Smiffbib

Oct 22 2012

Listen… If I tell you I shaved my legs… Im hitting on you..

Author: Kerry
G-Chat
 me:  I vote we go pick up Indian together when you get home…. I shaved my legs this morning
Mr. Amazing: you shaved, so we should go to Indian? trying to understand the logic
                       What would have happened if you didn’t shave?
 me:  Noooooo …. listen… If I tell you I shaved my legs… Im hitting on you
Mr. Amazing:  if I tell you that I shaved my legs, I am hitting on you?
 me:  Yes!
Mr. Amazing:  And I shaved my legs haphazardly with my fingernails, how hot is that?
 me:  Uhhhh okay… I think my leg hair is growing in.
Mr. Amazing:  wha? already? damn it
 me:  I am left speechless
Mr. Amazing: Well the alternative is I get take out and then eat Indian at home, or just not get take out at all
 me:  Noooo I decided last week … And you ate onions
Mr. Amazing: As it should be
 me:  It was a disaster
Mr. Amazing:  yes, and they were wonderful
 me:  Oniongate 2012
Mr. Amazing:  lol I don’t want to think about it, I was so sick
 me:  Soooo this whole thing is on you, Maybe you don’t even want Indian, You were super sick
Mr. Amazing:  Indian it is
 me:  or even Himalayan kitchen if you want?
Mr. Amazing: You like Indian better
 me:  Actually I’m good for a change, as long as what ever you bring me is super crazy spicy
Mr. Amazing:  Indian it is
 me: … it all sounds equally good, as long as its hot, I kinda want the chicken… I might be delirious
Mr. Amazing:  Okay, chicken? seriously? do you want to think about that?
 me:  No, it sounds good
Mr. Amazing:  let’s go through this
 me:  But it has to be melt my face off hot
Mr. Amazing: first bite… good
                                  second bite… good
 me:  LMAO!
 Mr. Amazing:  third bite… okay
                               fourth bite… meh
                               fifth bite… gross
 me:  I wanna eat it
 Mr. Amazing:  (first bite)
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
 Mr. Amazing:  so… chicken?
 me:  Yeah!
 Mr. Amazing:  Uh huh
 me:  Hot!
Mr. Amazing: I am not ordering until 30 mins before I leave, so let me know if that changes
                             hot
                             yes
 me:  I dont think I slept well last night… My eyes are leaky and I think this is all very funny
Sep 18 2012

… the collection of characters I have in my life already is pretty amazing.. Just imagine if you will.

Author: Kerry

Its Writer’s Workshop time again… This weeks prompt was fun! Just because I can imagine us all in some coffee shop… or neighborhood bar… retelling the days.

Share 5 Fictional Friends you’d want in real life. (Movie/Book/TV etc.)

 

 

Harry Potter! So what if he’s a little whiny sometimes? Harry would still be a kickass friend. Think he’d speak Parseltongue if I got him drunk enough?

Bilbo Baggins! He has even better adventures than Tom Sawyer! And a better sense of humor, better jewelry, better-insulated feet. Just better all around!

Lara Croft!  She is  a bad ass, and she always seems to find the treasure she is looking for.

Optimus Prime! He is so Cool! and he is a car… what more could you ask for?

And lastly… but not least by any means…. (You all think I’m going to say Captain Jack Sparrow)

Sally Owens! From practical magic… we would be BFFs!

 

Now I’m going to state the obvious! How cool would my life be? Christmas presents from Lara Croft? Hey Optimus! I’m stuck in traffic! Help!

All that being said, the collection of characters I have in my life already is pretty amazing. I wouldn’t change them for anything!!!

I just wish Mr. Amazing could turn into a car sometimes 🙂

 

Aug 21 2012

… Like a vomiting of words into the keyboard and onto your screen….

Author: Kerry

Ive missed some writing prompts the last few weeks again… And I think you missed me… I cant say that I blame you really… I will make it up to you… I will write about them all… I will get past this writers block… and join the land of the bloggers yet again….

Or will I …. Perhaps instead some insight into the dilemma….

1.) What do your kids have that you always wanted when you were a kid? Other than this one… Im not going to answer this one…

2.) You were supposed to start a garden this summer…share the fruits of your labor. OH MY GAWD ::: Looks outside at her planter boxes that had planted seeds of Catnip, Chamomile, mint, and some smattering of wild flowers :::: Im not answering this one either

3.) Aside from your kids, pets, your husband, your coffee and your wine…what makes you smile? Are you watching me? How do you know about my love affair with coffee and wine… Obviously you already know way too much about me… I can’t answer this one either

4.) Write about something that complicates your life. I feel like these prompts are personal questions! Like you know what is going on in my head… Because it is complicated right now… I struggle to find ways to spend time with my thirteen year old boy… and feel close… I love him so much … and he is so… well… look for yourself…. this is what he is doing as I type.. I cant possibly write about that!

 
5.) Share your writing process. How long does it take an idea in your head to get published on your blog? Upon seeing this prompt I only came up with one image… I am sorry … But its true… and I am incapable of putting it into words

Jul 17 2012

… Can it really have been thirteen years…

Author: Kerry

Dear Small Child,

Thirteen Years ago…  I was terrified that I didn’t have the ability to be enough … To be the mommy you deserved.

I was so very wrong… In your first minutes of life you taught me what love meant… and how a heart is built… You see before you came on the scene I was just kind of drifting through life plans… through life in general….  You are my glue… You grounded me.

Everyone who met you shared love for you, Even your Dad was nervous that we wouldn’t quite  be enough… but we loved you with our whole hearts from the moment you first appeared…. You taught a lot of people about love…. You were powerful in your first few minutes.

Today you are thirteen… you are powerful still… You’re my baby and there will be no more babies from this womb after you.

I love your brain…. I love when you take complex situations  and narrow them down to their essence… I love being able to share this life with you and have you understand it with minimal explanation… I love watching you solve problems… I’ve never told you that you’re smarter than other people…. I think you probably know that… But you will never be arrogant.

One of your best assets is your laughter… it is contagious. When you laugh I feel like I might burst, it’s like the sun shines ten times hotter and the pure happiness is bouncing off of us all. I can’t imagine any joy greater than being your mom.

Every time you say “please”, “thank you” and “bless you” my heart soars….  The world will treat you kindly when you have good manners…. I know it’s not easy holding doors open, but you’re a boy, and soon you’ll be a man and it’s important to me that you are a gentleman.

Sometimes you ask me questions I can’t answer and we find the answers together… Your curiosity coupled with your empathy is what will change the world. I hope You always remember…  that it’s more important to be good than it is to be best… when your schoolwork is a struggle.

By this age you have learned that a  heart is built to grow…. that life is full of surprises… that things not going as planned doesn’t make the plan obsolete… You have taught me that… and I am thankful…

Happy Birthday Angel Boy

Love,
Mom

Jul 02 2012

… Random Ramblings about moving on… and the Near Death experience of a Cat

Author: Kerry

 

This weeks Writing prompt from MamaKats made me smile…. ” Share a story about a stray you took in or an animal you once rescued.”

 

 

I was married once before… Before I really understood men like Mr. Amazing could love someone like me… I often refer to those times as the “Dark Ages”… but there were some positive things that came out of it…. The birth of Small Child… The ability to adopt Tall Child…. but when it ended… and who knows… maybe someday we will talk about it and its ending…. When that man moved out… I replaced him with a cat… Shadow Cat to be specific… We gave him a home, when his other humans were looking for one for him… and they were friends of ours…. and the children rejoiced… and the Ferocious Beast Doggy did not… and all was well in the Kingdom…. (Shadow Cat and Ferocious beast are Best friends 5 years later… Like best of best friends… Shadow cat purrs upon seeing him… and Beast Doggy pretends he has to poop to sneak the cat outside when it wants out) …

Based on the success of Shadow Cat joining our lil gypsy troupe of a family… Tall child brought us another little bundle of fur… from her college dorm… It needed a home… its person was moving…. and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen….

And the children rejoiced….

And Shadow Cat and Beast Dog desperately wanted to show Flora the Ropes… Or eat her… Probably eat her…

But Flora would have none of this… She moved into my bedroom… and under my bed… and only came out when the house was asleep and all the lights were out… she would come out and eat… and use the litter box… or my clothes if they were on the floor…. and then crawl into my bed and love on my face… and nest in my hair… and allow herself to be snuggled and kissed and all was well…. We nick named her Ghost Kitty


Last… but not least… Near death experience of the cat… and I only share this… because well… it was so freakish… We love her dearly, and thought… well… its spring, lets throw her outside and see what happens….

Here is what happened : She went out… loved it… did really well… then I got brave… and let Zip (Beast Doggy) out…. That didn’t go so well… I have never seen a cat try to run through a fence… but that is exactly what she did….face first… into the chain link fence… and with enough force behind her to get her head stuck there… Small Child is screaming.. I think she is dead….. I shove her head back out of the fence… thinking… well she is dying anyways right? and carry her back in the house… hold her for a while… look her over….no blood…. set her down… she makes a mad dash for the safety of my bedroom… and right under the bed….. whew! she is fine. We bought her all kinds of treats and special stuff…. and found her another set of persons… because we loved her enough to not sentence her to a life under the bed…. much like Harry Potter under the stairs…

Here… Have a gratuitous picture of Shadow Cat and Zip the Beast Dog

 

Jun 26 2012

Alright stop …collaborate & listen…..

Author: Kerry

This time last year I was blogging about  my stomach doing somersaults of fear… dread rising in the back of my throat…. agitated…. unable to sleep….small child going to his summer visitation…

When he is gone… I cling to my phone… he texts me frequently out of boredom…. he is getting older… and therefore less willing to admit he wants his mom… but he gets weepy with my calls at night to wish him sweet dreams after only a day or two… We begin counting the days til he is back home…

Home.. That is what is different from this time last year…  My blog home is not the only place that changed… we moved into a house… and I moved my thoughts here…

I married Mr. Amazing followed by Smallest Child, Small Child, Mr. Amazing and I residing together… along with the dog… the cat… the two frozen dead fish…

Tiniest Child arrived safe and sound to Tall Child …

Small Child has had some personal changes as well… His voice cracked at voice lessons this week… and he giggled about it… Zits are erupting on his cute little button nose…. Hair… in places it wasn’t before…

He leaves for visitation in 35 hours …I’m terrified every moment he is gone… there are so many issues  … alcohol consumption… pornography… a hand gun… no gun safe…. supervision…. nutrition… cleanliness… that he will have to combat with his dad…

<insert scream here>

he loves his dad… but he is scared of him as well… but this being the fourth summer visitation… it is so far the shortest time his dad has requested…. ten days…. and then another week sometime in august….

I noticed him hugging a little longer a few days ago… as well as building a few extra walls around himself….

I noticed myself doing the same thing…

Our family has completely changed… again… since this time last year… I look to the next year…

Brought to you by… Lack of sleep… panic attacks… and Mama Kats Prompt….

Jun 19 2012

… NOT Your Ami… My Ami

Author: Kerry

Week two of Summer Vacation .. Small child is old enough to stay home alone all day this year… Sure I have it split up… Picnic with the neighbor kids once a week… Lawn Mowing on Thursdays for his Grandparents.. which then morphs into a day spent with Grandma… which he so desperately needs at this time in his life… Every other weekend and each Monday afternoon into evening with his Father… He has a couple of weeks of a Music camp scheduled next month… and his birthday… and we have already managed one trip to the lake…. All in All it will be a quiet summer… Sometimes he tells me he misses our other summers… that he misses the pools… and the different beds…. and I just laugh at the memories… Single Mom… Two amazingly wonderful deserving of a million trips to Disneyland children… no money… Summer time…  We needed a break… Blind Folds securely fastened around their eyes… Weaving in out of traffic on the Freeway… Describing scenery to them that is not really there…. Small child was small… Tall child just played along because well…. swimming pool!…. “Now we are driving through Texas… Look! Steer” Tall Child: “Moooooooooooo” Small Child: “I wanna see!”…. “Florida! I can see the ocean!” Tall Child: “From Utah to Florida in 45 minutes… my you are magic” Small Child: ” Yeah! you are magic!!”…. After having driven around enough to ensure I have even confused Tall child … I pull into an airport Hilton… Put the car in park… Take off their blind folds and announce “MIAMI!!!!” Tall Child: Eye Roll as she jumps out of the car to look around…. Small Child full of wonder: “Miami???”… That’s right …. We spend two nights in that hotel… eating at the cafe… swimming in the pool…. watching movies in the room… walking around an area of town neither of them were familiar with…. fed ducks at the pond…. THE MAGIC OF CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST!!!… I let them unpack their bags and put their clothes in the hotel drawers… we stopped at a convenient store for goodies… ICE MACHINE!!! … the stuff childhood dreams are made of….  and as we were checking out Tall child who has been won over by the magic of room service is no longer rolling her eyes asks Small child… “Did you like Miami?”… “Not your ami… MYYYY ami”…. “No honey.. that’s the name Miami… It’s not mine or yours… it is just Miami”…. “Not YOUR AMI…. MY AMI!!!” … Through laughter I try to back her up… and his frustration level continues to rise…. and his mumbles under his breath all the way to the car… “not your ami…”…. and no one even asks questions as we arrive at our home sun-kissed… and happy… 15 minutes from the hotel…. He runs off with his hotel pen and paper to save them in his treasure chest… He is turning 13 this summer… Tall child is off with the Tiniest child of all…. He still has never made it to Disneyland…. But I am thinking we will make it back to His Ami this year…. fuck the Happiest Place on Earth!

This post is inspired by… if not slightly deviating away from the prompt “Time for a break! Show us where you go for quiet time.”