Smiffbib

Dec 11 2013

Death of the Stache

Author: Kerry

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)

Stach

Nov 12 2013

What’s in a name? Ask Urban Dictionary

Author: Kerry

mama kats

The meaning of your name…does it suit you?

I had never researched what my name meant…  and when I did… I was unimpressed… unimpressed that is until I decided that the Urban Dictionary might have a little bit more information…..

1. Kerry
A beautiful girl who excels in multiple facets of life. She is extremely attractive and desired by all. Some may even describe her as a goddess.
Well… There really isn’t much to argue with there… I mean… desired by all might be a bit of a stretch… might…
2. Kerry
 a graceful, perfect girl in every possible way. Goddess of the universe and most likely is that girl in your “awkward” thoughts. Perfect bodied and almost always turns out to be an amazing director! Usually, guys try to sneak into her apartments at night, but sadly, the cops catch them halfway there, but the next day they are out of jail so it’s all good.
Sooooo That was oddly specific… and creepy  honestly… excuse me whilst I go and check to be sure all my windows and doors are locked… although that is the second time the word Goddess has been used… just stating the obvious.
3. Kerry
A name for a generous, beautiful, passionate, kind, sweet, and amazing girl. Some people would kneel and bow down to her, as if she were a goddess. Men often fall head over heels in love with her.
Ohhh I like the sound of that… Huh… there are 14 pages of meanings for my name on this website…
4. Kerry
Dark haired warrior and clitoral master with the largest penis on world record.
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried! I’m just not that creative… But I do have dark hair… So… There’s that.
Kerry = Hoodie Wearing Goddess of laying down in bed blogging... Look it up!

Kerry = Hoodie Wearing Goddess of laying down in bed blogging… Look it up!

Oct 21 2013

Quickies Rock…. Am I Right?

Author: Kerry

Soooo I know I have been a little bit quiet here lately… Things are hectic… we got ready to go to Disneyland two weeks ago… then we went to Disneyland… Now we are recovering from Disneyland.

Obviously I have nothing to complain about… I mean… Hello… Disneyland… I am just explaining my lack of Blogginess….

We are alive and well… and back in action!

Stay Tuned!

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Sep 04 2013

MAKE ME A SAMMICH…. Dammit!

Author: Kerry

mama kats  You know you’re getting old because…

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My Red Dress Moment- In the Bloggess’s Red Dress 🙂

So next week is my 40th birthday. Funny… I don’t feel older.

Although if I’m honest, my body has been telling me, “Hey Kerry! You’re 40!” for the last year. I’ve gotten more injuries in the last year- my foot, my knee… Shit… I don’t even know what all happened. I just hurt. Why? Does it (it being this body) know that I’m turning 40?  I exercise more, eat less, weigh more… and care about it less!… I don’t lean over and pick something up unless it’s really important. Leaning over or squatting down takes an overwhelming amount of energy at age 40. I am constantly calculating “risk vs. reward.” A pencil? Nope. The dog can just chew it. A $20 bill? Maybe… My bills, my hair-loss and my check marks off that bucket list are all way more… My tolerance for teenage attitude… way lower!  I now get up twice every night to go to the bathroom… up from once a night, starting at age 30. At this rate I’m just going to save time by sleeping on the toilet at age 60!... Whenever I get a new game console… dvd player… anything…  I just give it to my kids to set it up for me…. I eat several different cereals… but they all have the word “Fiber” in the title.

Wow, I sound decrepit !

Sigh… life at 40.

Shit! Life at 40???

Life at 40… Alive at 40!!!  I know for a fact that cash bets were placed in high school on whether I would live to see the age of 21, which at the time seemed completely unfathomable…

Then I turned 25

Then 30…

I just kinda figured I was on a streak… kinda figured I would see what happened next…. and here we are.

p.s I didn’t demand that you make me a sammich… The world did… Do you want to hurt the credibility of the entire world? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

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Aug 23 2013

Thanks for checking on me Facebook…

Author: Kerry

ha ha! its been so long since I’ve posted… Facebook is asking me if I am okay in a private message… Sorry Facebook… just busy at my day job! Next week for sure! I miss you desperately… but you know that old saying…. SMIFFBIB!

Aug 01 2013

Meet the tallest :)

Author: Kerry

I don’t write often about Tallest Child… Because she is all growed up… and out on her own with the tiniest of all child… cooking another one in her belly!

But this weeks writing prompt only could be dedicated to her… because well… ha! she was freaking stuck!!

mama kats

 “A time somebody got stuck”

Heather

This is my baby girl… My daughter… and if you have been reading for a while her stories are intertwined with mine through out… I write about her on Mothers Day cause I’m her mama dammit! I shared my angels girls story of her angel… (with her permission) … because I was so proud of her… She brings me joy … She is part of every humorous story I share about small child growing up in fact… she was a key part to smiffbib even being created… I’m sure there are a million more tall child stories on here… but I’ve linked in a lot if you want some history on this beautiful woman pictured above… My god I love her… and how we show our love? By embarrassing the shit out of her!

“A time somebody got stuck”

She was standing on the stairs that went upstairs, I was standing in the kitchen below her in a Romeo and Juliet almost moment… I say almost because we aren’t Romeo and Juliet… and then… without really understanding why… she decided to shove her knee into the metal bars of the banister… you know… to see if it fit…. She stood there nonchalantly for a moment… trying to slide it back out… but after a few minutes began to panic… We (The smalls father and I) took a few minutes to laugh hysterically… trying to push her … and pull her knee… before I began to panic!… I start thinking the fire department is going to have to come and cut her out of this thing… when the father type figure had a genius idea…. Butter! you should use butter to get out of these kinds of things… and I run to the fridge…. no butter…. BUT! we own butter flavored Pam… which is really the same thing… sprayed her knee… and rescued her from its clutches…Never to be lived down again…

heatherandbabyPsst… Tallest Child… you know about the mothers curse right?.. those Tinys are gonna make for some great stories!!!

Apr 30 2013

Smiffbib Sangria… Seriously

Author: Kerry

mama kats

 

 

 

Prompt: Refreshments anyone? Prepare a drink for us and share the recipe!

Simple Sangria… Wow… This is the most random post ever!

Okay… So I don’t cook… but I sure love to eat!

(I totally cook … sometimes…  just so you know)

Well… I am no bartender… But I sure love wine!

Smiffbib Sangria … Because this whole recipe resonates with the I don’t care attitude – 1 bottle of white wine (I love THIS one! 3 cans of Fresca, add sliced fruit (peaches, strawberries, grapes, etc whatever is left over from the kids lunch works for me!! HA!)

Sip it… Fill a tumbler… bathe in it… whichever your style …

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What! that wasn’t what you were expecting out of me?? Not enough Smiffbib in the Sangria??? Here! Visit my drunk tweet post… because… well… Drunk Tweets!