Articles

Death of the Stache

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)

Stach

Thank you.

mama kats

I don’t even know if this is really a post… I guess it isnt really… I just needed somewhere to say it all.

I’m typing this while listening to my favorite Jewish man in the whole wide world sings christmas songs…. LOL  It is fitting seeing as this is the only time Hanukkah and Thanksgiving will overlap in our life times?

Whilst Tallest child texts me and tells me I am ruining her life because I am not going to my mothers for Thanksgiving (again… in fact… I could be mistaken… I am getting older… but I do believe I have never had a Thanksgiving meal at my mothers home in all of my adult life)

She is joking of course… We are making plans to see each other this weekend at some point….  Small child is with his late fathers parents… and Smallest child is at her mothers this year…. Mr. Amazing and I are going to his mothers… so no cooking for me… or cleaning… or even getting dressed really if I don’t want to… but I will miss seeing the tiniest children of all.

I hate Thanksgiving… I don’t want that to be mistaken for not being thankful… or grateful for all the amazing blessings in my life.

I am so blessed

I have the most amazing people in my life… and they love me…. I them

I have children in my life who I cherish more than I have the ability to express

I have the ability to see beauty in all things.

I am a creation of the most amazing experiences …

I am so grateful for all of these things, I am so grateful for life, and the things that come and go in mine.

I am so thankful for all the people not with their families today, firefighters, service men and woman, police, doctors and nurses.

I am so thankful for this land we live in, even with all its vices.

I am so thankful for the ability to love myself, even though I am very different than what is tradition…

So much love and light to all of you and yours… eat extra stuffing… there is not nearly enough stuffing served at other times of the year.

May your day be merry and bright!

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For better or for Worse… I am

mama kats

Hi, my name is ______ and I am a _______.

Hi… My name is Kerry… and I am a Human Being.

… I wanted to put so many other things in that spot… I ran through every positive thing about myself I could put in there… and mentally these were quickly replaced with every vice I have put into name calling form as well… I am my own best friend… and my own worst enemy all wrapped up in one… I motivate myself and set goals… I am a driven individual… I also tear myself down… tell myself I am not capable of reaching dreams… I am a Self Sabotager… I am a friend… I thought of my closest friends and how much they mean to me… and how much I love them… and want to be there for them… and I am an unreliable friend… who oftens stands people up… overbooks herself… and is guilty of only calling when I need help… I am a wife… I am a nag… I am a confidant… I am an instigator… for better or for worse… I will judge you… and I will tell you… I guess that is just part of the package deal…. I am the only person I know that can beat herself up for beating herself up… I am a Mom…  the good and the bad… and I love fiercely! I am a self harmer…. albeit in remission… also an addict… also not in practice… I am a woman… but my boobs are not that great… just say’n

I am a human being… for better or worse… and I will forgive myself a thousand mistakes a day… and borrow from the next if I am having a really rough go at it.

 

Mom

 

This is Halloween!

mama kats

If you have been reading this blog long… or even once… it will not surprise you to discover that my mind …. albeit unique… it kind of warped… It is a beautiful thing. One symptom of said mind is what I like to refer to as a Swiss Cheese Memory… I call it this because it has so many holes. I was reading through the writers prompts this week and finding myself a little discouraged… it is Halloween Time! The prompt I wanted so badly to write about is “Who had the good candy? Share what Halloween was like for you as a child.” For two days I have looked at the prompt… waiting for inspiration to strike… as I do every week… and slowly I have come to realize something I never noticed before.
I do not remember a single Halloween in my childhood. At first this upset me… like I was missing something fantastic… or burying some deep dark secret… but truth be told… like most of my childhood… it probably was just not very memorable. I have snippets of thoughts around those holidays … I remember sitting on a cold stone entry way carving pumpkins… vaguely… also a bumblebee costume… although if it were worn by myself or a sibling I couldnt tell you… and then I remember 3 homes I visited (Most likely every year) and TADA! I have a post!

The Evans Home – the mother always dressed as a witch! full on green faced… pointy nosed and hatted… making her witches brew in her front yard… with what I recognize now as an adult to be dry ice and hot chocolate.

The Rasmussen Home – this mother would answer the door… sweet as could be… in her pretty witch costume… give us our candy and as we would scamper from their porch she would release a cackle that would make my hair stand on end as I attempted to jump out of my skin.

Last but not least… the gorilla… through our neighborhood ran a grown man dressed in a gorilla suit terrifying the older kids trick or treating… I don’t know how I know it was our neighborhood pediatrician… but I remember it is… and I loved the man. Dearly.

This post leaves a sour taste in my mouth … simply for the lack of anything better to post… So this is where being me rocks… it does really… and let me tell you about the my smalls Halloweens… which I remember vividly… and hope they do as well.

Costumes Galore… Pumpkin Carving… Roasted Seeds… a blend of home made and store bought costumes… Halloween parties thrown for Tall child… trick or treating for small… We have trick or treated with the same family for as long as I can remember… and in the neighborhood is the house decorated to the extreme… with scary clowns… and some guy in an electric chair… The house that one year… I kid you not… grilled pancakes in their driveway and passed them out nice and warm… and they were loved… and bizarre. The house with homemade root-beer at the end of their homemade spook alley made of refrigerator boxes and lights.

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Now that is Halloween!!

Meet the tallest :)

I don’t write often about Tallest Child… Because she is all growed up… and out on her own with the tiniest of all child… cooking another one in her belly!

But this weeks writing prompt only could be dedicated to her… because well… ha! she was freaking stuck!!

mama kats

 “A time somebody got stuck”

Heather

This is my baby girl… My daughter… and if you have been reading for a while her stories are intertwined with mine through out… I write about her on Mothers Day cause I’m her mama dammit! I shared my angels girls story of her angel… (with her permission) … because I was so proud of her… She brings me joy … She is part of every humorous story I share about small child growing up in fact… she was a key part to smiffbib even being created… I’m sure there are a million more tall child stories on here… but I’ve linked in a lot if you want some history on this beautiful woman pictured above… My god I love her… and how we show our love? By embarrassing the shit out of her!

“A time somebody got stuck”

She was standing on the stairs that went upstairs, I was standing in the kitchen below her in a Romeo and Juliet almost moment… I say almost because we aren’t Romeo and Juliet… and then… without really understanding why… she decided to shove her knee into the metal bars of the banister… you know… to see if it fit…. She stood there nonchalantly for a moment… trying to slide it back out… but after a few minutes began to panic… We (The smalls father and I) took a few minutes to laugh hysterically… trying to push her … and pull her knee… before I began to panic!… I start thinking the fire department is going to have to come and cut her out of this thing… when the father type figure had a genius idea…. Butter! you should use butter to get out of these kinds of things… and I run to the fridge…. no butter…. BUT! we own butter flavored Pam… which is really the same thing… sprayed her knee… and rescued her from its clutches…Never to be lived down again…

heatherandbabyPsst… Tallest Child… you know about the mothers curse right?.. those Tinys are gonna make for some great stories!!!

And then he was 14…

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You are horrified… no doubt… that I am writing about you on your birthday.

Perhaps if I were a better mother… I’d save this letter… give it to you privately. But I’m your mother… some days better than other days… and today… while you sleep I wrap your gifts …  minecraft … spiderman… you really are still you…

Did you know that when you were two years old… you clapped liked a crazy man on my birthday? Every candle I blew out… every gift I opened… you clapped and clapped in excitement…  I don’t remember what the cake looked like… I don’t remember what gifts I received… I just remember your smiling face, your happy eyes, your blonde hair… I’ve hated every birthday of mine… but that one… My gosh, I loved you then.

When you were ten… we had a fight over schoolwork … frustrated… I went to my room and closed my door and screamed at you that I wanted to be alone… And I laid on my bed… trying to figure out how to mother a growing boy with a distinct personality of his own… how to make everything all right… And when you walked into my room, I asked you what you were doing… and I wasn’t kind… And I said, “I don’t know what to do about this.” And you said, “Maybe we could forgive each other.” And that remains the most humbling moment of my life… My gosh, I loved you then.

In your 13th year you buried your father… You played your recital piece for his funeral… for him…  And I knew that I would never have been brave enough to do that … My gosh, I loved you then.

 You made me a mom… And you made being a mom easy.

You… quiet… learning how to be a man while still being a boy…  Sometimes needing me and sometimes not.

And now at 10:09 am… you will be 14… And we’re going to figure this out, you and me… You’re going to figure out how to grow up… And I’m going to figure out how to parent you as you do… we will mess up… I will make mistakes… so will you… I’m going to try to hug you in public… your going to make inappropriate jokes… we are going to forgive each other… we are going to survives this… because… My gosh, I love you in this moment.

Happy Birthday Angel Boy.

 

 

And then she was 7

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Dear Pretty Facey,

I cannot believe you are 7 years old today… The time certainly has
flown by… It hasn’t been very long that you’ve been in my life…
but I cannot remember (and do not want to) what life was like
without you… You are one of the best things that has ever happened
to me. And even when you drive me bonkers (something you love to do
because, let’s face it, you’re 7)… I still look at you and thank
the gods for giving me such a wonderful gift. My life changed in
the best way possible by making that commitment to spend my life
with YOU and your dad… You’ve kept me on my toes ever since… I
feel so privileged to be given a front row seat in watching you
grow up… Getting to play a supporting role in your life… Being
a step mom is something I didn’t know how to do… you taught me. I
enjoy our evening reading times… I love being the recipient of
all your beloved art (though I may eventually have to rent a
storage space just to have enough room for all the drawings!).
During these our years together I’ve watched you develop your
strong loudly spoken personality… and I’m proud of the girl
you’ve become. You are kind when you want to be… talkative
always… generous… compassionate… so full of love… energetic
without fail…. intelligent and a truly beautiful person inside
and out. You tell me often that you love me . Well, my darling step
daughter, I love you so much more than I counted on… You truly
are a blessing from above…. I am proud to be your friend. Happy
birthday, Sweetheart.

Theme Song Thursday… This one could be your lifer

Love this one! We were discussing ringtones… and how we choose specifics ones for specific people… and laughing about the ones we set for certains… then she tells me… This is my ringtone… yeah… you need this, this week. #soulsister So do I


 

 

Mantra to overcome depression…

Vitamin D. Sunlight. Go

outside. Get a good nightof sleep. Not too good.

Not shades drawn forever
good. Not like you used to.

Open the windows.

Buy more houseplants.
Breathe. Meditate. (One day,

you will no longer be

afraid of being alone
with your thoughts.)

Exercise. Actually exercise

instead of just googling it.
Eat well. Cook for yourself.

Organize your closet, the

garage. Drink plenty of water
and repeat after me:

I am not a problem

to be solved. Repeat after me:
I am worthy I am worthy I am

neither the mistake nor

the punishment. Forget to take
vitamins. Let the houseplant die.

Eat spoonfuls of peanut butter.

Shave your head. Forget
this poem. It doesn’t matter—

there is no wrong way

to remember the grace of your
own body; no choice

that can unmake itself.

There is only now, here,
look: you are already

forgiven.

– Sierra DeMulder

 

… It’s the thought that counts

mama kats

 

Tell the story of trying to learn a new talent or hobby that you only pursued briefly.

 

I wanted to be the perfect mom!

Tall Child arrived half-way grown…  She became my daughter when she was 12.. She came with only a few things to call her own… but one thing she did arrive with was a dufflebag stuffed with yarn…

I looked at small child… at his tiny little two year old self… and begged Tall child to teach me!

I wanted to give small child a blanket… a homemade mommy blanket… something he could pass on to his kids… you get the idea… I wanted to be the perfect mom… I wanted him to have everything…

I invested in some Crochet Hooks/Knitting Needles (Did you know these were two different things? I never did figured out what the difference was or which one I was doing) I chose two different colors of blue yarn… She taught me the easiest stitch… and after much cursing… and poking her with the needle/hook… I got the hang of it enough to do a couple of rows….

Then a couple more….

Then a couple more….

<sponge bob voice> Six Months Later

I finally handed small child his scarf…

He loved it!

He roped the dog with it while wearing his Indiana Jones hat… and swung by the banister with it doing his spider-man impression… he tied people up with it and returned as superman to rescue them…

Until one day it mysteriously disappeared and was never mentioned again…

because….fuck knitting!

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This is an older pic… but damn… we are cute!