David House Eccles
I Want To Be a Friend of Yours(Author Unknown)
I want to be a friend of yours (mmmm) and a little bit more.
I want to be a pal of yours (mmmm) and a little bit more.
I want to be a little flower growing by your door.
I want to be your grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, sister, brother (mmmm) and a little bit more.
Sooo the prompts came out this week, And I have been lurking in this workshop for a long time, and I post quite often from the prompts, and I was counting down to them this week, because I am simply want to write so badly, but cant seem to focus on one thing long enough to get it out, so the prompts were posted yesterday and I quickly scanned them… Nothing… Nothing sparked… There was one that made me nostalgic… But I’ve written my share of despondent posts lately… So I opened it again this morning… and the same prompt jumped out at me… And I realized the reason the prompt made me sad is because that time in my life with small child has passed… I am a HUGE believer that when something exits your life it makes room for something better… and on that note I am choosing to write from the prompt “Pumpkins! Anything with pumpkins!”
This will be the first year small child is not going to go Trick Or Treating, He is too old.
No more fighting him to put a coat on under his costume.
No more cute costumes.
No more shrieks of joy and disgust at reaching into the pumpkin for the seeds as we carve.
Gone.
Trading them for the Haunted Houses!
The scary movies!
The hiding around corners to scare the Trick or Treaters.
Zombies! Ghosts! Werewolves!
Fake Blood
Pumpkin carving with those cool kits! Making amazing designs!
Roasted pumpkin seeds with Cayenne pepper!
Hot Pumpkin lattes!
Smashing pumpkins (not the band)… well and maybe the band too.
Doorbell ditching, Toilet papering!
There is a new teenager in the neighborhood, and a mommy that just loves acting like one!
Disclaimer: this is being typed in a pitch black room… First time from a mobile device…From my bed… And I have taken Tylenol PM… It’s only 9 PM… But I need sleep… So spelling and grammar nazis back off… This is bound to be full of typos and half formed thoughts. Go pick on the other posts … Which all have the same problem and do not contain the disclaimer… In fact… Apparently that is all the Tylenol PM did was give me manners…. It’s not Ambien what did you expect.
Its October… You know the month after September…. Like the thing that happens when September is over… That’s right… Over… I made it … Only one run in with anemia… Which was probably really more of a blessing seeing as how it wiped me out for almost a week…that combined with an insane amount of work… Insane in the form of a ridiculous amount of hours and stress… And I cried a lot of tears of frustration over it… But really it was a blessing in disguise… I get that now… It can stop anytime… I am okay for the most part… A lot of the time…. Sometimes…. My birthday came and went how I prefer it, with hardly a mention… The thirtieth passed Sunday and I spent it surrounded with friends and tucked all those horrible feelings away and didn’t acknowledge them…
So I up my amount of red meat consumption to get on top of the anemia… I stop being fascinated with how the bruises come and counting them… And I try to start sleeping again… I feel like I got off too easy… Like something is lurking… But I digress….
I am ready for autumn.
Orange and red leaves covering the mountains everywhere I turn… The mornings are a little brisk… Pumpkin bins are popping up outside the grocery stores… Costumes are being thought up and planned… Corn mazes… Scary movies…. Tv marathons as the nights get darker sooner…
Soon I will be able to see my breath in the mornings… And smell the heater the first time it turns on… And see the smoke lilting out of the chimneys as I drive down the hill…
Warm breads… Hot drinks…hoodies…
Fall is like a brisk breath of fresh air after the summers oppressive heat… The gnats and Mosquitos will freeze up and die…
Spiders try to move indoors and we all take our turn saving each others lives … By being the mighty spider slayer…
One year almost to the day I moved into this home … Weeks before our arts and crafts wedding…. One year ago we formed this little family… It’s been a lot of firsts… Firsts of everything really… Im so ready to try the seconds… I hope they are as wonderFul and laughter filled as the firsts…
September… ugh… like a punch in the mammary glands…. seriously… As if my birthday wasn’t enough… does anyone really like getting a year older once you are past the major mile stones… Voting… Buying liquor…. having children…. your children having children…. I have surpassed all of these… I’m not even forty …
… as if I wasn’t the type of person that struggled with anniversary’s naturally… I am… I think that most people who have been through trauma of sorts or loss of loved ones are date conscious… I seem to take it to a whole new level… I have written this several times… I’m pretty sure we are all tired of my personal drama… fucking hell… I know I am…
Let’s discuss the other anniversary’s that fall on the same time frame…. Suicide awareness week… First week of September… I’m glad it exists… I am … people need to be educated on it… I hate the shit though…. For anyone that has lost friends… those warning lists are like a check list of everything you fucked up and didn’t catch… as you yourself are just wishing for the earth to open up and swallow you whole … and are hoping no one is seeing the signs…
… 9/11 … Wow… I know we need to remember… never forget… don’t worry… I never forget anything…
Something magical happened on the first day of september though… many close to me have given up on the common practice of pointing out the many good things in my life (which are abundant… and wonderful) because they have caught on that I just use them as another means to mentally punish myself… for being alive and having them… Disturbing… Im aware… A few years ago a friend (I have the most amazing friends in the whole wide world… btw) suggested just getting through it… Not trying to do anything more than survive… and she printed off a calendar… and pinned a sharpie next to it… and everyday we Xed a day off… and we laughed about some of them… and we cried about some of them… and there really aren’t that many days in September…
… This year she is across the ocean in the city of love… getting married in paris … My phone buzzed the text “Day 1, Thinking of you” … The next day pictures of the eiffle tower … “Day 2, How are you holding up?” …. Pictures of her in her gown… pictures of the french country side…. every single day…. she is counting with me… I don’t even want to know what it is costing her to text me from Paris….
Mr. Amazing has been amazing… as if he could be anything else… I love him so much ….. Small child has blood work out… that I am waiting for the results… He has some big life changing challenges directly ahead of him… Smallest child’s safety and security is always a source of anxiety when she isn’t under our roof… Tiniest child made an appearance for a couple of days this weekend and honestly steals my heart every time I see him…
… I have found other comforts… Sippy cup corner has happened several times…. I can now drink wine out of a buzz light year cup… with the bendy straw placed in such a way that it looks like his penis… to infinity and beyond baby…. Wine just tastes better that way… best gift ever…. We are raising our families together… and kicking ass at it.
… Pajama Birthday Coffee (okay it was mountain dew) with eyes swollen shut … teeth furry… hair untamed… without even worrying about it being embarrassing… These are the kinds of friends I have….
Halfway there.
And that is everything in my head this morning…
Ive missed some writing prompts the last few weeks again… And I think you missed me… I cant say that I blame you really… I will make it up to you… I will write about them all… I will get past this writers block… and join the land of the bloggers yet again….
Or will I …. Perhaps instead some insight into the dilemma….
1.) What do your kids have that you always wanted when you were a kid? Other than this one… Im not going to answer this one…
2.) You were supposed to start a garden this summer…share the fruits of your labor. OH MY GAWD ::: Looks outside at her planter boxes that had planted seeds of Catnip, Chamomile, mint, and some smattering of wild flowers :::: Im not answering this one either
3.) Aside from your kids, pets, your husband, your coffee and your wine…what makes you smile? Are you watching me? How do you know about my love affair with coffee and wine… Obviously you already know way too much about me… I can’t answer this one either
4.) Write about something that complicates your life. I feel like these prompts are personal questions! Like you know what is going on in my head… Because it is complicated right now… I struggle to find ways to spend time with my thirteen year old boy… and feel close… I love him so much … and he is so… well… look for yourself…. this is what he is doing as I type.. I cant possibly write about that!
5.) Share your writing process. How long does it take an idea in your head to get published on your blog? Upon seeing this prompt I only came up with one image… I am sorry … But its true… and I am incapable of putting it into words
“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Dear Small Child,
Thirteen Years ago… I was terrified that I didn’t have the ability to be enough … To be the mommy you deserved.
I was so very wrong… In your first minutes of life you taught me what love meant… and how a heart is built… You see before you came on the scene I was just kind of drifting through life plans… through life in general…. You are my glue… You grounded me.
Everyone who met you shared love for you, Even your Dad was nervous that we wouldn’t quite be enough… but we loved you with our whole hearts from the moment you first appeared…. You taught a lot of people about love…. You were powerful in your first few minutes.
Today you are thirteen… you are powerful still… You’re my baby and there will be no more babies from this womb after you.
I love your brain…. I love when you take complex situations and narrow them down to their essence… I love being able to share this life with you and have you understand it with minimal explanation… I love watching you solve problems… I’ve never told you that you’re smarter than other people…. I think you probably know that… But you will never be arrogant.
One of your best assets is your laughter… it is contagious. When you laugh I feel like I might burst, it’s like the sun shines ten times hotter and the pure happiness is bouncing off of us all. I can’t imagine any joy greater than being your mom.
Every time you say “please”, “thank you” and “bless you” my heart soars…. The world will treat you kindly when you have good manners…. I know it’s not easy holding doors open, but you’re a boy, and soon you’ll be a man and it’s important to me that you are a gentleman.
Sometimes you ask me questions I can’t answer and we find the answers together… Your curiosity coupled with your empathy is what will change the world. I hope You always remember… that it’s more important to be good than it is to be best… when your schoolwork is a struggle.
By this age you have learned that a heart is built to grow…. that life is full of surprises… that things not going as planned doesn’t make the plan obsolete… You have taught me that… and I am thankful…
Happy Birthday Angel Boy
Love,
Mom
Happy Birthday Smallest Child….
The first time we ever met, you were two … Even though your dad and I weren’t even dating then, I knew, deep down, that I was going to be part of your life…. The thought scared me a little but excited me more.. I feel so lucky that you like me… I think you even love me…
Now you are six and you are growing up so fast!
Sometimes I wish time would freeze and you would always be small, because I treasure this time with you…. I love it when we’re in the car and you talk to me about things that are important to you…. I know you don’t really talk to just anyone about stuff that’s hard on you… and I’m so glad you trust me and want to share…. I hope you will always talk to me about things that matter to you.
I Love Thursdays… When you come home… I missed you too … I always do on the days we don’t see you… Sometimes it’s really hard not to see you every day!
I cherish your small hand in mine, and when you climb in my lap… When we are doing fun things together I try to memorize everything so that I can hold on to the memories when you are grown… I hope I never forget how small and cute and wonderful you are! Sometimes you just crack me up… It also makes me laugh that you seem to have a strange and incessant desire to push buttons…You can be so silly sometimes, and I love to hear your giggle…. I adore the way you laugh, it makes me laugh in return every time.
I know things will probably not always be as easy as they are now, and maybe our relationship won’t always be so positive…. I have a feeling your teenage years are going to be rough on all of us…. But I hold onto the hope that you and I are laying an early foundation of love, trust, and respect that will last…. I cherish you more than I ever thought possible…. I hope you always know that.
So I will continue to help from the sidelines… I will continue to help in any way I can… I will continue to love you
Happy Birthday Pretty Facey
