Articles

… It’s the thought that counts

mama kats

 

Tell the story of trying to learn a new talent or hobby that you only pursued briefly.

 

I wanted to be the perfect mom!

Tall Child arrived half-way grown…  She became my daughter when she was 12.. She came with only a few things to call her own… but one thing she did arrive with was a dufflebag stuffed with yarn…

I looked at small child… at his tiny little two year old self… and begged Tall child to teach me!

I wanted to give small child a blanket… a homemade mommy blanket… something he could pass on to his kids… you get the idea… I wanted to be the perfect mom… I wanted him to have everything…

I invested in some Crochet Hooks/Knitting Needles (Did you know these were two different things? I never did figured out what the difference was or which one I was doing) I chose two different colors of blue yarn… She taught me the easiest stitch… and after much cursing… and poking her with the needle/hook… I got the hang of it enough to do a couple of rows….

Then a couple more….

Then a couple more….

<sponge bob voice> Six Months Later

I finally handed small child his scarf…

He loved it!

He roped the dog with it while wearing his Indiana Jones hat… and swung by the banister with it doing his spider-man impression… he tied people up with it and returned as superman to rescue them…

Until one day it mysteriously disappeared and was never mentioned again…

because….fuck knitting!

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This is an older pic… but damn… we are cute!

 

… This is a post in self defense!

So for a few days now I have been trying to come up with something really amazing to post… My 200th post is SO CLOSE and well…  did you hear me? 200 POSTS! (almost)

I tried to remember what life was like before smiffbib… and I really couldn’t … Much like when a child enters your life…  I suppose in all reality… it is my BABY!

smiffbib

I think back to my time blogging on Smiffbib…. It’s been almost a year of reflecting… opining… and sharing many cups of coffee with you…  my dear readers… Whoever the hell you are… while we’ve chatted about life and everything in between.

And over that time… I feel like a part of my life has actually changed directly as a result of this blogging experience….

Laughing at myself isn’t something I’ve had too much trouble doing over the years … Things that were once kept in the dark recesses of my rapidly fading memory are now on full public display for all to enjoy at my expense… and the pressure of this magical post quickly began to weigh on me… stress me out… how could I ever put it into words how much this all means to me… when it is all complete nonsense? I actually shed a tear trying to find a way to express everything it is to me… everything it means… words aren’t enough…

So I decided to call it off… 200 is no big deal…. HAPPY 199 BABY!

Number_199_800x600_Pixels

 I get some sort of gift for this don’t I???

Sssss … Sssss…. Ssssss

mama kats

This week’s prompt – The last time you were sick…

My brain is mush … I have soooooo much snot … leaking from every orifice .. I am gleaking (just trying to give you a mental image) from the corners of my eyes when I sneeze… which is often…. I am incapable of blogging in this state… Which is why I chose this prompt… also… I think I am funny….Hell… I think everything is funny today… Here have this Gchat conversation rather than me explaining… I think it says it all…Send help… or cheese.

me:  When I laugh I sound like that dog on Duck Hunt… Just sayin… LOL and I think everything is sooo funny today

Mr Amazing:  you sound like wooof…wooof…wooof??

 me:  Nooooo When he snickers when you miss the ducks!

Mr Amazing:  sssss..ssssss..sssss ??

 me:  YEAH! Like that And It hurts to breathe…I think it is lack of oxygen due to this damn cold LMAO even that is funny

Mr Amazing: not funny

 me:  Im pretty sure it is funny, cause I am sitting here alone at my desk sssss ssss sssssing

 me:  I think assuming I get home alive – that I am going to make enchiladas for dinner and they will be magically delicious

 me:  It will be a magical magic kinda enchilada delirious wife kinda night… Im so excited! Do we own cheese?

 me: LMAO! LMAO!

 me: I dont know if we own cheese…

Mr Amazing:  we have cheese

 me:  Thank God! …  I love cheese

I am pretty sure I will be deleting this post as soon as I am feeling better… and of sound mind… think of it as a limited edition!! SSSssss Ssssss Sssssss

UPDATED: I picked up take out on the way home 🙂
duck-hunt-dog

11 random facts you probably wish you never knew about me

liebsterLabelsFinalI was nominated for an award! This is new! I don’t really get an actual award… although I do have a trophy shelf for the day it happens… when I am discovered… it will most likely happen while I am searching out the perfect avocado at the grocery store… I will shriek eureka! and the playwright/producer/art-gallery owner (whomever happens to discover me) will echo my shrill exclamation at the very sight of me and my talents… and that is how it will happen… I just know it… Until then- Tamara Tipton a fellow blogger has nominated me for this adorable heart bearing graphic above… and to receive the award I have to answer these questions (Something about nominating others… but I’m skipping that part… because I don’t think we should give these out to everyone.. I don’t need the competition)

 kidding aside, It is a fun blog prompt & I adore Tamara and her blog 🙂

  1.  A childhood memory- One of my earliest childhood memories is trick or treating at the 7-11 in California… My Mother stayed in her blue station wagon and let us kids run in for what resembles a spit cup at the dentists office amount of Slurpee they were giving out… It was my first rebel moment… I chose coke flavored! My mother informed me I was disappointing the prophet and most likely going to hell… and I gleefully slurped up my evil Slurpee… Mm-mm
  2. One of your biggest fears – Aside from the normal… Loss of a child… Zombie Apocalypse… and living in North Korea… I would have to say my BIGGEST fears are anything body related… that is no longer attached to the body… it freaks me out people!!! Clipped Toenails…. Trimmed hair… Whatever the hell is inside that little catch on my Ped Egg…. (I just threw up in my mouth a little) and don’t even get me started on the fluid.
  3. Something you wish you knew at 18- I knew it all at 18, doesn’t every 18 year old?? I wish there were some things I had not known… But that is another blog post.
  4. Five things you cannot leave the house without- Keys, My Phone, My I Pad,  Lip Goo (I love it) and Gum (Wow I feel like that all should have been more profound)
  5. Something you like about yourself. My Parenting skills… I feel like an outcast when I say that… So many moms spend so much time beating themselves up… but I am actually a pretty kick ass mom… I love my kids.
  6. If you could spend an hour in the past, when would you want to visit? I have to tell you… I really believe we are living in the most amazing of times! In my life I have witness the birth of DVD, Internet, Cell Phones, Smart Phones, Tablets, the first black President… I’m a firm believer I will be here for the first woman President as well (HILARY 2016!) … I think life is a wonder… and miracles happen everyday… I would like to take that one hour… and extend my life in this time by that much.
  7. If you could have a thousand dollar gift card to one store, which store would it be? Any art supply store would do 🙂
  8. If you could anonymously grant a wish, whose would you grant? My Son … I do not know what he would ask for… but I would give him the world if I could.
  9. What flavor evokes the strongest memory for you? See #1 – Cola Flavored anything!!! I Love it!
  10. Why do you blog? I am pretty sure my head would expand and explode if I couldn’t get all of this out … There is so much to say… Plus I really like annoying people with these ellipses… I do it on purpose
  11. Dog or Cat person?? Both!!! I have one of each!!! File this one with the what I wouldn’t leave the house without response 🙂

There you go! Now you know! Gimme Gummy Coke Bottles now!

 

A Quickie – A Definite Maybe.

G-Chat
Mr. Amazing:  I want this…  did you get your W2 yet?
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 me:  Not yet –  no screen!LOL
Mr. Amazing:  It’s a thunderbolt display, docking station for a macbook pro
 me:  blah blah blah
 Mr. Amazing:  built in sound, ethernet, usb hub, firewire
 me:  meh meh meh meh meh
Mr. Amazing:  I take that as a definite maybe
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
See that was a Quickie!!!
Completely Unrelated Fact: Most of the traffic I get to my blog are mislead porn searchers…

…Excited for the weekend?? Wag your tail!!!

I don’t have the category on this blog entitled “Oddities” for nothing people…

This really happened! and the Daily News really wrote about it… but hey… then again… So did I… just now… you are reading it…

 

Here is just plain weird.

article-tallytail1-0104

 

The Tailly’s belt contains a sensor that reads the wearer’s heart rate. The tail then wags faster or slower accordingly.

Tailly will be available in a variety of colors, according to the Kickstarter page.

“You could even wear Tailly on a date and express your true feelings through the wagging tail,” the developers suggest…. I don’t need to tell you how much mine would be waggin at the thought of it!

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/wearable-tail-show-feel-article-1.1233438#ixzz2I4dMICxu

… Impossibly Magical!

LOVE LOVE LOVE! I know I have posted a lot of their songs on these thursdays… but really… There is an obvious reason 🙂

… are you saying you want me to take “your” journalistic integrity and shove it up “my” ___ ?

 me:  (Linked this picture)kitten
Mr. Amazing:  cute
 me:  lol
 me:  LMAO!
 me:  Its cute… shiney and silver
Mr. Amazing: We are still talking about the speaker, yes?
 me:  Yes – LOL Bratface
Mr. Amazing:  You can play music to it right from your iPad wirelessly
 me:  Dont talk to me anymore LOL
Mr. Amazing:  And… I can get it through my work for only $95
 me:  If I can only have one cat, you can only have one speaker… go home and mark your favorite… Im throwing the rest out the window
Mr. Amazing:  lol
 me:  I loooovvveee you
Mr. Amazing:  I love you too, If you want to call the landlord… I am sure that would be a super fun conversation
 me:  They would never even notice!
Mr. Amazing: and watch this be the kitten that urinates on EVERYTHING, What is that lovely smell in your home, is that… cat urine, yummy
 me:  You think EVERY cat pees on everything LOL more don’t pee on things than do!
Mr. Amazing:  That’s because every other cat I have owned pees on everything, pee pee pee pee
 me:  How many have you owned LMAO!
Mr. Amazing:  3
 me:  I have owned a bazzillion… and flora was the only one who did that..
Mr. Amazing:  Yeah… well
Mr. Amazing:  I am happy with two animals, a cat, a dog
 me:  Me too, I just like to mess with you
Mr. Amazing:  done
 me:  and I love kittens
Mr. Amazing:  yeah… that’s all this is, you like to mess with me
 me:  Kittens are like babies, My friends get one, and I get kitten hungry LOL I dont really want one
Mr. Amazing:  lol -you really don’t want one? So if I brought a kitten home tonight you would turn it away, cuz you really don’t want one
 me:  Oh hell no, I would snatch that kitten up and kiss the shit out of it
Mr. Amazing:  I want to cry a little bit just thinking about a kitten peeing in the closet and climbing up my back while I am screaming obscenities
(this is a memory, FYI)
 me:  LMAO! Its going to happen one day, I am content with that for now
Mr. Amazing: I honest to god think you like tormenting my subconscious brain
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
Mr. Amazing:  you don’t like this? <twist>
 me:  I told you up front, remember, I would ALWAYS own a cat
 Mr. Amazing:  I told you I would always own a chicken hawk, but I let that dream die
 me:  ROTFLMAO!!!
 me:  Im sure the kids would LOVE one!
Mr. Amazing::  Do you see the picture of it eating the kitten, uh… I mean small squirrel
 me:  WHAT? No! You wouldnt send me a picture of that! <looking again>
 me:  Mother Fucker
Mr. Amazing:  Meow
 me:  You know… Pissing you off is the only thing that stops me from bringing one home…. And suddenly the keeping you happy thing seems alot less appealing
 me:  Im Blogging this… people will mail me Kittens in protest!
Mr. Amazing:   It will arrive in a package dead, and I can feed it to a chicken hawk – tell them that if they send you kittens to at least put holes in the box
 me:  Your going to hell…. which will include cat nip treats dangling over your boy parts in a room full of kittens
 Mr. Amazing:  boy parts?
 me:  uh huh
Mr. Amazing:   what am I five?
 me:  ROTFL!
Mr. Amazing:   you just typed that I want that to sink in
 me:  I am DYING over here! I typed it because I knew I was going to blog it!
Mr. Amazing:   that seems counter-intuitive, shouldn’t you blog it because you typed it? Where is your journalistic integrity?
 me:  Bet if it was up your… other part… you would know
Mr. Amazing:   are you saying you want me to take “your” journalistic integrity and shove it up “my” ass?
 me:  YES!