And then he was 14…

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You are horrified… no doubt… that I am writing about you on your birthday.

Perhaps if I were a better mother… I’d save this letter… give it to you privately. But I’m your mother… some days better than other days… and today… while you sleep I wrap your gifts …  minecraft … spiderman… you really are still you…

Did you know that when you were two years old… you clapped liked a crazy man on my birthday? Every candle I blew out… every gift I opened… you clapped and clapped in excitement…  I don’t remember what the cake looked like… I don’t remember what gifts I received… I just remember your smiling face, your happy eyes, your blonde hair… I’ve hated every birthday of mine… but that one… My gosh, I loved you then.

When you were ten… we had a fight over schoolwork … frustrated… I went to my room and closed my door and screamed at you that I wanted to be alone… And I laid on my bed… trying to figure out how to mother a growing boy with a distinct personality of his own… how to make everything all right… And when you walked into my room, I asked you what you were doing… and I wasn’t kind… And I said, “I don’t know what to do about this.” And you said, “Maybe we could forgive each other.” And that remains the most humbling moment of my life… My gosh, I loved you then.

In your 13th year you buried your father… You played your recital piece for his funeral… for him…  And I knew that I would never have been brave enough to do that … My gosh, I loved you then.

 You made me a mom… And you made being a mom easy.

You… quiet… learning how to be a man while still being a boy…  Sometimes needing me and sometimes not.

And now at 10:09 am… you will be 14… And we’re going to figure this out, you and me… You’re going to figure out how to grow up… And I’m going to figure out how to parent you as you do… we will mess up… I will make mistakes… so will you… I’m going to try to hug you in public… your going to make inappropriate jokes… we are going to forgive each other… we are going to survives this… because… My gosh, I love you in this moment.

Happy Birthday Angel Boy.

 

 

And then she was 7

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Dear Pretty Facey,

I cannot believe you are 7 years old today… The time certainly has
flown by… It hasn’t been very long that you’ve been in my life…
but I cannot remember (and do not want to) what life was like
without you… You are one of the best things that has ever happened
to me. And even when you drive me bonkers (something you love to do
because, let’s face it, you’re 7)… I still look at you and thank
the gods for giving me such a wonderful gift. My life changed in
the best way possible by making that commitment to spend my life
with YOU and your dad… You’ve kept me on my toes ever since… I
feel so privileged to be given a front row seat in watching you
grow up… Getting to play a supporting role in your life… Being
a step mom is something I didn’t know how to do… you taught me. I
enjoy our evening reading times… I love being the recipient of
all your beloved art (though I may eventually have to rent a
storage space just to have enough room for all the drawings!).
During these our years together I’ve watched you develop your
strong loudly spoken personality… and I’m proud of the girl
you’ve become. You are kind when you want to be… talkative
always… generous… compassionate… so full of love… energetic
without fail…. intelligent and a truly beautiful person inside
and out. You tell me often that you love me . Well, my darling step
daughter, I love you so much more than I counted on… You truly
are a blessing from above…. I am proud to be your friend. Happy
birthday, Sweetheart.

ThemeSong Thursday…. Be okay today

A moment of clarity… in the middle of the busiest week of the summer… in the middle of everyone’s birthdays… in the midst of work… the flu… colds… eye infections.. pneumonia… ear infections… and the bloody noses that have taken up residence in our home… Today it came… a moment of clarity… and here is the themesong of the day… and I know that maybe I will be okay…

 

Theme Song Thursday… This one could be your lifer

Love this one! We were discussing ringtones… and how we choose specifics ones for specific people… and laughing about the ones we set for certains… then she tells me… This is my ringtone… yeah… you need this, this week. #soulsister So do I


 

 

World War Z – A mom’s review

First thing worth mentioning- Pitt always looks as if he not only needs a bath, as well as a haircut and shave… And yet, still totally hot.

Opening scene shows us Lane interacting endearingly with his adorable family: wife Karin and two daughters, one with a stuffed animal and one with asthma. We have just enough time to fall in love with them on what seems like an ordinary day.. They really are an adorable family… The mother really is the hero of this story in my book, and all hell breaks loose while they are driving to work and school. At first, all is confusion and chaos, and then the zombies arrive. They are fast and aggressive and it takes just 12 seconds after a person is attacked for them to become fast and aggressive zombies themselves. Zombies are, as we have come to know from many other movies, extremely focused and therefore extremely effective. They have just one purpose: to create more zombies. They will do whatever it takes to whomever it takes. And the humans who must try to survive will be faced with terrible choices.

PG-13 Rating

Parents should know that this film has graphic and disturbing images, extended very intense sequences of peril with many characters injured and killed, scary and disgusting zombies, emergency amputation, guns, explosions, and chases.

I took my 13 year old (Weeks away from 14) to see this and I offered several times to walk out of the theater with him if it were too much… He declined through out the movie… even though he jumped in his seat multiple times (He has never seen anything that is not age appropriate to him, I have managed to keep him from any R rated films thus far) The movie keeps things taut and involving, holding back information to keep us just a little strung out and then allowing us some release at just the right moment. The zombies are fast and relentless. Even at a PG-13 level, with muted gore, they are very disturbing. One just clicks his teeth with what could hardly be described as a knowing look — maybe just focused — and it is really creepy. From the heartbeat sound behind the opening logo to the seemingly innocent moments that turn ominous, the pacing is tight and absorbing and the the characters and the puzzle weighty. But it is Pitt who makes it all work. He is so good at everything that we almost wonder why he needs a plane — surely he can just fly to the next city on his own — but his un-angsty goodness and sheer star power is itself the most powerful reminder of why it is that we want the humans to win.

It described Mother nature as the most clever serial killer, I loved this view point and think that it makes some great discussions for classic philosophy, Good Vs. Evil, Survival of the fittest, ect.

We were all a little bit jumpy afterwards- The amazing super moon hovering over us on the drive home with cloud wisps across it, as if it were a drawing from a horror novel didn’t help much.

I highly recommend it, It is a good teen flick (perhaps a bit older teens, as my own slept with his laser gun last night)

 

Our Exotic Island… and the Antelope

mama kats“Take us somewhere local spot in your city and show us what we’re missing…you’ll be saving us thousands of dollars now that we won’t need to take that trip!”

Grab a cup of coffee … Buckle up… Play your favorite CD .. and drive… about 45 miles from my home is an island… Not the tropical banana tree coconut cocktail lounge chair on the beach kind I crave… But an island none the less… it is a beautiful drive… with a road built right out over the water to drive out to it… the smalls love to “drive on water” and really this little island has its own magical properties… even if lacking all the other magic.

There he is... The antelope the island is named after... Just kidding.. there are huge herds of them

There he is… The antelope the island is named after… Just kidding.. there are huge herds of them

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These are much more common to site than the antelope… infact they are EVERYWHERE… their youngin’s are adorable and playful together though

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Surrounded by the great salt lake (which smells like ass most of the time) the scenery is stunning

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There are fun visitor centers and gift shops located on the island, as well as a few places to eat lunch… but I recommend packing a picnic.

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There is also the ranch, which is so much fun for the smalls.. There are entertaining activities and things to see.

Just until the day I can afford the other kind of island 🙂

Depression is my bitch.

… I have been plugging along for weeks… Normal stresses… End of the school year projects… concerts… quick trip to the lake… work… laundry… work… dishes… work… lessons… work… sweeping up the pile of dog hair from the floors that resembles a chinchilla… sleep overs… fathers day preparation… working extra hours over the weekend… and it hits… with no warning from one day to the next… I was a functioning member of society yesterday… juggling all of the above … with a smile… today I woke up… wanting to run away… move where no one knows me… and just start over completely… my head hurts… my eyes hurt… my body hurts…. I tear up almost every time some makes eye contact… or uses a tone of voice that my emotional state doesn’t deem as an  appropriate reaction… I couldn’t sleep… I held my body so tensely that soon my toes began cramping… then my feet… muscles across the top and bottoms twist in painful contortion like spasms… moving up to my calves until I spent most of the night at the foot of the bed stretching them… and trying to work the knots out…. I want to sleep… I want to crawl in bed and stare at the white wall until I am completely disconnected from my body and mind… zoned out beyond reach… I want a break … I am breaking… just twelve hours later… twelve hours since yesterday when I was laughing and greeting people with confidence…. There isn’t enough caffeine in the world to make me feel like I have the energy to make it through this day… it feels that way… but somehow I just keep making the motions…tumblr_matiqukbcp1qc2u00o1_500