Smiffbib

Apr 17 2013

Sorry excuse for a post… really

Author: Kerry

All I seem to do lately is apologize…

I have been irritable… moody… discontent.

I have a horrible habit of misdirecting angry outbursts at inappropriate times and places.

I am tired… exhausted to the bone… the kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.

I have felt trapped by obligations…

I have fallen into this spiraling victim mode… where everything is out to get me.

I have felt gross… do you know that feeling… when just everything about yourself feels gross? <shrugs> maybe that only happens to me.

I have been lashing out at my lot in life… the life that I have striven for… dreamed of… worked so hard to get.

I cannot ever seem to get ahead.

In short… I am burned out.

I’m sorry… Because in reality… I know I am so blessed… and have the greatest friends in the entire world… who have been there for me… always… I know I am loved… So much is going on in the world… and I cannot seem to see past the trees to the forest… I know this will pass…

This post… which is the most I am capable of recently… is inspired by the writing prompt “Tell us about a time you had to apologize”

mama kats

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Mar 18 2013

…Leprechauns… Agents of Satan

Author: Kerry
What do they have? Razor Sharp Teeth? Talons and claws! They gnashed their way out of the trap!

What do they have? Razor Sharp Teeth? Talons and claws! They gnashed their way out of the trap!

They walk up walls???

They walk up walls???

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photo (37)Sorry! IT IS A TRAP!!!!

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And that is what we ate!!!

 

This blog is brought to you by the MAMA Kats writing prompts… and My weird ability to twist them into terrifying small children

 

mama kats

 

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Feb 21 2013

… It’s the thought that counts

Author: Kerry

mama kats

 

Tell the story of trying to learn a new talent or hobby that you only pursued briefly.

 

I wanted to be the perfect mom!

Tall Child arrived half-way grown…  She became my daughter when she was 12.. She came with only a few things to call her own… but one thing she did arrive with was a dufflebag stuffed with yarn…

I looked at small child… at his tiny little two year old self… and begged Tall child to teach me!

I wanted to give small child a blanket… a homemade mommy blanket… something he could pass on to his kids… you get the idea… I wanted to be the perfect mom… I wanted him to have everything…

I invested in some Crochet Hooks/Knitting Needles (Did you know these were two different things? I never did figured out what the difference was or which one I was doing) I chose two different colors of blue yarn… She taught me the easiest stitch… and after much cursing… and poking her with the needle/hook… I got the hang of it enough to do a couple of rows….

Then a couple more….

Then a couple more….

<sponge bob voice> Six Months Later

I finally handed small child his scarf…

He loved it!

He roped the dog with it while wearing his Indiana Jones hat… and swung by the banister with it doing his spider-man impression… he tied people up with it and returned as superman to rescue them…

Until one day it mysteriously disappeared and was never mentioned again…

because….fuck knitting!

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This is an older pic… but damn… we are cute!

 

Feb 14 2013

How to get out of cooking dinner on Valentines Day!

Author: Kerry

me:  I am going to make that Gnocchi and Veggies for dinner tonight… maybe if you are nice… I will add chicken

Mr Amazing:  Oh I am nice

me:  If you are mean… I will add spit

Mr Amazing:  maybe you could cook the chicken in a bit of chipotle and some pepper and salt and maybe some olive oil and a touch of vinegar with some water in a skillet

me:  Soooo Spit it is… got it

Mr Amazing:  Did you read what I wrote?

me:  ROTFL! Yes I did You are going to be lucky if I have time to boil the damn chicken and shred it… it is frozen… Let alone all that stuff you typed up there…

Mr Amazing: could you have Small Child put it in the fridge then defrost it then cut it up and then do what I asked?

me:  Burritos? Cold Wendys?

Mr Amazing:  Cold Wendy’s it is

me:  I am blogging that!

Mr Amazing:  Don’t blog that

me:  I am SOOOOO Way Blogging that! Im entitling it- Happy Valentines Day

Mr Amazing: What would you choose boiled spit chicken and gnocchi or cold Wendy’s?

me:  Or- How to get out of cooking dinner on Valentines day

Mr Amazing: LOL perfect

me:  I would choose “thank you so much for making me dinner after you work all day” That is what I would choose

Mr Amazing: I would choose “please don’t boil and spit on my chicken dinner”

me:  ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing:  I am hungry This sucks

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Creepy Fucking Kids making Valentines

Creepy Fucking Kids making Valentines

Feb 11 2013

Valentines Day? Smiffbib!

Author: Kerry

The holiday of love when sweethearts celebrate with crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two…Nauseating… isn’t it?  Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion… almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress… depression…  guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives…maddeningly…year after year.

I think the holiday is total crap

I think I always hated it… even when I was a teenager… and had a boyfriend… I always felt that it was really hokey… I’m not a teddy bears and roses stuffed inside of a ginormous heart balloon kind of person.

It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t

Frank Sinatra got it wrong when he sang about “My Funny Valentine.” … there’s nothing remotely funny about valentines or a day honoring them.

The resentment definitely makes me want to not just ignore the holiday but do something as a protest … a statement against dinner for two and cheesy professions of love… Luckily I married Mr. Amazing… Who I think is secretly relieved that he doesn’t have the pressure… but finds other ways to let me know I am the one…. he will still will lose his train of thought… and stop mid sentence if he happens upon me getting ready not properly attired yet… I will take that as my romantic gesture… it means more than any bear in a balloon ever will.

meh

 

Feb 05 2013

Small Child

Author: Kerry

I claim several as mine … But I’ve had the opportunity to name only one…

Small Child’s Father and I decided the second we found out …

Girl = My Choice

Boy=His (Mostly due to a family tradition of naming after the grandfather)

Ultra-Sound technician let us know at about 17 weeks that we were having a girl … I was a high – risk pregnancy … I was having non stress tests and Ultra – sounds weekly… Week 18 … Yep! a girl… I bought fairy wall stickers… I named her after a Russian Princess… I had the nickname all picked out… I was buying clothes like a mad woman… Cute pink clothes… Week 19…. Week 20… I couldn’t make this up you guys… honestly… “See this pearl strand is his spine… ” The cursor moving over the screen… “You mean her”… “No… you are having a boy” …. “NO… they said a girl”… cursor moves over the appropriate area “That is either the biggest Clitoris I have ever seen… or you are having a boy”…. I stared at the monitor… That was definitely a boy….

(Have I told this story before? I can not remember, and I am not going through 200 posts to see… That’s right… I hit the milestone of 200 posts… and 1 year… Woot… okay on with the story)

Tearfully returned all the pink… and the fairy… threw away the custom stitch diaper bag with the MOST BEAUTIFUL NAME in the whole wide world on it… replaced it all with tigger and pooh bear…

In the hospital .. about to deliver … Small Child’s father begins to panic… “I don’t know anyone named Keith that has ever amounted to anything” …. “You fathers name is Keith!” … “I want more for him” … and he went to every office in that facility and took a tally… the most common name for a Doctor at that time… in that place… it was a good name… and when he arrived it fit him perfectly… we signed it on his birth certificate … and I have threatened the life of anyone that tries to shorten it… those doctors plaques did not read John.

My miracle son…

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Inspired by this weeks writing prompts-  Share how you came up with your kids names!

mama kats

Feb 01 2013

… This is a post in self defense!

Author: Kerry

So for a few days now I have been trying to come up with something really amazing to post… My 200th post is SO CLOSE and well…  did you hear me? 200 POSTS! (almost)

I tried to remember what life was like before smiffbib… and I really couldn’t … Much like when a child enters your life…  I suppose in all reality… it is my BABY!

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I think back to my time blogging on Smiffbib…. It’s been almost a year of reflecting… opining… and sharing many cups of coffee with you…  my dear readers… Whoever the hell you are… while we’ve chatted about life and everything in between.

And over that time… I feel like a part of my life has actually changed directly as a result of this blogging experience….

Laughing at myself isn’t something I’ve had too much trouble doing over the years … Things that were once kept in the dark recesses of my rapidly fading memory are now on full public display for all to enjoy at my expense… and the pressure of this magical post quickly began to weigh on me… stress me out… how could I ever put it into words how much this all means to me… when it is all complete nonsense? I actually shed a tear trying to find a way to express everything it is to me… everything it means… words aren’t enough…

So I decided to call it off… 200 is no big deal…. HAPPY 199 BABY!

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 I get some sort of gift for this don’t I???