Thank You Mr. President!!!

Different isn’t wrong. It’s different.

How hard is it to accept one another…  to practice kindness… not attack people who see the world differently than we do.

Nothing will ever be achieved in saying the person who disagrees with you is a sinner or stupid. Attacking and name-calling isn’t intelligent discussion. It only forces people to dig in their heels (like smallest child is soooooooo good at) as they refuse to hear your argument…. I’ve been guilty of it in the past, but I realize now that if I want someone to really hear me, I have to stop being a bitch as I present the facts.

The facts, as I see them, are as simple as this: love is love. If two people want to celebrate their love by making a lifelong commitment, it should be their decision to make. My life will change in no way when  same-sex marriage becomes a norm. There may be benefits that come about, but there most certainly will be no harm.

My marriage will mean just as much then as it does now.

If you disagree with me, I’ll ask you to substantiate your opinion. If you quote a book in your reasoning, I’ll ask if you’ve really read that book. Perhaps you should to read it again? Because, you know, you can’t pick and choose which lines to live by.

I will ask you if you think it’s OK to stone a woman to death for sleeping with a man (Deuteronomy 22:23-24).

I will ask you if you think it’s OK for a man to sleep with his brother’s wife (Genesis 38:8-10).

I will absolutely ask you if children who curse their mother or father should die (Leviticus 20:9).

And then I will throw the thing in the toilet…. because honestly… knowing it means nothing… preaching it means less… its how I behave …  my actions… that I will judge myself by … and whoever else may judge me….. The book that has been used over and over again as a tool to judge… hate…harm… and rule, That book talks equally about love… charity… kindness… hope… Can we practice a little bit of that??

Besides...it will help the economy... Gay Bridal Registry... Wedding planners are all a frenzy!!

… Mother’s Day…

I remember when I found out I couldn’t have children… as all my friends were starting families…Holding precious little bundles… I remember being so sad… Because all I wanted was to be a mother… and crying each year … I remember when I became a mother (OH! There is another post there… And to think I had nothing left to write about when I started this)… Because they were wrong… and I had a little blue perfect bundle of my own… And I really came to understand what love was… and what life was about.. and who I really was… And he stared at me with adoring eyes that lit up whenever I entered the room… and when he told me he wanted to marry me when he grew up (he was two) and when he started to call me Yaya (Not momma, not my child apparently)… it turned to mommy… he laughed with me… he played with me.. he stuck lipstick up my nose and in my ears when I dozed off… Mothers Day! I loved it…
Then I became a Mother again … To a teenager… a broken little girl… who I had the honor of witnessing her mending… and thanked my lucky stars everyday for having been blessed with her … I couldn’t imagine life without her… And I accepted it, and I let it happen… and I was spoiled on Mother’s day each year… With mothers rings… and candles and incents… bubble baths… bathrobes…
Then there was the Mothers day… Towards the End with the father… He tried.. In his drunken, prescription pill induced haze to recreate any kind of goodness… He bought my favorite movie (I had pleaded for it.. and the time to watch it)… but when that time came… I couldn’t let him take the children… I couldn’t trust him with them… Not to drive… He grabbed them both… as I screamed in terror and fury after him… not to take them (They were so confused… they didn’t understand what was happening… only that I had lost my mind at this point… They didn’t know there was anything wrong with him… this was how they knew him… I had tried to protect them from knowing the truth… and now they didn’t understand)…. 16 and 6 years old… and he took them, I… in a heap of tears… and disappeared for two hours… I never watched the movie… I stayed on the floor… by the door until he brought them back… and I made him leave. That was the end… I know that now… It dragged on so much longer, but I knew at that point… He had taken my children
… And Mothers Day became something new…Mothers day became a day to celebrate children.. And the miracle of them… and my right… My RIGHT… to keep them safe, and be loved, and not about candles, rings, bubble baths… time alone… It became my day to remember how grateful I am for my children… And all children… and how magical they are… Suddenly Mothers day contained no pity… no anger… no self justified righteousness about being appreciated… and spoiled…. It became about the miracle of life…
I have had three momentous mothers’ days since that turning point…. … Mother’s day is the day I had my little sister’s children three years ago… because she wasn’t alive enough to be their mother that day… I was so grateful for the lesson that brought me… that I wasn’t the drunk sister, and I wasn’t the sister lying in a bed on life support… I was surrounded by all these small faces and fed all these mouths a breakfast I prepared! Not laid in bed and was served… and was so grateful….
Two mother’s day ago… My favorite gift ever from my Son (the one miracle I actually gave birth too)… He was so sad… Because his father was so cruel… he didn’t help him.. he had nothing to give… and I woke up to a small hand written note… with all the pennies he could find in his several hiding places (it was about a dollar and a half)… The note read… “Mommy, I love you… me love you long time (ha ha! He had heard this phrase)… Happy Mother’s Day”…. And all the change was wrapped up in it (This note still hangs on my fridge… I giggle each time I see it)… ;And I cried and cried, and hugged him and hugged him… and this was the year his sister decided to have three dates on Mother’s day rather than see me or call… I got a text… And it hurt at the time, but honestly, I must have done something right with her.. she was off and living her own life, independently…. Don’t worry… This is followed by my next favorite gift… Which I received last year (She was so terrified of missing it… I might have tortured her for her thoughtlessness) and the promise of a visit… on the right day…. (I’m not holding my breath)… and the favorite part of this gift was she was on her two feet, after the year she has had… and facing her own first mother’s day… even though she has buried her angel… and she thought of me… Just me…

I have several children who wish me Happy Mother’s Day besides my two (including my newest little addition courtesy of Mr. amazing I Now have Tall child, small child… and smallest child)… and I have several mothers I call besides my own and including my own!… and in the divorce decree… I get my son… And he will never again push me down, and take my babies… and I will hold and hug anyone elses babies who were blessed with the ability to birth them… but too lost to take care of them.. who need me too…. Mother’s Day… its really children’s day.
I don’t know who is reading this… I don’t know who continues to read my ramblings and rants… These can’t mean something to anyone but me… But I write them, because I Live Them… and it means something to me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Topic source from my fav place 🙂 

Zipper Trivia… just the word… not the actual mechanism…

G-Chat conversation.

Mr Amazing: so bfgoodrich invented the word zipper

me:  what?

Mr Amazing: yeah, he coined the term zipper

me: I’m not really sure how you found that out… although I suspect google has something to do with it… or why anyone would want to know that

Mr Amazing: the google zipper yesterday

me: Although… Inventing the actual zipper…not the word… well that would mean something

Mr Amazing: don’t worry, I sent the same message to a random co-worker and then pretended like I really sent him a random retarded message about bfgoodrich inventing the zipper… ROFLMAO

Epic

me: ROTFLMAO!!!

Mr Amazing: And then I just immediately switched gears and asked about the deployment of his app to production

smooth

me: LMAO! OMG! I am trying to cover the fact that I am laughing so hard I am crying

Mr Amazing: Next I will IM him about something really awkward

Mr Amazing: like a lump and the doctor and then pretend like I was really talking to him… “what do’ya think man… ”

pretend even

wow

I meant to do that

me: LMAO!! stop… my co-workers are looking at me

Mr Amazing: Hey … so my mother told me that she is going to stop talking to me, since I totally told her about the whole leaving the closet thing….

and… well I thought that was interesting…

so about that software deployment….

me: ROTFLMAO!!! I have to walk away… and apparently pee!! brb

me: There! much better

Mr Amazing: He still hasn’t responded…

He is probably thinking…fuck… was I too nice to him? Does he want to be my friend… creepy… shit what do I say? Do I just pretend like I don’t see it? Should I close the window? fuck….

me: ROTFLMAO!!!

Mr Amazing: just leave the window open and don’t respond… and never talk to him again

fuck

me: Stop! LMAO!

Mr Amazing: zipper? what does that mean? Is that a come on? Oh God, what if it is?

me: I just swallowed my gum!! dammit!

It’s not like you can walk over and be all “that was meant for my wife”… because then he would think you were talking zipper trivia with me

Mr Amazing: He hasn’t said anything else? what if he comes and talks to me? Is he going to talk about inventing zippers…

me: it’s better he thinks you’re hitting on him

Mr Amazing: Tomorrow I’ll ask him if yesterday meant anything to him

me: uhhhh

Mr Amazing: and then tell him that my feelings were hurt

that he never responded

I just tried to make small talk

like who invented zippers

what is awkward about that

me: “I just tried to make small talk” LMAO

Mr Amazing: nothing

zippers are healthy and normal

me: quit omg..

Mr Amazing: and he won’t talk to me about zippers?

me: I am going to die

Mr Amazing: Fine, I am not saying hi to him anymore

not even if he rubs my shoulders

I just simply refuse

me: creepy!

Mr Amazing: what is zippers?

or shoulders?

Do you think I should try to hug him? To make things seem less awkward?

you know… just reset things and let him know that we are okay

a two pat hug

me: ROTFLMAO!!

Mr Amazing: and then a shoulder squeeze

and then just walk away

me: two pats and a shoulder squeeze?

Mr Amazing: that would make things not so … weird

me: Why don’t you ask him?

maybe he has a pat preference?

Mr Amazing: oh yes, great idea

hey… do you like shoulder squeezes? you remember me, the zipper trivia guy

 me: ROTFLMAO!   Exactly

Mr Amazing: yeah, I’m on it

I am going to pray to god the whole thing just goes away

I may pray tonight

And create an altar of shame

me: I will help you.. I have candles

Mr Amazing: He just walked over and asked me to deploy his app again

he looked very troubled

me: ROTFLMAO!

Mr Amazing: but, hey … at least he is talking to me

 me: Pretend to zip your lips at him… like you can keep a secret 

Mr Amazing: Yeah, I already did that  he ran

I winked too was that going too far?

me: <Speechless>

Mr Amazing: anyway, I think we will be okay I just may need some counseling

Mr Amazing: and not type things in the wrong F*ing chat window

Mr Amazinghttps://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=coined+the+word+zipper&safe=on


… That didnt go exactly as planned… sigh.

Picture if you will… the night I ran out of bed in my sleep…. The first time successfully since being married… Mr. Amazing caught me… but not before my hands were on the ground in the two foot distance between my side of the bed and the wall… My legs tangled into some mess of halfway still on the bed… and knees touching the carpet… Mr. Amazing has me by the shirt… and quickly scoops an arm around my waste pulling me back into bed… back into his arms… and back to sleep…. Picture if you will the next two weeks of me pretending nothing is wrong… that maybe it is arthritis showing up.. the weather is all over the place… and they did say when I got older the knees would suffer from that roll over… or that time I was hit by the car…. But I finally decided to have it checked… you know… make sure it’s not some bone cancer hanging out  there or something…. skip forward a couple of office visits… because the knee and its injury is not the story here…

Picture if you will… Mr. Amazings sister… (she is going to need a name… hmmmph… lets call her crazy pants… because thats what I call Mr amazing when he wears my penguin pajama pants… and well… its his little sister… whom is the object of much adoration from all of us…)

Picture if you will … Crazy Pants and Small Child coming along… because they gave me a Valium to get through the MRI… and require me to have a ride home… I pop said little pill… and don’t really feel anything but calm…. I lay in the white chamber… comfy and the voice in my ear says they will play me some music and its okay if I doze off… and I laugh to myself… because this machine makes crazy electronic noises… and jiggle randomly… and I’m an insomniac… and ….

SCREAMING!!!! the screams seem to be coming from my toes and traveling up and out my mouth for the range on them…. Flailing of untethered limbs… the face of a very distraught… bordering on terrified imaging technician… more of them entering the room swiftly…. sudden awareness of where I am and what must have happened slams into my thoughts… like my face hitting a wall… I leap off the table… ask if they got the MRI done… they did… I assure them I am fine… and walk past them all to get dressed again…

They stand outside my changing room… are you okay.. how do you feel… are you doing okay…. I am trying to reassure them at record pace… quickly before they decide they are going to tell crazy pants… who has no idea… I get out into the waiting area quick as I can… and there is the very shaken looking imaging tech telling her not to leave me alone… make sure if I sleep someone is right there… he thinks it is the Valium… he doesn’t know this who I am…  Crazy Pants looks terrified as we walk to the car… I try to laugh… I try to joke it off… I tell her “you should have seen their faces”… and laugh… I’m already dialing Mr. Amazing… forcing him to tell her I am okay… and can be left alone…. All I want is to be left alone to process this…

Its been two days… I still cry every time I think about it… I can’t sleep…

I have a sick sense of humor about it all…

If my Body was the Hunger Games… The odds are not in my Knees favor

So if you haven’t read the other posts on this blog… You’re probably going to have to read this to have this make some sense… For those of you in a hurry… or lacking the ambition to research my bizarre history.. Lets just sum it up… I get injured a lot… More than most… and well… I hate doctors… and usually do the exact opposite of what they tell me to do… So picture if you will…. Wednesday before Easter I give into unbelievable nagging pain in my left knee … This isn’t really new… my knees have struggled since rolling my car down an embankment… even before that really, when that same knee was hit by the car trying to hit me and take my purse… or even the multiple times that I have woken up on the floor after having a night terror and running out of bed, usually the impact is what wakes me up… oh… and I’m fat… So if my body were the hunger games… the odds are not in my knees favor…. Well, It was time to have it checked as walking was becoming impossible… so much for pretending it wasnt happening… So I went… He wiggled both my knees… told me I was probably getting arthritis from the accident… but that the left one was very loose and he believed there was a tear, he wrote me a prescription for pain pills, which I made him exchange for something non narcotic… because… I hate feeling drugged and an anti inflammatory that was safe for my ulcer and referred me to an orthopedic office… which I through the contact info on the floor of my car… and refused the offered brace… and drove away figuring it would take care of itself and I would take the medicine to get through the day and go on my stubborn ass way… because that’s what I do…. Fast forward through the next week… starting with by the end of the night I cannot walk any more, and am so miserable I am in tears and icing it with frozen brown rice… I love brown rice…. soon that time creeps up to after work… then lunch time… then Friday morning… I am walking up the stairs to work.. after being off the knee for a full 10 hours… and It is so painful to climb those stairs that I call the orthopedic and make an appointment for first thing monday morning… stubbornness is replaced by fear… My knee is so stiff and swollen that it is impossible to sleep without pain pills… I’m trying to keep myself down but the dull ache is like the root of a tooth dying in your mouth… throbbing… and painful… Ice helps for a bit… the pain pill helps for a bit… it just adds to my natural .. or unnatural according to some need to be on the move… and pick up… and clean counters… and vacuum or go for a drive.. or visit friends… But I am trying… Mr. Amazing is being more than amazing, he has probably worked 80 hours this last week, and has the smallest child giving him a run for his money, yet he is taking care of me, demanding me to stay off it, helping with dinner, doing all the laundry… He earned his nickname for a reason… So this laptop is propped up on my good knee… good for how long who knows… and the bad one is laid out in front of me… the throb agitating me to the point of a thin sheen of sweat over my forehead… and I turn to the one thing that always makes me feel better… writing.. even if it’s not something that will particularly entertain you as you read it…

Chicken Cherry Cola … and 7 other misheard Lyrics

I wanted to write a funny post about how I got some song lyrics wrong…and I started to draft it out and realized it was a little bit more of a tangled web I needed to weave if I expected anyone to follow it…  So I am going to Type it… and you are going to either close the site at this point… or love it…

All of my friends have a nickname… and my smalls… and my Mr. Amazing… you get the idea … This story is about Bacteria… who let’s be honest… may be solely responsible for my nickname fetish… Bacteria is Bacteria because her last name at the time was Renteria… and well… Bacteria is funnier… She calls me Buzzer

We met working in a local convenient store many many moons ago … when I was taking night classes and they offered tuition reimbursement… So we opened the store at 5 am to receive deliveries… One day there was an alarm going off inside the store… Looking at the safe alarm… it wasnt it… looking at the emergency shut offs for the gas pumps… it wasnt it… I couldn’t find it anywhere… The coke delivery guy showed up just as I was about to call for help (no really, I was dialing the fire dept)… and simply walked behind the counter and hit snooze on the alarm clock (thanks a heap evening shift guy) … Hence the name buzzer… and a life long friendship

 At said store we were stocking shelves to a well choreographed routing of  I Want you -Savage Garden when I sang 

 “anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes… mumble mumble … CHICKEN CHERRY COLA”

… and well… you can imagine the reaction… we googled the lyrics … (see above link if curious about the correct ones)  BUT This year… 15 years later… 15!! I was vindicated with this post on my Facebook wall…

 (thanks bacteria) and I realized I am not alone!!! What other ones do you get wrong?

Here are my Top 7

1-       Elton John — ‘Tiny Dancer’

Me: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”
Real: “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.”

2-      Pearl Jam — ‘Glorified’

Me: “Horrified virgin on a pelican”
Real: “Glorified version of a pellet gun”

3-      Manfred Mann’s Earth Band –‘Blinded by the Light’

Me: “Wrapped up like a douche”
Real: “Revved up like a deuce”

4-      Van Halen — ‘Panama’

Me: “You reach down between my legs… squeeze the seed bag.”
Real: “You reach down between my legs… ease the seat back.”

5-      Adele — ‘Chasing Pavements’

Me: “Should I just keep chasing penguins?”
Real: “Should I just keep chasing pavements?”

6-      Creedence Clearwater Revival — ‘Bad Moon Rising’

Me: “There’s a bathroom on the right.”
Real: “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”

7-      Eagles — ‘Desperado’

Me: “You’ve been outright offensive for so long now.”
Real: “You’ve been out riding fences for so long now.”

Mr. Amazing donated unknowingly the Pledge of Allegiance as he recited it in his younger years to honor this post 🙂

“I plague a league dance to the flag, of the young knighted states of America, Aunt two republics with wicker stands, one nation, under God, Invisible, witch liver tea and just this for all”

… You do the math

G-Chat

Mr. Amazing: 84.5% of the time, it’s wrong every time
: 25% of people polled think I am crazy
  15% want to vote for Santorum

 me: ROTFLMAO!

Mr. Amazing: you do the math
  No more male ovarian jokes?
 

me: You think?

Mr. Amazing: You do the math
  You think I’m crazy?
  You do the math
  You like juice smoothies?

 me: ROTFLMAO!  You do the math

Mr. Amazing: I love it when people put that out of context
  You do the math

 me: Quit saying it! LMAO
  I smell like peanut butter… thought you should know

Mr. Amazing: Let’s see 9% of people think that they don’t want to do the math, more people than that don’t like math, 23% of all people polled were polled as saying 45% of the time they were polled inappropriately and 9% of those were polled and asked if they liked bubble gum, nearly 90% of those people polled at 45% favorable for a Republican president… therefore… people who like bubble gum were polled inappropriately and want a Republican president…
  you do the math

 me: I like bubble gum…
  Your calculations are incorrect

Mr. Amazing: I am sorry, there is a 45% chance that you don’t even believe what you are saying
  according to numbers and polling by “Americans who want to save Americans”

 me: Its true.. Im not really convinced I like bubblegum..

Mr. Amazing: (but not South Americans, or Canadians)
  (or Mexico)
  (or Hondurus)
  (or Costa Rica)

 me: You are crazy… back to my peanut butter problem……..
 

Mr. Amazing: (or Nicarauga)
  Dogs like peanut butter
You do the math

 me: Did you just call me a Dog?

Mr.Amazing: http://dsc.discovery.com/cars-bikes/fully-operational-tron-light-cycle-now-street-legal-and-for-sale.html

 me: YOU NEED THAT!
 Okay… I need that… (im a better driver)

Mr.Amazing: http://dsc.discovery.com/cars-bikes/man-builds-street-legal-batmobile-using-turbine-engine.html

 me: No, Tron Bike is cooler.
  Does it leave a light trail???
   because the grid is real

Mr.Amazing: I got in man…

me: I should start calling you number 1
  like… “number 1, engage”
  and “make it so number 1”
 

The View from inside a Panic Attack

The view from inside a panic attack…  

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the same experiences as others… I do not claim to know what it feels like to be in your skin… Im just telling you what its like living in my own skin. Holidays, Such as easter are a huge trigger… I don’t know a lot of people who are in my situation that they are not a trigger for…

 They build for days… They didn’t used too… I used to just have them…. But I have learned enough coping skills that I can usually head them off… and function around them… in fact so practiced that I can do this without anyone being aware they are happening… This is a description of one that none of my behavior changing techniques have worked on… and I feel completely helpless too…               

Start Sunday one week prior…. Mild head ache… Muscles tensing… appetite gone… but I over eat regardless hoping to bury it in spicy Indian food … Release a little extra serotonin… bile rising in my throat… My noise tolerance and touch tolerance is wavering… sometimes I want to get lost in my senses… sometimes I cant handle them being touched at all… I’m snappy… Exasperated… stressed… every little task put in front of me is met with the question of how… how am I supposed to do that… how am I going to do that… I am already riding myself for not accomplishing everything I think I should be right now…. Pause… pull out a notebook… writing can help so much… Mr. Amazing bought me this domain saying that If I didn’t write… he thought my head would explode…  hoping the paper will make it seem less overwhelming…Monday arrives…thinking that I put way too much pressure on myself… and perhaps this just doesn’t need to be that big of a deal… the tense muscles are now cramping… Shoulders are hunching without thought given to them… thighs are clenched as I draw my legs up to my chest when I sit… when I sleep… I keep moving… still not giving in… Tuesday is here now… I do not eat much during the day… Over compensate for that at night… treating myself  and indulging in an hour of TV … I cannot get through a sentence without sounding sharp and biting… My stomach at this point has joined in the muscles cramps… it is rolling in protest… If it carried a sign like the occupy movement.. it would read “Ulcer will not be silenced”… and it flares up… Short breaths are all I am capable of now … filing away all of the emotions and fears that are accompanying this  kind of silent hyper ventilation…. My eyes begin to show strains of the… tenseness… funny breathing pattern… every once in a while I feel my heart hammer against the cage of my ribs… and I breathe deep… and try to think about anything else…. Wednesday… I am sick… It hurts to walk… I cannot relax my legs… and the muscles are weak from the constant holding… my feet fall asleep every time I sit because I am holding my legs so close… limbs in close to my core at all times… arms wrapped around my center… legs drawn up… every ligament tense and working… shoulders drawn up to the lobes of my ears at this point… I start wearing layers of clothes so that people cannot see these strange expressions of panic… I cannot drop my shoulders.. the muscles have locked… I begin lowering my head so the hunching is less apparent… My shoulder blades are cramping if I breathe deeply… I am on the couch… everything hurts… I am so cold (I think this comes from being so still) I am wrapped in a blanket and move like an old woman … careful… painfully… and the tears start… This is always the end for me… I cannot stop crying… I have officially stressed out everyone around me… and they aren’t even sure what is happening… I have cut them off… not allowed them to talk… lectured them endlessly for things that I honestly hold myself responsible for… such as remembering little details… I verbally empty my head… and every thought and fear I have… while sobbing and shredding tissues… I don’t allow Mr. Amazing to reason with these thought… I think them… reason doesn’t make that go away… and I finally exhaust my tear ducts… that are now almost swollen shut… and I crawl in bed with tissue… because often the crying continues through the night while I sleep… Monday morning … Today … I am embarrassed… Humiliated… weak feeling… trying to make up for my behavior… my fears of shortcomings… everything I tore myself apart for the night before… and my shoulders start creeping up again… and tears are hovering in the corners of my eyes… I do not interact with anyone around me… I am trying desperately to cramp back up… get those safeguards secure again… I think it might be over… I am not sure yet… I begin the coping mechanisms again… writing being my favorite.

Pause for a Love story

Friday Flashback!!! ( I say that like it a theme… or a real thing… it’s not) I just found an old post I had written about the night Mr. Amazing proposed to me…

Tuesday, September 6, 2011
In the middle of Suicide awareness week… approaching all the 9/11 memorial images flashing across the web… 1 week before my 38th birthday… I would like to pause… and tell a love story…

Sunday night… 8 pm, I finally … Stop focusing on the self loathing… and the injustices…. resentments… insecurities… fears… I finally agree to a night out… Just the two of us… There is a Super Nova! We will never see anything like this again… We pack an ill-gotten telescope (Ill gotten because I was ill over what was spent on it) and swing through Walgreen’s for canned coffee (this was before I discovered the magic beans … Addicted to Coffee ), and gummy coke bottles (find some, trust me)… and we set off driving through the desert… These moments are so rare… Rare just the two of us… and we talk, about ridiculous things… we cringe a little over insecurities… Walk through every horrible past relationship we have had and make comparisons to the relationship we have now.. we discuss our isms….

 Then, on some god forsaken road… in some crazy little town… we stop… We get out… Careful not to shut the doors, you know… incase the boogie man comes… and we laugh… and we giggle… and we ooohhh and ahhhh at the night sky… He fumbles with the telescope… trying in the dark to make it work… We take turns down on the pavement, trying to see anything in the great black vastness of space… We line it up with the google stars app… but to no avail… we hide in the car as another vehicle passes… prepared to run… leaving the telescope … if they are the dreaded mass murders that always find stupid young kids in the middle of no where… I sit in the back of the hatch back… he sits on the ground… cursing the telescope… and I am laughing hysterically as the clouds set in… making the stars invisible to the naked eye… even the moon… and he is so frustrated…

… and I tell him he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me… and he stops… crawls across the pavement on hands and knees… and kisses me.. and tells me he is so glad I think so… and asks me to marry him… Ring in hand… I think I said the word yes… I believe if not, my kisses confirmed that I wanted too… I so want too… I slip the ring on my finger… I cannot see it in the dark… I am ridiculously crazy in love with him… we have a lot to get through… telling the kids… telling the exes (oh god.. the crazy other parents of our children)… Figuring out logistics… convincing me, that 38 isn’t too old… and the world isn’t too horrible… and I deserve to be happy and healthy … and  Forgetting everything else… I will leave this one as the love story 🙂

… Got Sleep?

Set the goal not to tweet while sleep deprived… this Gchat was the result of said goal

Gchat –

Mr. Amazing: Do you want to transfer $30 back to my account so I can get Setebello for dinner?

 me: Roast in slowcooker… your family coming

Mr. Amazing: Oh… pot roast
  damn
  never mind
  oh well
  See… I offered

 me: That was pure evil

Mr. Amazing: lol
  monkey torture…

 me: Hey Kerry… Do you want to eat your favorite dinner? Or you want to play with a raw hunk of cow with ice cubes sticking to it in the morning and eat it that night

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

 me: With people over… (I hate people)

Mr. Amazing: ooooh… Oh… umm…. oh….. …uhhh…. ummm….. uh…. Oh OH… the second one?! 

 me: Tell the lucky lady what she won
  Well Bob… she has won a hunk of beef… that will cause her to be ill.. and she will do the dishes too!
 Just so you know… Ice cubes rip raw cow ass up… just like they would stick to your tongue
  … Got Sleep?

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO
  really
 rip raw cow ass up
  I can’t stop laughing

 me: YAY!
  But… Its true

Mr. Amazing: I didn’t think you would be stirring the cow ass with the ice cubes

me: It really was all a bit more complicated that you imagined I think… remember when I asked… at the last-minute this morning… Do you think it will all fit?
  I had to RIP ice cubes from the hunk of cow ass.. and rearrange them
  Gagging the whole time.. doing the potty looking type of dance and squealing in terror

Mr. Amazing: ripping off cow flesh
  it will just add flavor to the potatoes
  cow ass flesh flavor

 me: Right? That is what I figured…
  I will serve you a heaping plate of it tonight… assuming I remembered to turn on the slow cooker

Mr. Amazing: oh God
  please tell me you did

 me: Ofcourse I did… I checked twice… and locked the doors twice

Mr. Amazing: and make sure  to turn it to low

 me: and went back and checked my curling iron
  ….  I just sneezed gum into my hands… see.. these are the things you learn when I cant tweet it

Mr. Amazing: lol – would you have tweeted that?

 me: Yes… Yes I would have
Mr. Amazing: got sleep?

me: Belly Buttons can join Feet and Raw Cow ass on my , NASTY list again… what I would have tweeted

Mr. Amazing: belly buttons?
   like your own?
  are you inspecting your naval?

 me: Maybe?

Mr. Amazing: Why?
  Are you looking for something?

 me: …. I don’t have a valid response

Mr. Amazing: ROFL… I love you