Articles

Apr 03 2012

My Vagina hates Santorum…

Author: Kerry

Gchat Stream –

me:  I kinda want to make my status update of the day be “My Vagina hates Santorum” … But I dont think i can LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol   not a good idea

me: I didnt post it… but it was funny…

Mr.Amazing: questions will inevitably arise, like “how do you know? you have Santorum in your vagina lately?”

me: Noooo I dont think so… well maybe from you… but no one else im friends with would have the guts to respond to that LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol there is always womb for Santorum, Santorum, pro womb

me: ROTFL!! That is horrible

Mr.Amazing: Santorum will never clean your womb
that’s the worst ever – btw

me: That was soooooo bad!

Mr.Amazing: I am so pro life
but before a brain has formed, I have a hard time forming an argument
but seriously, I hate it

me:  So this is why even though I am pro life, I dont judge other people based on their opinions, I dont feel I have the right to legislate a womans womb so
keep government out of my womb
HAHA! that should be my status update
Mr.Amazing: no womb for government

me: Exactly!!!

Apr 02 2012

Mirror Mirror … Yes Please!

Author: Kerry
Mr Amazing and I went in expecting a darker version of Snow White… I was genuinely surprised and amazed at the animation sections, I had never seen animation like this… It was stunning…. Even more stunning though was the actress who played Snow White! “Snow White is a princess in exile, and the evil Queen rules her captured kingdom. Seven courageous rebel dwarfs join forces with Snow White as she fights to reclaim her birthright and win her Prince.” It was like a cross between Bollywood meets Ella Enchanted… and I was beyond enchanted… I laughed… I laughed outright several times… The Dwarves are the most wonderful characters ever! I loved the entire thing… It was super cheesy.. but they had fun with that… and made light of it… I would love to see this again… Dont listen to anyone but me! See it! and stay for the Indian Inspired dance scene at the end… ADORABLE!!!
Apr 02 2012

“Every Town Has an Elm Street” Freddie Kruger

Author: Kerry

Okay… I’m sure even my town has an Elm Street…  But I used the quote in reference to another thing every town has….  in my town it’s called “Dead Man’s Curve” … As I am trying to reconcile some events in my life… it is quite a story if you can manage to look at the perspective of place rather than time….

…I am sure I am not alone in this being the spot I got my first kiss… or had my first sip of beer… and peed behind a truck… (Yeah, it happened more than once)… Not only did Relationships start with a kiss there (Not even my first kiss! Which as mentioned was also there) … but it ended there with my tearing apart my wedding veil into little pieces and tying them to rocks and throwing them over the edge while screaming obscenities…. I’ve vomited there… twice actually… Once when throwing the veil… again when finding a her body in  parked car there.

… I’ve attended a “life light” landing there two times… The first being when I was 18…  and everyone up on the mountain was detained up there while the helicopter landed… and then recruited to help pull the body out of the ravine from the car that had just rolled over the edge (it is named and known for a reason) … I remember standing with about 15 other people at the top of the ravine… pulling the rope that was attached to the board the rescuers had secured him on, He was alive when we brought him up, but died at the hospital later that night. .. The second time the helicopter came, it was to load said clinging to life body onto it… I had stayed up all night being kept posted on if they had found her yet or not…  I called into work and told them that I had to go help her family, get the kids to school, and then I needed to go find her… I dropped the kids off at school, and started the drive up the mountain, because really, how could they have missed her… where else would she go… everyone goes to Dead Man’s… I pulled around the bend and saw her car parked there… I had my cell phone pressed to my ear talking to a friend about it when I begged her not to hang up as I looked inside the car and saw her there, I started screaming “Call 911” into the phone… She did… it wasn’t long after I got the window broken and  pulled her out of the car that I heard the sirens coming… I had thought she was dead at first… I had placed a couple good kicks in her before I realized that even though I couldn’t feel a pulse, there was fresh drool… The paramedic told me I had probably saved her life with those kicks… I asked him what would happen if she died… His response? “I won’t tell anyone you kicked her if she doesn’t make it”… She made it …I still have nightmares about the helicopter… every time I hear one I cringe…

… When I was about 16 I hiked up to what is the bottom of that ravine to the car graveyard… my best friend at the time used to do it a lot, just to get away… and I remember being amazed at how many cars were down there… There are at least a few more now… I have attended promises and good intentions made there… I have attended more than one goodbye ceremony there

… I have sat in a couple different cars over the years and looked down over that ravine… taken the corner too sharp… behaved recklessly… And I have crept along that shoulder carefully… with precious cargo (The smalls) and shed a tear of gratitude that I never have been in any of the hundreds of accidents that have occurred there…

What is your Dead Man’s Curve? Elm Street?

Mar 31 2012

Sooooo I’m a Clutz… Whew! I feel better getting that off my chest!

Author: Kerry

…Inspired by a recent urgent care visit tonight… I bring to you yet another window into my life… From the view of an ER….

The First time I can remember having any kind of emergency service (I was actually looked over by a police and paramedic, didn’t actually go in anywhere) was when I was 10 (ish?? Maybe?)… I had been trying to catch my escape German Sheppard … I was in a grouping of Oaks at the park at the end of my street and had caught up to him (okay really… He had stopped running in order to chase and corner a cat up one of the oaks) … A man walked into the oak, and started yelling at me (I remember thinking the things he was yelling didn’t make sense, but I can’t remember what he yelled… in my adult life, I have come to assume he was either a schizophrenic, or on some kind of hallucinogen) He chased me (For him to chase, I assume I started to run?) and pushed me down, gave me a pretty solid kick and let me go… I drug the huge dog home crying hysterically the whole way, and my parents called the police… after being looked over I went for a ride in the police car to where it had happened so I could show them…

…11 years old… Standing on a wall (retaining wall type of thing) in the neighbor’s yard and jumping onto the trampoline strategically placed below… I had done this so many times… This time after the initial bounce on the canvas, the second impact was the grass which I threw my arms out to catch myself or break the fall… Dislocated my elbow, tearing all the ligaments around it… this turned into (over the next 7 years) nineteen casts, two surgeries, screws and pins and artificial ligaments…

 12 Years old… Camping in the spruces.. in a tent with some sort of family (I don’t remember who) when golf ball size hail began to fall… Making a break for something more sheltering than a tent being pelted by the hail, I slipped tearing a huge gash in my shin..

… 13 Years old… Skiing with some church group… Hit a mogul … Torn knee ligaments… Toboggan ride down the mountain, knee brace for sports the rest of my life (never actually wore it)

… 15 Years old… Swallowed an entire bottle of diet pills (maybe it was vivarin actually? I don’t remember)… Stomach pumped

… 16 Years old … Car accident (driving this time… I’ve ridden in several others)…

…17 Years old … Swallowed an entire bottle of anti-depressant (Oh man, those weren’t helping huh – I never hurt myself again after this… It was a miracle I was alive… and I was ready to be grateful for it)

…  These are all melted together in the 18 years I was married, funny how age doesn’t mean as much when you’re an adult Broken Toes (Both feet … Thanks a heap for stomping them.. They broke continually after this, because they never quite set right)… Broken foot (Stress fracture… this is why I think I’m allergic to exercise)…. Broken fingers (Wild wind storm blew door shut on hand… oh and once in a fight with a desk… the desk won)… Cracked ribs…Fractured foot (Yes the other one even… )

 Rolled the car down an embankment once…

Spent 7 months in the hospital for miracle small child

… Hysterectomy, Gall bladder surgery, Scar tissue removal from gall bladder surgery… Dates with mr. frosty before the hysterectomy

… I was hit by a car and mugged at the same time (HA! That’s an awesome story)… fell down a man-hole (OH I really did… I couldn’t make this shit up!)

… Iron deficient anemia… Ulcer (Ha ha! Ya think?)

38 years old … Rolled ankle …Just a sprain… a painful sprain (I have a pretty high pain tolerance after all this)… This time  an amazing roll (I have learned how to roll not fall)… Chasing two beautiful little girls across a wide open lawn on a warm spring evening… Priceless… I am so grateful… and super sore… I wouldn’t change any of it and risk not being on that lawn.. Not being the person who chased those girls on the beautiful evening surrounded by the people I love.

Mar 29 2012

Wine… or crack… Something

Author: Kerry

GChat –

Me: I need wine. Or crack. Something…

Mr.Amazing: crack?

                Did you really just say that?

 Me: LOL it’s an expression

             Crack… the expression LMAO

Mr.Amazing: let’s see… legal alcohol or crack rock… lol

 Me: not crack the drug

Mr.Amazing: I am laughing at my desk

 Me: 🙂

Mr.Amazing: I need some wine, or crack…

Me: I feel a Facebook status coming on

Mr.Amazing: lol  I can’t stop laughing, Eli probably thinks I am retarded

 Me: 🙂

Mr.Amazing: I need wine or crack

                Whichever

                no biggie

Me: Now you are making me laugh

Mr.Amazing: I could really use a sandwich, some chips, maybe some crack

Me: that’s it, I’m posting it on Facebook!

Mr.Amazing: lol, your dad would be like…

            “if you are gonna do crack, let me get you in touch with some people I know”

 Me: I know right?

Me: I totally just posted it

Mr.Amazing: ???!!!

                The new expression?

                Whatever are you talking about?

                  I searched “or crack” on Google

 Me: LOL!!!

 Mr.Amazing: first reference was “Nice price or crack pipe News”

 Me: I might LOVE to see the face of whoever sees your Google history

Mr.Amazing: second is … “Lindsay Lohan is Smoking Either crack or Meth, Says her Father …”                       

                                               I posted it on Facebook!

Me: I almost choked on my own saliva

Mr.Amazing: Damn I’m hungry, I could really use a sandwich or some crack…

 Me: LOL crack would suppress your appetite

           Don’t be offended… It was meant to be completely out-of-place … that’s why it’s funny

Mr.Amazing: oh… is that why? So remember last night when we were talking about SQUIRREL!!!

 Me:  KKhhhhaaaaannnn!!!

 Mr.Amazing: ROFLMAO

                             I love that

 Me: So funny

Mr.Amazing: 

 Me: ROTFLMAO!!! OMG! I want to watch the movie now

Me: Trouble with Tribbles

Mar 29 2012

So Called … “Pink Slime”… Smiffbib!

Author: Kerry

Did you freak out when you read it?? I mean … We don’t frequent fast food joints often anyways… trying to achieve a goal of 75% organic in our diet … But when they announced the schools were using it?? I instructed the smalls to only eat salads at school… because let’s be honest… I will never be the mom that packs home lunches… I consider mixing organic granola… and greek yogurt for breakfast and serving it up home cooking… I begged the small child to not let his father take him to McDonald’s on his weekends with him… and if they had to eat that way… and let’s be honest.. they do… to only eat Wendy’s …. I work with this amazing woman named Gale… Who not only provides my body with caffeine in every type of way ingestible… but is fascinating to listen too… and she shared with me this letter to the editor she wrote our local tribune in response to their scathing report on it… and well… stop F*ing panicking… Pink Slime? Smiffbib!

From  Gale S Rudolph, PhD, C.N.S.

Letter to the Editor

Aren’t we elitist?

With more than seven billion on the planet, I applaud the food scientists who have developed methods to use all of the slaughtered animal.  Aren’t we to be “stewards of the planet” using all of our resources wisely?  I understand that 1 ½ million more cattle have to be raised to make up the deficit in mechanically separated meat (MSM) that will be discarded.

I’ve used MSM to make chili, chicken/apple sausages and more high-quality protein products.  Everyone can’t have sirloin steak.

Beehive Machinery right here in Utah developed the process and it is valued around the globe.  Yes, we strive to improve this creative technology and the meat safety.  But we cannot afford to dismiss it.  Clearly label the MSM and let consumers vote with their wallets.

Now… That being said… It still doesn’t sound good… I agree… I don’t want to eat it… But then she put it to me this way… Apple Sauce… We eat organic apple sauce at my house… Do you think that apple sauce only contains the white sweet portion of the apple? and it was lovingly hand cut from the core? or was it ran through a machine.. they cores it, and never claims to have gotten out every seed… and every little speck of skin… No… that would be too expensive… I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep smallest child in her drinkable apple sauce packages which she will drink as many as I let her a day… and it is so good for her… It is Mechanically separated… and it doesn’t have any added sugar… and it’s not something else textured and colored and sugared to look like apple sauce…  Okay.. So I am past the first issue…

….The second issue is this…. product is treated with ammonium hydroxide as an antibacterial and then frozen into 60 lb. blocks. I question the value of this treatment as the product is only sold frozen and it was used for the first 10 years without the treatment. In the last few years, Cargill Inc. has begun producing a similar product called Finely Trimmed Beef (FTB) and uses citric acid as an antibacterial. At the ground beef processing plant, the LFTB is ground directly from the frozen state and mixed at no more than a 15% level with other lean and fat beef trimmings before final grinding. USDA ruled the LFTB product did not have to be labeled separately since the original raw material it came from is beef. … Gross right? … However …

…If this product is not used anymore, the meat industry will be obliged to grow or import about 1.5 million more cattle each year according to Meatingplace.com My feeling is that USDA will eventually change the labeling rules to make it plain to the consumer which ground beef has LFTB and which does not. If that happens, I think a fair amount of grocery store consumers will choose the cheaper product with LFTB  because it works well in burgers or recipes and is safe. However, I do not believe the major QSR chains (McDonald’s,  BK, etc.) will ever use it again due to the current furor. Wendy’s has never used it because their burgers are from fresh meat only and LFTB is always frozen… Like school lunches…

So there you go … It is what it is… Take it or leave it… but at least know what it is… Smiffbib …

Mooooooooo!!

Mar 27 2012

I’m not a number!

Author: Kerry

…. Soooo something interesting is going on in this brain of mine… I work in social media… for the greatest company in the world… and we started judging our online strategies and partners based on how many followers they had… and how many views something had… and spending money based on that… but then we got a negative mention on a blog.. .and sure enough… she had 60,000 followers… panic ensued…. I took a closer look… 60,000 followers… and no comments on her blog… 60,000 followers and I had never heard of her… So I began to do some research… I found companies that sell followers for an extremely low price… shell accounts essentially… and wondered how easy it was… In the sense of full disclosure I tweeted what I was doing and tested it out… Yep! sure enough… New followers… I went through the painstaking process of deleting them so that I wasnt misrepresenting myself… but then something weird happened… I got more followers… I can only assume that this is because I suddenly showed up on the recommendation list to a bunch of other shell account followers because I certainly didn’t ask for them… at one point… I’m thinking I pissed someone off by testing this theory… So I woke up to another 1000 followers this morning… and a coupon code tweeted to me if I want more… Ooohhh Proactive advertising of fake people… I stayed awake last night thinking about this… Tweeted openly about it… because I can’t tell who is fake or real anymore… and Decided something…. I am not a number… My influence is not decided by my followers… My opinion isn’t less important… and my ideas are certainly not less genius… So… before you judge me.. By my many followers (I think about 1150 of them are real LOL) …. In fact…. Reach > Following … and one has nothing to do with the other…. Next I will research the buying of Klout points… Dont tell me who the experts are… or suggest that I am not one!

Mar 26 2012

The Host Teaser Trailer!!

Author: Kerry

blink blink… double take… is that… OMG!! Look what is featured on Yahoo today!

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/the-host-2013/trailers/the-host-teaser-trailer-28696984.html

Here is the post I wrote about the book eons ago… and Why it is better than Vampires with Morals 🙂

 

Maybe I am Crazy… (original post May, 2008)

I am a little embarrased about my obsession- I am 34 years old, working in a very rewarding job, with wonderful children/husband, and am always striving to better myself….. So MAYBE that explains as I write this how maybe I struggle admitting my teenage like hysterical reaction to some things…..I know many of us have ranted and raved about the Stephanie Meyers Twilight series (So maybe my midlife obsession with a book written for teenagers isnt an uncommon thing)…. Maybe I was rather offended when in the middle of the count down to the new book, as well as the movie that she had worked on something else… Maybe I thought – How could she when all of us are waiting patiently for the fourth installment of the Bella/Edward/Jacob saga?

And then… There I was, shopping at costco on mothersday, spotted that book that new book ..There it was just sitting on the book table … SCREAMING MY NAME … Maybe i thought to myself… No way! Aliens? … But then again Maybe I purchased it… and Maybe I read it… maybe losing sleep to do so… maybe unable to put it down…. Maybe crying at the end … maybe not that little tear that escapes my eye and runs down my cheek…. no no…. maybe those overwhelming uncontrollable sobs… maybe you know the kind.

Maybe it is just where I am in my life right now… Maybe it just said somethings that I needed to hear, maybe it gave me a perspective on mankind that I could relate too, and gave me a goal of what I want to be like, Maybe it was BEAUTIFUL! Maybe it defined service, Maybe it touched on the deepest kind of love, Maybe I am still so shocked that I like this author SO much (maybe it is admittedly a little out of my norm) Maybe I relate to the characters so much because I am so blessed with people in my life. Maybe if I let go of all my weird pretenses about such a book…. and acknowledge that someone (named stephanie meyers) is masking these amazing truths in stories that young people (and old people apparently) will read… Maybe we are all being tricked into having spiritual experiences while reading a cheesy sounding sci-fi?
Maybe you better read it

And Now maybe you better see it!!! … Maybe then we can discuss …. Nature of man… Good Vs. Evil …I believe we are all the souls that are innately good.