… also not in practice… I am a woman… but my boobs are not that great… just say’n

I am a human being… for better or worse… and I will forgive myself a thousand mistakes a day… and borrow from the next if I am having a really rough go at it.

 

Mom

 

Oct 22 2013

This is Halloween!

Author: Kerry

mama kats

If you have been reading this blog long… or even once… it will not surprise you to discover that my mind …. albeit unique… it kind of warped… It is a beautiful thing. One symptom of said mind is what I like to refer to as a Swiss Cheese Memory… I call it this because it has so many holes. I was reading through the writers prompts this week and finding myself a little discouraged… it is Halloween Time! The prompt I wanted so badly to write about is “Who had the good candy? Share what Halloween was like for you as a child.” For two days I have looked at the prompt… waiting for inspiration to strike… as I do every week… and slowly I have come to realize something I never noticed before.
I do not remember a single Halloween in my childhood. At first this upset me… like I was missing something fantastic… or burying some deep dark secret… but truth be told… like most of my childhood… it probably was just not very memorable. I have snippets of thoughts around those holidays … I remember sitting on a cold stone entry way carving pumpkins… vaguely… also a bumblebee costume… although if it were worn by myself or a sibling I couldnt tell you… and then I remember 3 homes I visited (Most likely every year) and TADA! I have a post!

The Evans Home – the mother always dressed as a witch! full on green faced… pointy nosed and hatted… making her witches brew in her front yard… with what I recognize now as an adult to be dry ice and hot chocolate.

The Rasmussen Home – this mother would answer the door… sweet as could be… in her pretty witch costume… give us our candy and as we would scamper from their porch she would release a cackle that would make my hair stand on end as I attempted to jump out of my skin.

Last but not least… the gorilla… through our neighborhood ran a grown man dressed in a gorilla suit terrifying the older kids trick or treating… I don’t know how I know it was our neighborhood pediatrician… but I remember it is… and I loved the man. Dearly.

This post leaves a sour taste in my mouth … simply for the lack of anything better to post… So this is where being me rocks… it does really… and let me tell you about the my smalls Halloweens… which I remember vividly… and hope they do as well.

Costumes Galore… Pumpkin Carving… Roasted Seeds… a blend of home made and store bought costumes… Halloween parties thrown for Tall child… trick or treating for small… We have trick or treated with the same family for as long as I can remember… and in the neighborhood is the house decorated to the extreme… with scary clowns… and some guy in an electric chair… The house that one year… I kid you not… grilled pancakes in their driveway and passed them out nice and warm… and they were loved… and bizarre. The house with homemade root-beer at the end of their homemade spook alley made of refrigerator boxes and lights.

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Now that is Halloween!!

Oct 08 2013

Happy Birthday Mr. Amazing!!!

Author: Kerry

Friday (October 11th) is my best friends thirty-eighth birthday. 

Mr. Amazing

We’ve been through a lot together… you and I…  the expression “married the minute we met” fits us so perfectly…because of our smalls and our devotion to them… because we thought of them first.

Sometimes I worry you think I married you for the children… but it is very important to me you know that You are my rock… my best friend… my lover… my hero… the love of my life.

Below are thirty-eight of the infinite number of reasons why.

I love you because:

  1. You make me feel safe;
  2. You listen to your heart;
  3. You drink tea, and you love opera and rock;
  4. You stood by me when I needed it most;
  5. You put your arm around me in public;
  6. You smell wonderful;
  7. I know that if the boogeyman ever shows up and tries to come for me… you will tear him into millions of tiny pieces and scatter them to the four corners of the earth;
  8. You love my son;
  9. You’re willing to reflect and learn and grow;
  10. I can still make you blush;
  11. You’re different;
  12. You are the one who comforts me in the middle of the night;
  13. You humor me;
  14. I can’t resist your hair;
  15. You kiss me goodbye everyday;
  16. You crack me up harder than anyone else for reasons that would make no sense to anyone else;
  17. Stories about helpless people or animals overcoming great odds move you to tears;
  18. You created a space just for me… My paint room;
  19. You are genuinely interested in me;
  20. You smile with your whole face and light up a room;
  21. You will sit and listen to Smallest Child talk for hours;
  22. You are the most intelligent individual I have ever had the pleasure of knowing;
  23. You show compassion toward those in need;
  24. You’ve supported me through a period of growth even when you weren’t sure of the outcome;
  25. You hold me tight when I cry;
  26.  You told me I’m beautiful;
  27. You let me thaw my frozen feet on the backs of your legs;
  28. You pretend right along with me that I’m perpetually only 29 years old;
  29. The sound of my snoring is actually comforting to you;
  30. Little kids are drawn to you like it’s the most natural thing in the world – you have “The Baby Fu”;
  31. You always encourage me to try new things;
  32. You think I’m smart enough to be a challenge to you;
  33. You know when to play it safe and can be prodded into taking a risk;
  34. My friends feel safe with you;
  35. The lines in your face and the way you shove your fingers in your hair are so, so sexy;
  36. You worry about people I care about;
  37. You love your siblings fiercely;
  38. You love me back;

Happy Birthday Mr. Amazing … I would have posted this on your actual birthday… but we are going to be on a plane!

What are you going to do next?? We’re going to Disneyland!!!!

Disney-Image-Mickey-Mouse

Oct 01 2013

The Cookie Wife…

Author: Kerry
mama kats Share a Fall recipe that you’re loving this season.
Soooo I don’t really cook… or bake… But I do love me some fall recipes… So let me let you in on a little secret I have… It’s kind of a magical thing…. I live in Utah… Where not only do plural marriages have a reputation of being practiced… but some of the best baking happens! So I did the only logical thing I could do …. I took a cookie wife! You heard me right!

 

me:  <Yawn/stretch/puts an arm over her shoulder move/Drops Recipe in lap>

Cookie Wife:  Aren’t you hilarious???

me:  Smoooooth… I believe the word you were looking for is smooth

Cookie Wife:  Or subtle…

me:  Bahahaha!

Cookie Wife:  Guess what is the best thing ever??

me: ??

Cookie Wife:  Maple blueberry sausage!!! I’ll bet I could make it just as yummy with ground turkey!

me: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM I wanna eat it all!

Cookie Wife:  I made blueberry pancakes, maple blueberry sausage, crock pot hash brown scrambled eggs & juice & milk.

me:  … Small Child ate at school … I ate a leftover taco time bean burrito.

 

HAPPY OCTOBER EVERYONE!!!

October

Sep 16 2013

A day in the life…

Author: Kerry

mama kats Take a picture every hour and show us what a day in your life is like.

I haven’t been super bloggy like lately…… I’ve been having a rough go at things… I read back through my blog to Septembers past… and realize I am in the same place… that I always survive… that I always blog again… even though in this place it seems completely impossible to imagine surviving the next 48 hours…  I know I will… What is going on.. is it literally just drowning in memories? Is it the time of year. the change of seasons? is it all in my head? I do not really know where it comes from, if it is real or not… It is real enough feeling… I imagine being somewhere where I can shut down all my senses, all the noises, all light and touch… I imagine my brain not being able to think… … Just for a day… It is like walking through tar… if I stop walking it will settle and firm up…So I don’t… and just like this dark place was entered with no real reason… I will walk into the lighter place again… and my legs will be less heavy… and I will become more engaged in my surroundings again… I will not make any life changing decisions in this dark place… and I will not bring others to it with me…. It is going to be okay… It is always going to be okay…and this prompt sounded fun… So regardless of my feelings I keep moving… Here is what my day looks like today…

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I woke up… showered… got dressed… (Saved your life and didn’t take a picture that hour)… and got out the door. (7 am)

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Took my most adorable creeper to school…

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Made my 30 minute commute as the sun beamed its way through the clouds, and didn’t crash into the idiots taking pictures of the massive rainbow that made its debut in the morning traffic. (Take note: No Rainbow Picture!)

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 Finally arrived here where I will spend the next 9 hours of the day…. (8 am)

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Imagine this on repeat until 5 pm… Save me the trouble of reposting (I love my job, and I am grateful for it)

Tshirts

Mid-day jaunt through the warehouse to search for something that the warehouse manager & his adorable British accent are too busy to find…. 20 minutes of walking a creepy dark warehouse with thousands upon thousands of boxes…. then finding it under his desk… (FTW… WOOT!) (1 pm)

counter Nearing the 5 o’clock hour… I allow myself to watch the Disneyland count down… for a moment… or ten. (4 pm)

Finally… Made the drive home… decided to bag the whole preparing of food for the day…. (6 pm) Chinese it is!

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Here goes the night time routine…. Music Practice… Voice, Viola and Piano…

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Next is a shower (7 pm)

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This is the look Mr. Amazing gives me when I tell him I need his Mac to finish up my blog… because I have to blog each hour or I will forget… bahaha damn he is cute (8 pm)

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Feeding of the beasties!!! OMG we are almost there!!! (9 pm)

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Finally… My Sanctuary… Back in bed… See… I didn’t think I could do it… but not only did I do it… I did it with pictures!

Sweet Dreams!!! GoodNight!!! (10 pm)

 

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