Feb 15 2013

How to make major decisions as a couple… Really.

Author: Kerry

Mr Amazing:  This looks cool 

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Mr Amazing:   It has a super nes emulator  & tons of games to download for free

me:  Okay okay… Why would Nintendo let that happen?

Mr Amazing:  :  who is buying NES64 games? Plus minecraft is available

me:  I want it! buy me it!

Mr Amazing:  :  lol

me:  Not funny anymore!

Mr Amazing:    I no longer want it

me:  LOL!  I WANT IT!

Mr Amazing:    smiffbib

me:  Bratface!

Mr Amazing:   it has a SNES and NES64 emulator

me:  I want it all Every Effing Mario Game since the dawn of time!

Mr Amazing: Plus you download ANY game & try it for free even the $50 games

me:  Want want want NEED

Mr Amazing: Oh Kerry

… Donkey Kong 64

… Paper Mario (the original)

… Mario Party

… Diddy Kong Racing

me:  PAPER MARIO I JUST DIED AT MY DESK… Coffee saved me

Mr Amazing:  Super Mario 64

me:  Buy Buy Buy

Mr Amazing:  It is being released June 2013

me:  We could give it to the smalls for their birthday!

Mr Amazing:  lol here kids

me:  and then steal their birthday present and play it

Mr Amazing:  now get the FUCK out of my way

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing:  seems disingenuous somehow

me:  It wants me to buy it

Mr Amazing:  I want to spend $1200 on a security appliance for home

me:  A security appliance?

Mr Amazing:  Yes, with IDS, content filtering, and anti-virus and anti-phishing built in

me:  doesn’t sound like a lot of fun

Mr Amazing: It would make it so we could control where are kids go online and verify they never download crap they aren’t supposed to

me:  <yawn>

Mr Amazing:  

mx60w-mantle

me:  paper Mario

Mr Amazing:  and it would make our wireless signal awesome

me:  paper Mario… paper Mario… PAPER MARIO YAY

Feb 14 2013

How to get out of cooking dinner on Valentines Day!

Author: Kerry

me:  I am going to make that Gnocchi and Veggies for dinner tonight… maybe if you are nice… I will add chicken

Mr Amazing:  Oh I am nice

me:  If you are mean… I will add spit

Mr Amazing:  maybe you could cook the chicken in a bit of chipotle and some pepper and salt and maybe some olive oil and a touch of vinegar with some water in a skillet

me:  Soooo Spit it is… got it

Mr Amazing:  Did you read what I wrote?

me:  ROTFL! Yes I did You are going to be lucky if I have time to boil the damn chicken and shred it… it is frozen… Let alone all that stuff you typed up there…

Mr Amazing: could you have Small Child put it in the fridge then defrost it then cut it up and then do what I asked?

me:  Burritos? Cold Wendys?

Mr Amazing:  Cold Wendy’s it is

me:  I am blogging that!

Mr Amazing:  Don’t blog that

me:  I am SOOOOO Way Blogging that! Im entitling it- Happy Valentines Day

Mr Amazing: What would you choose boiled spit chicken and gnocchi or cold Wendy’s?

me:  Or- How to get out of cooking dinner on Valentines day

Mr Amazing: LOL perfect

me:  I would choose “thank you so much for making me dinner after you work all day” That is what I would choose

Mr Amazing: I would choose “please don’t boil and spit on my chicken dinner”

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing:  I am hungry This sucks

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Creepy Fucking Kids making Valentines

Creepy Fucking Kids making Valentines

Feb 11 2013

Valentines Day? Smiffbib!

Author: Kerry

The holiday of love when sweethearts celebrate with crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two…Nauseating… isn’t it?  Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion… almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress… depression…  guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives…maddeningly…year after year.

I think the holiday is total crap

I think I always hated it… even when I was a teenager… and had a boyfriend… I always felt that it was really hokey… I’m not a teddy bears and roses stuffed inside of a ginormous heart balloon kind of person.

It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t

Frank Sinatra got it wrong when he sang about “My Funny Valentine.” … there’s nothing remotely funny about valentines or a day honoring them.

The resentment definitely makes me want to not just ignore the holiday but do something as a protest … a statement against dinner for two and cheesy professions of love… Luckily I married Mr. Amazing… Who I think is secretly relieved that he doesn’t have the pressure… but finds other ways to let me know I am the one…. he will still will lose his train of thought… and stop mid sentence if he happens upon me getting ready not properly attired yet… I will take that as my romantic gesture… it means more than any bear in a balloon ever will.

meh

 

Feb 05 2013

Small Child

Author: Kerry

I claim several as mine … But I’ve had the opportunity to name only one…

Small Child’s Father and I decided the second we found out …

Girl = My Choice

Boy=His (Mostly due to a family tradition of naming after the grandfather)

Ultra-Sound technician let us know at about 17 weeks that we were having a girl … I was a high – risk pregnancy … I was having non stress tests and Ultra – sounds weekly… Week 18 … Yep! a girl… I bought fairy wall stickers… I named her after a Russian Princess… I had the nickname all picked out… I was buying clothes like a mad woman… Cute pink clothes… Week 19…. Week 20… I couldn’t make this up you guys… honestly… “See this pearl strand is his spine… ” The cursor moving over the screen… “You mean her”… “No… you are having a boy” …. “NO… they said a girl”… cursor moves over the appropriate area “That is either the biggest Clitoris I have ever seen… or you are having a boy”…. I stared at the monitor… That was definitely a boy….

(Have I told this story before? I can not remember, and I am not going through 200 posts to see… That’s right… I hit the milestone of 200 posts… and 1 year… Woot… okay on with the story)

Tearfully returned all the pink… and the fairy… threw away the custom stitch diaper bag with the MOST BEAUTIFUL NAME in the whole wide world on it… replaced it all with tigger and pooh bear…

In the hospital .. about to deliver … Small Child’s father begins to panic… “I don’t know anyone named Keith that has ever amounted to anything” …. “You fathers name is Keith!” … “I want more for him” … and he went to every office in that facility and took a tally… the most common name for a Doctor at that time… in that place… it was a good name… and when he arrived it fit him perfectly… we signed it on his birth certificate … and I have threatened the life of anyone that tries to shorten it… those doctors plaques did not read John.

My miracle son…

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Inspired by this weeks writing prompts-  Share how you came up with your kids names!

mama kats

Feb 04 2013

Earth to Kerry…

Author: Kerry

Messages from Last Sunday…

Sue: Earth to Kerry – Kerry are you down there somewhere?

Me:  Here I am… Buried in snow!

Sue: I’m in the hospital gonna have another surgery on Sunday

Me: You are? On what?

Sue: I’m so fucking scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: What is the surgery on? Your knee?

Sue: On my knee to take out all the hardware from the replacement surgery

Me: Oh man.. That sounds painful

Sue: What do you think happens when you die?

Me: I think your soul is freed from the body and reunites with other familiar energies… And pranks those of us blinded by our physical bodies

I don’t think there is a single ounce of pain, or fear in the afterlife… Just a continuance of love

But I also think that you aren’t going anywhere yet

Sue: and what happens to evil people?

Me: I think that when freed from the body, the guilt of what they realize and the lack of loved ones makes them alone in the dark.

Sue: I SURE wish I could believe like you

I need to update my status and let family know whats a happening. Wanna write it for me?

Me: Yes I do…say this

Held hostage in hospital, they want my knee as payment! Send licorice

I love you sweetheart. I’m just trying to cheer you up

Sue: I wish you were here!

Me: I would have licorice!

Sue: LOL

Me: Okay woman, I have to go shovel two feet of snow… I will check on you in bit okay?

<at midnight Sunday the following message came in>

Danielle from Sue’s account : Hey Kerry, mom isn’t doing too well… She went into cardiac arrest today and is in critical condition. They did CPR for 20 mins and are sure there was some degree of brain injury… We don’t know exactly what caused it and haven’t got to see her yet they have her on a lot of machines right now.. Hopefully we will hear more soon

Me: Okay sweetie, praying for her.

Danielle from Sue’s account : They just said the prognosis doesn’t look good

 

Me: That breaks my heart… I’m hoping for the best

 

<6 am message>

 

Danielle from Sue’s account :Mom passed away a little after 4am

 

I shared this for a couple reasons… one being I wanted to keep it…. to remember my last conversation with my dear friend … the second being a sweet reminder that you never know… and you cant say you ‘I love you” too much…. Third and Last –  It seems a little cliche doesn’t it? Her asking me that one week prior? But it happened? How did she know?

 

I want to know what you think happens when we die?