Comparison is the Thief of Joy… But this one has a good point for stealing it.

Cancer is NOT contagious.

A healthy person cannot “catch” cancer from someone who has it. There is no evidence that close contact or things like sex, kissing, touching, sharing meals, or breathing the same air can spread cancer from one person to another.

But you can catch something… right now… infact your chances of catching it are high…. so lets explore a few scenarios….

First – let me cite where I am getting my comparison- It is based only on numbers… https://progressreport.cancer.gov/end/mortality#:~:text=In%202018%2C%20the%20death%20rate,per%20100%2C000%20people%20per%20year.

Covid-19 is approximately 10 times more deadly than cancer in a VERY over all comparison…. because there are all kinds of cancers…. and all kinds of outcomes…. Okay…. So here we go…. Why choose cancer? because we all have lost someone to it… we all hate it… Most of us get screened for it…. we take other precautions as well…. we pray for a cure…. We do not really compare it to the flu 🙁

If cancer were contagious…. and you didnt know who had it and who did not… yourself included (feels very real huh) would you wear a mask to help slow the spread?

Would you celebrate when someones cancer wasnt that bad? rather than mock everyone for being afraid of catching it? because really…. LESS that 1% die… it is true… see the link above.

If Cancer were contagious…. would you run around like people were letting fear control their lives? and you just want the schools to be open full time and all the stores are open? and not believe the hospitals were filling up?

If Cancer were contagious… but there were a vaccine against it… would you get it and encourage EVERYONE else to do the same? or would you assume the government were coming for you?

Let me ask you this… If Cancer were contagious…. but only for one year…. would you go to family gatherings? because you like pie? and you won’t “be told what to do?’

If cancer were contagious…. but not everyone died from it… you know… you had some of those other life long things…. like no breasts… or a colostomy bag….. or… needed oxygen permanently. Would you think we could achieve herd immunity? by you know…. just taking our chances and getting it over with?

I have lost people I love dearly to cancer…. I myself have had cancer….

so if this comparison is stealing your joy

Good

Stay Home

Wear a mask

Wash your hands

Do not gather for Thanksgiving… or Christmas…. just don’t you guys…. please.

I only wish that in a year from now we would be getting back to normal…. without cancer. And before you get mad at me for this causing you anxiety… I’ve thought of this the whole time… I waited for a vaccine to point it out…. and if you are scared of the vaccine… I ask you… if it were for cancer? times 10? would you risk it? WE WILL BE THE HOPEFUL!

Globally, as of 16 November 2020, there have been 54,301,156 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,316,994 deaths, reported to WHO.

Why I write today…

Globally, as of  30 October 2020, there have been 44,888,869 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,178,475 deaths, reported to WHO.

Here in my state? it was a record breaking day for new cases… and we broke the 600 death mark… when this started… and I was looking at the projections 600 wasn’t even a worst case scenario…

It is easy to plug your ears and ignore the danger.

I tried to do that when the virus was in China. I tried when it popped up in New York.

I tried when someone 8 miles from me tested positive for COVID-19.
What’s going on in the world right now isn’t hype.

No matter how much you believe in “filling your mind with only positive things,” you can’t ignore it.

The Coronavirus is real and it’s here.

What are your choices?
You can consume yourself in the news… I suppose.
This is not an encouragement to dismiss or ignore what is going on in the world…. It is days like today that I give myself this talk

“Do not write to forget. Write to remember. Write to survive. Write to see because nobody needs a light until darkness falls.”

Note to self.

Maybe I will die soon. Okay. Consider this my memoir.
Maybe a loved one will be claimed by the virus.
Maybe the economy will fall apart.

Writing brings clarity…. Clarity can help lessen panic.
In addition to the other benefits of writing during this time — it’s a quarantine-friendly activity — putting words on page validates my existence. I am here. I am breathing. I am alive. The words say so.
I cannot solve what is happening… but I can write.
Do not retreat into fear. Extend toward hope. I type on this blog every memory I can think of. Channel all emotion to the page.
Even in the valley of the shadow of death… I can write.
If there were ever a moment in history to empty myself… it is now.

Its my Tiny Pumpkins birthday… I cannot see him

Tomorrow is Halloween… I cannot give out candy

My love of activism is being tainted by protests at private homes of public servants…. and someone shot up the Health Dept.

It is hard not to feel hopeless… this is all so hard.

and so I wrote it.

To My Beautiful Daughter…

I’ll never forget when we brought you home to that tiny house…Your dad said as we left that first parent meeting

“We’ll keep her!”

He was so very proud of you. We all were.

I should have known early on that you might keep on looking for new adventures,…opportunities and people that might fulfill that curiosity and wonder life gave you from the start… you have not let one limit be set… one boundary unexplored… you do not take love for granted… that is so rare.

You are so beautiful inside and out…

And those eyes…

Those big, brown, beautiful eyes.

You never let the world stop you….Not that little boy who stood you up for the dance….the one you pushed aside. Not the child who tried to take your brothers toy and you punched her in the face.

You were fierce, a force to be reckoned with, at even the tiniest sight of injustice. And yet, you love…love deeper and wider than any human I have ever seen.

You love your friend’s… and even strangers… when they are struggling with very real problems.
You love the puppies who sit behind bars in the shelter… the ones calling you to take them home. 🙂
You love your siblings
It didn’t matter someone’s track record or story. You were determined to love… every child, young or old who woke at night… or sat and looked helplessly into your eyes….

Especially your own children.

And yet… it isn’t just your loving that I admire. But the way you don’t let pain… hurt or the offensive evil scars taint the way you KEEP giving your love… your time and your attention to those around you.

You just have this gift of somehow picking up the pieces of hurt from others….even from me at times…and then move forward in the belief that the world is better when we forgive.

Perfectionism is just a hollow hole of worldly dressing that aches so desperately for love… it decorates itself up with outward appearances, in hopes to cover up emptiness, on the inside.

But you look past that. How do you always know how to love, even those most broken?

You were made to love.

So today… angel girl, as you walk through “The New Normal”, don’t forget…

Far and wide… big-brown-eyed wonder… it has been such an honor to be your Mother. I will forever be eternally grateful.

Enjoy your day and please remember, I am thankful, and so proud of who are you.

You show the world what light and wonder and love really looks like… I hope the world is taking as many notes as I am… We could all use this lesson right now

Happy Birthday Tall Child

I love you. Mom

Worldwide Deaths Eclipse 1 Million

Globally, as of  29 September 2020, there have been 33,249,563 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,000,040 deaths, reported to WHO.

Today I attended Judy’s funeral … via zoom… This new world… it amazes me… and terrifies me… I saw faces I havent seen in years… but missed seeing the faces of those in the audience… So much.

Judy passed away from Cancer… but to mourn her death on the day the world mourns this milestone feels surreal… and heartbreaking…

I miss seeing people from the shoulders down…. I miss Judy… I miss Jamie and Erin (and the others) and their children so much.

I screen captured this- just because it felt so unreal… but I was so grateful to be connected how ever I could be… thank you to the family so much for making that possible.

To hear her life sketch…

its very different when you aren’t there in person afterwards… to hug them and talk to them its… just final… and lonely.

He talked about her love of this season we are entering… her love of seeing the leaves… I knew this… I learned it from her… so we took a drive sunday and spent a moment in the outside remembering her away from the monitors and news stations

I miss so much… but as I sit here… broken hearted… I hold out belief that one day I will see you all again… below your shoulders…. without a monitor… So much love and light to you.

Sometimes… the hardest days of your life still happen… even in a Pandemic

Globally, as of 23 September 2020, there have been 31,425,029 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 967,164 deaths, reported to WHO.

This post is not Covid-19 related… In fact it is not even Cancer related; though it is what is to blame… It is related to Judy Wight… My Aunt… My Friend… My encourager… My laughter inspiring blood relation who I will miss fiercely … passed away 23 September 2020.

After the phone call Friday I frantically racked my brain… my memory of our last conversation… it had been only two weeks prior… had I told her? did I tell her how much I admired her? loved her? appreciated her?

I had.

and as a side note… I encourage each and everyone of you to make everything that comes out of your mouth and keyboard in conversation about portraying that… because you never know when you are going to get that call…

I did not go see her… in her hospital bed… I couldnt (thats how the pandemic applies)

But I did send her the HUGEST bouquet of flowers I could.

and let her children know how much I wished there were anything I could do to help them…

I’ve known Judy my whole life… but when her father (my grandpa) passed away we became close… maybe not close as others… but for me? Who is so “lone wolf” it was very close… I admired the woman… I love the woman… I have done service with her… The most recent being a nursing home phone call program she put together…. oh have I laughed with her… our appreciation of mischief and irony are so well aligned…

And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend…. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better. But Because I knew you…I have been changed for good

“For Good” Wicked Musical Soundtrack

I’ll share a few times we have made each other laugh… and leaned on each other.

To say we related to each other may be a given..

And I will share a few photos of the many we have… because you can see what I mean… about her being so beautiful… so clever and witty… so loved.

When my time comes… as it will… because that is part of living… I sincerely hope people are as peaceful about it… as I am for Judy… I hope I have lived so well… and always have that next trip planned out overseas already… like she. I hope my life leaves them no doubt that it was such a well lived adventure… that though they may miss me… I didn’t miss out on anything. I hope my life is so well lived, that the conversations they have with me are about gratitude for each other, admiration and love, Like She.

Sometimes… the best days of your life still happen… even in a Pandemic

Globally, as of, 18 September 2020, there have been 30,055,710 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 943,433 deaths, reported to WHO.

The 13th of September was one of those days…. My son… my only birth child … informed his beautiful fiancé that his mom wouldn’t wear a dress to their wedding… he was just helping her with expectations… so I bought a formal gown… cause I can… but they never mentioned shoes??

They had the most touching wedding – outside- under a glaring sun…. the attendees were mostly in their wedding party… there were less than 10 more in the audience… Pandemic

and then we danced… like our souls and lives depended on it… it was magical

Then I spent the next day (My 47th Birthday) sitting/ laying on ice… thanks tumor leg… LOL

And now we quarantine… incase we were not careful enough… incase we got the virus … so we do not spread it… and the timing is good… because we are at the start of the second wave… and the prediction models make the first one look like a practice one…. Also- We get flu shots… because you can have two viruses at once… how would you ever survive that?

This Week? Opening Schools Safely in a Pandemic

21 August 2020, there have been 22,536,278 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 789,197 deaths, reported to WHO

Our story in Pictures….

Seems dreamy right? after 5 Months of being shut ins… well … it is a dream. There is NO WAY we can send her to school… we are high risk… and people still think this is a HOAX! Still!!! I just cannot even… So here is what really happened on the first day of school….

Had my Adult Children over last week for a Pandemic dinner party… We havent been indoors together since march… here is how this new normal looked…

Corona Virus Chronicles

Entry – like 5 bazillion? 5 months today I have been quarantined… 5 months… There is a sense of a false light at the end of the tunnel… but it is a lie… and the second wave is coming.

Every year on the last day of school we head to the lake… weve been doing it for over a decade… not this year

July is full of birthday celebrations and adventures… not this year

I don’t really know what I would’ve done to celebrate my sons engagement- but it would’ve been something nice… a nice restaurant… something. But we didn’t.

We are trying to stay afloat financially… and trying to give everything we have to those who cannot… supporting local business is how… so here is what we did this year… end of school year… birthdays… engagement… end of summer… all in one.

and it helped… a little… The Tall, The Smalls, The Tinies… all had so much fun…. I think a lot of people are feeling it… look who I saw!!

Im gonna paint her some masks… make them a little more snazzy.

And then ofcourse this ridiculousness is trending on social media… I thought about posting it … but it is too honest… so here it is.

Its like watching myself die.

Situation in numbers (by WHO) as of August 11, 2020
Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 19,936,210 cases (216,033) 732,499 deaths (4,268)

Plague… Pandemic…. Whatevs

As of August 6th, 2020

Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 18,614,177 cases (259,344) 702,642 deaths (6,488)

Seems to be slump time again… collectively mankind seems to fall into slumps during this… right now seems to be a big one…. Im picking fights on facebook… QAnon has riled up the right wing masses… the blaze reading…. hannity hearing… bigoted believers? too far? maybe into this #SaveTheChildren thing… and you know what? Im here for that… I mean im always here for that… do I think #PizzaGate is a thing? not really… but do I think hollywood elite and political peeps are abusing children and trafficking them? yes, I know they are… so im glad something is coming out of that group that may be constructive? we will see

Trump is a hot mess… as usual… I watched his Axios interview one night over and over again … not sleeping at all… because well… it just made me happy? why? i couldnt explain it…. maybe it is because he was so helpless in the face of reality… he was less scary

I live behind a screen…. from a phone screen to a computer screen to a TV screen and back to a phone screen again… I am not eating right… not exercising…. not sleeping… not even showering often enough… im eating mashed potatoes for breakfast… but I did renew my aclu membership… so there is hope

I am here for that – What I am not here for is that I look just like my sister in this photo… sigh

I went to the outside this week… this is what the outside looks like for me

But I am alive… and that is something no one should be taking for granted right now… there was a HUGE explosion in Beirut… thousands of people dying of Covid-19 on the daily… Hurricane season is in all its glory… protests and police brutality are still a thing… as well as the karens… I mean… I seriously have nothing else to say… other than… WONT SOMEONE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN??? oh wait… QANON has that…. how about… nah…Still working from home… still wearing masks… seeing my peeps only through snap chat and facebook…

I got nothing… here… have some hope… because this is all I got going for me right now…

and there is yet another riveting entry in my Corona Chronicles.

My Covid-19 Chronicles…

I think this is like my millionth post (not literally… but it feels that way) about life in this pandemic… Lets start with some pictures…

6 ft and masks dance recital with her sister 🙂
The Birthday Masks were a hit… my god… they are so beautiful.

July 29th Total (new cases in last 24 hours)
Globally 16,558,289 cases (215,127) 656,093 deaths (5,274)

Here locally… the battle wages on about what to do about schools… nationally the battle is what to do about our President… unmarked cars are rolling up to protests with federal agents just snatching people off the street…. sigh… I have been obsessed with Dystopian stories my entire life… so I am well prepared for this new normal… I think I am finally prepared for the grey hair too…. Check this out

Friends keep asking me what I think… what to do… what I keep telling them is wait two weeks… it will be an entirely different reality again… its been like this since March… The entire world is changing and we have to keep adjusting and not planning on anything… because it is all unknown… if that ever doesn’t happen with in two weeks… we will know things are possibly settling down… wanna know a secret?

That’s all

Yep! Fairy City is alive and well… infact it is very much doubling its efforts to keep spirits high… and chins up… and injustices spoken against.