Chicken Cherry Cola … and 7 other misheard Lyrics

I wanted to write a funny post about how I got some song lyrics wrong…and I started to draft it out and realized it was a little bit more of a tangled web I needed to weave if I expected anyone to follow it…  So I am going to Type it… and you are going to either close the site at this point… or love it…

All of my friends have a nickname… and my smalls… and my Mr. Amazing… you get the idea … This story is about Bacteria… who let’s be honest… may be solely responsible for my nickname fetish… Bacteria is Bacteria because her last name at the time was Renteria… and well… Bacteria is funnier… She calls me Buzzer

We met working in a local convenient store many many moons ago … when I was taking night classes and they offered tuition reimbursement… So we opened the store at 5 am to receive deliveries… One day there was an alarm going off inside the store… Looking at the safe alarm… it wasnt it… looking at the emergency shut offs for the gas pumps… it wasnt it… I couldn’t find it anywhere… The coke delivery guy showed up just as I was about to call for help (no really, I was dialing the fire dept)… and simply walked behind the counter and hit snooze on the alarm clock (thanks a heap evening shift guy) … Hence the name buzzer… and a life long friendship

 At said store we were stocking shelves to a well choreographed routing of  I Want you -Savage Garden when I sang 

 “anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes… mumble mumble … CHICKEN CHERRY COLA”

… and well… you can imagine the reaction… we googled the lyrics … (see above link if curious about the correct ones)  BUT This year… 15 years later… 15!! I was vindicated with this post on my Facebook wall…

 (thanks bacteria) and I realized I am not alone!!! What other ones do you get wrong?

Here are my Top 7

1-       Elton John — ‘Tiny Dancer’

Me: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”
Real: “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.”

2-      Pearl Jam — ‘Glorified’

Me: “Horrified virgin on a pelican”
Real: “Glorified version of a pellet gun”

3-      Manfred Mann’s Earth Band –‘Blinded by the Light’

Me: “Wrapped up like a douche”
Real: “Revved up like a deuce”

4-      Van Halen — ‘Panama’

Me: “You reach down between my legs… squeeze the seed bag.”
Real: “You reach down between my legs… ease the seat back.”

5-      Adele — ‘Chasing Pavements’

Me: “Should I just keep chasing penguins?”
Real: “Should I just keep chasing pavements?”

6-      Creedence Clearwater Revival — ‘Bad Moon Rising’

Me: “There’s a bathroom on the right.”
Real: “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”

7-      Eagles — ‘Desperado’

Me: “You’ve been outright offensive for so long now.”
Real: “You’ve been out riding fences for so long now.”

Mr. Amazing donated unknowingly the Pledge of Allegiance as he recited it in his younger years to honor this post 🙂

“I plague a league dance to the flag, of the young knighted states of America, Aunt two republics with wicker stands, one nation, under God, Invisible, witch liver tea and just this for all”

Teen sold kidney for Ipad/Iphone … What would he do for a Klondike Bar?

Apple’s iPad costs an arm and a leg here in the United States, but in China, the organ you’d have to part with is the kidney:

It sounds like the stuff of urban legends, but the official Chinese Xinhua News Agency is reporting that five people have been arrested for alleged involvement in the removal and selling of a teenager’s kidney for transplant, according to the Associated Press.

The Xinhua story said the 17-year-old student, identified only by his surname Wang, gave up his kidney for money, some of which was used buy two of Apple’s most popular products — an iPad and an iPhone.  As the story goes, the mother of the student uncovered the plot. According to Xinhua, she asked her son how he could have afforded an iPad and iPhone, and he told her that he had sold one of his kidneys.

Is this the new “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

6 times “Smiffbib” is the only appropriate response

1. I eat tacos with a fork.

2. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.

3. I don’t believe in democracy.

  4. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.

 

 

 

 

5. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

6. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.

12 Famous Quotes in History… That should’ve been Smiffbib

  1. I don’t know, I don’t care, and it doesn’t make any difference!
    Albert Einstein
  2. I don’t mind, i don’t care, i don’t give a damn!
    Lyz Mike Shamsul
  3. I don’t care who don’t like me, at least I stay real.
    Pelle
  4. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
    Winston Churchill
  5. If you have anything bad to say to me, Say it to someone else cause I don’t care, I quite like myself!
    Rachel-erika Henderson
  6. I don’t care about three years ago,… I don’t care about two years ago. I don’t care about last year. The only thing I care about is this week.”
    Tom Brady
  7. I don’t care about my character here on earth.I don’t care about what other people think or say about me, all I care about is my standing before the Lord.
    Brigham Young
  8. Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
    John F. Kennedy
  9. I don’t care how many yards you give up — if they don’t score, they don’t win. Plain and simple. I don’t care what they do.
    Champ Bailey
  10. If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured and far away.
    Henry David Thoreau
  11. Live your own life, for you will die your own death.
    Latin Proverb
  12. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
    Eleanor Roosevelt

Wine… or crack… Something

GChat –

Me: I need wine. Or crack. Something…

Mr.Amazing: crack?

                Did you really just say that?

 Me: LOL it’s an expression

             Crack… the expression LMAO

Mr.Amazing: let’s see… legal alcohol or crack rock… lol

 Me: not crack the drug

Mr.Amazing: I am laughing at my desk

 Me: 🙂

Mr.Amazing: I need some wine, or crack…

Me: I feel a Facebook status coming on

Mr.Amazing: lol  I can’t stop laughing, Eli probably thinks I am retarded

 Me: 🙂

Mr.Amazing: I need wine or crack

                Whichever

                no biggie

Me: Now you are making me laugh

Mr.Amazing: I could really use a sandwich, some chips, maybe some crack

Me: that’s it, I’m posting it on Facebook!

Mr.Amazing: lol, your dad would be like…

            “if you are gonna do crack, let me get you in touch with some people I know”

 Me: I know right?

Me: I totally just posted it

Mr.Amazing: ???!!!

                The new expression?

                Whatever are you talking about?

                  I searched “or crack” on Google

 Me: LOL!!!

 Mr.Amazing: first reference was “Nice price or crack pipe News”

 Me: I might LOVE to see the face of whoever sees your Google history

Mr.Amazing: second is … “Lindsay Lohan is Smoking Either crack or Meth, Says her Father …”                       

                                               I posted it on Facebook!

Me: I almost choked on my own saliva

Mr.Amazing: Damn I’m hungry, I could really use a sandwich or some crack…

 Me: LOL crack would suppress your appetite

           Don’t be offended… It was meant to be completely out-of-place … that’s why it’s funny

Mr.Amazing: oh… is that why? So remember last night when we were talking about SQUIRREL!!!

 Me:  KKhhhhaaaaannnn!!!

 Mr.Amazing: ROFLMAO

                             I love that

 Me: So funny

Mr.Amazing: 

 Me: ROTFLMAO!!! OMG! I want to watch the movie now

Me: Trouble with Tribbles

So Called … “Pink Slime”… Smiffbib!

Did you freak out when you read it?? I mean … We don’t frequent fast food joints often anyways… trying to achieve a goal of 75% organic in our diet … But when they announced the schools were using it?? I instructed the smalls to only eat salads at school… because let’s be honest… I will never be the mom that packs home lunches… I consider mixing organic granola… and greek yogurt for breakfast and serving it up home cooking… I begged the small child to not let his father take him to McDonald’s on his weekends with him… and if they had to eat that way… and let’s be honest.. they do… to only eat Wendy’s …. I work with this amazing woman named Gale… Who not only provides my body with caffeine in every type of way ingestible… but is fascinating to listen too… and she shared with me this letter to the editor she wrote our local tribune in response to their scathing report on it… and well… stop F*ing panicking… Pink Slime? Smiffbib!

From  Gale S Rudolph, PhD, C.N.S.

Letter to the Editor

Aren’t we elitist?

With more than seven billion on the planet, I applaud the food scientists who have developed methods to use all of the slaughtered animal.  Aren’t we to be “stewards of the planet” using all of our resources wisely?  I understand that 1 ½ million more cattle have to be raised to make up the deficit in mechanically separated meat (MSM) that will be discarded.

I’ve used MSM to make chili, chicken/apple sausages and more high-quality protein products.  Everyone can’t have sirloin steak.

Beehive Machinery right here in Utah developed the process and it is valued around the globe.  Yes, we strive to improve this creative technology and the meat safety.  But we cannot afford to dismiss it.  Clearly label the MSM and let consumers vote with their wallets.

Now… That being said… It still doesn’t sound good… I agree… I don’t want to eat it… But then she put it to me this way… Apple Sauce… We eat organic apple sauce at my house… Do you think that apple sauce only contains the white sweet portion of the apple? and it was lovingly hand cut from the core? or was it ran through a machine.. they cores it, and never claims to have gotten out every seed… and every little speck of skin… No… that would be too expensive… I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep smallest child in her drinkable apple sauce packages which she will drink as many as I let her a day… and it is so good for her… It is Mechanically separated… and it doesn’t have any added sugar… and it’s not something else textured and colored and sugared to look like apple sauce…  Okay.. So I am past the first issue…

….The second issue is this…. product is treated with ammonium hydroxide as an antibacterial and then frozen into 60 lb. blocks. I question the value of this treatment as the product is only sold frozen and it was used for the first 10 years without the treatment. In the last few years, Cargill Inc. has begun producing a similar product called Finely Trimmed Beef (FTB) and uses citric acid as an antibacterial. At the ground beef processing plant, the LFTB is ground directly from the frozen state and mixed at no more than a 15% level with other lean and fat beef trimmings before final grinding. USDA ruled the LFTB product did not have to be labeled separately since the original raw material it came from is beef. … Gross right? … However …

…If this product is not used anymore, the meat industry will be obliged to grow or import about 1.5 million more cattle each year according to Meatingplace.com My feeling is that USDA will eventually change the labeling rules to make it plain to the consumer which ground beef has LFTB and which does not. If that happens, I think a fair amount of grocery store consumers will choose the cheaper product with LFTB  because it works well in burgers or recipes and is safe. However, I do not believe the major QSR chains (McDonald’s,  BK, etc.) will ever use it again due to the current furor. Wendy’s has never used it because their burgers are from fresh meat only and LFTB is always frozen… Like school lunches…

So there you go … It is what it is… Take it or leave it… but at least know what it is… Smiffbib …

Mooooooooo!!