Ode to Freddy …

Hey… Sometimes you just have to go with it… this not sleeping thing… This isn’t my first Krueger reference … and I am sure it won’t be my last.

I love him! Freddy Krueger may be the best dreamed up character out there… He doesn’t amble around slowly with a dumb mask…  and he’s not a made up monster or a possessed animal or a crazy girl who kills puppies…  He is a guy who can kill people in their dreams…. Everyone sleeps and dreams! He is an equal opportunity slasher!

What is great about Freddy is the thin line between dreams and reality… Freddy may be in their dreams but he can kill them in real life. What a badass!

This also happens to be Johnny Depp’s very first movie (Who I am also enamored with… and Mario… don’t even get me started on my “trapped in a love triangle” with him and Luigi drama). He plays Nancy’s boyfriend and just doesn’t take this whole not sleeping thing as seriously as Nancy. One of the most famous scenes is his death scene and I must say it is pretty awesome although…there does seem to be a little too much blood for one little adorable young Johnny Depp… I am pretty sure that blood is rum… and that is why it’s always gone. (What… I haven’t slept well)

I also enjoy the scene where Nancy’s mother takes her to the sleep clinic to figure out what’s wrong. They watch her on the monitor and once she goes into REM her heart rate is off the charts. She begins wildly thrashing and her mother and the doctor rush in. Nancy’s hair has turned white and she’s clutching Freddy’s hat in her hand… A hat! that even has the name Fred Krueger sewn into it… I wonder if he does his own sewing? Anyways, later, Nancy’s mom brings her down to the basement where she takes a small bundle out of the furnace. She tells Nancy about how a while back there was a child murderer named Fred Krueger who used to take his victims to an old boiler room and kill them. He managed to kill about 20 kids before the parents of the community became outraged and decided to burn him alive in boiler room. Lucky for Nancy’s mom, she got to keep his knife fingers, which she believes is proof that he can’t come back and kill Nancy… But of course he can… And also why would you ever keep a child murderers knife fingers? Sick.

Freddy-Krueger-evil-24375590-500-375

He’s witty and mean, and has such a gross face that he doesn’t need a scary mask. He also likes to wear stripes and a stylish hat. What’s not to love?

It is what it is…

Sooooo I am still swimming in the sea of the funk… I haven’t wanted to write… if your a regular… you have been through these with me before.

I looked at the writing prompts for this week from …mama kats

big sigh… I just didn’t think I could do it… but I chose this one…

 Look into your archives. What were you blogging about a year ago around this time? Are you still dealing with the same thing? Your thoughts?

Suddenly… after reading through this  week last year…I feel a whole lot less crazy.

This year vs. last

Last Year – Being stuck in an insomniac filled panic attack ridden funk…. Check!

This Year – Being stuck in an insomniac filled panic attack ridden funk…. Check!

This year however I am not in as bad of shape with the knee,. In fact I am sometimes even making it to the gym… I said sometimes…  I am going way longer between night terrors <Knocking on ALL the woods right now> and my nights of insomnia are farther and fewer in between… even if I forget that in the midst of them… They feel scarier because they are less familiar… but the reality is… It is so much better!

Last year I didn’t care enough to try to get to the bottom of my panic attacks… I figured they were justified completely… considering all the going ons…

This year I cared. I cared too much. I had anxiety over having anxiety! I have made every attempt to alleviate it… these dread filled heart pounding hand shaking not sleeping short tempered disassociated moments… I have walked… talked… read… listened to music… painted… loosened up those expectations on myself …

Let’s read that again… I did those things!

I continued to read past that least week of April last year… and guess what… things got better… they go up and down… I go up and down… its what keeps me interesting… This will get better too…

Hey… hey you… I do not know if you are still reading this… I don’t think I came to really any kind of a point… There was no AHA! moment… no light at the end of the tunnel …This is horrible content for a blog… but it is the content of my life… So if you are still here… Arms-Tattoos-To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms1_large

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wont forget either 🙂

 

Sorry excuse for a post… really

All I seem to do lately is apologize…

I have been irritable… moody… discontent.

I have a horrible habit of misdirecting angry outbursts at inappropriate times and places.

I am tired… exhausted to the bone… the kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.

I have felt trapped by obligations…

I have fallen into this spiraling victim mode… where everything is out to get me.

I have felt gross… do you know that feeling… when just everything about yourself feels gross? <shrugs> maybe that only happens to me.

I have been lashing out at my lot in life… the life that I have striven for… dreamed of… worked so hard to get.

I cannot ever seem to get ahead.

In short… I am burned out.

I’m sorry… Because in reality… I know I am so blessed… and have the greatest friends in the entire world… who have been there for me… always… I know I am loved… So much is going on in the world… and I cannot seem to see past the trees to the forest… I know this will pass…

This post… which is the most I am capable of recently… is inspired by the writing prompt “Tell us about a time you had to apologize”

mama kats

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Wine vs. Whine

Wine and whining

Wine and whining

Sometimes… its easier to accept the wine… than the whining 🙂

 

… Dem Bones

Over Spring Break we went to see mummies of the world… a very solemn experience…. while at the museum we lightened the mood with a few other exhibits…. Here is small child making dem bones dance 🙂

Museum

Rewind to my favorite Easter story….

… That damn bunny!!!

Posted on April 8, 2012 by Kerry

I remember thinking that when I had kids of my own that there were some super lame holidays I just wouldn’t get sucked into…. and before we go all righteous on the religious meaning behind them…. you’re the people telling your kids fictitious characters come into their homes in the dead of night and leave them things…

… Santa I understood… he sees you when your sleeping… he knows when your awake… all that creeper stuff…. I get it.. besides I love Christmas magic… I really do… but let’s go over a few I don’t get…. the tooth fairy…. okay seriously disturbing… and I’m not the only one who thinks so… there are horror movies about it…. and beyond that… gross… what am I supposed to do with that tooth… I remember sneaking through my mothers drawer and finding them… eek… what’s she gonna do with them.. give them to me with my baby stuff…. “Thanks a heap for the rotting hunk of bone from my prepubescent mouth Mom! ”

… and of course the Easter bunny…. anyone wanna take a stab at explaining the sense behind this tradition and not make it sound lame? … good luck…. but of course by the time I had the small child .. I was not the only person with a vested interest in his up bringing… and MIL had known my plans to deprive him of this weirdness….. and blackmailed me with threats of trying to indoctrinate him into organized religion if I didn’t participate in her favorite holiday…. so… obviously she won…. he was almost two when we introduced this holiday to him…. he loved coloring the eggs…. he could have spent hours bathing those precious little cooked eggs in colors … and he left them in the fridge in his crayon decorated and stickered carton… went to bed happily chirping about eggs and them representing spring…. and the colors were so pretty… in the morning he awoke to a chocolate laden basket… with jelly beans… and stuffed bunny larger than his tiny toddler body…. the Easter bunny had come… and he ran to check on his eggs hoping the bunny had liked them… only to find the empty Carton on the kitchen counter …. his grandma and father were poised with cameras to catch the reaction of his first egg hunt…. I wish I had caught their reactions to his…. small child’s face skewed into the angriest most disgusted expression I had ever seen… then in a low voice spit out the words…”That damn bunny took my eggs! “…. shocked to say the least someone pointed out a hidden egg to him and suggested perhaps that bunny had just hid them…..(I laughed uncontrollably through the entire charade… muttering that damn bunny everytime he looked like he may have gotten over his fury… keeping his rage harnessed) … oh he found those eggs.. proclaiming the Easter bunny the “biggest jerk ” as he found the eggs one by one… until each of his beautiful eggs were back in the carton where they belonged… and then he ate that chocolate rabbit… it was in vengeance, biting those ears off angrily… for the prank that had been played on him….that damn bunny! the following year he drew scary faces on the eggs to try to scare the bunny off…. this year he is helping me make the basket for smallest child… and he still thinks the Easter bunny sucks …. I couldn’t agree more.