Articles

Feb 26 2021

The beginning of the end… I hope.

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of  26 February 2021, there have been 112,649,371 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 2,501,229 deaths, reported to WHO

This morning at 7:40 am I pulled into a movie theater parking lot 50 miles from my house… I couldn’t eat dinner last night… and had only sipped at half of my coffee…. hardly slept at all. Having no idea what to expect or what to do I waited a moment until I saw others slowly entering the building.

Pause for a moment to realize this would be the first building other than my doctors or dentist I will have entered since last March.

I got out of the car and a just as apprehensive Mr. Amazing did as well…

WE WERE IN A MOVIE THEATER!!!! it felt surreal… There was no smell of popcorn… no movies playing… There were about a dozen people inside waiting … either waiting to get vaccinated… or waiting to help us get vaccinated. We checked in and sat… six feet apart… in masks… we watched as the courier brought in the cooler full of doses for us… again… I cannot describe how bizarre this scene is to take in… and then they call my name… and take me into one room… everything roped off and arrows guiding… I stand where they tell me to… and sit when they tell me to… and then it happened.

The nurse giving me the injection begins to tell me what to expect and then she looks at my card… and says… Lupus! I guess you really just don’t know what to expect next. Truer words have not been spoken. I am then escorted to another theater room…. where I am reunited with Mr. Amazing (who also was able to get his shot while there with me) to be monitored for a time. The seats are numbered for spacing and sanitation purposes…. there are huge medical tents in front of the dark screen… and I can only help but hope beyond hope that soon… I will be here again… when it smells of popcorn and goodness… and there will be a movie playing.

After some time… we were told we could go… and we did! holding our cards like they were golden tickets from willy wonka himself.

You guys… I think we are going to make it… and I am so grateful!

Jan 20 2021

A Brand New Day

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 20 January 2021, there have been 94,963,847 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 2,050,857 deaths, reported to WHO. The United States broke the threshold of 400k…. Utah broke the threshold of 1500.

After all this time…. the year that seems like a decade… President Elect (as he was still at the time) finally acknowledged our loss in the most beautiful Covid Memorial service last night… the bells in DC tolled 400 times… here in Utah… ours tolled 15 times.

“If there are angels I think they’re the nurses (medical staff) working through this pandemic”-President Elect Biden (for the last day!)… I completely agree… Thankyou for the memorial and reflection…. yes these are photos of my computer screen… yes I always want to remember where I was. Ready for some more pictures of my computer screen… because lets talk about today!!!!

It started for me at 5:30 am… at which time I declared loudly I was not getting out of bed until he (who must not be named) was gone… see I live in the Mountain Standard Time Zone… and the departing President was in the Eastern Time Zone… and scheduled to depart at 8am… so I closed my eyes again until it was so…. I then leapt out of bed and hopped in the shower… singing “I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair” the entire time. Note: this is the only time in my life I remember singing in the shower.

Then I moved my office (back to the living room) and put on pants! yes pants for work… because I am ready to try again… I am ready to work on the world again… I am brimming with hope.

Yep! Tons of more pictures of my screen… sure… there are the professional pictures online… but I want to remember where I was… that I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Soooooo many tears of joy and soooo many tears of release for what we’ve been through… not just the prior administration … but being a woman! The barriers and ceilings of race and inequality – Kamala Harris broke them!! “This is our historic moment and unity is the path forward!”- President Biden!

And I was Singing the National Anthem! Clapping like a fool! Hand over my heart alone in my living room! Amazing!

I washed my face… and continued my day of work… but the smile never left… and I have so many reasons to smile.

YEP!!!! Grandbaby on the way!!!!

and so I leave you with this…. as so PERFECTLY said during the inauguration.

Brave enough to see it (the light) and brave enough to be it.

Amanda Gorman
Jan 14 2021

The Pandemic… The Country… and Time… They all rage on

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 14 January 2021, there have been 90,759,370 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,963,169 deaths, reported to WHO.

Christmas came… and went…. so did New Years… the vaccine arrived and began distribution… I am still in my house… waiting patiently for my turn… I spoke to a friend today who has the virus… she is tired… she is sick… and she is a lucky one…This is how we Christmased… in a pandemic… I have not seen them since… My heart feels like it is breaking… but wait for it…

My heart is not broken yet… because it is getting hardened…. Oh why the hell not just throw it out there and save myself some time…. There is no sex trafficking ring underground the pizza parlor – they use Epstein island or the phone book… there’s no doubt someone’s got something somewhere on a laptop – I really don’t care… I’m sure my kids have things on their cellphone they don’t want me to see…Obama is not hiding in the publishers clearinghouse van coming for your guns… there’s no storm… no kracken… no conspiracy… there was no steal… the FBI has stated it was not antifa… they’re not deep state… there’s no deep state…. they flaunt their actions in public proudly and people cheer…. we voted… a winner has been certified… the time stamp of someone’s tweet or where they’re looking in a photo is not a code or message…. why ya all making the bald eagle out to be some angry pro wrestler? It’s a bird- I like it! But it isn’t wearing an Uncle Sam hat and beating anyone up… and then… the insurrection happened… because apparently they did not read this rant filled paragraph…. Trump was impeached AGAIN… and President Elect Biden will hold his inauguration with the National Guard sleeping on the hard marble floors of the capitol building…. Hate is a stranger to me… it is not something I’ve experienced very often … but it fills my heart this morning… I’m ashamed of “nearly half” … how were the lies believable when clearly the words “nearly half” by definition is not the majority … I’m ashamed… I hope they’re embarrassed and ashamed… disgust churns in my gut… don’t worry about me I will work through it.., love will win the battle inside me… Trump deserves to be in prison… Giuliani and Rubio as well as Hawley should serve time…”Removing Trump will only make his followers more violent” isn’t a call for unity. It’s extortion. I suggest you take care of your own battle… for it is so much uglier than mine.

And so I paint… and I work… and I talk about it… and I fight that battle that much like the things in the title of this post… rages inside of me…

They’re all on the instagram…. same name as the blog… incase you needed to be reminded why we keep fighting… why we keep loving… So I will close with that… so much light and love to you all who have found your way here… it is hard… this is effing hard… but we can do hard things.

Nov 16 2020

Comparison is the Thief of Joy… But this one has a good point for stealing it.

Author: Kerry

Cancer is NOT contagious.

A healthy person cannot “catch” cancer from someone who has it. There is no evidence that close contact or things like sex, kissing, touching, sharing meals, or breathing the same air can spread cancer from one person to another.

But you can catch something… right now… infact your chances of catching it are high…. so lets explore a few scenarios….

First – let me cite where I am getting my comparison- It is based only on numbers… https://progressreport.cancer.gov/end/mortality#:~:text=In%202018%2C%20the%20death%20rate,per%20100%2C000%20people%20per%20year.

Covid-19 is approximately 10 times more deadly than cancer in a VERY over all comparison…. because there are all kinds of cancers…. and all kinds of outcomes…. Okay…. So here we go…. Why choose cancer? because we all have lost someone to it… we all hate it… Most of us get screened for it…. we take other precautions as well…. we pray for a cure…. We do not really compare it to the flu 🙁

If cancer were contagious…. and you didnt know who had it and who did not… yourself included (feels very real huh) would you wear a mask to help slow the spread?

Would you celebrate when someones cancer wasnt that bad? rather than mock everyone for being afraid of catching it? because really…. LESS that 1% die… it is true… see the link above.

If Cancer were contagious…. would you run around like people were letting fear control their lives? and you just want the schools to be open full time and all the stores are open? and not believe the hospitals were filling up?

If Cancer were contagious… but there were a vaccine against it… would you get it and encourage EVERYONE else to do the same? or would you assume the government were coming for you?

Let me ask you this… If Cancer were contagious…. but only for one year…. would you go to family gatherings? because you like pie? and you won’t “be told what to do?’

If cancer were contagious…. but not everyone died from it… you know… you had some of those other life long things…. like no breasts… or a colostomy bag….. or… needed oxygen permanently. Would you think we could achieve herd immunity? by you know…. just taking our chances and getting it over with?

I have lost people I love dearly to cancer…. I myself have had cancer….

so if this comparison is stealing your joy

Good

Stay Home

Wear a mask

Wash your hands

Do not gather for Thanksgiving… or Christmas…. just don’t you guys…. please.

I only wish that in a year from now we would be getting back to normal…. without cancer. And before you get mad at me for this causing you anxiety… I’ve thought of this the whole time… I waited for a vaccine to point it out…. and if you are scared of the vaccine… I ask you… if it were for cancer? times 10? would you risk it? WE WILL BE THE HOPEFUL!

Globally, as of 16 November 2020, there have been 54,301,156 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,316,994 deaths, reported to WHO.

Oct 30 2020

Why I write today…

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of  30 October 2020, there have been 44,888,869 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,178,475 deaths, reported to WHO.

Here in my state? it was a record breaking day for new cases… and we broke the 600 death mark… when this started… and I was looking at the projections 600 wasn’t even a worst case scenario…

It is easy to plug your ears and ignore the danger.

I tried to do that when the virus was in China. I tried when it popped up in New York.

I tried when someone 8 miles from me tested positive for COVID-19.
What’s going on in the world right now isn’t hype.

No matter how much you believe in “filling your mind with only positive things,” you can’t ignore it.

The Coronavirus is real and it’s here.

What are your choices?
You can consume yourself in the news… I suppose.
This is not an encouragement to dismiss or ignore what is going on in the world…. It is days like today that I give myself this talk

“Do not write to forget. Write to remember. Write to survive. Write to see because nobody needs a light until darkness falls.”

Note to self.

Maybe I will die soon. Okay. Consider this my memoir.
Maybe a loved one will be claimed by the virus.
Maybe the economy will fall apart.

Writing brings clarity…. Clarity can help lessen panic.
In addition to the other benefits of writing during this time — it’s a quarantine-friendly activity — putting words on page validates my existence. I am here. I am breathing. I am alive. The words say so.
I cannot solve what is happening… but I can write.
Do not retreat into fear. Extend toward hope. I type on this blog every memory I can think of. Channel all emotion to the page.
Even in the valley of the shadow of death… I can write.
If there were ever a moment in history to empty myself… it is now.

Its my Tiny Pumpkins birthday… I cannot see him

Tomorrow is Halloween… I cannot give out candy

My love of activism is being tainted by protests at private homes of public servants…. and someone shot up the Health Dept.

It is hard not to feel hopeless… this is all so hard.

and so I wrote it.