Dec 31 2023

at the end of 2023

Author: Kerry

If you know me… you will know that I do not cling to religion… and my Sundays are spent with the different correspondents of the CBS Sunday Morning news program… and have been all of my adult life. If you live with me… you either learn to love it… or leave me alone with my coffee through it… I prefer to watch it in silence… though some of the stories spark such conversations that we miss the remainder of it…. except the moment of nature… when everything stops… and everyone runs in the room to watch in silence the beautiful blue marble we live on… seeing and hearing sounds we have never experienced… or ones we have and we relive it through that moment. I have many favorites about this program… Techno Clause is a HUGE hit in our home… but the Hail and Farewell episode of the year is always something we watch in reverence and wonder…. This year was no different. I remember sobbing through the Hail and Farewell to 2022, But I do not remember why… and as my soul was breathed hope this morning through the Hail and Farewell to 2023 I decided I wanted to write why… see the program doesn’t really change much… life continues… people live and do great and terrible things… and people die… and stories change our world and the planet is always getting warmer… but what does change… is me.

I had the dawning realization this morning… as I seem to be processing some trauma of that last few years… and shedding some of my careful compartments of emotions and thoughts tucked away for a safer calmer time to unpackage and feel… that… well as cliche as it sounds… it is what it is. I watched as Anderson Cooper talked about this as well… funny how some of the people you love and admire the most you have never met… Anderson Cooper is one of those for me… Mr Amazing suggested that if I did know him I may not feel that way… and I responded with ofcourse I would. Because I understand every characteristic… every value… comes with its other side… infact thinking two sided is very narrow in of itself… and as the news program alerted me to the fact that shooting down the Chinese Balloon… happened this year… that the boats and submarines that imploded or capsized killing so many were this year…. that the canadian wildfires… the Redwood fires… the Hawaii fires… were this year. In a year of mass shootings being daily news… and two wars now raging… the middle east one joined the Ukraine/Russia one… though it is not eithers first. Time seemed to slow down… it is an illusion… created by so much happening.

So in this spirit… I too would like to bid 2023 Hail and Farewell…

First we Hail…

Hail to personal growth and development- I mentioned those containers above that I need to unpack and process… I have been doing this slowly… in silence… as I mold different tiny things from clay. I have learned a lot… mostly good… and may bad…. but I am going to stop there with those adjectives… because I do not believe events to be so easily categorized… so many consequences of something bad or terrible feeling at the time do turn out to be good… and some of those low hanging fruits that bring immediate joy… can turn sour in retrospect. Nothing is Black and White… it is always in the middle of that grey area somewhere… and HOW GREAT IS THAT!!!

Hail to Mr Amazing. Do I even need to say why? I love this man and our patchwork tribe more than there are words in my vocabulary to express. So I won’t try. I will continue to just love as I do.

Hail to our commander in chief! Politics are exactly that… Grey… and my feelings about President Biden are also somewhere in the middle… and me with my feelings about things can go jump off a cliff… because it is events that he is ushering in that matters.. and I am grateful for so much of that. Did you know that it was Nixon that signed the endangered animals act into law? Thanks to sunday morning I do now too… all I knew of Nixon was watergate… but the man did some great things… again. Grey is always the answer

Hail to my babies!! (I gave birth to one… I have many) They are the most amazing creatures! Through the black and the white of their lives… I get a front row seat to all of it… someone hand me some pom poms… cause I cannot possibly cheer for them any louder…

Hail to my dad!!! This one is a very recent story… and it is his… but my part of that story was finding a friend in him… finding some interesting traits we share… and honestly finding out how much I just love him. Weird right?

Hail to my babies babies!!! OMGOSH!! I just cant even. I grow SO much personally because of these little monsters. I stay mobile and driven because of them. I am loved. I love them so.

The point of all of this… is there is no good and bad… there just is life. What an amazing year it has been… what an amazing time to be alive… ofcourse… that could be said clear back as far as we know… and as far forward as we can imagine…. Surely I am not getting my point across… because I do not have the words to express it… other than Grey. So lets move onto some farewells

Farewell to parts of my brain… Farewell to a time that my License plates did not announce my disabilities… Farewell to my 40s!! Farewell to some family and friends… Farewell to a version of me that I have outgrown… Farewell to some ability… and mobility too… I must say farewell to some things… in order to make room for new things… Farewell to some of the darkest personal times of my life (yes, this year, I unpackaged some of those containers and climbed inside of them and hid in the darkness where I wallowed in the pity of it all… and then stopped)

So if the best analogy I have come up with for this place that I am in… is two sides of a coin… and life is one big coin toss… Throw the fucking coin!! and lets do it again and again and again.

I would like to pause and acknowledge… I didn’t write this year… I didn’t write birthday letters… I didn’t do a lot of things… but the other side of that coin is the things I did do… and I am so grateful each and everyday for the people that make it possible. (I am one of those people as well) Love is the religion I cling too… and it has brought me so far!

Feb 23 2023

A most random musing: Curses, Bright Spots… and Forward March!

Author: Kerry

We’ve all heard it before. “I hope you get one just like you.” It was usually said during a battle of wills or after a trip to the principal’s office or “making out with the foreign exchange student” and more than likely… muttered under their breath like a curse. Just wait for what? Super sweet baby snuggles? Adorable sleepy smiles? Nope.

Revenge in the form of a tiny version of yourself.

So instead of rolling my eyes… I respond the latest parenting woe by saying, “you were just like that,” … I remember how they handled it or how I wished they had handled it… Instead of feeling uncomfortable with having a mirror reflect my least favorite qualities back at me… I confront them and try to understand why we all cry when we’re frustrated or shut people out when they hurt us… And when they (the grandbabies) stand their ground and refuse to back down… I silently applaud their tenacity and calmly inform them that they’re going up against the masters of tenacity (These young parents got it from ME!) and they might want to check themselves before they wreck themselves.

Maybe it is not a curse after all…

Have you ever noticed a look of resignation on a child’s face? That moment when a grandchild gives in, and does what the parents say. You can tell that submission isn’t easy. Something happens in the shoulders. The head may droop. The step may be slow.

Go to bed now, young lady.

Rise and shine, it’s time for school.

Brush your teeth. Right now.

Two more bites of beans, or no dessert.

Hug your sister. She didn’t mean to trip you.

No more screen time for you,

And so it goes.

Those nagging reminders… Those marching orders… Those words often said in exasperation are teaching you self care… for your adult life…. because on the other end of the spectrum here…. with my children grown… in the house for weeks… those are the same things I tell myself as a form of self love. So listen to your Moms…. enjoy your kids rebellion… and then relish in the joy of grandkids…. this is what life is…. this story is brought to you by a mom who DESPERATELY needs to focus on the joy to get through the rest of this month… then I look forward to the next thing… and I don’t allow myself to go backwards… or stay stuck. We are BURIED in snow… nothing in my lab work looks good…. everything is swollen… and I am the most grateful person on this planet for ALL OF IT. because I am alive. and that means forward march! (see what I did there?)

Dec 21 2022

Winter Solstice has finally arrived…

Author: Kerry

I have intense seasonal depression, and I have turned it into a positive thing… I count down to spring… I build my fairy city…. today I was late logging into work… because I celebrated by taking an EXTRA long hot shower… taking time to moisturize and dress warmly… followed by making a hot cup of tea in a real mug…. not a disposable and toasted myself a bagel… even though I usually am not a breakfast person… before entering my SpareBedroomPaintroomStorageRoomMeditationRoomArtRoomOffice and lit a small incense and turned out the light so the only glow comes unnaturally from my computer monitor as I type this… and go within

In the coming year… I will celebrate 50 trips around the sun on this tiny rock …. I believe there are some habits I can let go of with the passing of the longest night… and I can welcome some new ones in…. but whether or not I make it through the 50th trip… or do anything beyond exist… I am grateful for this morning… this warm cup of tea… this nourishment… the love that I carry in my heart for people and places and animals… for my eyes that find a beauty in this grey bleak day… and likely it is the lightest today will be… and I am so grateful for my belief that I can make it through the dark that is coming… for it is also my friend… and I know that after today… the light begins its return.

I posted this poem on social media… I do not know who to attribute it to…. but it says perfectly my state of mind today… I hope whoever finds this … also finds rest… and peace… and light inside themselves in the darkness.

At the Solstice, the darkness of winter exerts its power and stakes its claim as the longest night of the year.

Yet, in the next breath, the darkness turns and starts a steady march to the shortest night of the year in summer.

Cycles of our lives. Our days. Our moments.

Hold on to the light. Spring is coming.

May your heart shine bright with peace and joy even in the darkness.

May your Winter Solstice be filled with expanding light, both within and without.

Jul 17 2022

A Letter to Samson… For Johnathon’s Birthday

Author: Kerry

Soooo I’m on a roll… Writing birthday letters to others besides the person who’s birthday it is… Please know that I do it from a place of love.

Sweet Boy, I wish I could change some of the harsh realities that have already happened in your young life. I wish we lived in a world where tragedy didn’t strike innocent children. But I can’t change the past and I can’t protect you from all the bad things as much as I want to. The best I can do, Sammy, is trust your dad will teach you and guide you to the best of his ability. As you grow, there are a few fundamental things I want you to cling to. Use them as your guidebook, especially when life gets tough.

Spread kindness like wildfire.

Your dad is the epitome of kindness. Everywhere he goes, and to everyone he meets, he spreads kindness and laughter. Samson, you have your Daddy’s same kind heart and compassionate nature. I see it already in your expression when you listen to music… when you hear my silly voice greeting you. Hold on to that, even when life gets hard. Your Daddy is so widely loved and admired because he loved and admired everyone around him. Everyone deserves kindness, baby. Don’t be afraid to show it.

Be brave and courageous.

There will be times in your life where you’d rather hide or run or bury your head in the sand than face whatever challenge is in your way. I know because I’ve been there many times. In those times, I want you to remember to be brave and show courage. But bravery and courage don’t have to come from you; in fact, it often doesn’t because we, as humans, struggle with the strong grip of fear. Often it overwhelms us. When that happens, always call on your dad to lend you courage and bravery, He has so much of it. He will give you the strength you need to get through the battle you’re facing.

Be respectful.

I have already begun to teach you how to respect your elders. Because I am so very old now. Even as a tiny young thing, I am so proud of how polite you are. Keep that up. Everyone deserves respect and I expect you to show it. I expect you to respect your teachers and your friends. I expect you to respect law enforcement and those in authority over you. I especially expect you to respect girls, and later, women. When you show respect to others, even when they’re being jerks to you, you will always come out on top.

Remember how blessed you are.

Life is full of hills and valleys, some valleys being worse than others. You have already experienced a deep valley in your young life. Unfortunately, none of us are immune to tragedy. It is easy to count our blessings when we are riding high on top of those hills. The true measure of a person, I believe, is when you can still see the blessings you have in the midst of those valleys. Always remember, no matter what you’re going through in life, be it a big or small challenge, that you are incredibly blessed. When you are facing a challenge, focus on your blessings and hang on to them tight.

Love him like your father loved me.

Your Daddy loved me more than I ever thought was possible. Sammy, your dad, loved me with a kind of love that all sons could learn from, but few accomplish. I want you to love yourself like your Daddy loved you. EVERY DAY. Love yourself like you are the magic you are… Love yourself with the amazement and wonder I see in your dad’s eyes when he looks at you, I am sure my eyes hold that same wonder when I look at him. Your magic is hereditary.

It is always the right choice to do the right thing.

Sammyinpajammies, you will be faced with the temptation to do lots of things because all the other boys are doing it. It may be the temptation to smoke or make fun of the new kid, treat a girl like an object, or cheat on a test. None of these things are worth it in the end. Not only will you disappoint me by choosing the wrong thing, but you will also ultimately disappoint yourself, and that is a far worse feeling. You will do some of these things anyways… and then you will learn grace… forgiveness… and you pick up and do the right things again. Doing the right thing is often going to take a great deal of courage and bravery (But you got these characteristics from your dad in abundance). It will likely make you feel like a bit of an outcast at times. It may even make you the target of nasty comments. Your dad will always be here to help you with making the right choice, and I will be here to help you get through whatever may come from your choice. “My” baby, you are far too young for any of this to mean anything to you right now. But I promise that one day you will need these bits and pieces of advice. Tuck them away in your heart and draw them out when you need them. You are a wonderful blessing to your Daddy, and the world. You are meant for great things, Sam. I can’t wait to see how you make your mark!

Love your old grammy!

Happy Birthday Old little dude… I am so so lucky you were my son. I love you so much.

Jul 14 2022

Holy Shit! You’re Old!! 16!!

Author: Kerry

(Well… I had purchased a banner that said this… but then had to edit this prewritten post because I did not want to send the sweary thing to your Moms; which is where you wanted to be….. which I get. I do. You have woken up here on your birthday most of your 16 years… and it is okay)

My Dearest Miss B! I HATE 16!!! I HATED myself at 16…. I hated heather feather turning and being 16… I hated Neenerfan being 16…. and I hate that you are now 16 (Although Im secretly proud of all of us) So instead of writing you a letter… Im going to write myself one… and hope beyond hope… that you realize it is true for you as well

Dear Kerry,
I’m writing to you as your 48 year old self but don’t panic, it’s less bizarre than it seems so please hear me out.
Looking back now, there’s so much I wish I had known at the ripe old age of 16 so I’m here to share a few words on what’s to come for you and to hopefully serve up some guidance that will help you through these next few years.
So here goes.
First things first, please buy yourself a good cleanser, and moisturizer… it’ll work wonders. You’ll soon learn a myriad of different techniques that will simplify the process of applying makeup but be patient, these things take time.
Now that’s out of the way…
The chapter of your life you’re currently flicking through is a difficult one and I know that the positivity you used to hold on to so tightly is rendered with unwanted feelings. They’re growing like weeds and you’re finding it tricky to pull through those that weave around your feet, tripping your every step but you will be able to break free soon. Trust me when I say that it really does get better.
What’s to come is something I like to call your transitional period and I’m sorry to say that it’s an awkward one. But a lot of what lies ahead will lead you to the next step. Think of it as an escalator which takes you to the next level. However it’s a dodgy one so sometimes it breaks or pauses, prompting this feeling of being suspended in some kind of middle ground but things will be on the move again soon.
It’s not going to be easy, of course. The challenges won’t be erased with a blink of an eye but as you climb over one hurdle and then the next, you’ll become stronger. You should be prepared to stumble over some though – quite literally sometimes, obstacles still jump out from no where.
Right now you feel like your life is a big debacle with every challenge punctuating that thought. The sniggering laughs and sly comments about you coupled with your anxieties. But you’ll soon graduate from a place where these things hold you back.
The anxiety will evidently still be the catalyst to a lot of your challenges and upset but amongst the darkness of those moments, you’ll find energy to strive to reach the light. You’ll be in pursuit of things that make you happy, the things that fulfil the image you’ve marked out for yourself.
You feel awfully alone right now as you go through the motions with some friendships but don’t worry, those tear stained cheeks that punctuate each passing school day will soon become less frequent of an occurrence and bridges will start to form again.
You’ll come out the other side with friendships which have such tangible strength and those people will provide you with unwavering support which you will of course reciprocate.
But being you, the worry of burdening others with your quandaries will be one of the main reasons why you don’t reach out to these people. However, you will find another way of releasing all those worries.
You’ll write a lot more, hoping that engaging in this catharsis will purge all those unwanted feelings. The endless list of documents which hold these thoughts will eventually encourage the creation of your blog and as your words spread more widely, feedback from others will help you to ascertain the realization that you’re not alone.
There will be relief in expressing your thoughts in this way and hearing back from others but it won’t erase every trace, so it’s important to strike the right balance between writing and talking.
The move from where you are now to where you will be in five years time will be uncomfortable at times. Some things will constitute short-lived pain but that’s exactly what it is, short.
Some mistakes will be made between now and then too but you live and you learn kid, don’t feel bad, don’t fret. You will move on from all those little demons. There will of course be things that you can’t push away. Anxiety will still dominate some aspects of your life but you’ll step out of your comfort zone in a way you’ve never done before, in a way that you can’t imagine right now and the consequences of those extra steps will be so rewarding.
Sometimes you’re scared that you’ll never escape some of your feelings, you sense an ominous click of the pause button when they become stronger and you feel laced with self-doubt but these things are only ever temporary.
With a reshuffle of thoughts and a tight grip on the positive ones along with the support of your family and friends, you’ll be able to pull through.
You’ll learn that sometimes the biggest challenge can be transformed into something with purpose. That purpose will turn into strength, your strength. Whilst you still come face to face with dilemmas and you find yourself in another muddle, you’ll find things that will guide you through, even when you least expect it.
So hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy road but there will be smooth and narrow stretches ahead, always focus on those moments.
Stay strong and stay determined.
You’re going to be ok, I promise.
Love from,
You, aged 48
Happy Birthday Lacey Pretty Facey… I love you beyond expression… I have so much faith in you from over here in the bleachers watching you play your part in this world… I hope you have a wonderful day.

Jun 14 2022

I’ve been gone… but I haven’t forgotten.

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 14 June 2022, there have been 533,816,957 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 6,309,633 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 7 June 2022, a total of 11,864,214,773 vaccine doses have been administered.

But wait …. there is more…

As of 8 June 2022, 1285 laboratory confirmed cases and one probable case have been reported to WHO from 28 countries in four WHO Regions where monkeypox is not usual or had not previously been reported. This represents an increase of 505 laboratory confirmed cases since the previous Disease Outbreak News on 4 June 2022 when 780 cases were reported. As of 8 June 2022, there have been no associated reported deaths in these four Regions.

OH come on now! if we cannot laugh about it…. what can we do (I MEAN please wash your hands and wear a mask if you’re in public.)

There is so much I should be telling you all…. beside the fact that I am alive…. but … you guessed it! Ive been fairying… tis the season…. so just know I live… I love…. I laugh… the end.

Mar 05 2022

STORYTELLERS

Author: Kerry

Oral tradition tells us the earth began when Crawfish dove into the watery depths of the world and built the first landmass from mud at the bottom of the ocean. From these early beginnings, all things good sprang to life, including Me! So sit right back and I’ll tell a tale ….

Friday the 25^th I went to the Dentist at 9 am to have a broken tooth fixed…. that I had cracked … on bread?? two days prior. This is where it started. The dentist felt my jaw crumbling underneath the broken tooth…. extracted it… did an emergency extraction of a molar on the opposite side… cut out the crumbling portion of my Jaw…. resectioned it… and put in bone grafts…. this gave me two black eyes and a black jaw line…. and apparently Covid.

I tested positive Tuesday…. Surprise! TWO YEARS!! for TWO YEARS I have done anything and everything they suggested to not get this…. and here it was finally.

Pause for the gratitude I feel for the fact that it was now… when there are medicines… vaccines… and room in the hospitals.

and it is a good thing… because even though I am fully vaccinated… and it is supposed to be a mild variant… It tried to kill me with in the first 24 hours. It is really disgusting to tell you about this… but I am a story teller so you get all the details!… I wake up feeling like someone has poured hot cement in my sinuses and chest everyday… Today for the first time, I had the presence of mind not to panic when this happened and choke down advil, which once it has kicked in allows me to be able to cough and swallow until I can breathe.

I’ve been quarantined in my bedroom since Tuesday- literally haven’t left it…. Mr Amazing just keeps sliding me what I need into the room. Ironically when we came to work at home- I bought this hospital tray as a desk…. bahahahaha soooo here I am using it in bed really in bed, not just sitting on a bed.

Why do I tell you all this? Well… because im not very professional.

While fevered I bought Mr Amazing a Digeridoo… and the cats an automatic laser pointer…. so this has not been for nothing <shrug>

Today was my secretly chosen date for Fairy Citys Annual Emergence (NUMBER 7!!!) obviously that is not happening… Luckily because I made it up- it can be rescheduled … there is something else eating away at this hippy heart and soul of mine… Ukraine. I have already donated every dime I can to help… and I feel completely helpless… I know that this will not mean anything to anyone but me… but I am dedicating my Fairy City this year to those brave people… to anything Anti-Putin …. all the words I paint… all the art I make… it is being acted out right now by those brave souls…. from the farmers laughing as they use a tractor to take a tank… to the people returning to fight…. to the people going to safety to return to fight another day…. they represent everything brave… and good… and kind… as well as the Syrian refugees… and those suffering in Myanmar… no… no not you… trucker convoy people… not you…. them! So on that note… So much love and light to all of you… and as always… We will be the hopeful

Feb 04 2022

A Day Worth Recording Here… Both Chilling and Heartbreaking…

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of , 4 February 2022, there have been 386,548,962 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,705,754 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 2 February 2022, a total of 10,040,768,270 vaccine doses have been administered.

Two years after the first COVID-19 cluster was reported in Wuhan, China, the U.S. has surpassed 900,000 deaths from the disease. U.S. hospitals are buckling under the weight of omicron — and it’s forcing them to put off essential procedures for everything from heart conditions to cancer.

The RNC censured Reps. Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for working with the Jan. 6 House panel — claiming that the Capitol riot was “legitimate public discourse.”

The Winter Games have begun. The International Olympic Committee, which faced its own criticism for holding the Games during a pandemic again, has maintained it will remain politically neutral. It was the second time Beijing hosted an Olympic opening ceremony. On Friday, it made history as the first city to host both a Summer and a Winter Games.

The Chinese President Xi Jinping was joined by Russian President Vladimir Putin, who he met with earlier in the day. Putin’s presence offered a needed ally for China at a time when the nation continues to be dogged over criticism for its human rights record.

I’m not going to further this post… if this has not been bone chilling enough… if you are not aware of the lynch pin theory…. Just remember you saw it here first

So much love and light to all… we are well… my adult children are now scheduled for boosters… we are celebrating every little thing… If we are going to be in this matrix… we are gonna have fun while doing it dammit…

Jan 10 2022

Its not over til … Well… Its just not… Meet Omicron.

Author: Kerry

You can reach a trained crisis counselor through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255 or texting 741741. (as we begin the third year of this pandemic… I will try to remember to start every post with this)

Globally, as of 7 January 2022, there have been 298,915,721 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,469,303 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 9 January 2022, a total of 9,126,987,353 vaccine doses have been administered.

It’s winter. It’s cold. It’s dark. I’ve been socially isolating. There… I said it.

I’m guessing I might not be alone. Social isolation in grief is oh so common. Social isolation in winter is oh so common. Conversations about social isolation? Not so common.

Sometimes social isolation isn’t just holing up at home and watching Netflix. It can be more nuanced. Let’s use my own social isolation as a social experiment in the form of a little self-interview:

Have you left the house?

Sure. I have been going to work, running errands, I do not live alone. I see other people all the time.

Have you been answering your phone?

Uhhhh . . . . not exactly.

Have you been replying to text messages?

Hmmmm . . . yes. Usually when someone finally texts me a question like

Your social isolation has felt completely terrible, right?

Wrong. I think it kind of started somewhere between the first of November and Thanksgiving I didn’t have to answer the question “how are you doing?”. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs. Not only did it not feel completely terrible… there were moments it felt glorious.

Well… if it felt pretty great then is wasn’t a problem, right?

Wrong again. When I was just taking a break and getting a little alone time… that wasn’t a problem. But that wasn’t social isolation, that was me being balanced and meeting my solitude needs. The problem was when I started actively ignoring people… avoiding people I love and care about.

You’re writing a post about your social isolation now… so did you know all along you were socially isolating?

At first I was just taking some happy… healthy alone time. I used the fact that I needed a break and that it was… at first… a good thing to stay in denial once it was creeping from alone time into isolation. Then I rationalized by saying things to myself like, “I’m still getting out and doing things – which really just means I’m going to work, it’s fine”. I still don’t really feel like coming out of it… or addressing it…. in fact I’m still feeling pretty much like being left alone.

You’ve admitted you have a problem… You are ready to work on this now right?

Let me introduce you to Omicron… Deltacron… and Flurona (End Interview)

Jul 17 2021

A birthday letter to my son

Author: Kerry

… the year he became a dad.

There are no words … no measure … no way to express my feelings… but hey! I’m stubborn! let’s try anyways…

I am writing this here in a bedroom that was once yours… Happy Birthday Johnathon… I do not know a better occasion than now to write to you and tell you a few l things that I want you to know.

It seems like yesterday that I was pregnant with you… I was looking forward to the day I could finally see your face and admire the miracle that you are. Needless to say… I am now looking at a new face… one that looks exactly like yours did.

And you were not just the cutest little miracle baby… but also a sensitive little boy with a good character and an amazing attitude toward life and its challenges. You have that since you were small.

Being a Parent is the hardest job in the world. Of course, there were times where I did not know how to handle you… Yep! I made a lot of mistakes by yelling at you. I’ve been reactive, and you know I did not have a manual on how to educate my child. Nor do you…. No manual can prepare a parent-to-be for parenthood. It is such a unique experience to have this innocent little human being in your arms at first, depending completely on you. And with time, you get more and more influence and responsibility on his evolution. It is the hardest job in the world until it is time to stop doing it… and let them do it with another innocent little human being in their arms.

It is a huge task that one needs to take on every single day consciously. And I know you will do it well… because that is who you are… a man with his heart in the right place.

You will be the best father one can be. You got an excellent example from your own dad when you were young. A fantastic example from the BFG as you got older. Honestly… you have a long trail of the kind of men it takes to love unconditionally. Because, the only task we have as a parent is to love your child unconditionally.
Do you have any idea…. how proud I am to be your mother and grandma to your first born child.

You are the son that every mother can only dream of. I thank the Universe every single day for giving me you.

I promise you that I will be the best grandmother… Know that you and your family will always be welcome and loved unconditionally. I thank you with all my heart for being the man you are.

Once I became a mother myself… I understood my purpose so much better.

Take good care of yourself… please do not forget to take good care of yourself and to put yourself first. A parent who loves himself and practices daily conscious self-care is proven to be a better parent because one cannot give love from an empty vessel.

One last thing… your child is SO LUCKY to have you as his and come into your family. I cannot wait to see the shenanigans you two get up too…

Love you always… Happy Birthday Bug.