… What… seriously… what! 
Apr
24
2013
smiffbib
socially acceptable f@#% off!
Humor
Mar
29
2013
Eyes, Nose, Nipples and Belly Buttons – EASTER!
Mar
27
2013
… in my neck of the woods.
Spring Sming … I’m not convinced it exists… it has been cold… and snowing still off and on … With just a dash of sunshiney days to keep us from going all “The Shining” on each other… so before I wrote a post complaining and moaning the woes of the winter that just won’t end… I jumped on my local news page to check the weather… because I am a good blogger… who takes her prompts seriously and never gets distracted off the topic… WTF is this???
Soooooo here is the discussion that spawned…
Tolman: I’m such a grammar/spellin
me: BAHAHA! Yes! That is sad honestly … They are supposed to be professionals
Tolman: Good on that woman though! I should take up pole dancing!!!
me: Uhhh Somehow… I just know that’s how I would die…. Death by Pole Dancing to lose weight… you know it is true… I would fall on my head
Tolman: HAhahaahahaa!! Oh come on!!
me: You know its true… Broken Neck… From pole dancing
Tolman: It would make for a VERY interesting obituary!!!! Probably go viral!!!
me: Great! I will finally be discovered when I am dead
In conclusion… This is what Spring looks like in my neck of the woods…. and I am finally going to be discovered!!!
Inspired by
Mar
18
2013
…Leprechauns… Agents of Satan
Mar
15
2013
Papa Smurf getting down and dirty….Don’t ever say I didn’t get you wet …. And something is fishy … really!
This is not a real post… this is a Funday Friday post… Please tune in next week for your regularly scheduled nonsense
The New Pope and North Korea held most of the headlines this week… and I thought I we could all use something a little different… These are real stories people… (Linked to sources)
A participant dressed as Papa Smurf scrambles through mud in the fourth extreme BraveheartBattle run in Muennerstadt, Germany, on March 9. The 15-mile track is known as one of the toughest, most extreme obstacle courses in the world.
Personally .. I always thought Smurfette had loose morals
In other news… This happened…
This koala was sleeping in a tree when it was rudely awakened by a gardener who decided to water his trees. Matt Wilkinson said: There was a heatwave in Adelaide recently and temperatures reached up to 40C. We use the sprinklers and garden hose to wet the house and surrounding trees when it’s hot to avoid a bush fire but when I watered one of the trees, this koala got a bit of a soaking. It was a boiling hot day so i’m sure it helped the koala cool down.
That Koala is clearly not pleased … Neeeyaaahhh!
I’m thinking these fish are having a way worse day than the Koala…
More than 2500kg of fresh water fish were scattered on a section of road in southern China’s Hunan Province following an accident. The driver of the truck transporting the fish lost control of his vehicle when one of his tires blew. He crashed into the safety barrier at the side of the road, which caused the hinged side of his truck to spring open and spill his entire load of fish.
Gramma always said… don’t cry over spilled milk… but this?
Mar
08
2013
It’s a different kind of life sentence…. Lucky for them it’s fun day Friday!
I meant what I said… And I said what I meant… I’m not a member of your church100%
Feb
21
2013
… It’s the thought that counts
Tell the story of trying to learn a new talent or hobby that you only pursued briefly.
I wanted to be the perfect mom!
Tall Child arrived half-way grown… She became my daughter when she was 12.. She came with only a few things to call her own… but one thing she did arrive with was a dufflebag stuffed with yarn…
I looked at small child… at his tiny little two year old self… and begged Tall child to teach me!
I wanted to give small child a blanket… a homemade mommy blanket… something he could pass on to his kids… you get the idea… I wanted to be the perfect mom… I wanted him to have everything…
I invested in some Crochet Hooks/Knitting Needles (Did you know these were two different things? I never did figured out what the difference was or which one I was doing) I chose two different colors of blue yarn… She taught me the easiest stitch… and after much cursing… and poking her with the needle/hook… I got the hang of it enough to do a couple of rows….
Then a couple more….
Then a couple more….
<sponge bob voice> Six Months Later
I finally handed small child his scarf…
He loved it!
He roped the dog with it while wearing his Indiana Jones hat… and swung by the banister with it doing his spider-man impression… he tied people up with it and returned as superman to rescue them…
Until one day it mysteriously disappeared and was never mentioned again…
because….fuck knitting!
This is an older pic… but damn… we are cute!
Feb
15
2013
How to make major decisions as a couple… Really.
Mr Amazing: It has a super nes emulator & tons of games to download for free
me: Okay okay… Why would Nintendo let that happen?
Mr Amazing: : who is buying NES64 games? Plus minecraft is available
me: I want it! buy me it!
Mr Amazing: : lol
me: Not funny anymore!
Mr Amazing: I no longer want it
me: LOL! I WANT IT!
Mr Amazing: smiffbib
me: Bratface!
Mr Amazing: it has a SNES and NES64 emulator
me: I want it all Every Effing Mario Game since the dawn of time!
Mr Amazing: Plus you download ANY game & try it for free even the $50 games
me: Want want want NEED
Mr Amazing: Oh Kerry
… Donkey Kong 64
… Paper Mario (the original)
… Mario Party
… Diddy Kong Racing
me: PAPER MARIO I JUST DIED AT MY DESK… Coffee saved me
Mr Amazing: Super Mario 64
me: Buy Buy Buy
Mr Amazing: It is being released June 2013
me: We could give it to the smalls for their birthday!
Mr Amazing: lol here kids
me: and then steal their birthday present and play it
Mr Amazing: now get the FUCK out of my way
me: ROTFLMAO!
Mr Amazing: seems disingenuous somehow
me: It wants me to buy it
Mr Amazing: I want to spend $1200 on a security appliance for home
me: A security appliance?
Mr Amazing: Yes, with IDS, content filtering, and anti-virus and anti-phishing built in
me: doesn’t sound like a lot of fun
Mr Amazing: It would make it so we could control where are kids go online and verify they never download crap they aren’t supposed to
me: <yawn>
me: paper Mario
Mr Amazing: and it would make our wireless signal awesome
me: paper Mario… paper Mario… PAPER MARIO YAY
Jan
30
2013
Sssss … Sssss…. Ssssss
This week’s prompt – The last time you were sick…
My brain is mush … I have soooooo much snot … leaking from every orifice .. I am gleaking (just trying to give you a mental image) from the corners of my eyes when I sneeze… which is often…. I am incapable of blogging in this state… Which is why I chose this prompt… also… I think I am funny….Hell… I think everything is funny today… Here have this Gchat conversation rather than me explaining… I think it says it all…Send help… or cheese.
me: When I laugh I sound like that dog on Duck Hunt… Just sayin… LOL and I think everything is sooo funny today
Mr Amazing: you sound like wooof…wooof…woo
me: Nooooo When he snickers when you miss the ducks!
Mr Amazing: sssss..ssssss..
me: YEAH! Like that And It hurts to breathe…I think it is lack of oxygen due to this damn cold LMAO even that is funny
Mr Amazing: not funny
me: Im pretty sure it is funny, cause I am sitting here alone at my desk sssss ssss sssssing
me: I think assuming I get home alive – that I am going to make enchiladas for dinner and they will be magically delicious
me: It will be a magical magic kinda enchilada delirious wife kinda night… Im so excited! Do we own cheese?
me: LMAO! LMAO!
me: I dont know if we own cheese…
Mr Amazing: we have cheese
me: Thank God! … I love cheese
I am pretty sure I will be deleting this post as soon as I am feeling better… and of sound mind… think of it as a limited edition!! SSSssss Ssssss Sssssss
UPDATED: I picked up take out on the way home 🙂
Jan
25
2013
OUTER DARKNESS!
UPDATE: BAHAHAHA! I Apologize in advance to writing this post that every one of you that googles Outer Space and gets brought here… Its getting a TON of traffic… But I know this isn’t quite what you had in mind!
I almost feel like I should put a disclaimer on here… But I decided against it 🙂
Mr Amazing: It’s all because of the coca cola flavored Slurpee… choose the form of the destructor…..
me: I’m going to live forever… because God hates me… That’s my retirement plan
Mr Amazing: Uh… hello God has a plan, you can only live (or die) if you are part of Gods plan
me: I choose neither
Mr Amazing: then you will live forever in death or die forever in life – Not sure which
me: OUTER DARKNESS! Okay seriously… how cool does that sound… where are you? OUTER DARKNESS!
Mr Amazing: outer darkness sounds horrible, it’s like being Helen Keller
me: How is it any scarier sounding than outer space? I think that perhaps that is what they were referring too… if you don’t get to go to heaven… You float around in space
Mr Amazing: well, you can’t live in outer space
me: bumping asteroids and stuff
Mr Amazing: nope it is complete and total loneliness with no senses
me: If Kolob is a planet
Mr Amazing: no touch, sight, sound, etc
me: Outer Darkness is Outer Space… its logical
Mr Amazing: maybe it is being stuck in a black hole
me: Maybe… Either way… it doesn’t sound that bad… and all the coke flavored candy will be there…
Mr Amazing: living forever with only your own thoughts sounds lovely?
me: Have you met me? It sounds fantastic!
Mr Amazing: you obviously don’t understand Mormon theology
no senses
no taste
no smell
no touch
no sight
no sound
me: No, You obviously don’t understand my brain… It would be like Disneyland
Mr Amazing: you would be screaming and you couldn’t even hear yourself scream
me: My thoughts alone are the equivalent of the Matterhorn
Mr Amazing:: if such a place existed
me: Why would I be screaming? Nothing would be hurting me… cant feel anything!
Mr Amazing: because you would go mad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_deprivation
me: Would it be claustrophobic? or big like outer darkness sounds?
Mr Amazing: you wouldn’t be able to tell
me: Then it wouldn’t matter
Mr Amazing: You would go completely insane within days
me: I bet I could hold out longer than you
Mr Amazing: I would last minutes ROFL
me: I think it sounds like a vacation
