Articles

Apr 26 2013

Kicking in the general direction :)

Author: Kerry

G-Chat

Mr. Amazing: … so get this… I walk over to a Co-Workers’ desk this morning and lean against the wall and start talking to him, I realize he looks distracted, won’t look me in the face… etc… weird… so as I am walking away, I realize that my zipper is all the way down, like scary low… and I am like … OMG! run to the bathroom and then come back to tell you… yeah… okay, and you realize that this is the guy that I told earlier in the year, that BFGoodrich invented the zipper  yeah…

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr. Amazing:  he invented the zipper Kerry

me:  I totally blogged that! (TRUST ME People… you want to read that)

Mr. Amazing:  good thing

me:  People loved it

Mr. Amazing:  yeah, I used to make you laugh all the time with my crazy antics, now that you know me better

it just causes shame

 me:  No shame!

Mr. Amazing:  Are you with him?

you look down

you are like… no

I mean maybe

I mean no

 me:  LMAO! never

Mr. Amazing:  who?

that guy with the scraggly beard and stains on him

Is that your husband?

no….

are you sure….

yeah….

 me:  Whatever, I think you are adorable.

Mr. Amazing:  Yeah, that’s your husband

oh… <fake laugh>

yeah… that’s him

<fake laugh>

looking down

shame

 me:  Quit it… you know that isn’t true

Mr. Amazing:  ROFL isn’t it? you are at the movie theater

 me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr. Amazing:  and there is this guy talking through the movie with stains all over himself and you are thinking, wow… he is amazing

me:  Yes, yes I do

Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO uh huh

 me:  Have you met me?

Mr. Amazing:  nope, never met you, how do you do

me:  Have I ever acted in public like I think you are anything less than wonderful?

Mr. Amazing:  my name is Dorkface… yes you have “acted” like I am wonderful, for which I am eternally thankful ROFL

 me:  LOL! The only time I acted weird with you out in public, is the one time we ran into a girl from work while we were dating… and she was all “I’ve heard so much about you” and I was all OMG! She is going to tell him how I tell all the girls at work how amazing he is in the sack! and I kicked her

Mr. Amazing:  you kicked her??!!! seriously??

me:  You don’t remember?

Mr. Amazing:  OMG, that was weird

me:  ROTFL!

Mr. Amazing:   no, I don’t remember you kicking her, I remember her being awkward and running away

me:  I kicked in her general direction

Mr. Amazing:  now I know why

 me:  LMAO!

goodrich

Mar 27 2013

… in my neck of the woods.

Author: Kerry

Spring  Sming … I’m not convinced it exists… it has been cold… and snowing still off and on … With just a dash of sunshiney days to keep us from going all “The Shining” on each other… so before I wrote a post complaining and moaning the woes of the winter that just won’t end… I jumped on my local news page to check the weather… because I am a good blogger… who takes her prompts seriously and never gets distracted off the topic… WTF is this???

looses

Soooooo here is the discussion that spawned…

Tolman:  I’m such a grammar/spelling snob…. *Loses *losing

 me:  BAHAHA! Yes! That is sad honestly … They are supposed to be professionals

Tolman:  Good on that woman though! I should take up pole dancing!!!

me:  Uhhh Somehow… I just know that’s how I would die…. Death by Pole Dancing to lose weight… you know it is true… I would fall on my head

Tolman: HAhahaahahaa!! Oh come on!!

me:  You know its true… Broken Neck… From pole dancing

Tolman: It would make for a VERY interesting obituary!!!! Probably go viral!!!

me:  Great! I will finally be discovered when I am dead

In conclusion… This is what Spring looks like in my neck of the woods…. and I am finally going to be discovered!!!

Inspired by

mama kats

 

Mar 18 2013

…Leprechauns… Agents of Satan

Author: Kerry
What do they have? Razor Sharp Teeth? Talons and claws! They gnashed their way out of the trap!

What do they have? Razor Sharp Teeth? Talons and claws! They gnashed their way out of the trap!

They walk up walls???

They walk up walls???

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photo (37)Sorry! IT IS A TRAP!!!!

photo (46) photo (45) photo (40) photo (43)

And that is what we ate!!!

 

This blog is brought to you by the MAMA Kats writing prompts… and My weird ability to twist them into terrifying small children

 

mama kats

 

photo (42)

 

 

Mar 15 2013

Papa Smurf getting down and dirty….Don’t ever say I didn’t get you wet …. And something is fishy … really!

Author: Kerry

This is not a real post… this is a Funday Friday post… Please tune in next week for your regularly scheduled nonsense

The New Pope and North Korea held most of the headlines this week… and I thought I we could all use something a little different… These are real stories people… (Linked to sources)

smurf

A participant dressed as Papa Smurf scrambles through mud in the fourth extreme BraveheartBattle run in Muennerstadt, Germany, on March 9. The 15-mile track is known as one of the toughest, most extreme obstacle courses in the world.

Personally .. I always thought Smurfette had loose morals

In other news… This happened…

wet-koala_2507967k

This koala was sleeping in a tree when it was rudely awakened by a gardener who decided to water his trees. Matt Wilkinson said: There was a heatwave in Adelaide recently and temperatures reached up to 40C. We use the sprinklers and garden hose to wet the house and surrounding trees when it’s hot to avoid a bush fire but when I watered one of the trees, this koala got a bit of a soaking. It was a boiling hot day so i’m sure it helped the koala cool down.

That Koala is clearly not pleased … Neeeyaaahhh!

I’m thinking these fish are having a way worse day than the Koala…

fish-accident_2508048k

More than 2500kg of fresh water fish were scattered on a section of road in southern China’s Hunan Province following an accident. The driver of the truck transporting the fish lost control of his vehicle when one of his tires blew. He crashed into the safety barrier at the side of the road, which caused the hinged side of his truck to spring open and spill his entire load of fish.

Gramma always said… don’t cry over spilled milk… but this?

Jan 30 2013

Sssss … Sssss…. Ssssss

Author: Kerry

mama kats

This week’s prompt – The last time you were sick…

My brain is mush … I have soooooo much snot … leaking from every orifice .. I am gleaking (just trying to give you a mental image) from the corners of my eyes when I sneeze… which is often…. I am incapable of blogging in this state… Which is why I chose this prompt… also… I think I am funny….Hell… I think everything is funny today… Here have this Gchat conversation rather than me explaining… I think it says it all…Send help… or cheese.

me:  When I laugh I sound like that dog on Duck Hunt… Just sayin… LOL and I think everything is sooo funny today

Mr Amazing:  you sound like wooof…wooof…wooof??

 me:  Nooooo When he snickers when you miss the ducks!

Mr Amazing:  sssss..ssssss..sssss ??

 me:  YEAH! Like that And It hurts to breathe…I think it is lack of oxygen due to this damn cold LMAO even that is funny

Mr Amazing: not funny

 me:  Im pretty sure it is funny, cause I am sitting here alone at my desk sssss ssss sssssing

 me:  I think assuming I get home alive – that I am going to make enchiladas for dinner and they will be magically delicious

 me:  It will be a magical magic kinda enchilada delirious wife kinda night… Im so excited! Do we own cheese?

 me: LMAO! LMAO!

 me: I dont know if we own cheese…

Mr Amazing:  we have cheese

 me:  Thank God! …  I love cheese

I am pretty sure I will be deleting this post as soon as I am feeling better… and of sound mind… think of it as a limited edition!! SSSssss Ssssss Sssssss

UPDATED: I picked up take out on the way home 🙂
duck-hunt-dog

Jan 25 2013

OUTER DARKNESS!

Author: Kerry

UPDATE: BAHAHAHA! I Apologize in advance to writing this post that every one of you that googles Outer Space and gets brought here… Its getting a TON of traffic… But I know this isn’t quite what you had in mind!

I almost feel like I should put a disclaimer on here… But I decided against it 🙂

Mr Amazing:  It’s all because of the coca cola flavored Slurpee… choose the form of the destructor…..

 me:  I’m going to live forever… because God hates me… That’s my retirement plan

Mr Amazing:  Uh… hello God has a plan, you can only live (or die) if you are part of Gods plan

 me:  I choose neither

Mr Amazing:  then you will live forever in death or die forever in life – Not sure which

 me:  OUTER DARKNESS! Okay seriously… how cool does that sound… where are you? OUTER DARKNESS!

Mr Amazing:  outer darkness sounds horrible, it’s like being Helen Keller

 me:  How is it any scarier sounding than outer space? I think that perhaps that is what they were referring too… if you don’t get to go to heaven… You float around in space

Mr Amazing:  well, you can’t live in outer space

 me:  bumping asteroids and stuff

Mr Amazing:  nope it is complete and total loneliness with no senses

 me:  If Kolob is a planet

Mr Amazing: no touch, sight, sound, etc

 me:  Outer Darkness is Outer Space… its logical

Mr Amazing:  maybe it is being stuck in a black hole

 me:  Maybe… Either way… it doesn’t sound that bad… and all the coke flavored candy will be there…

Mr Amazing:  living forever with only your own thoughts sounds lovely?

 me:  Have you met me?  It sounds fantastic!

Mr Amazing:  you obviously don’t understand Mormon theology

no senses

no taste

no smell

no touch

no sight

no sound

 me:  No, You obviously don’t understand my brain… It would be like Disneyland

Mr Amazing:  you would be screaming and you couldn’t even hear yourself scream

 me:  My thoughts alone are the equivalent of the Matterhorn

Mr Amazing::  if such a place existed

 me:  Why would I be screaming? Nothing would be hurting me… cant feel anything!

Mr Amazing:  because you would go mad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_deprivation

 me:  Would it be claustrophobic? or big like outer darkness sounds?

Mr Amazing:  you wouldn’t be able to tell

 me:  Then it wouldn’t matter

Mr Amazing:  You would go completely insane within days

 me:  I bet I could hold out longer than you

Mr Amazing:  I would last minutes ROFL

 me:  I think it sounds like a vacation

outer-space1
Jan 22 2013

11 random facts you probably wish you never knew about me

Author: Kerry

liebsterLabelsFinalI was nominated for an award! This is new! I don’t really get an actual award… although I do have a trophy shelf for the day it happens… when I am discovered… it will most likely happen while I am searching out the perfect avocado at the grocery store… I will shriek eureka! and the playwright/producer/art-gallery owner (whomever happens to discover me) will echo my shrill exclamation at the very sight of me and my talents… and that is how it will happen… I just know it… Until then- Tamara Tipton a fellow blogger has nominated me for this adorable heart bearing graphic above… and to receive the award I have to answer these questions (Something about nominating others… but I’m skipping that part… because I don’t think we should give these out to everyone.. I don’t need the competition)

 kidding aside, It is a fun blog prompt & I adore Tamara and her blog 🙂

  1.  A childhood memory- One of my earliest childhood memories is trick or treating at the 7-11 in California… My Mother stayed in her blue station wagon and let us kids run in for what resembles a spit cup at the dentists office amount of Slurpee they were giving out… It was my first rebel moment… I chose coke flavored! My mother informed me I was disappointing the prophet and most likely going to hell… and I gleefully slurped up my evil Slurpee… Mm-mm
  2. One of your biggest fears – Aside from the normal… Loss of a child… Zombie Apocalypse… and living in North Korea… I would have to say my BIGGEST fears are anything body related… that is no longer attached to the body… it freaks me out people!!! Clipped Toenails…. Trimmed hair… Whatever the hell is inside that little catch on my Ped Egg…. (I just threw up in my mouth a little) and don’t even get me started on the fluid.
  3. Something you wish you knew at 18- I knew it all at 18, doesn’t every 18 year old?? I wish there were some things I had not known… But that is another blog post.
  4. Five things you cannot leave the house without- Keys, My Phone, My I Pad,  Lip Goo (I love it) and Gum (Wow I feel like that all should have been more profound)
  5. Something you like about yourself. My Parenting skills… I feel like an outcast when I say that… So many moms spend so much time beating themselves up… but I am actually a pretty kick ass mom… I love my kids.
  6. If you could spend an hour in the past, when would you want to visit? I have to tell you… I really believe we are living in the most amazing of times! In my life I have witness the birth of DVD, Internet, Cell Phones, Smart Phones, Tablets, the first black President… I’m a firm believer I will be here for the first woman President as well (HILARY 2016!) … I think life is a wonder… and miracles happen everyday… I would like to take that one hour… and extend my life in this time by that much.
  7. If you could have a thousand dollar gift card to one store, which store would it be? Any art supply store would do 🙂
  8. If you could anonymously grant a wish, whose would you grant? My Son … I do not know what he would ask for… but I would give him the world if I could.
  9. What flavor evokes the strongest memory for you? See #1 – Cola Flavored anything!!! I Love it!
  10. Why do you blog? I am pretty sure my head would expand and explode if I couldn’t get all of this out … There is so much to say… Plus I really like annoying people with these ellipses… I do it on purpose
  11. Dog or Cat person?? Both!!! I have one of each!!! File this one with the what I wouldn’t leave the house without response 🙂

There you go! Now you know! Gimme Gummy Coke Bottles now!

 

Jan 18 2013

A Quickie – A Definite Maybe.

Author: Kerry
G-Chat
Mr. Amazing:  I want this…  did you get your W2 yet?
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 me:  Not yet –  no screen!LOL
Mr. Amazing:  It’s a thunderbolt display, docking station for a macbook pro
 me:  blah blah blah
 Mr. Amazing:  built in sound, ethernet, usb hub, firewire
 me:  meh meh meh meh meh
Mr. Amazing:  I take that as a definite maybe
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
…
See that was a Quickie!!!
Completely Unrelated Fact: Most of the traffic I get to my blog are mislead porn searchers…