The Smalls

Mar 24 2020

Quarantined 2020

Author: Kerry

So it seems to me… I would have thought about blogging more as this all started… but I didn’t… in fact… i’m in the second week of this… and it just now occurred to me I may want to document some of this for future generations… So I start by saying this… good morning! The government wants to throw your parents into a volcano because people can’t hang out at Starbucks…

So those of us that can… are working from home… I bought a hospital bed table as a desk… only fitting

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Why yes that is a giant cat tree in the background for Princess Fluffy Bottom Charlie Bosephus

If you happen to be my friend on Facebook… which you can only do if I know you in real life… much of this will be a repeat… but that’s what you get … you should’ve expected it if you know me in real life. Just saying… We humans are not the only ones losing our shit… overheard this morning in the kitchen from this fancy office of mine:
Smallest Child: You’re feeding them again?
Mr Amazing: Cats eat more when they are so insecure… its been a rough week.
Smallest Child: Awwwww poor baby! Don’t worry Shadow… you’re beautiful… you too charlie!!!
Me: BAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr Amazing: Food insecurity??

Apparently I do have very clear memories of living in Agoura California… the morning of the 19th of March I hopped in my car to check on my fairy city before work… when a pretty good earthquake rocked my car… I waited and when it stopped I went ahead and started to back out… thinking… no big deal… when my family came running outside terrified… and I realized… they had no idea what was happening… and I was business as usual … Wanna know a secret? I started nightly check ins with my adult kids over a weeks ago when I became a shut in… and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. 🤣😂 highlight of my day. An earthquake… I couldn’t make this shit up guys… So that is the fear spoken of with my tinies.
I present an example-

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The earthquake prompted this public service announcement- I mean we have been drilling for this my whole life…. now the pandemic? thats a different story

<Uses cat carrier as a soap box> Well… That was disaster number… dude I’ve lost count… since my Grandpa Eccles died… right before he passed away he talked to me about space food and space water as I was a newly single mom and he wanted me to be prepared … he was a Scouting enthusiast and wanted me to be able to take care…. when the refinery exploded we evacuated without the super duper amazing 72 hour kit I had finally bought at his recommendation… when the pipes froze and the wind took out our power for a week … it sat in the closet forgotten… Corona virus prep- food and water bought- tasers ordered!!! it was still in the closet…. today the earth shook… and though it wasn’t HUGE and we had no property damage or anything- we prepared – we drilled- I demanded we review safety- and meeting places- water bottles put in the car… and granola bars 😬 no 72 hour kit though… Until now… as things have calmed down to the normal pandemic hysteria… we pulled it out… made sure it was up to date… and planned a little better… we also built princess fluffy bottom and shadow man an emergency kit… just In case… so use this time to be grateful… and remember all the things you forgot… we can do this guys! If my Grandpa could get me thinking that way… anyone can prepare-AND put together a pet emergency kit 🙂 wanna know how to quiet your anxiety? Have a plan. <drops mic like Moroni trumpet drops and puts the carrier by the door>

Yes – The Salt lake city Temple Moroni lost his trumpet… it was kinda the inspiration to some of the greatest puns and memes of all time and space LOLOL.

So many things happened as we were preparing to believe what was coming was really coming Covid-19, the outbreak… now pandemic… you will have to read what happened elsewhere… but since I am SUPER immune compromised… the BFG insisted I quarantine earlier than everyone was made too… which we are in the midst of watching happen now… and well Sundays just arent magic without these guys… social distancing sucks… but I’m grateful for for video chat… and filters 😍 love them sooooo much.

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Tall Child – The best mom I have ever had the honor of watching raise her 4 babies.
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She has 3 Boys!!!
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AND My baby girl!

We Leprechauned… and Set up Fairy City… and well…. I will have to share those happy stories when I am feeling more happy… right now I am just missing my people 🙁 Out of town visits planned before the #coronavírus – let us demonstrate #socialdistancing

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Small Child and Danielle … Yes… thats my baby boy who at 2 years old made up the word Smiffbib…. then he got all 20 and shacked up with his girlfriend (who I adore btw) and well Smiffbib.

March 12th this isolation from work began… I left as much love and light as I had that day… and I know the world will look COMPLETELY different after this… if I am lucky enough to come out the other side… I will be happy… but honestly guys… if not… im good. I mean… not that I want to give up or anything… but the acts of kindness … the sheer beauty of the human spirit that rises up and shows itself when this happened… well… im so very proud to be part of it… and part of this race… and guys… it will get better… we can do better… always… but damn… im so proud.

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Okay- thats all for now. Understand this when I say. I am good. I have experienced more love… more hope… more joy… than any one person deserves. This life is beautiful and terrible and then beautiful again. I am here for it as long as it will have me… but if I had one thing I had to say today it is this… I LOVE YOU… I just fucking LOVE you… so much… people are good… so good… and we are such beautiful creatures of hope and kindness and curiosity… dont let anything take that from you… now… go do something… literally anything… to make things better. I Love you

Sep 30 2019

My dear oldest child,

Author: Kerry

Today is your birthday – a milestone birthday… And I finally remembered to blog on it! It truly seems like just yesterday when you came to my family… I can say My… Because I am the constant in our ever changing modge podge magical family.

You were young and confused… and most days as we continued down this road to happy destiny… it really felt like it was just you and me against the world.

From day one… you taught me one of the most precious lessons humans can learn – how fierce love can be.  You made me realize a mother lion lived inside of me… and I have called on that lion multiple times to your benefit… your brothers benefit… and Miss B’s as well. My lion is a timid kitten compared to what yours has evolved too… never… never in my life… have I seen anyone better being a Mom… than you.

I had you through your school years… I believe your zeal to discover and understand coupled with your ability to acquire knowledge so easily molded you into the smart hardworking woman that you are today.

I worried a bit as moves or other circumstances beyond our control caused a change in schools every couple of years for you, but those experiences seemed to give you confidence, a sense of adventure, and the ability to make new friends.

I blinked once more and Dad and I were unloading the car and moving you into your college dorm room… so proud of you and your accomplishments.   Accomplishments are not measured in degree…. income… or any of the other little check boxes society gives us as a road map… they are measure in Joys… and you have many.

My angel girl, you have amazed me  As you reach this milestone birthday – your 30th – you have accomplished so much.  You have proved how adventuresome you are. How strong you are.

You demonstrated your bravery and independence when you’ve taken changes and even set-backs in stride and your strong belief in the good in the world.

You are funny.  You are loyal.  You are intelligent.  You are assertive.  And you are so much more daring than your mother! 

You are determined whether it is running half-marathons (I don’t speak runner… whatever the running thing is you are doing LOL) or accomplishing a task in the most accurate… precise way.  You always strive for the best and even though you think you’ve not always succeeded, to me you always surpass! I always feel like you think I am biased… so I always tell you the things I overhear… The BFG is continually mind blown over how much you have accomplished… You have always been your brothers hero… and now you can add Miss B to that list of people looking up to you as well.

Beautiful at 30. So Beautiful.

How can I even begin to explain how much I admire these things about you? 

This birthday might cause you a bit of trepidation… but do not fear. Turning thirty is just another milestone in the journey of life. I am so proud to be witness to yours. I am so proud to call you mine. I’m so proud of you.

The years to come will be amazing; turning thirty is just the beginning.  

I know the Universe has big plans for you too. That you can count on. And you can always count on us to cheer you on!

Happy 30th Birthday, my beloved and beautiful daughter! My Angel Girl.

I Love you… always,

Mom

Dec 21 2018

Winter Solstice 2018 – A season of story telling.

Author: Kerry

According to the National Museum of the American Indian
The winter solstice begins a season of storytelling and ceremony… I would like to spend a few minutes of this solstice wrapping up my unfinished story… and begin on a fresh page… my new story. (and after you read that, I really do recommend reading the article from the Smithsonian above… its kind of amazingly perfect)

For some history…. THIS and then THIS

But if you have been following along these sporadic… every 60 to 90 days postings… I believe I left you here…

I blogged about the tumor arriving two days after they removed it… I blogged about it being the size of a grapefruit or softball… before my post op check… and before pathology… and before anyone told me the doctors had kept me in surgery two hours longer than anticipated… Darth Lumpious was 13.5 centimeters… It was an eggplant not a grapefruit… and then pathology came back, although as predicted… it was benign.

Recovery did not go quite as expected…. obviously a tumor that large left a very deep (Multiple tissue layers sliced and stitched) very large gap in my leg… it also has permanently atrophied my hamstring and nerves… My skin did not grow and heal like one would expect… staples stayed in twice as long as normal… my body never began to heal and push them out… so we removed them… and began wound treatment….

This bloody mess of a bathroom was after the initial clean up after returning from the ER… and when I finally decided that I needed a photo… This is all that was left… but I lost over a gallon of blood that had collected in the gap left… and filled and filled until it burst through the incision and all over my house… car…. husband… and ER…. RIP Towels Bathroom rugs and Clothes lost in the massacre. (FTW Cat Litter Absorbs Blood!!!) So here I am, almost 90 days out from surgery, and the initial incision is healed… still working on the under layers of tissue (Sutures are still there)… I will walk with a cane the rest of my life…. anything longer than a city block… and to be honest… more than that some days if it is cold… or I pushed too hard … I was angry about this at first… but then someone reached out to me… offered me a loved ones cane… left behind when he left the earth. Suddenly I understood using a cane was a privilege… and I gratefully accepted it.

  • Thank you Rhonda

No Leukemia, Tumor Benign, Left with no other diagnosis… I was finally given a diagnosis of Negative ANA Lupus. Which if you have watched House MD, you will find as much comfort in this as I do…. Bahahahahaha… Of the 11 markers of Lupus, I have 5… but not the Positive ANA 98% of Lupus patients have… So rheumatology is where I am headed… and I am sure they will be able to help me… My fever of unknown origin has been back for a several months… and is now manifesting a new symptom… I am unable to regulate my body temperature…

And during all of this life moved forward….
I manage my desk job… Mr Amazing runs the house… Cooks… Shops…. Covers me in blankets and removes my boots… To the moon and back doesn’t adequately describe my love for him…. It is the size of the Universe!!!

The Shit he does for me LMAO!!!

Tall child had a birthday party that will go down in history… Christmas has come…

  • Cutest Modge Podge family of love not blood that ever was.
Where all fairies go in the winter.
Even a little Christmas Magic occurred.

I have lost some friends…. memory… and ability.

But I have gained so much (yes… weight as well)

I am so grateful to be alive… I am so very grateful for my Talls, Smalls and Tinies… I have friends that never left… even when I forgot about them. (I forget everything currently in case you are wondering… I’ve had to scroll back to the top of this at least five times to see what I have written) … I do not know what I did in my life to deserve all of this… but it must have been good.

Oh… Did you really read this all the way to the end???
You get to see the CUTEST KITTEN ON THE PLANET THEN!!!
Sep 27 2018

Darth Lumpious… The Tumor dressed in Star Wars attire.

Author: Kerry

Meet Darth Lumpious

A few weeks after the bone marrow biopsy I got what Dr Google convinced me was sciatica … which is pretty normal after such a procedure… however the weeks that followed slowly showed me that is not what it was… rapidly and uncomfortably this mass grew in my leg… I can talk about it now… because it is out. 48 hours ago they sliced me open and removed it… it shows characteristics of being benign…. meaning no tentacles or teeth id assume? although it would have made for a funner blog post if it had …. ha!

Created for the National Cancer Institute, http://www.cancer.gov

Darth Lumpious measured somewhere between the egg and the peach on this helpful little comparison chart.

We do not have the pathology back yet… but i’ll take the lack of teeth and tentacles as a good sign… I have good drugs… and a positive attitude and truly the most supportive loving tribe on the planet.

Mr Amazing has been by my side the whole time, and I am not always a model patient… I do not know what I would do without him. I cannot even begin to imagine what this has felt like for him… and he offers to help with everything while repeated being snarled at that I can do things myself… he still offers… I love him so much.

My Smalls have been helpful… and my tinies have been my comfort leading up to this.

My Charlie Bosephus… My favorite gift of all time and space from Mr Amazing has been the cutest side kick to recover with ever…

There is so much more to this story… and if I were not completely mind numb from pain pills I would entertain you with stories of the two surgeons who didnt want to touch it… and the two hour MRI where I was positive I was going to die in there…. and the Ultrasound tech who had no poker face… but I will save that and leave this as a simple update and record of whats happening in my world.

I am so grateful for everyone in my life… I cannot even begin to imagine what I have done to be so lucky to have them…. Life is good… the lump is gone

Aug 08 2018

Im just catching up with yesterday… By tomorrow… I should be ready for today…

Author: Kerry

I am home sick today… I woke up at 5 am with vomit in my mouth and ran for my pee slime covered toilet… next to my Charlie Bosephus’s litter box. Really an eye opener into the quality of my life .. but really things obviously have not changed that much. I literally laughed out loud typing that… and surely I will publish this.

I do not know how to bridge the gaps in my crazy story of a life… I last left off with I had started therapy… Im going to take one step further back and tell you about the time my “Fever of unknown origin” sent me to the ER… which then led me again to an infectious disease doctor… although I do not believe that is where my latest journey started… I believe wholeheartedly my journey started with CMV… a few years ago… and this is my second infectious disease doctor… It was in the beginning of march I went to his office… and I had been told I was the very first patient he had seen since arriving in the United States. So in he came… and started to question me about what had been going on… and I listed off for him the same ridiculous list of viruses I have been listing in previous posts… but shockingly… my fever had finally gone… as mysteriously as it had arrived 5 MONTHS PRIOR… and he looked at me and said. “So you are not sick now, I do not know what to do for you”… and guys… I lost it… I cried… this made this man extremely uncomfortable… so much so that he had to leave the room… but when he came back he was curious why I kept crying… and I told him that it was so awful… so awful that I was seeing a counselor over it.. that I was so tired… and my legs hurt so much… all the time… and I continued to cry… so he left the room again.

Then he did something. He hand wrote orders for a VERY specific blood test… that could only be given in a blood hospital… it was like a super secret blood hospital… but they wouldn’t do the test… because you see… I do not have aids… and security escorted me out of the special super secret agents of shield blood place. They sent me to another lab down the road who after an hour of calling around did the blood work required… blowing out a vein in my arm and spraying this young technician in blood making her look like a serial killer… it was gross… and then they didn’t refrigerate the blood like they were supposed too… and a week later I had to do it again.

30 days later this doctor… the first one to do something… called me… he said to me “I have found an immunologist that has agreed to take your case… he probably won’t be able to diagnose you… but he may be able to help you” i cried again and thanked him profusely… he told me that he had found a very serious problem in my blood work and I was very sick… his english was not perfect but he insisted that I was sick and if I felt sick, I needed to let myself be sick.

Two weeks later the Immunologist called and said he would be wasting my time bringing me in to see him… that I needed to go to the cancer hospital… as soon as possible… that I had an abundance of abnormal lymphocytes in my blood… and I needed to have a bone marrow biopsy… and be treated.

<cue the circus music> you can imagine what this did to our mental health. School ended and we took our annual trip to the lake… add 2 bouts of Hand Foot and Mouth and one VERY ugly bone marrow biopsy/harvesting and in the first week of june I sat in the Cancer Specialists Hematologists office for the results. I do not have Leukemia. The abnormal cells are not coming from my bone marrow.

<Cue the circus music again> July we celebrated birthdays. and another round of Hand Foot and Mouth.

Here we are in the first week of august, they have drawn blood again and I will see the immunologist finally in a few weeks when he has those results.

Today? Today I think I ate something bad last night for dinner, or have a quick coming and going stomach bug.

Small child got me a sprite and made me an egg before he went to work.

I called (okay texted) in sick.

I have not had a fever since March. Well not one of unknown origin at least… Hand Foot and Mouth brings one

I am still seeing the therapist, about once a month, to make sure I am not tanking mentally and emotionally.

I am slowly building my stamina up on energy… I am usually good for one outting a day… most days that is work… on the weekends… it is something a little more fun… and then I am on the couch or in bed other than that…. this last month I have been doing better… been up for a couple of outtings. Mr Amazing is doing all of the house work… grocery shopping… cooking. I would be completely lost without him.

I have asked my family in my home to be there for me … and they have… I have not reached out much beyond that other than a shoulder to cry on…. or usually scream my frustration into. and I have not been available for people reaching out to me for company or help. That is hard for me to swallow. But I have been honest about it. I am doing what I can. This is it.

Today I washed the puke out of my hair and blogged about it. This is progress. Not perfection.

 

 

Jul 17 2018

Tears… Jeers.. and Cheers! Happy Birthday Johnathon!

Author: Kerry

On this day… just 19 years ago, I gave birth to a tiny premature baby boy… who was not supposed to arrive until the First of September.  With beautiful blue eyes… dimples right at his tailbone… and head full of blonde. As soon as my eyes laid on him… it was immediate earth shattering love. The kind of love I never thought I would experience, anyway. My pregnancy had been one filled with drama.. hospitals…   and doubt, but it didn’t matter anymore.

It would be me and him, against the world, and I felt so proud to be blessed with such a happy and healthy baby boy.

I’ve blogged many times about the trials and tribulations we both experienced as a we have trudged this road to happy destiny… much to his chagrin I am sure…  But none of those events and episodes dampened the love for my child… or his love for me. With every mistake I made… tear I shed…  and wish I dreamed… he was there next to me saying that it would be okay. I’m sure his young eyes saw more than he should… but I know that because of that… it cemented his moral compass to his heart like a badge of honor.

As a young mom… I often overcompensated when I could. He was probably given more than he should’ve been at times.  When you are a mom… you make mistakes; and when you are a struggling through divorce.. illness… and career mom, well those mistakes are raised tenfold. I did the best that I could. But my son never judged me…  never wavered.

I never knew unconditional love until I experienced it from my boy. I learned to love unconditionally the moment he arrived.

Now he’s all grown up, and we aren’t living apart again yet (Though he did give me a crash course in that earlier this year). We speak on a daily basis but it’s not the same. He’s matured and grown during the few months he was away and I can’t help but to see that little boy becoming a man.

I long for the days when he used to call me Mommy and beg me to read him a bedtime story. Those days are indeed gone I suppose.

Being a mom on an “adult” is new territory for me. Loosening these apron strings hasn’t been easy, but I know for both of us to continue on in our lives, it has to be done.

So each day, I get more and more strength to not over-parent… over-love… over-mom him.

He probably has no idea that I lay awake many nights thinking of him, wondering if he is making the right choices. All I can rely on now is the fact that I parented him the best way I knew how; he’s earned his wings and now I can watch in the stands as he takes off and flies to his destiny.

The cheers are for how proud he has made me. Jeers for the times when I text and he doesn’t immediately reply. Tears as I mourn the little boy he used to be as I get to know the man that he is becoming.

I love you, Son. Happy Birthday.

Mommy.

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Jul 14 2018

Happy Birthday Lacey Pretty Facey!!!

Author: Kerry

 

My Dearest Lacey Cakes,

It is unbelievable to me that you are 12.  A pre-teenager and a Jr High student.

You are starting Jr High in a few weeks.  Jr High… a whole crazy world in itself and a huge new challenge for you.  You are my only stepdaughter, and my Mini Me.  I understand how it feels to be an introvert, highly sensitive and to be overly cautious because I was and still am that way myself.  I challenge you to find that sweet spot between being a rule follower and a risk taker.  We suffer from anxiety instead of going with the flow.  We fear way too much instead of trying new things.  I know how scared you are of change and that switching to a new school after seven years in the same protective elementary school has kept you up at nights.  I’m not going to lie… it has kept me up too.  As you start this next chapter in your life, I have some advice from one worry wart to another.

Try new things. Join clubs.  Talk to new people.  I know these are things I harp on the most, but they are the most important. I just want you to find things you like to do.  Not necessarily things that you are good at…  just things that you enjoy doing!  I don’t want you not to try something just because you think you won’t be good at it or that you’ll fail at something.  Failing is learning!  If you enjoy doing it but fail… just try again.  We will be here cheering you on no matter what.  If you try something and don’t like it… that’s fine, I’m just proud that you tried it!  You will never know if you don’t put yourself out there and take risks.  I know you get annoyed that I’m always asking you about the kind of person you want to be.  I only do it because I want you to figure out what you’re passionate about.  Sometimes it is something you would never imagine… until you are put in a situation that makes you try it.

Take some risks.  Now this is a tricky one – I’m not talking about behavior you know is wrong or illegal things.  You will be exposed to a wide variety of new things in the next few years and I hope that we have taught you enough to make good choices.  However… I’m wanting you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and face your fears.  There have been times when you have begged me not to make you try something new or go somewhere and believe me…  it has been hard for me not to back down.  My heart aches when you cry but when you come home and say “Kerry, thanks for making me do that… I had fun”, I know that I need to keep pushing you.  I want you to be young and have fun!  You only live once and the memories you make now stay with you forever.  I’m not promising they will all be great memories, but I would love for you to have memories of doing some silly things.  Some of my best memories are from slumber parties, giggling with my friends until we cried, summer camp, school trips, prank calling boys, and even tee-peeing houses.  Did I just admit to that??  Now I’m not advocating these things and there will always be consequences to your actions, but sometimes innocent fun is worth some punishment.

Choose your friends wisely.   Some friends will drift apart and start hanging out with new people with the same interests.  This can be exciting and also painful.  Just remember to treat others how you would want to be treated.  Don’t talk bad about people even if others are doing it.  Be confident in yourself and know that others lash out from a place of hurt in themselves.  These years are very confusing and emotional and it’s easy to get bogged down in the drama.  I know it’s hard to imagine now… but this time in your life is a very very small part.  It’s a few years out of about 80!  The most important thing to come out of Jr High with is your integrity.  Don’t compromise your belief system or friends to avoid a few weeks of an awkward situation.  Find friends that share your moral value system and hold on to them.  Some of them will be your life long friends and support system!

Live like your glass is half full.  I know it’s hard to be optimistic all the time… but please try most of the time!   Life is so much easier if you live with a positive attitude.  Trying new things and not caring if you fail is how you grow.  It teaches us to be stronger and to know that we can get back up and try again.  It’s a hard lesson for parents to let our kids learn since it breaks our heart as much as yours when you fail.  We have all failed at things but we have lived through it and so will you.  If you think positively… those failures open up a whole bunch of other options that you may never knew existed.

As you venture into this new exciting phase… please know how much I love you and how proud I am of the young woman you are.  We will always love and support you in whatever you do. Please do not be afraid of taking leaps of faith because we will always be there to catch you if you fall.  It’s time to let go of your fears and insecurities and believe in yourself that you can do it!

Happy Birthday Angel Girl – I love you

Dec 26 2017

Oh…. Hey There

Author: Kerry

Its been 2 months since i’ve written here… not uncommon I know…. but today… the day after Christmas… The house is quietish… and picked upish….. and i’m eating a piece of Pumpkin Pie with a pile of whip cream the size of my face … I figured it was time to catch up here… and prepare for a new year.

To say  the least…. this last year has been absolutely tragic. I’ve spent hours upon hours reading stories about the mass shooting in Vegas, Hangings in Mexico…  the natural disasters affecting multiple countries, and sexual assault cases that make me ill. It’s hard not to be affected or impacted — some of us much more so than others.

That’s why today I wanted to do something different.

Rather than go off on my personal opinions about each event that has transpired (because I think the entire social media world has got that covered)… I wanted to shift my focus to something more positive.

Some people may view it as selfish and some may not. However, the only thing that brings me joy and realization of my privilege in this world is gratitude.

As you (may or may not) know…  I LOVE CHRISTMAS. It’s a magical, mysterious, and unicorn-esque holiday that no one really seems to understand — but just know that it exists.

So, here are 12 things I am thankful for this Christmas –  2017

1. My health… Yes, Really.

This year has been a roller-coaster of emotion for my personal physical health. I’ve been in and out of blood work, some terribly intrusive procedures, and am currently rubbing special honey from New Zealand on yet another virus…. this time MRSA… I’m grateful that it is not worse. It can always be worse

2. My beautiful family

There is not much to say here other than I feel so extremely grateful to have the support system that I do. I love each and every one of my family members, and am so excited to grow old with one another… Tall Child and her Tinies make everything an adventure… Small Child and his mustache growing rebellion… Smallest child and her extended time with us now. The Perea’s with their black baby girl jesus in a manger on the porch… and well… if you don’t know betty… you just don’t understand 🙂

 

 

3. Genuine friendships

I’ve always had my core group of friends (whom I am eternally thankful for). This Christmas I got word the local food pantry was out of Toilet Paper…. Yes… Toilet Paper… The only budget I had left was my friends christmas gifts…. Guess what they all got for a gift this year…. a case of toilet paper… or socks and hard candy for the veterans gift bags… donated in their name … and you know what… they thanked me for it.

While at the food bank this little monkey got informed that if you don’t eat right… even santa will not deliver lucky charms… so we delivered those right to the food bank as well….

4. Being equipped to handle life’s’ obstacles

Okay, okay, it’s super hard for me to get through one blog post without bragging about Mr Amazing…. I have a very hard time with the amount of privilege we have with all that is going on in the world… in fact… it is hard not to wallow sometimes in the depravity of it all… So how do you tell the one you love so much that you really just do not want to have christmas at all? when his favorite thing to do is buy you gifts? Well… Let me show you just how amazing he is.

This company donates a pair of socks to the homeless for every pair sold… they also employ them.

This beautiful necklace was made by a sex slavery rescue… Named Rose. As a way to get her on her own feet and it is absolutely beautiful…

These lotto tickets were alot of fun…I won a weeks worth of water and meals for someone in need  With the purchase of this beautiful candle someone in Kenya without light received a solar light

 This Keychain was made by rescued woman in india… giving them work to keep them from sex slavery.

These bracelets were designed by displaced women in Northern Uganda … combating poverty.

These chocolates had a cause and were delicious! They were a donation to darfur.

This bag is what held it all… from buy the change… is designed with a hand written letter from a syrian girl who escaped the war… she escaped because she was able to find work at somewhere like this foundation… the words written on the bag are heart breaking… and yet I will carry it with me everywhere… and let people read it… they employ trafficked children and displaced women.

5. America. Just, being American. 

I love this country and every single thing about it. The beautiful nature, the welcoming people, and the diversity. I know we’re not all sunshine and rainbows — but we certainly are not what our government portrays us to be either.

6. Feeling safe

I am thankful and realize how privileged I am to be able to freely speak about the things I am passionate about. Not everyone can say that they have the opportunity to voice their opinion without fear of repercussions, but I am hopeful that one day we will all feel safe in our communities.

7. How talk has been about the importance of mental health

It’s truly refreshing to see how many people are now vocal about their personal experiences with mental health. This year has been a tough one — but it has also taught me that ignoring something so very important just isn’t an option. Thanks to all those who have been my rocks.

8. People who share deep and personal stories on the Internet

While we’re on this topic — I am so incredibly thankful for people who are bold enough to share their stories in a public forum for all to see. Stories that just 10 years ago would have been brushed under the rug or criticized. You’ve made it easier for everyone else, and I’m on board AF with your bravery.

9. Every opportunity I have been given career wise

Nothing should ever go under-appreciated, and I worry that sometimes we forget this when it comes to our day jobs. I am super grateful for every opportunity that comes my way.

10. Charlie Bosephis

Two weeks or so before Christmas Mr Amazing had to listen to me put my foot down… I was getting a kitten of my very own… I am 44 years old and have wanted one my whole life and god dammit I was going to get one… not some purebred savannah cat that he envisioned either… a rescue cat… and It was going to be all mine… and No one would stop me… That next day he went and got me the smallest weakest plainest close to death cat he could… and we ALL fell in love with her…. but mostly me… because she is mine… all mine… and I love her beyond words. Its hard to believe looking at her that she was under three pounds when she got here.. and scared to be put down… she definitely has tripled in size in just a few weeks… and is a basic menace to society… fits right in.

11. Strangers that go out of their way to do something nice

Rare, but so so so important. We see you, strangers.

12. Lastly, pumpkin pie.

Because I’m currently scarfing down a piece as I type this.

So Much LOVE AND LIGHT to everyone out there as we wrap up this year… 2018 will be what we make it… do not ever let complacency get in the way of decency. If you are going to complain… DO SOMETHING… and well… Be AMAZING! (like mr amazing).

There is still more good than bad… there is still happiness in the greif… there is still more love than hate.

And there is hope…. So Much Hope. (A Spark… Like StarWars taught ya!)

 

Nov 01 2017

Life. Its continues.

Author: Kerry

Its been over two months since Ive posted. Believe it or not, Things have been relatively good. Im working full time again, and that has not only halted my painting, but it has made me want to write again. So I finished my Novella and submitted it to a writers group for feedback. Look at me just continuing to act like I’m a writer. Like I believe in myself and have dreams. I also did something Id never done before while gone- I took a vacation. With a friend. Like not a child. Although I would have liked it to be Mr Amazing. He needed to be home with the smalls. work and stuff. So off to San Diego we went. It was amazing. I like the new job enough. I like that it is just a job. Not an all consuming hurricane of ambitions. I miss freedom. I miss taking care of everything at home so no one else had to worry about it. But I do not miss the self loathing that came with unemployment. Perhaps I will even earn a pension finally. 44 years old and finally thinking about my future. Its kind of nice. Mr Amazings small is with us full time now and I am enjoying that more than I can say. My Small, dropped on class, but kept the other and has so far survived his practice semester at college. WOOT!

I miss painting, and find my little bits of down time that I do have being spent on the couch under a pint of ice cream… but that may be due to the weather more than the new job. Knees. Again. I am still working out a couple of times a week and having my beautiful friend from the library come use the shower at the gym. I love her. Life. It continues. Today I find myself in the same offices writing this as I did about 5 years ago with my small. But today I am with Mr. Amazings small. I am hoping beyond hope that it gives her the support system she needs to succeed in all things. Tall child and the tinies are absolutely perfect in every way. Im sure she would disagree. That she struggles. But to me. They are the epitome of perfection and I love them… hard.

I intended to write more… but here are a few pictures instead. It will be several weeks before I get feedback on the novella. Im not nervous. I know it is my story. I know it is to be told. I just haven’t found its outlet yet. I had 50,000 words written before I edited it down to 20,000 and I am only half way through. I found a novella submission and sent it there. even though it is only half told. Because I could. LOL Fear Not my dears.

Aug 29 2017

Like sand in an hourglass… these are the times of my life.

Author: Kerry

Soooooo Im gonna write… because I have so much in my head that is just screaming to come out….

I survived the summer… and the arts festival….

The above is a brief photo tour… but let me tell you about it… First off I stayed home this summer (Well not really… ever) but I mean I was unemployed…. So I brought in a Foreign exchange student and did an art show… and had what was probably the most stressful, and greatest summer of my life…. Aina was the College aged student who came to stay with us, and it was kismet… she was like our child from another country…. she is 21 and we instantly fell in love with her. The last photo is all of us crying as we said goodbye.

Small Child enrolled in school… I did the art festival… in 103 degree weather… and marked that shit right off my bucket list. We spent time with family and friends… the two tiniest tinys turned 1 and 2… and well…. look through the photos… memories were made… and times that will forever be irreplaceable are in our hearts.

I was able to stay with my smallest step daughter… who possibly will be us full time going forward.. and it was something that I wouldnt change a thing about. (More on that later)

The kids started school… and this morning I accepted a state job in the office of education. This is a whole different world for me, as Ive always had a fast paced marketing world… but I am turning 44 next month and have nothing to show for it. The state will offer 401K and benefits and some stability. Leaving me to pursue my passion outside of work.

Currently ive stopped with the street art… im sure just for a few days honestly… Im sick again… double antibiotics who’s side effects are worse than the illness… but at the end of the ten days the infection will be gone…. Small child is in college… wtf…. smallest is in the 6th grade and my first tiny has started kindergarten.

September is coming… in 48 hours and for the first time in my adult life i welcome it (If september confuses you… browse september in the blog history)

I will start work… and I just now booked my first ever girls weekend… San Diego here we come!

Our final summer adventure was a trek to get into the path of totality for the eclipse (Cue the photo montage again…because im on antibiotics and cannot think straight to type)

I really dont know why some of those are upside down… but there you have it… it was the perfect ending to the perfect summer…. Perfect means all kinds of things to me…. especially now that it is over.

OH! also!… we stopped being renters in our home… and bought it

.

Lastly…. This happened last night… and I need to say something

Mr amazing has been so fucking amazing… I cannot even tell you how blessed I am… this picture shows you how blessed… You see that HUGE family? its ours… And well… I am so grateful for everyone in it… but Mr Amazing most of all… He is my best friend… my biggest fan… and the love of my life. He has brought more happiness into my life than I can even express and continues to do so on a daily basis. I tell him all the time, but I think day to day he forgets that they are not just words… He is the best thing thats ever happened to me… and I love him beyond measure.

Fini!