Don’t mind if I do
UPDATED! (I BLAME THE BLOGGESS… and I feel ill)
Nov
19
2013
smiffbib
socially acceptable f@#% off!
Articles
Nov
12
2013
What’s in a name? Ask Urban Dictionary
The meaning of your name…does it suit you?
I had never researched what my name meant… and when I did… I was unimpressed… unimpressed that is until I decided that the Urban Dictionary might have a little bit more information…..
1. KerryA beautiful girl who excels in multiple facets of life. She is extremely attractive and desired by all. Some may even describe her as a goddess.
Well… There really isn’t much to argue with there… I mean… desired by all might be a bit of a stretch… might…
2. Kerrya graceful, perfect girl in every possible way. Goddess of the universe and most likely is that girl in your “awkward” thoughts. Perfect bodied and almost always turns out to be an amazing director! Usually, guys try to sneak into her apartments at night, but sadly, the cops catch them halfway there, but the next day they are out of jail so it’s all good.
Sooooo That was oddly specific… and creepy honestly… excuse me whilst I go and check to be sure all my windows and doors are locked… although that is the second time the word Goddess has been used… just stating the obvious.
3. KerryA name for a generous, beautiful, passionate, kind, sweet, and amazing girl. Some people would kneel and bow down to her, as if she were a goddess. Men often fall head over heels in love with her.
Ohhh I like the sound of that… Huh… there are 14 pages of meanings for my name on this website…
4. KerryDark haired warrior and clitoral master with the largest penis on world record.
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried! I’m just not that creative… But I do have dark hair… So… There’s that.
Kerry = Hoodie Wearing Goddess of laying down in bed blogging… Look it up!
Nov
07
2013
In honor of our recent trip… Love Love Love
Nov
06
2013
Well… That didn’t go exactly as planned.
Something you were wrong about.
I am a budget-er… I know… I know… with all the frivolity that carries on in my life this may be hard to believe… but it is true never the less.
I pay my bills on a schedule from which I never deviate.. and I put away what I can when I can… Recently I paid off a debt… and suddenly this freed up a little bit of money… breathing room… barely… and my plan was to put it away and save it for a rainy day.. which is a luxury I have never had in my adult life… not once… and it was going so well… So well… I was able to finally take a family vacation… somewhere a little further away than a 2 day over the weekend trip up to the lake… and we rejoiced.. and the children were happy… Then as the time has continued without paying this debt… I tucked enough away again to consider finally purchasing a new bed… which is something we definitely want… we began discussing shopping for one to see what we would want… and the parents were happy … and we rejoiced… because we are good… we do not go into debt and finance things … we pay our bills and we buy things we can afford… responsible adults we are.
… this last weekend we decided to go out to eat… the restaurant we chose happen to be in the same shopping location as the Apple Store… you already know what I am going to type here don’t you… you can feel the guilt seeping from my finger tips and into the keyboard of my brand new MacBook Air…. guilt is swirling around the words on my beautifully clear retina screen… as I sit with this 2.38 lb piece of heaven in my lap… on my too small… too lumpy bed… with it’s 12 hours of battery life… I have that A-Ha moment…
I thought I was a responsible selfless adult… I was wrong… I’m a semi-responsible MacBook owning chic who finally bought something for herself… and I was happy… and I am rejoicing… ooohhh its so shiny!!
Hey Apple – If you happen to find this…and want to reward your #1 fan… we could totally use a new bed.
Shiny!
Nov
01
2013
Right in the parts!
Mr. Amazing: I don’t get paid for a while Kerry
and I think it’s important that you know that I want a keyboard
me: ROTFL!
Mr. Amazing: It makes me sad inside
me: Im sorry you are sad inside.
Mr. Amazing: in my sad because I can’t have a toy part of my body
me: I have learned one thing with you… When you get the toy… you just get sad over the next thing you want
Mr. Amazing: LOL… I really wish that I could deny that
me: But you cant
Mr. Amazing: I could be disingenuous and say that it’s all lies…and that toy “x” would make me whole my favorite toys are my nixie clock and that lamp sitting in a box
me: I remember… your life long dream… and the passion you had for getting it… you had wanted it your whole life…
Mr. Amazing: just thought you should know
me: and now its buried in junk on your dresser
Mr. Amazing:it makes me sad in the “I want my clock to be pretty” part of my body
me: “Look at these tubes kerry… they were made in the cold war”
Mr. Amazing: They were… Just sayin’ and in the early part of the cold war not the Reagan Gorbachev shaking hands pretty phase of the relationship
me: ROTFLMAO!
Mr. Amazing: Your laughter hurts me in the “you don’t like my petty toys” part of my body
me: Its a good thing you have all these parts…. do you have the Oh god she is rolling her eyes at me and its killing me part too? because that happened
Mr. Amazing: yeah… I felt a twinge that was a lot like that a few seconds ago … it was either that or gas… but I am pretty sure it was that
and it was painful
and I could feel a tear swelling in the corner of my eye
and then a co-worker was about to walk by, so I forced the tear back in
me: LOL! Man up tear ducts!
Mr. Amazing: man up… man up… sad tear ducts…deep down I know you are laughing at me…. not with me
me: ROTFLMAO! Right at you… at your parts
Mr. Amazing: deep down in the “she’s mocking me” part of my body it’s hurting me right in the feelings
me: Where is the “Oh God she is going to blog this” part of your body… because Im laughing at it now
Mr. Amazing: It’s right next to my central shame center… It’s part of my Central Anxiety System
TEN MINUTES LATER
Mr Amazing: Kerry… I love Mac OS X
Oct
30
2013
Coffeeocalypse
Oct
08
2013
Happy Birthday Mr. Amazing!!!
Friday (October 11th) is my best friends thirty-eighth birthday.
Mr. Amazing
We’ve been through a lot together… you and I… the expression “married the minute we met” fits us so perfectly…because of our smalls and our devotion to them… because we thought of them first.
Sometimes I worry you think I married you for the children… but it is very important to me you know that You are my rock… my best friend… my lover… my hero… the love of my life.
Below are thirty-eight of the infinite number of reasons why.
I love you because:
- You make me feel safe;
- You listen to your heart;
- You drink tea, and you love opera and rock;
- You stood by me when I needed it most;
- You put your arm around me in public;
- You smell wonderful;
- I know that if the boogeyman ever shows up and tries to come for me… you will tear him into millions of tiny pieces and scatter them to the four corners of the earth;
- You love my son;
- You’re willing to reflect and learn and grow;
- I can still make you blush;
- You’re different;
- You are the one who comforts me in the middle of the night;
- You humor me;
- I can’t resist your hair;
- You kiss me goodbye everyday;
- You crack me up harder than anyone else for reasons that would make no sense to anyone else;
- Stories about helpless people or animals overcoming great odds move you to tears;
- You created a space just for me… My paint room;
- You are genuinely interested in me;
- You smile with your whole face and light up a room;
- You will sit and listen to Smallest Child talk for hours;
- You are the most intelligent individual I have ever had the pleasure of knowing;
- You show compassion toward those in need;
- You’ve supported me through a period of growth even when you weren’t sure of the outcome;
- You hold me tight when I cry;
- You told me I’m beautiful;
- You let me thaw my frozen feet on the backs of your legs;
- You pretend right along with me that I’m perpetually only 29 years old;
- The sound of my snoring is actually comforting to you;
- Little kids are drawn to you like it’s the most natural thing in the world – you have “The Baby Fu”;
- You always encourage me to try new things;
- You think I’m smart enough to be a challenge to you;
- You know when to play it safe and can be prodded into taking a risk;
- My friends feel safe with you;
- The lines in your face and the way you shove your fingers in your hair are so, so sexy;
- You worry about people I care about;
- You love your siblings fiercely;
- You love me back;
Happy Birthday Mr. Amazing … I would have posted this on your actual birthday… but we are going to be on a plane!
What are you going to do next?? We’re going to Disneyland!!!!
Oct
01
2013
The Cookie Wife…
Share a Fall recipe that you’re loving this season.
Soooo I don’t really cook… or bake… But I do love me some fall recipes… So let me let you in on a little secret I have… It’s kind of a magical thing…. I live in Utah… Where not only do plural marriages have a reputation of being practiced… but some of the best baking happens! So I did the only logical thing I could do …. I took a cookie wife! You heard me right!
me: <Yawn/stretch/puts an arm over her shoulder move/Drops Recipe in lap>
Cookie Wife: Aren’t you hilarious???
me: Smoooooth… I believe the word you were looking for is smooth
Cookie Wife: Or subtle…
me: Bahahaha!
Cookie Wife: Guess what is the best thing ever??
me: ??
Cookie Wife: Maple blueberry sausage!!! I’ll bet I could make it just as yummy with ground turkey!
me: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM I wanna eat it all!
Cookie Wife: I made blueberry pancakes, maple blueberry sausage, crock pot hash brown scrambled eggs & juice & milk.
me: … Small Child ate at school … I ate a leftover taco time bean burrito.
HAPPY OCTOBER EVERYONE!!!
Sep
23
2013
Its the finer things…. really.
WARNING- THIS MAY ONLY BE FUNNY TO THE SLEEP DEPRIVED.
me: I should grocery shop tonight…I so way don’t even want to!
Mr. Amazing: I am really sorry (it’s what I say now right?)
me: it’s cool… It just means you are getting fried chicken and potato logs for dinner
Mr. Amazing: 🙁
me: So if that doesn’t sound good for dinner… what does
Mr. Amazing: Sounds good = tomatoes and cucumbers in vinegar with fancy cheese and crackers
me: Oohhhh That sounds yummy… What else should I be buying… I gotta be honest… my head is not in the game… I don’t even know what that means
Mr. Amazing: I was laughing when I read that I imagined the announcer voice… “oooh Kerry’s heads not in the game, what d’ya think Chuck” “Well Bill, Kerry normally scores in the high 300s, today may be a down day.” “Well Chuck let’s hope that she can find the groove as she heads down to the frozen foods section”
me: Really… I just pictured me standing in the middle of the fruit and veggie sections screaming FUMBLE! Wanna do some potatoes again?
Mr. Amazing: lol, that sounds good
me: What else sounds good…You be in charge dammit!
Mr. Amazing: dammit- clam chowder in sourdough bread bowls
me: Ohhhh that sounds good
Mr. Amazing: spaghetti with beef tips and veggies in spicy sauce with aged mozzarella, capers and olives
me: Uhhhhhhhh
Mr. Amazing: with rosemary bread on the side
me: BAHAHAHAHA! That’s the funniest shit you have said all day…I say fuck this whole shopping idea, we are eating at 7-11… Slurpee’s for dessert?
Mr. Amazing: cannolis stuffed with spiced sausage and spices with noodles and marinara with myzithra cheese
me: <headdesk>
Mr. Amazing: with pistachio cheesecake and raspberry sauce
me: Meow
Mr. Amazing: and…
me: You should have married your cookie wife if you didn’t want to eat at 7-11 for dinner
Mr. Amazing: hand trimmed steaks marinated in lime chili sauce with rice and veggies in a light cheese/butter sauce with some sparkling spumante grape juice and some ice cream on top of homemade peach pie for desert
there, done… any other questions?
me: Okay… Crack head… Taquitos then?
Mr. Amazing: : ROFLMAO or you should get a super awesome job and I will stay home and cook and hire a maid to clean
me: YOU should! I will stay home and boss her around… The maid
Mr. Amazing: Like a BOSS
me: She will have to cook too
Mr. Amazing: lemon blueberry cheesecake with marscapone and whipped cream and lemon zest on top
me: No Slurpee for you! you ingrate!
Mr. Amazing: okay, okay I want a Slurpee and an all beef hot dog
me: ROTFLMAO! I am not really going to 7-11 But I love that you settled … on dinner… on life… you know… in general
Mr. Amazing: like I am going to lose my Slurpee
me: BAHAHAHA! Its the finer things in life that get us through
Mr. Amazing: yes, like wine flavored soda pop
me: Exactly!
UPDATED – What he came home too:
Aug
29
2013