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Flavor Morphing Funday Friday…

… This is my one hundreth post… thats right… one zero.. zero…. 100…. unbelievable!!!!

To celebrate… Here is some complete nonsense…

Are you following me on twitter? No? I don’t blame you really, you’re not missing much… JUST THIS! (“This” is my live tweet of eating starbursts!!!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overheard on the 10 O’clock news

Utah’s most dangerous intersections

ABC 4’s Noah Bond asked her, “How many crashes have you seen here in the past two or three months?”  Opperman replied, “About four or five.” Noah Bond then states “93% of these were caused by drivers!”
REALLY?? What were the other 7%??

… Icepack in bras & bras for balls… I’m thinking we could be famous…

My Facebook Status: … Boob sweat… And that’s all I have to say about the first day of hades… I mean… summer…
G-Chat
me: I posted about boob sweat in my status update… see… my life is really complete
Mr Amazing: Well, now I think it is complete  Boob sweat is way better than ball sweat
me:  And now I am giggling at my desk
Mr Amazing:  <— sleep deprived
me:  Note to self: purchase baby powder
Mr Amazing:  Seriously, two words: testicular cancer, Talc isn’t our friend
me:  You all act like your balls would be worse than boobs… Which are just BIGGER balls… higher up!
Mr Amazing:  boobs don’t have small semi-hard balls inside a fluid sack that is constantly being squeezed between two thighs
me:  Glands! They have Glands!
Mr Amazing:  glands being squeezed by?
me:  More Glands! and a bra!
Mr Amazing:  bras are just there to help support men don’t get support, they get uncomfortable wedging
me:  Support to a 16-year-old… is squeeze and hoist the sails to a 30-year-old
Mr Amazing: ditto
me:    Touche …. but that just gives them breathing room
Mr Amazing:  between your leg, your pants crotch, and what? now imagine the guys in skinny jeans those guys are total retards and I can guarantee you they will be infertile
me:  icepack in bras… and bras for balls… im thinking we could be famous
Mr Amazing: There should be a brand of jeans called “infertile blues” underwear with ball bra (infertile blues was funny, just sayin’)
me:  Ummm So tolman says… in the next chat window over….
Tolman:  OMG!!! I would think ball sweat, for sure!  I just can’t imagine how unpleasant it would be!  And who would really care if a woman is wiping her sweaty breasts off?? If a man wipes his sweaty balls off, he can get arrested!
Mr Amazing:  I love her, she understands all you can do is cowardly attempt to move the fabric of your jeans in a vain attempt to fix matters
me:  <speechless>
Mr Amazing:  oh god
me: I think you might be exaggerating
Mr Amazing:  I should stop talking to you
Men! I don’t even understand how they walk around with those things!

… Insomnia … It sometimes craves candy.

G-Chat (Day three no sleepy)
Mr Amazing:  I am just struggling to not fall asleep. I think I need caffeine
 me:  probably
Mr Amazing:  they have a rack of gummies, like 30 kinds
me:  Shut the front door… what kind …who is they
Mr Amazing:  Toasters, it is where I acquire chai tea latte
me:  Hmph
Mr Amazing: they have all kinds of stuff and all kinds of german chocolate, like this cherry yogurt chocolate, I have never gotten it
me:  Gummies… get to the gummies… what kind of gummies
Mr Amazing:  lol, they have coke bottle, they have all kinds, like tons
 me:  Take a picture
Mr Amazing:  lol okay  it’ll be a minute
 me:  I think it is unfair that I am in Hell… whilst you are in chai gummy land
Mr Amazing:  Uh
….
I am in chai gummy land?
 me:  Yes
Mr Amazing:  chai gummy land
 me:  Chai Gummy Land
Mr Amazing:  chai gummy land?
 me:  Its like candy land… but serves chai tea
Mr Amazing:  okay…
 me:  If i walk outside my building… I have no chai gummy magic place to go… I have Envirofacts
Mr Amazing:  lol, they moved didn’t they?
 me:  You get the point… no one is making me chai over there
Mr Amazing:  uh…Do you want to drive through Starbucks? Is that what you are saying,  for an iced chai? you only have an hour-ish left
 me:  Valid point… I think you should surprise me with Indian food for dinner… and gummy frogs
Mr Amazing: Really? ROFL
 me:  I think I am delirious… I think my face is melting off my skull
Mr Amazing: that sounds attractive
 me:  LMAO
Mr Amazing:  my face is melting off my skull
 me:  this is what happens when I dont sleep for days… this is past the giggly day… past the crying day…to the face melting day
Mr Amazing:  there are variants
 me:  like different strands of mutation disease?
Mr Amazing:  yeah, just like that
 me:  Unless you can make gummy frogs, chai tea, and icecream appear on my desk right now.. Im not really listening to you anyways
Mr Amazing:  gummy frogs? that is what you are craving? more than coke bottle?
 me:  Actually sharks… but I dont know if they have them… I dont have a picture!
Mr Amazing: or peach rings lol I haven’t left yet
 me:  Gummy sharks… or octopie!
Mr Amazing: octo pie? what the hell?
 me:  Octopi … Octopusses
Mr Amazing:  what the hell
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
Mr Amazing:  octo pussy?
 me:  They make them MISTER! Gummy Octopi!
Mr Amazing:  octopussy gummy
 me:  Its real
Mr Amazing:  uh huh so are marsians
 me:  do you think that have gummy martians?
Mr Amazing:  probably
 me:  Mmmmmm martians
Mr Amazing:  shouldn’t they be called marsians? they aren’t from mart
 me: NO!  Ooohhhh do you remember those gummy tarantulas??? OMG … OH EMMMMMM GEEEEE
Mr Amazing:  
 me:  THOSE ARE JUST BEARS!!!
Mr Amazing:  Those fucks
 me:  LMAO!
Mr Amazing: 
 me:  ahhhhhhhhhh butterflies!!!

… NOT Your Ami… My Ami

Week two of Summer Vacation .. Small child is old enough to stay home alone all day this year… Sure I have it split up… Picnic with the neighbor kids once a week… Lawn Mowing on Thursdays for his Grandparents.. which then morphs into a day spent with Grandma… which he so desperately needs at this time in his life… Every other weekend and each Monday afternoon into evening with his Father… He has a couple of weeks of a Music camp scheduled next month… and his birthday… and we have already managed one trip to the lake…. All in All it will be a quiet summer… Sometimes he tells me he misses our other summers… that he misses the pools… and the different beds…. and I just laugh at the memories… Single Mom… Two amazingly wonderful deserving of a million trips to Disneyland children… no money… Summer time…  We needed a break… Blind Folds securely fastened around their eyes… Weaving in out of traffic on the Freeway… Describing scenery to them that is not really there…. Small child was small… Tall child just played along because well…. swimming pool!…. “Now we are driving through Texas… Look! Steer” Tall Child: “Moooooooooooo” Small Child: “I wanna see!”…. “Florida! I can see the ocean!” Tall Child: “From Utah to Florida in 45 minutes… my you are magic” Small Child: ” Yeah! you are magic!!”…. After having driven around enough to ensure I have even confused Tall child … I pull into an airport Hilton… Put the car in park… Take off their blind folds and announce “MIAMI!!!!” Tall Child: Eye Roll as she jumps out of the car to look around…. Small Child full of wonder: “Miami???”… That’s right …. We spend two nights in that hotel… eating at the cafe… swimming in the pool…. watching movies in the room… walking around an area of town neither of them were familiar with…. fed ducks at the pond…. THE MAGIC OF CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST!!!… I let them unpack their bags and put their clothes in the hotel drawers… we stopped at a convenient store for goodies… ICE MACHINE!!! … the stuff childhood dreams are made of….  and as we were checking out Tall child who has been won over by the magic of room service is no longer rolling her eyes asks Small child… “Did you like Miami?”… “Not your ami… MYYYY ami”…. “No honey.. that’s the name Miami… It’s not mine or yours… it is just Miami”…. “Not YOUR AMI…. MY AMI!!!” … Through laughter I try to back her up… and his frustration level continues to rise…. and his mumbles under his breath all the way to the car… “not your ami…”…. and no one even asks questions as we arrive at our home sun-kissed… and happy… 15 minutes from the hotel…. He runs off with his hotel pen and paper to save them in his treasure chest… He is turning 13 this summer… Tall child is off with the Tiniest child of all…. He still has never made it to Disneyland…. But I am thinking we will make it back to His Ami this year…. fuck the Happiest Place on Earth!

This post is inspired by… if not slightly deviating away from the prompt “Time for a break! Show us where you go for quiet time.”

One might ask how… (Wordless Wednesday)

Mr. Amazing, The boot, and I all saw a movie Sunday night… Somehow managed to get out of the house without noticing I wasnt wearing a shoe on the other foot… He looked at me horrified when I realized as my barefoot hit the pavement in the parking lot… I just tucked a hand on his arm and said “Just don’t look at it, No one will notice”

(Pics or it didn’t happen!!! Ha ha! I took the pic as the screen was telling me to shut off my phone!)

… Funday Friday?

Perhaps everyday needs a fucking theme…. Soooo I feel like you have been deprived of Mr. Amazing and I’s g-chats… I will skip the political rhetoric… and move you straight into this… because well… its Friday 🙂

me: I love you! Im drinking coffee… in the afternoon… I havent done this in months… I have the worst headache… its all magic

Mr. Amazing: oh man, my back hurts, and I am starving, and my head feels …I can’t think of the word, like it’s full of fudge

me: Mmmm fudge

Mr. Amazing: do you want to eat my brains

me: YES!

Mr. Amazing: I bet they don’t taste like fudge but I am told brains have the consistency of jello stringy jello

me: Warm jello or cold jello

Mr. Amazing: warm, bloody, jello

me: Im feeling a little queezy

Mr. Amazing: sorry

 

MIB3 … Just once…

You know what? … knowing I hate sequels (especially by the third) … knowing that the actors that I once loved…. are well… old…figuring that there was just nothing more ridiculous to add to the story… I didn’t think there was anyway I would end up at Men in Black 3 this weekend… Small child however… well… he had different plans… He LOVES the first two… and when he saw the trailer for the third was so excited… So we took him… and just prepared to blow 40 bucks on a bad show… to make him happy… THEN magic happened…. I LOVED it… it had every feel good thing about the Men in Black series… the songs in the background… the familiar banter between the beloved, well aged actors…. It was Cheesy… Over the Top… and Perfect! The aliens were a 100 times cooler… and I even allowed myself to get past the cheesiness of it… and really tear up at the end… It’s okay to let that happen sometimes…. I loved it! The violence was not gross… the language was tame… no over the top sexual innuendos… I’m not even sure why it was PG13…. See it… If you’re a fan…(I’m totally over the 3D fad… but this was worth it in 3D… very cool effects)