StoryTelling

Jan 21 2014

Don’t make me pee on him…. really.

Author: Kerry

mama kats Write a post inspired by the word: punched.

There are several stories sparked by this… more than I care to admit…

I mean… really… who haven’t I punched… Let’s not answer that… and go with one of the more recent ones… fresh in my mind because Mr. Amazing, his sister, and mother were laughing and retelling it just yesterday…

Picture if you will: Christmas Eve… Family party at my In-Laws… My own little blended family issues are nothing when compared to Mr. Amazings much larger and hostile blended family… The only time I often see his step siblings are at this yearly party… We do not really remember each other from year to year… In fact… Last year they introduced me to one sibling (who? I don’t remember) and they exclaimed “He got married??” … Close? Not so much… still closer than my own family… so it take some getting used too.

So all those step siblings have children, I am not really sure who belongs to who, and I try to put faces to the names of the horror stories that are whispered among others… But really… there are just a lot of kids… I LOVE kids… so I am enjoying myself… when I see a pre-teenish boy rough housing with Mr. Amazing… I love this… Because even though there are some issues among the grown up children, it is so fun to see family interact that normally doesn’t… As I wander over to join my cute husband… I see this kid slug him… right in the gut… and ..

You guys! I didn’t even think about… There wasn’t ever a conscious decision behind it… I punched the kid back.

“Oooof!” Child clutches stomach

“Don’t hit MY husband!” Hands on hips… I may as well have lifted a leg and peed on him

“We were just playing?” baffled Mr. Amazing

<Shrug> “No One hits my husband”

The kid was fine… I gave him my candy bar from the left right right left oh my god right left  this is the longest game ever game.

…. I am sure I will never live it down…. Just like the one time Small Child informed me no one will spar with him in Karate if I am there in the bleachers… Oh but that is another story…

2014-01-20 14.03.37

Jan 15 2014

Adventures in Babysitting….

Author: Kerry

mama kats A movie you loved as a child

Remember this little gem? Cue the opening credits:

I could reenact this whole scene… just sayin… I could quote most of the movie by heart…. enhanced-buzz-30116-1380674152-15

…. after all her dancing like an idiot our lead character… Chris Parker… gets the news from her boyfriend Mike that he has to cancel their date because his little sister is sick. Dejected –  Chris gets roped into babysitting for the Anderson family’s two kids, Brad and Sara. Well only 8 year old Sara really needs a babysitter because Brad is 15 years old and happens to have a huge crush on Chris. It seems the night might be a pretty boring one despite the awkwardness of Brad having to be babysat by his older crush until Chris gets a call from her friend Brenda. She’s at the bus station downtown after running away from home and having blown money on the ride there… she now needs Chris to come and pick her up. With no choice but to bring Brad and Sara along… And so the adventure begins!

I think my facial expression was similar the first time small child threw up out of the corners of his eyes!

I think my facial expression was similar the first time small child threw up out of the corners of his eyes!

How about some 80’s style Thorgasms to finish this little walk down memory lane… Quit laughing… this was TOTALLY considered hot once.

Me-Ow

Me-Ow

What was your favorite movie from your youth? I need some good suggestions as I seem to be coming down with a cold…. I’m pretty sure Ive got some more great movies in my coming weekend.

UPDATED: – I just think you needed this as well…

Jan 04 2014

My 2013 Wrap Up

Author: Kerry

WoENewButton-300x300

 

I was begging Mr. Amazing by the day after Christmas to help me take down the Christmas decorations (By help me, I mean take them down because he has this knack for not throwing things in boxes in a mad panic to get the shit out of the house, and like actually wraps the breakable precious stuff… while I sit on the couch and drink coffee… because he is scared I am going to touch something or put something away “my way” it is a win win situation) and he in return is pleading with my to leave it up until New Years… and he swears it will get done… I concede… because… well… he is cute. I read on facebook and visit friends who are packing up their trees as quickly as possible… it seems like a race this year to get the decorations down… and I ponder a moment the old superstition of if it was a good year, you leave it up to flow into the next, and if not… you take it down and leave it behind by the New Year… people really do this… I swear… I am not making this shit up… and I think about it… Would I leave 2013 behind?

A lot happened in the year… My Sons father died… I became a Grandma again… Life had its normal ups and downs… we went to DisneyLand…

I had my normal ups and downs... I survived…. I decided to write a book … but I didn’t…. yet?

I lost a dear friend… and gained a cookie wife (I always had her… now I just have cookies too!)

I turned 40

Small Child started shaving…. KILL ME DEAD

I don’t think I broke anything this year… but I did spent a night in the ER with a 104 fever getting fluids…

I am pretty sure I do not buy into the whole christmas tree removal superstition… But I do know for every experience I would like to leave in the past… I had two that I would love to keep in my heart through the next year…

The tree came down on New Years Day… I drank all the coffees…. Bring on 2014

Dec 11 2013

Death of the Stache

Author: Kerry

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)

Stach

Dec 03 2013

Shave for the love of god…

Author: Kerry

” A trend you’re not much a fan of “

mama kats

 

Funny that you should ask… I came across this prompt just as I was singing the praises of the 3rd day of December!!!

Look… I am all for doing things for a good cause… I participate in fundraisers… I pay it forward… I try to work a random act of kindness into each day… I never pass a bell ringer without dropping whatever change I have into his bucket… but by the time you are in the second week of November every man in the office looks like a mountain man… grizzly adams in the IT department over here didn’t get the memo that he should not continue to shave his scalp… whilst growing out his beard during No Shave November.

This is not my real IT guy… I just got this image off of google to illustrate my point

IMG_0018

But… Here we are in the first week of December and let the shaving begin… and somehow from this we gleaned some kind of cancer awareness… Couldn’t we come up with a better way? Because I am pretty sure woodland creatures have moved into your face.

Now that I have that off my chest… Let’s discuss this whole month of gratitude posts on Facebook… because every morning I wanted to stab my eye out with a fork… luckily I only have coffee for breakfast… no fork in reach.. and for that I am grateful.

I live in Utah… and while I do not belong to the popular religion of the area… most of my friends and family do… cue the angels singing and the pearly white gates of heaven opening… because they all posted each and every day what they were so grateful for…Seriously… if you have ever read my blog… you know I am a fan of the whole being grateful thing… I am truly so blessed in so many ways… but I would be lying if I didn’t wake up on December 1st and kiss the computer screen right on the first post bitching about the weather… The crowd at the stores and the amount of housework to be done… because I swear… on a stack of your holy book of bibley whatever that that was the LONGEST 30 days of thanks ever!!

Im grateful its over… and to raise awareness of my gratefulness… I will not be shaving during the month of December… We can braid the leg hairs and sing kumayah for Christmas!!!

<EndRant>

 

Nov 18 2013

A reader lives a thousand lives….

Author: Kerry

I love to read… I love several genres of Novels… The prompt is to list 8 books that I believe everyone should read in their lifetime

mama kats

Here we go- in no particular order…

Harry Potter- by J.K. Rowling; I am going to cheat a little…I am not going to use up my 8 books by mentioning all 7 books. But you should read all 7. I love them, I cannot imagine a world without the magic that happened around that lovely book series.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan – By Lisa See; I read this recently, I have always had a fascination with the Chinese traditions and philosophies around women. If this is something that you read about (And are thankful we are not being raised this way(Unless you are… then I’m sorry)) I also recommend the beloved Amy Tan books as well as EVERYTHING by Anchee Min, I intend to read more Lisa See books and will keep you posted on how I feel about them.

The Night Circus – By Erin Morgenstern; I had never read a book like this! It was so different, and bizarre, and full of mystery that never really answered itself. I loved the characters, I love the scenes, I just loved this book. I would like to put other books here because that seems to be what I am doing… but this really is such a stand alone book, It is so Unique, short of the great “Something Wicked This Way Comes” nothing even could be paired with this book (which the only thing these books have in common is a circus)… Oh! Read some Ray Bradbury… just because.

The Book Thief- By Markus Zusak; I am sure this will make several peoples lists as it is very much talked about right now… and with good reason, It was beautifully and uniquely written… I applaud the author for finding a beautiful way to tell such a horrible story… That being said other books in the genre that everyone should have read by now are of course- Anne Frank, To Kill a Mocking Bird, Black Boy and Escape from Camp 14. Be educated.

ROOM – By Emma Donoghue; There is kind of a theme to my book selections, I am fascinated with different types of writing styles, I like to read books that are written so differently that they don’t remind you of anything else… I Loved this book for that reason only, But that being said, I often read survivors books – Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard ect. I do believe there is something (beyond the horror) of these that encourages me and takes away some of the power from these monsters…. I also believe they wrote their story for a reason… and it deserves to be read as a tribute to their strength. Speaking of Great Survivors, another one is Elephant Girl by Jane Devin. Beautifully Written. Also, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

The Hunger Game Series – By Suzanne Collins; I cringe to mention this because it already get so much press, but they are FANTASTIC- and if this is the kind of book appeals to you, for the loved of god read The Host, and the Mortal Instruments series, also  read Divergent, Insurgent and Allegient, as well as Matched, Crossed, Reached, as well as the Uglies and the Pretties, as well as Most things by Amanda Hockings (Other than the vampire ones… unless you really liked twilight… which I didn’t and you will notice is not listed here)

Circle of Friends- By: Maeve Binchy – I Love love her books in general, I loved the Lilac Bus, Tara Road and The Glass Lake… There are more, but you get the idea… These are what I read when I just want to feel… not relate… just feel. Her descriptions of different country sides over the EU is beautiful as well… Just beautiful.

Crank- By Ellen Hopkins – also followed by Glass… and there are many more… If you have a teenager… you should read these. Just my personal opinion. Plus the first thing you will notice about them is that they are written in a different manner once again, than anything I have ever read.

Books

 

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if you all would leave me a comment with your list, or suggestions, as I am also on the prowl for my next life.

Nov 06 2013

Well… That didn’t go exactly as planned.

Author: Kerry

mama kats

Something you were wrong about.

I am a budget-er… I know… I know… with all the frivolity that carries on in my life this may be hard to believe… but it is true never the less.

I pay my bills on a schedule from which I never deviate.. and I put away what I can when I can… Recently I paid off a debt… and suddenly this freed up a little bit of money… breathing room… barely… and my plan was to put it away and save it for a rainy day.. which is a luxury I have never had in my adult life… not once… and it was going so well… So well… I was able to finally take a family vacation… somewhere a little further away than a 2 day over the weekend trip up to the lake… and we rejoiced.. and the children were happy… Then as the time has continued without paying this debt… I tucked enough away again to consider finally purchasing a new bed… which is something we definitely want…  we began discussing shopping for one to see what we would want… and the parents were happy … and we rejoiced… because we are good… we do not go into debt and finance things … we pay our bills and we buy things we can afford… responsible adults we are.

… this last weekend we decided to go out to eat… the restaurant we chose happen to be in the same shopping location as the Apple Store… you already know what I am going to type here don’t you… you can feel the guilt seeping from my finger tips and into the keyboard of my brand new MacBook Air…. guilt is swirling around the words on my beautifully clear retina screen… as I sit with this 2.38 lb piece of heaven in my lap… on my too small… too lumpy bed… with it’s 12 hours of battery life… I have that A-Ha moment…

I thought I was a responsible selfless adult… I was wrong… I’m a semi-responsible MacBook owning chic who finally bought something for herself… and I was happy… and I am rejoicing… ooohhh its so shiny!!

Mac

Hey Apple – If you happen to find this…and want to reward your #1 fan… we could totally use a new bed.

Shiny!

Nov 04 2013

The Frost and the Princess – Short Story

Author: Kerry

WatMButtonTake2wText-300x300 Prompt : “The third day comes a frost, a killing frost.” – William Shakespeare ( response can be fiction or creative non-fiction, and there’s a word limit of 500 words.)

 

“The third day comes a frost, a killing frost” Tatti muttered Shakespeare’s prose as she cupped her hands and blew her hot breath into them… it was like holding a bit of fog for a moment as it was so chilly she could see her own breath within those hands… November Third… how ironic… and yet even she had to admit the crisp air had a feeling of change to it…  Tatti could use a change more than most… and feeling slight optimistic she un-buried herself from the newspapers she was using as a blanket, when the sun was high around noon the frost that covered them would make them soggy and useless for warmth…it was okay… She never had trouble finding enough of those… and they could only do some much to warm her anyways… Food… now that was a different story… She could never seem to find enough of that… She was always just barely staying ahead of that painful nagging bitch hunger… it could be worse… stay ahead of it she had so far… Tatti… short for Tattiana means Princess in Russian or so she had been told by anyone whom had ever heard her name… “princess my ass” she huffed as she stepped out of the hidden alley between buildings…  as she pulled the ice from her hair that had frozen after the rain had dampened her locks… dread locks… long and dirty blond… really nothing much more than a rats nest clear down to the small of her back… She had as many piercings as she did locks… there wasn’t much left she hadn’t shoved a steel post through… shuffling towards the grey hound station she scuffed her shoes all the way too… not really picking up her feet… or her head to meet the eyes of anyone she passed… as she neared the bus station/youth safe place… she began taking count of the people she saw with in… the teens that had woken up to this painful bitter cold… and her winter count began… she counted the heads of those she recognized… took inventory of who was on the streets these days… killing frost may seem a descriptive word to some… but to Tatti… and the others inside the shelter… they were very literal words… odds were that not all of them would make it through this season… just as seasons past. Aluminum boxes affixed to the ceiling with coils of red heat resembling a snake greeted her as she pushed the door open… The heat burned her numbed nose and cheeks uncomfortably as she defrosted… She found a bench in the corner and sat… trying to blend into the wall really… to be invisible was her goal. Attention was not something she had any use for… promises and good intentions did very little to change her life for more than a meal or two… and she knew the only thing she could count on today was the fact winter was coming… and she was alive.

Frost

Oct 30 2013

Reality is tenuous

Author: Kerry

Hey there… This is something I have not done here before… but something I have often done… I just thought it may be fun… I took the prompt and poof! A short story is born. (and yes… I know… I love my ellipses)

“When the sun sets on All Hallow’s Eve, blanketing the landscape in darkness, it is said the line between the living and the dead, the fantasy and the reality is tenuous.”

(A Halloween Prompt from Write at the Merge)

At Last! Darkness gasps as if for air as the last trace of light is diminished… Her vision is clouded by this dusky twilight time… but she is awake… and hungry… she creeps out to stretch her shadows that have been cramped into the darkest of corners and behind drawn blinds for what seems like an eternity… devouring the color from the landscape… until that need is satiated… and everything is now the color of midnight… This is the night!

They enter the scene as if in surround sound… The snap of a branch … the rustle of leaves… the whispers so hushed that you cannot make out their message… a giggle escapes the small ones … a guttural groan from the old ones… and they join with Darkness like long lost lovers… siblings reunited… a child nestled in its mothers arms. This is the night!

Movement so fast it causes wind so much joy that it howls … and much like a toddler with energy exploding from what seems uncontrolled limbs… shudders are slammed shut like a knocking of unwanted visitors … trees sway in rhythm their bone like branches screeching windows within their reach. This is the night!

Darkness trusts few, but she beckons to Mischief and Mayhem  and they chase from the streets the beings of light… this is not their time… not the place… this time belongs to darkness… and she hopes that on this most powerful night she will finally be able to keep from being chased back into the shadows… to keep light tucked away… trapped in bulbs.. and flames… peeking out from under doors… and through the windows.

You fear the unknown… but the unknown is but a child of darkness… it does not want to play with chaos and murder… but chaos and murder seem to be the only ones willing… and so it goes.

Stay inside… check your children… lock your doors they whisper to the superstitious minds with glee… what fun this is… to laugh and play…

And just like that. And all too soon Light gasps as if for breath as it makes its way over the distant horizon. It brings with it an army of colors that wash over the scene. Not this time darkness. Not this year. Perhaps the next All Hallows Eve will bring your freedom.

twilight

 

Oct 29 2013

For better or for Worse… I am

Author: Kerry

mama kats

Hi, my name is ______ and I am a _______.

Hi… My name is Kerry… and I am a Human Being.

… I wanted to put so many other things in that spot… I ran through every positive thing about myself I could put in there… and mentally these were quickly replaced with every vice I have put into name calling form as well… I am my own best friend… and my own worst enemy all wrapped up in one… I motivate myself and set goals… I am a driven individual… I also tear myself down… tell myself I am not capable of reaching dreams… I am a Self Sabotager… I am a friend… I thought of my closest friends and how much they mean to me… and how much I love them… and want to be there for them… and I am an unreliable friend… who oftens stands people up… overbooks herself… and is guilty of only calling when I need help… I am a wife… I am a nag… I am a confidant… I am an instigator… for better or for worse… I will judge you… and I will tell you… I guess that is just part of the package deal…. I am the only person I know that can beat herself up for beating herself up… I am a Mom…  the good and the bad… and I love fiercely! I am a self harmer…. albeit in remission… also an addict… also not in practice… I am a woman… but my boobs are not that great… just say’n

I am a human being… for better or worse… and I will forgive myself a thousand mistakes a day… and borrow from the next if I am having a really rough go at it.

 

Mom