Articles

Mar 30 2021

Impending Doom

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 30 March 2021, there have been 127,349,248 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 2,787,593 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 29 March 2021, a total of 519,826,596 vaccine doses have been administered.

In the US? TOTAL CASES 30,085,827 TOTAL DEATHS 546,704 – People Vaccinated 52,614,231

In Utah? TOTAL CASES 384,756 TOTAL DEATHS 2,114 – People Vaccinated 478,918

You see where I am going with this… It is spring… Mr. Amazing and I are vaccinated… in fact as of Friday it will be 14 days from our second shot… This is the yellow light… But already people are done… Little Miss’s mom took her to the mall … I am even guilty of not waiting the full 14 days before going into a home …. inside it! I was able to see where my Small lives…. for the first time… he has lived there for over a year… IT WAS GLORIOUS… the weather has been cooperating… we have gathered outdoors… in masks… but all of us can feel the fear dissipating…

The conspiracy theories around the vaccine are wildly accepted as truths… even as testing for children under 16 begins… all of mine over 16 … My Tall… My Small… Mrs. Small… either have their shot scheduled or have been vaccinated. But the vaccines are only 90% effective and there are variants spreading like … well… a highly contagious deadly virus.

I began to notice more of the Anti-Maskers around town… This is the only place I have driven through in over a year… because well…. COFFEE!!!! Saturday morning it was packed… literally a half hour in line… worth it! But the woman ahead of me had her window down speaking loudly to someone either I cant see in the car… or on the phone… she isn’t wearing a mask… and she doesn’t need to in her car with someone from her home I suppose…. but she does not put one on when she gets to the window to order… and when requested too? Leans further into her car and says loudly “There is that 6 feet?” … I leave money for the “next two cars complying with the masking guidelines” to pay for their coffee… and proceed to hand sanitize after touching the card that was inserted in the card reader… Lysol wipe the card… Lysol wipe the shelf they are setting my coffee on for me to get… Lysol wipe the cup…. hand sanitize again… hope beyond hope that coffee is hot enough and kills any germs inside the cup… drive home… wash hands… remove mask… wash mask. I will continue to do this even though I am vaccinated… why?

How effective is the birth control pill?

If you use it perfectly, the pill is 99% effective. Do you know anyone that has gotten pregnant while on the pill? I have 4 tinys conceived while Tall child was taking the pill…. was it perfectly? I do not know… but her babies are perfect šŸ™‚ and I would like to continue to watch them grow and witness their brilliance. I would like to meet Small child’s first child… and see his first birthday… and first day of school.

People are screaming that we quit living in fear. Cool I guess. I am not living in fear… I am living with caution…. cautions that I hope allow me to continue living. Look, I fully intend to go out this weekend… I am going to enter a store for the first time in over a year… I am going to do it much like I get my coffee… with an abundance of caution… not just for my safety… but for yours… I fully intend to see Miss Betty… and hug all the people… Id love to meet the babies born during the pandemic for the first time… because I have missed so much! I am going to to do as much and as fast as possible… because I watched a doctor from the CDC break script and choke back tears…. I listened to our President ask that people stop opening up so quickly… to keep the mask mandates in place… and I am having Deja Vu…. exactly one year ago I watched as people laughed and joked about this virus… I watched as people rushed stores in choreographed mobs without masks… knowing they couldn’t stop them all… and I watched the world get sick.

Please get whatever vaccine is available to you… as soon as it is available to you… please be kind.

This is not over.

Feb 26 2021

The beginning of the end… I hope.

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of  26 February 2021, there have been 112,649,371 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 2,501,229 deaths, reported to WHO

This morning at 7:40 am I pulled into a movie theater parking lot 50 miles from my house… I couldn’t eat dinner last night… and had only sipped at half of my coffee…. hardly slept at all. Having no idea what to expect or what to do I waited a moment until I saw others slowly entering the building.

Pause for a moment to realize this would be the first building other than my doctors or dentist I will have entered since last March.

I got out of the car and a just as apprehensive Mr. Amazing did as well…

WE WERE IN A MOVIE THEATER!!!! it felt surreal… There was no smell of popcorn… no movies playing… There were about a dozen people inside waiting … either waiting to get vaccinated… or waiting to help us get vaccinated. We checked in and sat… six feet apart… in masks… we watched as the courier brought in the cooler full of doses for us… again… I cannot describe how bizarre this scene is to take in… and then they call my name… and take me into one room… everything roped off and arrows guiding… I stand where they tell me to… and sit when they tell me to… and then it happened.

The nurse giving me the injection begins to tell me what to expect and then she looks at my card… and says… Lupus! I guess you really just don’t know what to expect next. Truer words have not been spoken. I am then escorted to another theater room…. where I am reunited with Mr. Amazing (who also was able to get his shot while there with me) to be monitored for a time. The seats are numbered for spacing and sanitation purposes…. there are huge medical tents in front of the dark screen… and I can only help but hope beyond hope that soon… I will be here again… when it smells of popcorn and goodness… and there will be a movie playing.

After some time… we were told we could go… and we did! holding our cards like they were golden tickets from willy wonka himself.

You guys… I think we are going to make it… and I am so grateful!

Sep 30 2020

To My Beautiful Daughter…

Author: Kerry

Iā€™ll never forget when we brought you home to that tiny house…Your dad said as we left that first parent meeting

ā€œWe’ll keep her!ā€

He was so very proud of you. We all were.

I should have known early on that you might keep on looking for new adventures,…opportunities and people that might fulfill that curiosity and wonder life gave you from the start… you have not let one limit be set… one boundary unexplored… you do not take love for granted… that is so rare.

You are so beautiful inside and out…

And those eyesā€¦

Those big, brown, beautiful eyes.

You never let the world stop youā€¦.Not that little boy who stood you up for the danceā€¦.the one you pushed aside. Not the child who tried to take your brothers toy and you punched her in the face.

You were fierce, a force to be reckoned with, at even the tiniest sight of injustice. And yet, you loveā€¦love deeper and wider than any human I have ever seen.

You love your friendā€™s… and even strangers… when they are struggling with very real problems.
You love the puppies who sit behind bars in the shelter… the ones calling you to take them home. šŸ™‚
You love your siblings
It didnā€™t matter someoneā€™s track record or story. You were determined to love… every child, young or old who woke at night… or sat and looked helplessly into your eyesā€¦.

Especially your own children.

And yet… it isnā€™t just your loving that I admire. But the way you donā€™t let pain… hurt or the offensive evil scars taint the way you KEEP giving your love… your time and your attention to those around you.

You just have this gift of somehow picking up the pieces of hurt from othersā€¦.even from me at timesā€¦and then move forward in the belief that the world is better when we forgive.

Perfectionism is just a hollow hole of worldly dressing that aches so desperately for love… it decorates itself up with outward appearances, in hopes to cover up emptiness, on the inside.

But you look past that. How do you always know how to love, even those most broken?

You were made to love.

So today… angel girl, as you walk through ā€œThe New Normalā€, donā€™t forget…

Far and wide… big-brown-eyed wonder… it has been such an honor to be your Mother. I will forever be eternally grateful.

Enjoy your day and please remember, I am thankful, and so proud of who are you.

You show the world what light and wonder and love really looks like… I hope the world is taking as many notes as I am… We could all use this lesson right now

Happy Birthday Tall Child

I love you. Mom

Sep 29 2020

Worldwide Deaths Eclipse 1 Million

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of  29 September 2020, there have been 33,249,563 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,000,040 deaths, reported to WHO.

Today I attended Judy’s funeral … via zoom… This new world… it amazes me… and terrifies me… I saw faces I havent seen in years… but missed seeing the faces of those in the audience… So much.

Judy passed away from Cancer… but to mourn her death on the day the world mourns this milestone feels surreal… and heartbreaking…

I miss seeing people from the shoulders down…. I miss Judy… I miss Jamie and Erin (and the others) and their children so much.

I screen captured this- just because it felt so unreal… but I was so grateful to be connected how ever I could be… thank you to the family so much for making that possible.

To hear her life sketch…

its very different when you aren’t there in person afterwards… to hug them and talk to them its… just final… and lonely.

He talked about her love of this season we are entering… her love of seeing the leaves… I knew this… I learned it from her… so we took a drive sunday and spent a moment in the outside remembering her away from the monitors and news stations

I miss so much… but as I sit here… broken hearted… I hold out belief that one day I will see you all again… below your shoulders…. without a monitor… So much love and light to you.

Aug 21 2020

This Week? Opening Schools Safely in a Pandemic

Author: Kerry

21 August 2020, there have been 22,536,278 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 789,197 deaths, reported to WHO

Our story in Pictures….

  • First Day of school!!
  • Off she goes!
  • She is so excited to be outside!!!
  • She has her mask ready!!!

Seems dreamy right? after 5 Months of being shut ins… well … it is a dream. There is NO WAY we can send her to school… we are high risk… and people still think this is a HOAX! Still!!! I just cannot even… So here is what really happened on the first day of school….

  • Off She Goes!!!
  • First day of 9th Grade.

Had my Adult Children over last week for a Pandemic dinner party… We havent been indoors together since march… here is how this new normal looked…

  • Seats distanced for eating
  • HEPA Air Filtration Running
  • The guests arrived… Looks like a party now
  • Masks when closer than six feet
  • My Grown Up Babies… We should be in Mask Ads
Aug 11 2020

Corona Virus Chronicles

Author: Kerry

Entry – like 5 bazillion? 5 months today I have been quarantined… 5 months… There is a sense of a false light at the end of the tunnel… but it is a lie… and the second wave is coming.

Every year on the last day of school we head to the lake… weve been doing it for over a decade… not this year

July is full of birthday celebrations and adventures… not this year

I don’t really know what I would’ve done to celebrate my sons engagement- but it would’ve been something nice… a nice restaurant… something. But we didn’t.

We are trying to stay afloat financially… and trying to give everything we have to those who cannot… supporting local business is how… so here is what we did this year… end of school year… birthdays… engagement… end of summer… all in one.

and it helped… a little… The Tall, The Smalls, The Tinies… all had so much fun…. I think a lot of people are feeling it… look who I saw!!

  • My little sister
  • Our first pandemic visit… our first visit in years really.

Im gonna paint her some masks… make them a little more snazzy.

And then ofcourse this ridiculousness is trending on social media… I thought about posting it … but it is too honest… so here it is.

Its like watching myself die.

Situation in numbers (by WHO) as of August 11, 2020
Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 19,936,210 cases (216,033) 732,499 deaths (4,268)

Aug 06 2020

Plague… Pandemic…. Whatevs

Author: Kerry

As of August 6th, 2020

Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 18,614,177 cases (259,344) 702,642 deaths (6,488)

Seems to be slump time again… collectively mankind seems to fall into slumps during this… right now seems to be a big one…. Im picking fights on facebook… QAnon has riled up the right wing masses… the blaze reading…. hannity hearing… bigoted believers? too far? maybe into this #SaveTheChildren thing… and you know what? Im here for that… I mean im always here for that… do I think #PizzaGate is a thing? not really… but do I think hollywood elite and political peeps are abusing children and trafficking them? yes, I know they are… so im glad something is coming out of that group that may be constructive? we will see

Trump is a hot mess… as usual… I watched his Axios interview one night over and over again … not sleeping at all… because well… it just made me happy? why? i couldnt explain it…. maybe it is because he was so helpless in the face of reality… he was less scary

I live behind a screen…. from a phone screen to a computer screen to a TV screen and back to a phone screen again… I am not eating right… not exercising…. not sleeping… not even showering often enough… im eating mashed potatoes for breakfast… but I did renew my aclu membership… so there is hope

I am here for that – What I am not here for is that I look just like my sister in this photo… sigh

I went to the outside this week… this is what the outside looks like for me

But I am alive… and that is something no one should be taking for granted right now… there was a HUGE explosion in Beirut… thousands of people dying of Covid-19 on the daily… Hurricane season is in all its glory… protests and police brutality are still a thing… as well as the karens… I mean… I seriously have nothing else to say… other than… WONT SOMEONE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN??? oh wait… QANON has that…. how about… nah…Still working from home… still wearing masks… seeing my peeps only through snap chat and facebook…

I got nothing… here… have some hope… because this is all I got going for me right now…

and there is yet another riveting entry in my Corona Chronicles.

Jul 29 2020

My Covid-19 Chronicles…

Author: Kerry

I think this is like my millionth post (not literally… but it feels that way) about life in this pandemic… Lets start with some pictures…

6 ft and masks dance recital with her sister šŸ™‚
The Birthday Masks were a hit… my god… they are so beautiful.

July 29th Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 16,558,289 cases (215,127) 656,093 deaths (5,274)

Here locally… the battle wages on about what to do about schools… nationally the battle is what to do about our President… unmarked cars are rolling up to protests with federal agents just snatching people off the street…. sigh… I have been obsessed with Dystopian stories my entire life… so I am well prepared for this new normal… I think I am finally prepared for the grey hair too…. Check this out

Maybe I’ll color it grey and just speed it up LOL – As you can see – I’m Selfcaring BAHAHAHA

Friends keep asking me what I think… what to do… what I keep telling them is wait two weeks… it will be an entirely different reality again… its been like this since March… The entire world is changing and we have to keep adjusting and not planning on anything… because it is all unknown… if that ever doesn’t happen with in two weeks… we will know things are possibly settling down… wanna know a secret?

That’s all

Yep! Fairy City is alive and well… infact it is very much doubling its efforts to keep spirits high… and chins up… and injustices spoken against.

Keep Causing “Good Trouble” until we can meet again.
Apr 20 2020

The New Normal…

Author: Kerry

I hate the phrase… yet you cannot hear a news story with out it… sometimes it feels like people are trying to find a way to work it into a sentence I swear… but then yesterday I did a thing… and I had no other phrase to use as I tossed and turned all night long trying to make sense of things in my head.

Let me start this story by saying this… Sewing is against my religion

But… The New Normal… sigh

I bloodied a lot of fingers
My youngest grandchild’s and my matching masks
I made one for all of my kids.
and distance delivered… cause the new normal šŸ™
Literally threw them from my car like I had a T shirt gun or I was Trump with paper towels.

it took me hours… half of them didn’t fit… I was still proud. I take a LOT of pictures… I mean a LOT. I love them… and I love to finish an adventure and then flip through them… and when I got home and laid on the couch… again… cause thats the new normal… I notice something in the photos…

Their eyes… Specifically my girls… but then looking closely… the boys as well.

Their eyes reminded me of their reaction…. Two weeks ago my house donned masks for the first time… we made masks (no sew version) as the CDC recommended and put them on..

We did not know how to make them… they were uncomfortable… but we did it… it was an exercise in feeling less helpless… we weren’t sure how to even put them on

We drew them on our favorite disney characters… used hoodies in stead…

Finally wore them when we went out for Easter Window coloring/Jellybean delivery

But what I didn’t realize is that these littles… were so little… that this new normal… is normal for them… and they were so happy to get masks… and didn’t even question having to wear them… they donned them instantly… in fact… they looked terrified to not have them on once they had them. The eyes of my Granddaughter haunted me all evening afterwards… and I reached out to a friend… and her mother to talk about it… because my heart was sick… and sad… I didn’t want them to feel that way.

They told me “Its not scary to them… Its kind of cool and fun to wear them… plus their Grandma made it for them… which makes it even better.” Something about that rang true to me… They weren’t scared… it was more about my sadness than theirs… even if their eyes are haunted. They aren’t haunted by the masks… they’re haunted by the panic in us. They are just trying to do anything to make that better.

Knowing I hadn’t scared them didn’t make me feel much better… I am still sad… but it did make me realize we have to do this… we can do this. I need those kids… and myself to be okay… I need to wrap my arms around them again… and cover their faces in kisses… I need to get close enough to tell them I love them… instead of using sign language through windows. This new normal is something I have to acclimate to… so we can get there.

As the world is losing their minds… protesting in large numbers… the stay at home orders… that aren’t even being enforced… but highlighted by right wing nut jobs (Our president specifically) I am back in my home… tucked into my couch desk… typing this taking is solace in the only thing I can. Love. I love them so much…. Love and the fact that this too shall pass… it is what it is.

One day soon I will make those haunted eyes lighten with laughter and excitement again… one day soon I will hold them… even if it is with masks on and we wash our hands after… and we don’t touch our faces… Soon.

“It’ll be okay, Mom” – thats what tall child told me. Today I am going to believe her.

The Sun is a daily reminder, that even after the darkest night… we will rise and shine again.
Apr 08 2020

Quarantines… Pandemics… and Testing… Oh MY

Author: Kerry
This week in pictures… so I never forget what the US Surgeon General said would be the saddest week of our lives looked like.

I will try to come here later today and put some thoughts and feelings to these photos… but right now I am emotionally drained from blogging about my tooth.