Articles

Feb 15 2013

How to make major decisions as a couple… Really.

Author: Kerry

Mr Amazing:  This looks cool 

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Mr Amazing:   It has a super nes emulator  & tons of games to download for free

me:  Okay okay… Why would Nintendo let that happen?

Mr Amazing:  :  who is buying NES64 games? Plus minecraft is available

me:  I want it! buy me it!

Mr Amazing:  :  lol

me:  Not funny anymore!

Mr Amazing:    I no longer want it

me:  LOL!  I WANT IT!

Mr Amazing:    smiffbib

me:  Bratface!

Mr Amazing:   it has a SNES and NES64 emulator

me:  I want it all Every Effing Mario Game since the dawn of time!

Mr Amazing: Plus you download ANY game & try it for free even the $50 games

me:  Want want want NEED

Mr Amazing: Oh Kerry

… Donkey Kong 64

… Paper Mario (the original)

… Mario Party

… Diddy Kong Racing

me:  PAPER MARIO I JUST DIED AT MY DESK… Coffee saved me

Mr Amazing:  Super Mario 64

me:  Buy Buy Buy

Mr Amazing:  It is being released June 2013

me:  We could give it to the smalls for their birthday!

Mr Amazing:  lol here kids

me:  and then steal their birthday present and play it

Mr Amazing:  now get the FUCK out of my way

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing:  seems disingenuous somehow

me:  It wants me to buy it

Mr Amazing:  I want to spend $1200 on a security appliance for home

me:  A security appliance?

Mr Amazing:  Yes, with IDS, content filtering, and anti-virus and anti-phishing built in

me:  doesn’t sound like a lot of fun

Mr Amazing: It would make it so we could control where are kids go online and verify they never download crap they aren’t supposed to

me:  <yawn>

Mr Amazing:  

mx60w-mantle

me:  paper Mario

Mr Amazing:  and it would make our wireless signal awesome

me:  paper Mario… paper Mario… PAPER MARIO YAY

Feb 01 2013

… This is a post in self defense!

Author: Kerry

So for a few days now I have been trying to come up with something really amazing to post… My 200th post is SO CLOSE and well…  did you hear me? 200 POSTS! (almost)

I tried to remember what life was like before smiffbib… and I really couldn’t … Much like when a child enters your life…  I suppose in all reality… it is my BABY!

smiffbib

I think back to my time blogging on Smiffbib…. It’s been almost a year of reflecting… opining… and sharing many cups of coffee with you…  my dear readers… Whoever the hell you are… while we’ve chatted about life and everything in between.

And over that time… I feel like a part of my life has actually changed directly as a result of this blogging experience….

Laughing at myself isn’t something I’ve had too much trouble doing over the years … Things that were once kept in the dark recesses of my rapidly fading memory are now on full public display for all to enjoy at my expense… and the pressure of this magical post quickly began to weigh on me… stress me out… how could I ever put it into words how much this all means to me… when it is all complete nonsense? I actually shed a tear trying to find a way to express everything it is to me… everything it means… words aren’t enough…

So I decided to call it off… 200 is no big deal…. HAPPY 199 BABY!

Number_199_800x600_Pixels

 I get some sort of gift for this don’t I???

Jan 18 2013

A Quickie – A Definite Maybe.

Author: Kerry
G-Chat
Mr. Amazing:  I want this…  did you get your W2 yet?
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 me:  Not yet –  no screen!LOL
Mr. Amazing:  It’s a thunderbolt display, docking station for a macbook pro
 me:  blah blah blah
 Mr. Amazing:  built in sound, ethernet, usb hub, firewire
 me:  meh meh meh meh meh
Mr. Amazing:  I take that as a definite maybe
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
…
See that was a Quickie!!!
Completely Unrelated Fact: Most of the traffic I get to my blog are mislead porn searchers…
Aug 31 2012

… Meg and the Tomatillo Enchiladas (Sounds like a childs book)

Author: Kerry
Me: In the oven at this moment is green tomatillo enchilada magic…. You owe meg
         uh  Me… Not meg
         I don’t even know who meg is
         If you know a meg… You don’t owe her… You owe me
Mr Amazing: lol I owe Meg, got it
Me: Nooooo not meg… I will kick Meg’s ass.
Mr Amazing: lol
Mr Amazing: Okay…
Me: Is this meg? I found her on my iPad
Mr Amazing: Oh shit, She doesn’t mean anything to me
                            I promise
             Neither does things one I suppose
Mr Amazing: Nope, not a thing
Me: You’re a floozy

Mr Amazing: I have been called many things
Me: Yeah.. Well My iPad is full of em
Mr Amazing: Lazy, annoying, cold, cruel, mean, forgetful, depressing, killjoy
  but never “floozy”
Me: Well.. There you go
  There’s a first for everything
(Try making those magic enchiladas meg!!! Good luck with that!!! I’m posting the recipe only to show off that I can now use a stove… incase you read my other post)
Chicken green tomatillo enchiladas.
This recipe is a great enchilada sauce, if you wanted little more spicy, throw in extra jalapenos. it will make about 8 enchiladas. 2 per person.
Number of Servings: 4
Ingredients
8 flour tortillas
4 oz mozzarela
shredded chicken breast 12 oz
Canned Tomatillos (large)
Sour cream (One pint (I use the substitute))
1 Can chicken broth
Directions
*Boil chicken breast for about 30 min. shredd the meat.
*boil green tomatillos,peppers,garlic for about 10 min.
*add to blender broth, tomatillos, sourcream.
medium deep pan add the tomatillo sauce as a bottom layer
Roll Tortillas with chicken and cheese. add a little more sauce on top and put some cheese on top of enchiladas.
Enjoy! (Bake at 375 til melted and gooey and bubbling)
Aug 17 2012

… Arachnids on Crack

Author: Kerry

I found this… All proper credit is given… I just thought it deserved a republication!!!

Spiders On Drugs

Scientists at the United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have turned their attention from the mysteries of the cosmos to a more esoteric area of research: what happens when you get a spider stoned. Their experiments have shown that common house spiders spin their webs in different ways according to the psychotropic drug they have been given. Nasa scientists believe the research demonstrates that web-spinning spiders can be used to test drugs because the more toxic the chemical, the more deformed was the web.

* Spiders on marijuana made a reasonable stab at spinning webs but appeared to lose concentration about half-way through.

* Those on Benzedrine – “speed” – spin their webs “with great gusto, but apparently without much planning leaving large holes”, according to New Scientist magazine.

* Caffeine, one of the most common drugs consumed by Britons in soft drinks, tea and coffee, makes spiders incapable of spinning anything better than a few threads strung together at random.

* On chloral hydrat, an ingredient of sleeping pills, spiders “drop off before they even get started”.

* See what happens to their mental state.

Start with a Drug Free Spider Web

Web created while exposed to Mescaline\Peyote

  

   Web created while exposed to LSD

Web created while exposed to Marijuana

    

    Web created exposed to Caffeine

Web created exposed to Benzedrine/Speed

    Web created exposed to Chloral Hydrat (sleeping pills)

I LOVE IT!!!

Aug 10 2012

… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

Author: Kerry

1 am.. We have got to stop meeting like this… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

KERRY HAS FORGOTTEN what it was like to sleep.

It hadn’t been that long since she’d had sleep that she’d forget, surely… Nevertheless, she had.

She had memories of sleep.

Well … vague memories, anyway.

She vaguely remembered how good it felt to put her head down on the soft coolness of a pillow.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to feel as though she were melting into the comfort of a nice… soft mattress.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to get the covers just right so that she was warm where she wanted to be warm and cool where she wanted to be cool.

Aug 03 2012

… The Never Ending Nipple

Author: Kerry
me:  Ummmm The universe wants to marry me, and wants me to have this ring.
Mr. Amazing:  Tell the Universe to fuck off, you’re taken
 me:  LMAO
Mr. Amazing:  But if the universe wants to give you a ring that’s different
 me:  I think it wants me to have that ring!!
Mr. Amazing:  .01 carat diamonds… 1% of a nice diamond
 me:  its a snake… did you miss that part… the snake…
Mr. Amazing:  black rhodium snake
 me:  It wants me to wear it!
Mr. Amazing:  
That’s what I want
 me:  That is awesome… but really… where would you wear that ROTFLMAO! Like giant bling on your chest to work?
Mr. Amazing:  I would wear it all the  time, I would call it a religious talisman and start to cry if someone asked about it and then stare up into the sky and fake meditate Latin words
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
 Mr. Amazing:  I want that now, I would wear it under my shirt and tell them it was my sacred necklace
 me:  I would get you a long enough chain that it would look like a nipple
a never ending nipple
 me:  If I had a tattoo gun… you would never be safe to sleep again… you would have oracle nipples
Mr. Amazing:  oracle? why oracle? what does that even mean?
 me:  The southern oracle… The two halves… Im naming your nipples
 Mr. Amazing: and why would you have a tatoo gun
 me:  it could happen
 Mr. Amazing  the Southern oracle that would be a bad ass tattoo
 me:  Your nip could be the eye
that opens and kills people if they are afraid, and they will all be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  LOL I would be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  I like that Auryn medallion, The universe wants me to have it
 me:  The universe speaks in mysterious ways
Mr. Amazing: yes, yes it does
Jul 13 2012

Chimps gone wild! & Dinosaur Porn! … It Must be Friday!

Author: Kerry

This isn’t a real post… I like to think of it as more like a Public Service Announcement…. <Cue announcer voice> “We Will be interrupting the normal Friday nonsense for these…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Residents in Las Vegas warned again Chimpanzees on the loose…. Best headline ever… I guess what happens in Vegas rule doesn’t apply to Primates

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scientists rendered images of Dinosaurs having sex… really… apparently they have been working on this theory for decades…. WOW … well…. Just

look for yourself….  THANK YOU DAILY MAIL!

 

I couldn’t make this shit up…Well…. real life wins…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I win the interwebs!!!

 

P.s. If you are new here… its not always nonsense… I’ve been writing some pieces that are going up this next week that I am very Proud of… Stay Tuned.

Jul 06 2012

Flavor Morphing Funday Friday…

Author: Kerry

… This is my one hundreth post… thats right… one zero.. zero…. 100…. unbelievable!!!!

To celebrate… Here is some complete nonsense…

Are you following me on twitter? No? I don’t blame you really, you’re not missing much… JUST THIS! (“This” is my live tweet of eating starbursts!!!)