Smiffbib

May 05 2012

Cinco de Mayo… The day that gets me!… Alt Titled: the 5 Best things to hit with a stick!

Author: Kerry

I now bring you the 5 coolest things  to hit with a stick!

1- This is awarded the Geek Pinata award

2- Coolest pinata ever! Scared to death of these things as a Child… Would love to beat it with a stick!
3 – Enough said 🙂 Arrrgh!!

4 – The Yo Gabba Gabba Pinata is placed here in honor of every toddler tv show I have suffered here, it could alternately be Dora, Blue, Bob, or lala

5 – Yeah… My Ass 🙂

Apr 25 2012

Zipper Trivia… just the word… not the actual mechanism…

Author: Kerry

G-Chat conversation.

Mr Amazing: so bfgoodrich invented the word zipper

me:  what?

Mr Amazing: yeah, he coined the term zipper

me: I’m not really sure how you found that out… although I suspect google has something to do with it… or why anyone would want to know that

Mr Amazing: the google zipper yesterday

me: Although… Inventing the actual zipper…not the word… well that would mean something

Mr Amazing: don’t worry, I sent the same message to a random co-worker and then pretended like I really sent him a random retarded message about bfgoodrich inventing the zipper… ROFLMAO

Epic

me: ROTFLMAO!!!

Mr Amazing: And then I just immediately switched gears and asked about the deployment of his app to production

smooth

me: LMAO! OMG! I am trying to cover the fact that I am laughing so hard I am crying

Mr Amazing: Next I will IM him about something really awkward

Mr Amazing: like a lump and the doctor and then pretend like I was really talking to him… “what do’ya think man… ”

pretend even

wow

I meant to do that

me: LMAO!! stop… my co-workers are looking at me

Mr Amazing: Hey … so my mother told me that she is going to stop talking to me, since I totally told her about the whole leaving the closet thing….

and… well I thought that was interesting…

so about that software deployment….

me: ROTFLMAO!!! I have to walk away… and apparently pee!! brb

me: There! much better

Mr Amazing: He still hasn’t responded…

He is probably thinking…fuck… was I too nice to him? Does he want to be my friend… creepy… shit what do I say? Do I just pretend like I don’t see it? Should I close the window? fuck….

me: ROTFLMAO!!!

Mr Amazing: just leave the window open and don’t respond… and never talk to him again

fuck

me: Stop! LMAO!

Mr Amazing: zipper? what does that mean? Is that a come on? Oh God, what if it is?

me: I just swallowed my gum!! dammit!

It’s not like you can walk over and be all “that was meant for my wife”… because then he would think you were talking zipper trivia with me

Mr Amazing: He hasn’t said anything else? what if he comes and talks to me? Is he going to talk about inventing zippers…

me: it’s better he thinks you’re hitting on him

Mr Amazing: Tomorrow I’ll ask him if yesterday meant anything to him

me: uhhhh

Mr Amazing: and then tell him that my feelings were hurt

that he never responded

I just tried to make small talk

like who invented zippers

what is awkward about that

me: “I just tried to make small talk” LMAO

Mr Amazing: nothing

zippers are healthy and normal

me: quit omg..

Mr Amazing: and he won’t talk to me about zippers?

me: I am going to die

Mr Amazing: Fine, I am not saying hi to him anymore

not even if he rubs my shoulders

I just simply refuse

me: creepy!

Mr Amazing: what is zippers?

or shoulders?

Do you think I should try to hug him? To make things seem less awkward?

you know… just reset things and let him know that we are okay

a two pat hug

me: ROTFLMAO!!

Mr Amazing: and then a shoulder squeeze

and then just walk away

me: two pats and a shoulder squeeze?

Mr Amazing: that would make things not so … weird

me: Why don’t you ask him?

maybe he has a pat preference?

Mr Amazing: oh yes, great idea

hey… do you like shoulder squeezes? you remember me, the zipper trivia guy

 me: ROTFLMAO!   Exactly

Mr Amazing: yeah, I’m on it

I am going to pray to god the whole thing just goes away

I may pray tonight

And create an altar of shame

me: I will help you.. I have candles

Mr Amazing: He just walked over and asked me to deploy his app again

he looked very troubled

me: ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing: but, hey … at least he is talking to me

 me: Pretend to zip your lips at him… like you can keep a secret 

Mr Amazing: Yeah, I already did that  he ran

I winked too was that going too far?

me: <Speechless>

Mr Amazing: anyway, I think we will be okay I just may need some counseling

Mr Amazing: and not type things in the wrong F*ing chat window

Mr Amazing: https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=coined+the+word+zipper&safe=on


Apr 16 2012

… Saved your LIFE!!!

Author: Kerry

No Really… I’m not opposed to you living out your days trying to repay the debt… in fact… I encourage it…

Clicking on that little Icon will take you to the website that will save your life when the Zombies come… Typing in your zip code will tell you where to go for your best chance of survival… Such as Liquor stores (HA!) … Gun Stores… Grocery Stores… It will also tell you where the most Zombies will probably be… based on Population.. and wide open areas…

 

You’re Welcome!

Apr 15 2012

If my Body was the Hunger Games… The odds are not in my Knees favor

Author: Kerry

So if you haven’t read the other posts on this blog… You’re probably going to have to read this to have this make some sense… For those of you in a hurry… or lacking the ambition to research my bizarre history.. Lets just sum it up… I get injured a lot… More than most… and well… I hate doctors… and usually do the exact opposite of what they tell me to do… So picture if you will…. Wednesday before Easter I give into unbelievable nagging pain in my left knee … This isn’t really new… my knees have struggled since rolling my car down an embankment… even before that really, when that same knee was hit by the car trying to hit me and take my purse… or even the multiple times that I have woken up on the floor after having a night terror and running out of bed, usually the impact is what wakes me up… oh… and I’m fat… So if my body were the hunger games… the odds are not in my knees favor…. Well, It was time to have it checked as walking was becoming impossible… so much for pretending it wasnt happening… So I went… He wiggled both my knees… told me I was probably getting arthritis from the accident… but that the left one was very loose and he believed there was a tear, he wrote me a prescription for pain pills, which I made him exchange for something non narcotic… because… I hate feeling drugged and an anti inflammatory that was safe for my ulcer and referred me to an orthopedic office… which I through the contact info on the floor of my car… and refused the offered brace… and drove away figuring it would take care of itself and I would take the medicine to get through the day and go on my stubborn ass way… because that’s what I do…. Fast forward through the next week… starting with by the end of the night I cannot walk any more, and am so miserable I am in tears and icing it with frozen brown rice… I love brown rice…. soon that time creeps up to after work… then lunch time… then Friday morning… I am walking up the stairs to work.. after being off the knee for a full 10 hours… and It is so painful to climb those stairs that I call the orthopedic and make an appointment for first thing monday morning… stubbornness is replaced by fear… My knee is so stiff and swollen that it is impossible to sleep without pain pills… I’m trying to keep myself down but the dull ache is like the root of a tooth dying in your mouth… throbbing… and painful… Ice helps for a bit… the pain pill helps for a bit… it just adds to my natural .. or unnatural according to some need to be on the move… and pick up… and clean counters… and vacuum or go for a drive.. or visit friends… But I am trying… Mr. Amazing is being more than amazing, he has probably worked 80 hours this last week, and has the smallest child giving him a run for his money, yet he is taking care of me, demanding me to stay off it, helping with dinner, doing all the laundry… He earned his nickname for a reason… So this laptop is propped up on my good knee… good for how long who knows… and the bad one is laid out in front of me… the throb agitating me to the point of a thin sheen of sweat over my forehead… and I turn to the one thing that always makes me feel better… writing.. even if it’s not something that will particularly entertain you as you read it…

Apr 13 2012

Paraskevidekatriaphobia— the fear of Friday the 13th

Author: Kerry

2012  a bad year for people who suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia — the fear of Friday the 13th…. Maybe those damn mayans had it!

Why? …  There are three this year… instead of the usual two…. There was one in 2011.

That’s not all. For the first time since 1984, those three Friday the 13ths — Jan. 13, April 13 and July 13 — are exactly 13 weeks apart.

But! before we all grab our chain saws and make for the local summer camps… Is there any truth to the unlucky legends of Friday the 13th?

Sometimes, everything you know is wrong… No, you’re not stupid… you are the victim of urban legends – modern folklore tales that have the ring of truth but are almost always false.

Legends often have elements of horror or humor, they are fun to talk about and spread…. There is also a certain paranoid strain within any population that is willing to believe those stories that feed their paranoia (I personally, prefer to be around these people, as they are easy targets and make me feel smart!)

Some urban legends are repeated again and again on television shows, such as the Kidney Heist legend: being knocked out and waking up with a kidney missing….  Law and Order had a field day with that one….

Thank god for Myth Busters… right?

The Smalls can be excused for being naturally gullible, but adults who “should know better” are the real culprits of these myths… President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not depart on a (train) trip on the 13th

… FYI! For many pagans, 13 is a lucky number, because it corresponds with the number of full moons each year

And does anyone know – is Dr. Pepper really prune soda?