Articles

Jul 22 2012

… An Invasion of Privacy

Author: Kerry

Tolman: Hello!

me: Hi Tolman!!!!

Tolman: I have to tell you something… I just can’t keep it inside any longer!

me: Really? What could it be?

Tolman: I Love you… Not like in love with you… Just Love you… And

me: There is more?

Tolman: Yes, I worship the ground you walk on and want to be just like you when I grow up

me: You’re older than me

Tolman: Well, it was a figure of speech

me: You are aware you left yourself logged into my google chrome aren’t you?

Tolman: You don’t say

me: Oh but I do… and then I can open another chat window in IE

Tolman: Why would anyone do that?

me: I’m tired of talking to myself…

Tolman: Is’nt that an invasion of privacy?

me: Yes… yes it is… But im glad you told me how you feel

Tolman: Oh really?

me: The feeling is mutual

Tolman: You need sleep

me: I need sleep… This should have been much more creative and entertaining than it is

Tolman: You made me confess my love for you

me: Yes, But I could have had you confess you used to be a man… think of the possibilities

Tolman: <shiver>

Jul 05 2012

Hello Wall…. I’d like to introduce you to depression…

Author: Kerry

Hello wall… I can’t seem to stop staring at you… through half closed eyes that feel like they are full of sand… and are rubbed raw… with the partnering of swelling that the tears always seem to bring… My head feels to heavy to lift off this pillow… smears of black mascara … smells like a mixture of my hair product… and laundry detergent…. I can’t breath in too deeply without sharp stabbing pains behind my shoulder blades from being clenched so tightly… shoulders hunched up to my ears…. Every 8 minutes the door opens… Mr amazing wants to know if I am okay… If I am convincing enough… he will go 15 minutes before checking again…. But I can’t seem to look away from the wall… I cant seem to find any reason what so ever to not try to continue disappearing into the mattress of this bed…. I feel so heavy…. I am half way through… Small Child comes home soon….

This song … This week

Jul 02 2012

… Random Ramblings about moving on… and the Near Death experience of a Cat

Author: Kerry

 

This weeks Writing prompt from MamaKats made me smile…. ” Share a story about a stray you took in or an animal you once rescued.”

 

 

I was married once before… Before I really understood men like Mr. Amazing could love someone like me… I often refer to those times as the “Dark Ages”… but there were some positive things that came out of it…. The birth of Small Child… The ability to adopt Tall Child…. but when it ended… and who knows… maybe someday we will talk about it and its ending…. When that man moved out… I replaced him with a cat… Shadow Cat to be specific… We gave him a home, when his other humans were looking for one for him… and they were friends of ours…. and the children rejoiced… and the Ferocious Beast Doggy did not… and all was well in the Kingdom…. (Shadow Cat and Ferocious beast are Best friends 5 years later… Like best of best friends… Shadow cat purrs upon seeing him… and Beast Doggy pretends he has to poop to sneak the cat outside when it wants out) …

Based on the success of Shadow Cat joining our lil gypsy troupe of a family… Tall child brought us another little bundle of fur… from her college dorm… It needed a home… its person was moving…. and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen….

And the children rejoiced….

And Shadow Cat and Beast Dog desperately wanted to show Flora the Ropes… Or eat her… Probably eat her…

But Flora would have none of this… She moved into my bedroom… and under my bed… and only came out when the house was asleep and all the lights were out… she would come out and eat… and use the litter box… or my clothes if they were on the floor…. and then crawl into my bed and love on my face… and nest in my hair… and allow herself to be snuggled and kissed and all was well…. We nick named her Ghost Kitty


Last… but not least… Near death experience of the cat… and I only share this… because well… it was so freakish… We love her dearly, and thought… well… its spring, lets throw her outside and see what happens….

Here is what happened : She went out… loved it… did really well… then I got brave… and let Zip (Beast Doggy) out…. That didn’t go so well… I have never seen a cat try to run through a fence… but that is exactly what she did….face first… into the chain link fence… and with enough force behind her to get her head stuck there… Small Child is screaming.. I think she is dead….. I shove her head back out of the fence… thinking… well she is dying anyways right? and carry her back in the house… hold her for a while… look her over….no blood…. set her down… she makes a mad dash for the safety of my bedroom… and right under the bed….. whew! she is fine. We bought her all kinds of treats and special stuff…. and found her another set of persons… because we loved her enough to not sentence her to a life under the bed…. much like Harry Potter under the stairs…

Here… Have a gratuitous picture of Shadow Cat and Zip the Beast Dog

 

Jun 26 2012

Alright stop …collaborate & listen…..

Author: Kerry

This time last year I was blogging about  my stomach doing somersaults of fear… dread rising in the back of my throat…. agitated…. unable to sleep….small child going to his summer visitation…

When he is gone… I cling to my phone… he texts me frequently out of boredom…. he is getting older… and therefore less willing to admit he wants his mom… but he gets weepy with my calls at night to wish him sweet dreams after only a day or two… We begin counting the days til he is back home…

Home.. That is what is different from this time last year…  My blog home is not the only place that changed… we moved into a house… and I moved my thoughts here…

I married Mr. Amazing followed by Smallest Child, Small Child, Mr. Amazing and I residing together… along with the dog… the cat… the two frozen dead fish…

Tiniest Child arrived safe and sound to Tall Child …

Small Child has had some personal changes as well… His voice cracked at voice lessons this week… and he giggled about it… Zits are erupting on his cute little button nose…. Hair… in places it wasn’t before…

He leaves for visitation in 35 hours …I’m terrified every moment he is gone… there are so many issues  … alcohol consumption… pornography… a hand gun… no gun safe…. supervision…. nutrition… cleanliness… that he will have to combat with his dad…

<insert scream here>

he loves his dad… but he is scared of him as well… but this being the fourth summer visitation… it is so far the shortest time his dad has requested…. ten days…. and then another week sometime in august….

I noticed him hugging a little longer a few days ago… as well as building a few extra walls around himself….

I noticed myself doing the same thing…

Our family has completely changed… again… since this time last year… I look to the next year…

Brought to you by… Lack of sleep… panic attacks… and Mama Kats Prompt….

Jun 19 2012

… NOT Your Ami… My Ami

Author: Kerry

Week two of Summer Vacation .. Small child is old enough to stay home alone all day this year… Sure I have it split up… Picnic with the neighbor kids once a week… Lawn Mowing on Thursdays for his Grandparents.. which then morphs into a day spent with Grandma… which he so desperately needs at this time in his life… Every other weekend and each Monday afternoon into evening with his Father… He has a couple of weeks of a Music camp scheduled next month… and his birthday… and we have already managed one trip to the lake…. All in All it will be a quiet summer… Sometimes he tells me he misses our other summers… that he misses the pools… and the different beds…. and I just laugh at the memories… Single Mom… Two amazingly wonderful deserving of a million trips to Disneyland children… no money… Summer time…  We needed a break… Blind Folds securely fastened around their eyes… Weaving in out of traffic on the Freeway… Describing scenery to them that is not really there…. Small child was small… Tall child just played along because well…. swimming pool!…. “Now we are driving through Texas… Look! Steer” Tall Child: “Moooooooooooo” Small Child: “I wanna see!”…. “Florida! I can see the ocean!” Tall Child: “From Utah to Florida in 45 minutes… my you are magic” Small Child: ” Yeah! you are magic!!”…. After having driven around enough to ensure I have even confused Tall child … I pull into an airport Hilton… Put the car in park… Take off their blind folds and announce “MIAMI!!!!” Tall Child: Eye Roll as she jumps out of the car to look around…. Small Child full of wonder: “Miami???”… That’s right …. We spend two nights in that hotel… eating at the cafe… swimming in the pool…. watching movies in the room… walking around an area of town neither of them were familiar with…. fed ducks at the pond…. THE MAGIC OF CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST!!!… I let them unpack their bags and put their clothes in the hotel drawers… we stopped at a convenient store for goodies… ICE MACHINE!!! … the stuff childhood dreams are made of….  and as we were checking out Tall child who has been won over by the magic of room service is no longer rolling her eyes asks Small child… “Did you like Miami?”… “Not your ami… MYYYY ami”…. “No honey.. that’s the name Miami… It’s not mine or yours… it is just Miami”…. “Not YOUR AMI…. MY AMI!!!” … Through laughter I try to back her up… and his frustration level continues to rise…. and his mumbles under his breath all the way to the car… “not your ami…”…. and no one even asks questions as we arrive at our home sun-kissed… and happy… 15 minutes from the hotel…. He runs off with his hotel pen and paper to save them in his treasure chest… He is turning 13 this summer… Tall child is off with the Tiniest child of all…. He still has never made it to Disneyland…. But I am thinking we will make it back to His Ami this year…. fuck the Happiest Place on Earth!

This post is inspired by… if not slightly deviating away from the prompt “Time for a break! Show us where you go for quiet time.”

May 31 2012

I couldn’t come up with any other legitimate reason to use the word “clit” in my blog… But this week… It happened…

Author: Kerry

If you’ve been reading this for a while, you know that I make a half assed attempt to write one of Mama Kat’s  writing prompts from her writers workshop each week… well… because she is amazing… and two… I love the opportunities to work these stories into my blog, and just when I couldn’t come up with any other legitimate reason to use the word “clit” in my blog… this week… It happened… she gave me that reason… And I couldn’t pass it up… But there was another prompt that also made me smile when I read it… So I am writing both…

1.) Is your child a morning person? Share a story, picture or list of reasons that supports your opinion.
2.) I almost named my child _______, but chose _______ instead because…

 

It’s a BOGO… Buy One Get One…. even though you didn’t really buy anything at all… and chances are you are going to find these stories less hilarious and endearing than I do… well because he is Mine… and I love him

I Almost named my child “Tattianna Dawn”, But chose Johnathon instead because… About my fourth ultra sound at 21 weeks (I was a very High Risk Pregnancy, having miscarried several before, and being told I would never have a child) the Ultrasound technician said… “and this little line of pearls are his spine”… “hers” I corrected… they had told me two times with two previous ultra sounds that it was a girl… I had bought the fairy wall paper trim… and had the diaper bag embroidered with her name… and put up the wall stickers… and bought the crib bedding .. and bumpers… and “No, His” she corrected me… “They said it was a girl” I repeated calmly… monotone…. menacingly… “Well…” Zooms in on vital organ… “That is either the biggest clit I have ever seen… or you are having a boy” and I stared in awe at the monitor… and exchanged everything tearfully for Winnie the pooh … the tears of sadness and exchanging of pink for blue were exchanged for tears of joy only nine weeks later (very early) when my healthy little (really little 5pd) boy arrived and I never ever would’ve imagined having him be anyone else….

<Spongebob Voice> Thirteen Years Later 

(almost… thirteen years in about 6 weeks! from this morning!!)

6:30 am – Open Door “Good Morning sweet boy! Wake up! Last week of School”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Gutteral groan, full of drool gurgles… burrows deeper into bed

“Get up! We don’t want to be late”

“Unnnngggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Gutteral groan,lifts pillow… Buries head under it

I walk over to the bed and rub the small of his back… His knees are tucked up under him… still… just like I have found him every morning since I can remember… Butt in the air…. I smooth back his once baby soft blonde hair, that is now course and thick… and still the color of straw away from his face and look at his perfect little squinched eyes… beautiful skin with one almond-shaped freckle on his nose (it really is almond-shaped… I didn’t know that happened) and I pull out the Mom voice “Dude”….. A smile spreads across that face… because he knows he has gotten under my skin… “Now”…

“Grrrrrrrr” flings the pillow at the cat that is sleeping at his feet and glares at the window and the light coming through it… as if asking “How dare the sun rise”…. tosses back his covers… and I exit the room… running into Mr Amazing in the hall….

“There is a Zombie in there this morning”

“Uhhhhhhhhhggggggg!!!” from behind the shut door…. Small Child is not a morning person.

May 24 2012

….5 reasons I am voting for Barack Obama in 2012

Author: Kerry

in the words of Susan B. Anthony: “No self-respecting woman should wish or work for the success of a party that ignores her sex”

#1… Buffett Rule… “The money’s got to come from somewhere,” Obama said.

#2 … He thinks people should have access to free preventative health care… why is this an issue?

#3 …  He is fighting on behalf of women’s reproductive rights…

#4 … repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell ….and announcing his support of marriage equality …

#5 … The Life of Julia

(People… it’s not just about me or people like me, but everyone … All the poor, indigent, colored, uterus-owning, sick and anyone who can become sick… Everyone.)

 

Bonus Thoughts on Romney: While he is more moderate than the other Republican candidates…  he’s decided to practice the anti intellectual, pro Christian, politics of fear that the rest of the candidates are using to try to win the Republican nomination….  I don’t think Romney has much to offer as a President….  I admire the work he did with the Salt Lake City Olympics, but I don’t think he will actually make the big changes we need to save the US….  He’s not a transformational leader….

and this…

May 22 2012

… Refer to Exhibit A

Author: Kerry

Beautiful spring evening… returned from a delicious dinner with Mr. Amazing… Let the beast outside to pee…. Peek down the side of the porch to see if the Sprinkler “key” is there… I really should water the lawn…. BAM! Biff! Boom! (Like on the batman cartoon dammit!)… Yeah… so I fell off the porch… rolled the shit out of my ankle… wrenched my back… bruised the crap out of places I havent even discovered yet… and figured you all should read this (you know… the post about how I am a clutz… yeah that one… people seemed to like it when I first posted it)… It will be a tradition… At some point I will compile them all…