Truth Justice and The American Way

Rights, Wrongs and Truths.

Sep 30 2019

My dear oldest child,

Author: Kerry

Today is your birthday – a milestone birthday… And I finally remembered to blog on it! It truly seems like just yesterday when you came to my family… I can say My… Because I am the constant in our ever changing modge podge magical family.

You were young and confused… and most days as we continued down this road to happy destiny… it really felt like it was just you and me against the world.

From day one… you taught me one of the most precious lessons humans can learn – how fierce love can be.  You made me realize a mother lion lived inside of me… and I have called on that lion multiple times to your benefit… your brothers benefit… and Miss B’s as well. My lion is a timid kitten compared to what yours has evolved too… never… never in my life… have I seen anyone better being a Mom… than you.

I had you through your school years… I believe your zeal to discover and understand coupled with your ability to acquire knowledge so easily molded you into the smart hardworking woman that you are today.

I worried a bit as moves or other circumstances beyond our control caused a change in schools every couple of years for you, but those experiences seemed to give you confidence, a sense of adventure, and the ability to make new friends.

I blinked once more and Dad and I were unloading the car and moving you into your college dorm room… so proud of you and your accomplishments.   Accomplishments are not measured in degree…. income… or any of the other little check boxes society gives us as a road map… they are measure in Joys… and you have many.

My angel girl, you have amazed me  As you reach this milestone birthday – your 30th – you have accomplished so much.  You have proved how adventuresome you are. How strong you are.

You demonstrated your bravery and independence when you’ve taken changes and even set-backs in stride and your strong belief in the good in the world.

You are funny.  You are loyal.  You are intelligent.  You are assertive.  And you are so much more daring than your mother! 

You are determined whether it is running half-marathons (I don’t speak runner… whatever the running thing is you are doing LOL) or accomplishing a task in the most accurate… precise way.  You always strive for the best and even though you think you’ve not always succeeded, to me you always surpass! I always feel like you think I am biased… so I always tell you the things I overhear… The BFG is continually mind blown over how much you have accomplished… You have always been your brothers hero… and now you can add Miss B to that list of people looking up to you as well.

Beautiful at 30. So Beautiful.

How can I even begin to explain how much I admire these things about you? 

This birthday might cause you a bit of trepidation… but do not fear. Turning thirty is just another milestone in the journey of life. I am so proud to be witness to yours. I am so proud to call you mine. I’m so proud of you.

The years to come will be amazing; turning thirty is just the beginning.  

I know the Universe has big plans for you too. That you can count on. And you can always count on us to cheer you on!

Happy 30th Birthday, my beloved and beautiful daughter! My Angel Girl.

I Love you… always,

Mom

Mar 19 2019

Spring Equinox – The Season of Equality

Author: Kerry

In Latin, equinox literally means “equal night.”

What is Equality?

Equality is not always about treating everyone the same – it is about treating people in such a way that the outcome for each person can be the same. This means putting things in place to support people to achieve similar outcomes. By not putting supports in place exclusion is usually an inadvertent result.
I honestly believe we can cure much of what’s wrong in this world if we simply supported the people around us.

Equality is not something we get to dictate any more than the Sun gets to dictate its time to the Moon…

Equality…  at least to me… means that no one is harmed or held based on the things that make them different.

Equality to me means that a person can celebrate their heritage as an African…  or a person of ANY decent or religious belief… but they do not have to suffer… blown up churches… being gunned down in churches… night clubs… schools… theaters… Police Brutality… Human Brutality….

Equality to me means that a person can understand and celebrate her sex and his gender and they can CHOOSE the kitchen or the workplace… the family or the career… or  CHOOSE both. And they can do that as a free and equal member of society.

Equality is also about choice.

Equality to me means that indigenous peoples to this land can celebrate their heritage…  and protest the injustices brought on to them by hundreds of years of a complacent population.

Equality to me means the person who is gay… or bi or pan… can marry whomever they want… and they can be equal in the eyes of the law

Equality to me means that no matter your income level… your upbringing… your location on the map… your skin color… your parents income level… that Education will be available the same to you as it is others with different privileges… HEALTH CARE TOO dammit!

I believe these things with all of my heart and soul…

Apparently I am now a seasonal blogger btw.

Dec 21 2018

Winter Solstice 2018 – A season of story telling.

Author: Kerry

According to the National Museum of the American Indian
The winter solstice begins a season of storytelling and ceremony… I would like to spend a few minutes of this solstice wrapping up my unfinished story… and begin on a fresh page… my new story. (and after you read that, I really do recommend reading the article from the Smithsonian above… its kind of amazingly perfect)

For some history…. THIS and then THIS

But if you have been following along these sporadic… every 60 to 90 days postings… I believe I left you here…

I blogged about the tumor arriving two days after they removed it… I blogged about it being the size of a grapefruit or softball… before my post op check… and before pathology… and before anyone told me the doctors had kept me in surgery two hours longer than anticipated… Darth Lumpious was 13.5 centimeters… It was an eggplant not a grapefruit… and then pathology came back, although as predicted… it was benign.

Recovery did not go quite as expected…. obviously a tumor that large left a very deep (Multiple tissue layers sliced and stitched) very large gap in my leg… it also has permanently atrophied my hamstring and nerves… My skin did not grow and heal like one would expect… staples stayed in twice as long as normal… my body never began to heal and push them out… so we removed them… and began wound treatment….

This bloody mess of a bathroom was after the initial clean up after returning from the ER… and when I finally decided that I needed a photo… This is all that was left… but I lost over a gallon of blood that had collected in the gap left… and filled and filled until it burst through the incision and all over my house… car…. husband… and ER…. RIP Towels Bathroom rugs and Clothes lost in the massacre. (FTW Cat Litter Absorbs Blood!!!) So here I am, almost 90 days out from surgery, and the initial incision is healed… still working on the under layers of tissue (Sutures are still there)… I will walk with a cane the rest of my life…. anything longer than a city block… and to be honest… more than that some days if it is cold… or I pushed too hard … I was angry about this at first… but then someone reached out to me… offered me a loved ones cane… left behind when he left the earth. Suddenly I understood using a cane was a privilege… and I gratefully accepted it.

  • Thank you Rhonda

No Leukemia, Tumor Benign, Left with no other diagnosis… I was finally given a diagnosis of Negative ANA Lupus. Which if you have watched House MD, you will find as much comfort in this as I do…. Bahahahahaha… Of the 11 markers of Lupus, I have 5… but not the Positive ANA 98% of Lupus patients have… So rheumatology is where I am headed… and I am sure they will be able to help me… My fever of unknown origin has been back for a several months… and is now manifesting a new symptom… I am unable to regulate my body temperature…

And during all of this life moved forward….
I manage my desk job… Mr Amazing runs the house… Cooks… Shops…. Covers me in blankets and removes my boots… To the moon and back doesn’t adequately describe my love for him…. It is the size of the Universe!!!

The Shit he does for me LMAO!!!

Tall child had a birthday party that will go down in history… Christmas has come…

  • Cutest Modge Podge family of love not blood that ever was.
Where all fairies go in the winter.
Even a little Christmas Magic occurred.

I have lost some friends…. memory… and ability.

But I have gained so much (yes… weight as well)

I am so grateful to be alive… I am so very grateful for my Talls, Smalls and Tinies… I have friends that never left… even when I forgot about them. (I forget everything currently in case you are wondering… I’ve had to scroll back to the top of this at least five times to see what I have written) … I do not know what I did in my life to deserve all of this… but it must have been good.

Oh… Did you really read this all the way to the end???
You get to see the CUTEST KITTEN ON THE PLANET THEN!!!
Jul 17 2018

Tears… Jeers.. and Cheers! Happy Birthday Johnathon!

Author: Kerry

On this day… just 19 years ago, I gave birth to a tiny premature baby boy… who was not supposed to arrive until the First of September.  With beautiful blue eyes… dimples right at his tailbone… and head full of blonde. As soon as my eyes laid on him… it was immediate earth shattering love. The kind of love I never thought I would experience, anyway. My pregnancy had been one filled with drama.. hospitals…   and doubt, but it didn’t matter anymore.

It would be me and him, against the world, and I felt so proud to be blessed with such a happy and healthy baby boy.

I’ve blogged many times about the trials and tribulations we both experienced as a we have trudged this road to happy destiny… much to his chagrin I am sure…  But none of those events and episodes dampened the love for my child… or his love for me. With every mistake I made… tear I shed…  and wish I dreamed… he was there next to me saying that it would be okay. I’m sure his young eyes saw more than he should… but I know that because of that… it cemented his moral compass to his heart like a badge of honor.

As a young mom… I often overcompensated when I could. He was probably given more than he should’ve been at times.  When you are a mom… you make mistakes; and when you are a struggling through divorce.. illness… and career mom, well those mistakes are raised tenfold. I did the best that I could. But my son never judged me…  never wavered.

I never knew unconditional love until I experienced it from my boy. I learned to love unconditionally the moment he arrived.

Now he’s all grown up, and we aren’t living apart again yet (Though he did give me a crash course in that earlier this year). We speak on a daily basis but it’s not the same. He’s matured and grown during the few months he was away and I can’t help but to see that little boy becoming a man.

I long for the days when he used to call me Mommy and beg me to read him a bedtime story. Those days are indeed gone I suppose.

Being a mom on an “adult” is new territory for me. Loosening these apron strings hasn’t been easy, but I know for both of us to continue on in our lives, it has to be done.

So each day, I get more and more strength to not over-parent… over-love… over-mom him.

He probably has no idea that I lay awake many nights thinking of him, wondering if he is making the right choices. All I can rely on now is the fact that I parented him the best way I knew how; he’s earned his wings and now I can watch in the stands as he takes off and flies to his destiny.

The cheers are for how proud he has made me. Jeers for the times when I text and he doesn’t immediately reply. Tears as I mourn the little boy he used to be as I get to know the man that he is becoming.

I love you, Son. Happy Birthday.

Mommy.

Image may contain: Johnathon Pack, smiling, motorcycle and outdoor

Jul 14 2018

Happy Birthday Lacey Pretty Facey!!!

Author: Kerry

 

My Dearest Lacey Cakes,

It is unbelievable to me that you are 12.  A pre-teenager and a Jr High student.

You are starting Jr High in a few weeks.  Jr High… a whole crazy world in itself and a huge new challenge for you.  You are my only stepdaughter, and my Mini Me.  I understand how it feels to be an introvert, highly sensitive and to be overly cautious because I was and still am that way myself.  I challenge you to find that sweet spot between being a rule follower and a risk taker.  We suffer from anxiety instead of going with the flow.  We fear way too much instead of trying new things.  I know how scared you are of change and that switching to a new school after seven years in the same protective elementary school has kept you up at nights.  I’m not going to lie… it has kept me up too.  As you start this next chapter in your life, I have some advice from one worry wart to another.

Try new things. Join clubs.  Talk to new people.  I know these are things I harp on the most, but they are the most important. I just want you to find things you like to do.  Not necessarily things that you are good at…  just things that you enjoy doing!  I don’t want you not to try something just because you think you won’t be good at it or that you’ll fail at something.  Failing is learning!  If you enjoy doing it but fail… just try again.  We will be here cheering you on no matter what.  If you try something and don’t like it… that’s fine, I’m just proud that you tried it!  You will never know if you don’t put yourself out there and take risks.  I know you get annoyed that I’m always asking you about the kind of person you want to be.  I only do it because I want you to figure out what you’re passionate about.  Sometimes it is something you would never imagine… until you are put in a situation that makes you try it.

Take some risks.  Now this is a tricky one – I’m not talking about behavior you know is wrong or illegal things.  You will be exposed to a wide variety of new things in the next few years and I hope that we have taught you enough to make good choices.  However… I’m wanting you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and face your fears.  There have been times when you have begged me not to make you try something new or go somewhere and believe me…  it has been hard for me not to back down.  My heart aches when you cry but when you come home and say “Kerry, thanks for making me do that… I had fun”, I know that I need to keep pushing you.  I want you to be young and have fun!  You only live once and the memories you make now stay with you forever.  I’m not promising they will all be great memories, but I would love for you to have memories of doing some silly things.  Some of my best memories are from slumber parties, giggling with my friends until we cried, summer camp, school trips, prank calling boys, and even tee-peeing houses.  Did I just admit to that??  Now I’m not advocating these things and there will always be consequences to your actions, but sometimes innocent fun is worth some punishment.

Choose your friends wisely.   Some friends will drift apart and start hanging out with new people with the same interests.  This can be exciting and also painful.  Just remember to treat others how you would want to be treated.  Don’t talk bad about people even if others are doing it.  Be confident in yourself and know that others lash out from a place of hurt in themselves.  These years are very confusing and emotional and it’s easy to get bogged down in the drama.  I know it’s hard to imagine now… but this time in your life is a very very small part.  It’s a few years out of about 80!  The most important thing to come out of Jr High with is your integrity.  Don’t compromise your belief system or friends to avoid a few weeks of an awkward situation.  Find friends that share your moral value system and hold on to them.  Some of them will be your life long friends and support system!

Live like your glass is half full.  I know it’s hard to be optimistic all the time… but please try most of the time!   Life is so much easier if you live with a positive attitude.  Trying new things and not caring if you fail is how you grow.  It teaches us to be stronger and to know that we can get back up and try again.  It’s a hard lesson for parents to let our kids learn since it breaks our heart as much as yours when you fail.  We have all failed at things but we have lived through it and so will you.  If you think positively… those failures open up a whole bunch of other options that you may never knew existed.

As you venture into this new exciting phase… please know how much I love you and how proud I am of the young woman you are.  We will always love and support you in whatever you do. Please do not be afraid of taking leaps of faith because we will always be there to catch you if you fall.  It’s time to let go of your fears and insecurities and believe in yourself that you can do it!

Happy Birthday Angel Girl – I love you

Mar 21 2018

Do you wish you had died last week?

Author: Kerry

Once again… dear blog… you are where I process all things that I cannot contain in my brain… I’ve posted about my health (If not previously mentioned, add Staph, MRSA, Shingles, Algae, New Zealand Honey, and New pillows to the list of things going on at my house) Well… Then on top of those things… Small Child has moved out…My best friend… My survival strategy for all helpless feelings has moved out…. gotten a tattoo…. All that being said… and 3 months of a “fever of unknown origin” has led me to some measures in my life that I am quite proud to say I am taking…. First off – I am getting help. I LOVE Therapy… I always have… and at least five times in my adult life to process one traumatic event or another I have returned to therapy briefly to keep my self in check…. to check and make sure I am okay… well… this compounding year didn’t really have an event I could point to and blame and process…. in fact… it seems to be my new quality of life… and I found myself speaking words about not wanting to continue life.

Don’t Panic… I just put voice to things that we all think (if you are someone who feels and thinks too much that is) … and I took the appropriate steps… and I spoke to someone… and returned a few weeks later to check in… ready to tell her that I was okay… and I appreciated there being people to go to when I felt helpless…. when she looked me in the face and called “bullshit”

Then she posed a question to me…

Do you wish you had died last week? – I thought through the week, the unbreakable fever Saturday morning and Sunday evening, and then I thought about my time with the tinies… I reflected on it all… good and bad… and found to my relief… no I did not wish I had died last week.

But at the beginning of the week you stated you were done, not that you would ever do anything to hurt yourself, but you were okay with just being done – I reflected again… and realized I had been wrong in retrospect

Has anything truly changed in your feelings and mind set this week?  I thought that through and shook my head… no not really even though I was here to tell her I was okay and done seeing her… nothing had really changed… I had just taken the appropriate steps and safe guards… because that is what I do… I FORCE myself to do this…. I’ve been FORCING myself to do this my entire adult life.

Do you think if I asked you next week if you wished you had died… you would wish you had? So as I sit there… giving up…. being okay being done… having lived a good life…. I realized something… I most certainly would not wish I had died in a week.

So that is what we are going to focus on… and as she proceeded to explain to me that I was behaving and doing all the right things… EVERYTHING I SHOULD… my perspective was the issue… and you know what?

I felt something I had thought I had aged beyond… I felt those little blasts of neurons in my brain firing off as it adjusted to thinking in a way that it hadn’t before… you know what I mean… that feeling you get when you learn something new or try something new? it is far and few in between when you live this adventure of a life I do for as long as I have.

I’m sure if you are reading this and you know me at all… you wonder how someone who takes so much energy and time putting it into making life wonderful and being grateful for the beauty in it could still feel this way… Well its simple… I knew what I HAD to do… and I was doing it… I was FORCING myself to do what I had to do…. because as the saying goes…Fake it til you make it…. your feelings will catch up.

My Feelings Did Not.

I want you to try something new – So here we go, I am trying something new… rather than FORCING myself to do all of these things I do… and stuffed all of those rules in a mental container… and I am going to try doing things because I feel like it… rather than counting the hours I sleep to make sure I am taking care of myself and not letting myself go down the road of self destruction… and self sabotage… I am going to go to bed because I am tired. rather than forcing myself to eat exactly one serving of sweets… because I do not want to punish myself or deny myself or allow myself to eat the entire package … all these rules… Im going to eat what I feel like… as I feel like it… and rather than FORCE myself to only wash my hair as often as saving the environment or extending my color allows (come on… say it with me… we all have these rules) I am going to wash my hair because I want too… I am not going to watch the clock endlessly calculating every minute to make sure everything is taught… learned… taken care of… I am going to enforce bed time because I need her to go to sleep. 

Im going to try not caring… because I have turned caring into the most curious form of self abuse anyone has ever heard of…

That being said… If this doesn’t go well… or it seems like I do not “want” to do the things that I need to do to be a functional adult… we will try something new. She also said the first thing that escaped that mental container… was what really needed to be done… not my imaginary rules of conduct.

So at 5am this morning… I woke in a full panic… about the amount of junk in my house… and the order it is kept.

This is an ongoing battle for me that I shove way down deep because, Im lazy, Im tired, Im sick

Friday… the dumpster is coming.

because I do not care what people think, what is morally correct, whose feelings may or may not need taken care of, or whose responsibility it is.

I am dejunking because I want to.

Cue the Circus Music… Life is about to get interesting.

 

 

Jan 31 2018

Influenza… Diverticulitis… SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) … Or Sad

Author: Kerry

Influenza… Diverticulitis… SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) … Or Sad – Since the first of December… I just haven’t really been sure.

I remember clearly being about 12 years old… and in the car with my mother… and turning to her and saying the words I had been scared to speak up until that point.

“Something is wrong with me”

She kind of blew it off.. told me there wasn’t anything wrong… She was wrong. I remember thinking it was cancer, or possibly another disease, but the sense of dread and ache in my body was very real to me, and I was sure death was imminent… because I wasn’t responding and flourishing in life like those around me.

I have battled crippling depression most of my life. (Yes, I said crippling, Yes, it is a strong word. Yes it is the truth)

Flash Forward 32 Years

Mr Amazing: Are you okay?

Me: I don’t know

Mr Amazing: Are you sick?

Me: I cant tell if I am really sick…. or just sad.

Mr Amazing: That’s a strange thing to say… even for you. I think you are both.

44 years old… The symptoms are so much the same that I am not sure my body even knows the difference. Aches… over my whole body… the desire to stay in bed all day under my weighted blanket (Which is divine btw. if you have not tried them) an upset stomach… not really sleeping at night after laying so still all day… appetite swings all over the place to I have zero interest in food… to I want to eat comfort food.

So I did what I have done all of my adult life since those dark days… I got up… I got dressed… I forced myself to call a friend… I tried to paint… I tried to watch a movie… I listened to some music.

I had the flu… which I am now waiting for the CT scan to come back with Diverticulitis because it has been 8 weeks of the flu

Mr Amazing is right though… I think it may be a little of both… I have to keep myself in check… Not fall down the rabbit hole so to speak.

I lost someone that I loved… someone that believed in me when I did not. He never once treated me like there was something wrong with me. (Hence Mr. Amazing thinking I was sad)

So whether or not, it is the weather or not. Seasonal Affective Disorder… Or Flu Season.

I am taking care of myself… VERY begrudgingly… but doing it none the less.

I sincerely hope everyone is doing the same… So much love and light out there.

Dec 26 2017

Oh…. Hey There

Author: Kerry

Its been 2 months since i’ve written here… not uncommon I know…. but today… the day after Christmas… The house is quietish… and picked upish….. and i’m eating a piece of Pumpkin Pie with a pile of whip cream the size of my face … I figured it was time to catch up here… and prepare for a new year.

To say  the least…. this last year has been absolutely tragic. I’ve spent hours upon hours reading stories about the mass shooting in Vegas, Hangings in Mexico…  the natural disasters affecting multiple countries, and sexual assault cases that make me ill. It’s hard not to be affected or impacted — some of us much more so than others.

That’s why today I wanted to do something different.

Rather than go off on my personal opinions about each event that has transpired (because I think the entire social media world has got that covered)… I wanted to shift my focus to something more positive.

Some people may view it as selfish and some may not. However, the only thing that brings me joy and realization of my privilege in this world is gratitude.

As you (may or may not) know…  I LOVE CHRISTMAS. It’s a magical, mysterious, and unicorn-esque holiday that no one really seems to understand — but just know that it exists.

So, here are 12 things I am thankful for this Christmas –  2017

1. My health… Yes, Really.

This year has been a roller-coaster of emotion for my personal physical health. I’ve been in and out of blood work, some terribly intrusive procedures, and am currently rubbing special honey from New Zealand on yet another virus…. this time MRSA… I’m grateful that it is not worse. It can always be worse

2. My beautiful family

There is not much to say here other than I feel so extremely grateful to have the support system that I do. I love each and every one of my family members, and am so excited to grow old with one another… Tall Child and her Tinies make everything an adventure… Small Child and his mustache growing rebellion… Smallest child and her extended time with us now. The Perea’s with their black baby girl jesus in a manger on the porch… and well… if you don’t know betty… you just don’t understand 🙂

 

 

3. Genuine friendships

I’ve always had my core group of friends (whom I am eternally thankful for). This Christmas I got word the local food pantry was out of Toilet Paper…. Yes… Toilet Paper… The only budget I had left was my friends christmas gifts…. Guess what they all got for a gift this year…. a case of toilet paper… or socks and hard candy for the veterans gift bags… donated in their name … and you know what… they thanked me for it.

While at the food bank this little monkey got informed that if you don’t eat right… even santa will not deliver lucky charms… so we delivered those right to the food bank as well….

4. Being equipped to handle life’s’ obstacles

Okay, okay, it’s super hard for me to get through one blog post without bragging about Mr Amazing…. I have a very hard time with the amount of privilege we have with all that is going on in the world… in fact… it is hard not to wallow sometimes in the depravity of it all… So how do you tell the one you love so much that you really just do not want to have christmas at all? when his favorite thing to do is buy you gifts? Well… Let me show you just how amazing he is.

This company donates a pair of socks to the homeless for every pair sold… they also employ them.

This beautiful necklace was made by a sex slavery rescue… Named Rose. As a way to get her on her own feet and it is absolutely beautiful…

These lotto tickets were alot of fun…I won a weeks worth of water and meals for someone in need  With the purchase of this beautiful candle someone in Kenya without light received a solar light

 This Keychain was made by rescued woman in india… giving them work to keep them from sex slavery.

These bracelets were designed by displaced women in Northern Uganda … combating poverty.

These chocolates had a cause and were delicious! They were a donation to darfur.

This bag is what held it all… from buy the change… is designed with a hand written letter from a syrian girl who escaped the war… she escaped because she was able to find work at somewhere like this foundation… the words written on the bag are heart breaking… and yet I will carry it with me everywhere… and let people read it… they employ trafficked children and displaced women.

5. America. Just, being American. 

I love this country and every single thing about it. The beautiful nature, the welcoming people, and the diversity. I know we’re not all sunshine and rainbows — but we certainly are not what our government portrays us to be either.

6. Feeling safe

I am thankful and realize how privileged I am to be able to freely speak about the things I am passionate about. Not everyone can say that they have the opportunity to voice their opinion without fear of repercussions, but I am hopeful that one day we will all feel safe in our communities.

7. How talk has been about the importance of mental health

It’s truly refreshing to see how many people are now vocal about their personal experiences with mental health. This year has been a tough one — but it has also taught me that ignoring something so very important just isn’t an option. Thanks to all those who have been my rocks.

8. People who share deep and personal stories on the Internet

While we’re on this topic — I am so incredibly thankful for people who are bold enough to share their stories in a public forum for all to see. Stories that just 10 years ago would have been brushed under the rug or criticized. You’ve made it easier for everyone else, and I’m on board AF with your bravery.

9. Every opportunity I have been given career wise

Nothing should ever go under-appreciated, and I worry that sometimes we forget this when it comes to our day jobs. I am super grateful for every opportunity that comes my way.

10. Charlie Bosephis

Two weeks or so before Christmas Mr Amazing had to listen to me put my foot down… I was getting a kitten of my very own… I am 44 years old and have wanted one my whole life and god dammit I was going to get one… not some purebred savannah cat that he envisioned either… a rescue cat… and It was going to be all mine… and No one would stop me… That next day he went and got me the smallest weakest plainest close to death cat he could… and we ALL fell in love with her…. but mostly me… because she is mine… all mine… and I love her beyond words. Its hard to believe looking at her that she was under three pounds when she got here.. and scared to be put down… she definitely has tripled in size in just a few weeks… and is a basic menace to society… fits right in.

11. Strangers that go out of their way to do something nice

Rare, but so so so important. We see you, strangers.

12. Lastly, pumpkin pie.

Because I’m currently scarfing down a piece as I type this.

So Much LOVE AND LIGHT to everyone out there as we wrap up this year… 2018 will be what we make it… do not ever let complacency get in the way of decency. If you are going to complain… DO SOMETHING… and well… Be AMAZING! (like mr amazing).

There is still more good than bad… there is still happiness in the greif… there is still more love than hate.

And there is hope…. So Much Hope. (A Spark… Like StarWars taught ya!)

 

Nov 01 2017

Life. Its continues.

Author: Kerry

Its been over two months since Ive posted. Believe it or not, Things have been relatively good. Im working full time again, and that has not only halted my painting, but it has made me want to write again. So I finished my Novella and submitted it to a writers group for feedback. Look at me just continuing to act like I’m a writer. Like I believe in myself and have dreams. I also did something Id never done before while gone- I took a vacation. With a friend. Like not a child. Although I would have liked it to be Mr Amazing. He needed to be home with the smalls. work and stuff. So off to San Diego we went. It was amazing. I like the new job enough. I like that it is just a job. Not an all consuming hurricane of ambitions. I miss freedom. I miss taking care of everything at home so no one else had to worry about it. But I do not miss the self loathing that came with unemployment. Perhaps I will even earn a pension finally. 44 years old and finally thinking about my future. Its kind of nice. Mr Amazings small is with us full time now and I am enjoying that more than I can say. My Small, dropped on class, but kept the other and has so far survived his practice semester at college. WOOT!

I miss painting, and find my little bits of down time that I do have being spent on the couch under a pint of ice cream… but that may be due to the weather more than the new job. Knees. Again. I am still working out a couple of times a week and having my beautiful friend from the library come use the shower at the gym. I love her. Life. It continues. Today I find myself in the same offices writing this as I did about 5 years ago with my small. But today I am with Mr. Amazings small. I am hoping beyond hope that it gives her the support system she needs to succeed in all things. Tall child and the tinies are absolutely perfect in every way. Im sure she would disagree. That she struggles. But to me. They are the epitome of perfection and I love them… hard.

I intended to write more… but here are a few pictures instead. It will be several weeks before I get feedback on the novella. Im not nervous. I know it is my story. I know it is to be told. I just haven’t found its outlet yet. I had 50,000 words written before I edited it down to 20,000 and I am only half way through. I found a novella submission and sent it there. even though it is only half told. Because I could. LOL Fear Not my dears.

Aug 29 2017

Like sand in an hourglass… these are the times of my life.

Author: Kerry

Soooooo Im gonna write… because I have so much in my head that is just screaming to come out….

I survived the summer… and the arts festival….

The above is a brief photo tour… but let me tell you about it… First off I stayed home this summer (Well not really… ever) but I mean I was unemployed…. So I brought in a Foreign exchange student and did an art show… and had what was probably the most stressful, and greatest summer of my life…. Aina was the College aged student who came to stay with us, and it was kismet… she was like our child from another country…. she is 21 and we instantly fell in love with her. The last photo is all of us crying as we said goodbye.

Small Child enrolled in school… I did the art festival… in 103 degree weather… and marked that shit right off my bucket list. We spent time with family and friends… the two tiniest tinys turned 1 and 2… and well…. look through the photos… memories were made… and times that will forever be irreplaceable are in our hearts.

I was able to stay with my smallest step daughter… who possibly will be us full time going forward.. and it was something that I wouldnt change a thing about. (More on that later)

The kids started school… and this morning I accepted a state job in the office of education. This is a whole different world for me, as Ive always had a fast paced marketing world… but I am turning 44 next month and have nothing to show for it. The state will offer 401K and benefits and some stability. Leaving me to pursue my passion outside of work.

Currently ive stopped with the street art… im sure just for a few days honestly… Im sick again… double antibiotics who’s side effects are worse than the illness… but at the end of the ten days the infection will be gone…. Small child is in college… wtf…. smallest is in the 6th grade and my first tiny has started kindergarten.

September is coming… in 48 hours and for the first time in my adult life i welcome it (If september confuses you… browse september in the blog history)

I will start work… and I just now booked my first ever girls weekend… San Diego here we come!

Our final summer adventure was a trek to get into the path of totality for the eclipse (Cue the photo montage again…because im on antibiotics and cannot think straight to type)

I really dont know why some of those are upside down… but there you have it… it was the perfect ending to the perfect summer…. Perfect means all kinds of things to me…. especially now that it is over.

OH! also!… we stopped being renters in our home… and bought it

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Lastly…. This happened last night… and I need to say something

Mr amazing has been so fucking amazing… I cannot even tell you how blessed I am… this picture shows you how blessed… You see that HUGE family? its ours… And well… I am so grateful for everyone in it… but Mr Amazing most of all… He is my best friend… my biggest fan… and the love of my life. He has brought more happiness into my life than I can even express and continues to do so on a daily basis. I tell him all the time, but I think day to day he forgets that they are not just words… He is the best thing thats ever happened to me… and I love him beyond measure.

Fini!