I love it when he talks dirty to me…

Chat 🙂

 me:  I am buying “King Sized” Muffin tins on amazon… that is all… Imma make all kinds of stuff in those things… I found more ideas… some include yummy dinner things

 

Mr. Amazing:  lol dinner muffins

 

me:  Mini Meatloafs dude! Its gonna happen (Those are words I never ever thought I would say… ever… I have made it a point to NEVER make meatloaf)

 

Mr. Amazing:  Ugh

 

me:  But actually… I was thinking this little taco recipe… LOL and there are other things… chicken bakes… etc.

 

Mr. Amazing: tacos and muffins – seems suspicious

 

me:  Bahahaha Just go with it… im cooking shit… its a miracle

 

Mr. Amazing: I was more thinking that with all of this talk about tacos and muffins…

 

me:  What!.. what ya gonna say? LOLOLOL!

 

Mr. Amazing:  Urban Dictionary … that is all

 

me:  BAHAHAHA!

 

Mr. Amazing:Any number of possibly insulting, more than likely crude, nsfw and otherwise inappropriate comments may ensue (that would be a hilarious tagline for smiffbib)

 

me:  YES! Yes it would!

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

I totally made these btw. My Cookie Wife would be so proud!!!

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

 

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre Revenge

For those of you that haven’t been following our Leprechaun saga through the years… read what happened last year (Leprechauns… Agents of Satan) just to make more sense of the following images…. Bahahahaha!

Small Child built a trap... Smallest Child made them a nice home after being almost captured last year... she didnt want to anger them.

Small Child built a trap… Smallest Child made them a nice home after being almost captured last year… she didn’t want to anger them.

Her home was much appreciated.

Her home was much appreciated.

Small Child paid the price this year for trying to trap them... and falling for the trap of agreeing with a leprechaun to help catch his sister!

Small Child paid the price this year for trying to trap them… and falling for the trap of agreeing with a leprechaun to help catch his sister!

He stepped into the trap... which they pulled .. rendering him dumbfounded as they taped him to the floor....

He stepped into the trap… which they pulled .. rendering him dumbfounded as they taped him to the floor….

The note was left by his trap... along with some treats for him too!

The note was left by his trap… along with some treats for him too!

I am pretty sure our Leprechauns have won over the heart of Smallest Child who was sick with the flu today… and to be super honest… something tells me Small Child didn’t mind being taped to the floor too awful much…

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!!lep

Fat Tuesday on Funday Friday :)

Technically this is just a bunch of Gibberish… but it makes me laugh… really there are even two morals to this story…. Bread and Butter Pickles are Nasty…. and Mr Amazing swears a lot when lacking sleep.

Mr. Amazing:  today is dragging so bad that the day itself is literally sad

me:  Its so sad its comfort eating… that is why its Fat Tuesday

Mr. Amazing:  Fat Tuesday is literally a giant horrible sad monster baby crying for it’s mama

me:  and its mama is a doughnut!

Mr. Amazing: literally

me:  I want one

Mr. Amazing:  I literally went out on a limb with that one

me:  Bahahaha

Mr. Amazing: irregardless of the mama doughnut

me:  We should get doughnuts

Mr. Amazing: LOL I am figuratively a horrible person

me:  You are full of all the words

Mr. Amazing:  irregardless literally bothers me to death

me:  Your words make me wanna throat punch you

Mr. Amazing:  so does “aint’ got none”

me:  OH OH! how about “Aint nobody gots time fo dat!”

Mr. Amazing: one doughnut and a side of pithy sarcasm

me:  instead- I am feeding you a hot dog for dinner… and your gonna like it

Mr. Amazing:  use gonna like it

me:  With chips on the side- I am literally not cooking shit

Mr. Amazing:good, because I really, really, really want to avoid you literally cooking shit

me:  BAHAHAHA

Mr. Amazing:  in fact, compared to literal shit, hot dogs seem pretty okay

me:  Thats why I present it that, we helps with expectations

Mr. Amazing: Yes, thanks for lower my expectations to a reasonable (if not menial) level

me:  I have hotdog buns… its a gourmet meal

Mr. Amazing: Oh yeah!

me:  I dont even wanna eat the hot dogs

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO Hows about with pickles and sauerkraut

me:  Maybe with Sauerkraut but… even then im not so sure… maybe smothered in Nacho Cheese

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO that sounds nasty

me:  I like cheese (Stating the obvious is my super power)

Mr. Amazing: General Obvious?

me:  Ahem… Captain….Obviously

Mr. Amazing:  Fine… Captain Obvious I got paid!

me:  OH! (We still have to eat the hotdogs, or the buns will go stale)

Mr. Amazing:  Okay But we can have dessert…. <evil laughter>

me:  LOL! Actually- If you send me money… I might really go buy Saurkraut

Mr. Amazing:  OMG – Day… Fucking END

me:  14 minutes

Mr. Amazing: Seriously, I am about to BITCH slap FAT Tuesday

me:  ROTFLMAO!!! I CANNOT believe you just said that

Mr. Amazing:  I am laughing at my desk like an idiot

me:  Ditto

Mr. Amazing: Kerry… I can’t stop

me:  Do you want chili for your hot dogs? You need sleep

Mr. Amazing:  I want mustard

me:  we have mustard

Mr. Amazing: and pickles

me:  Uhhhh Im not sure where we are the pickle front

Mr. Amazing: cuz I think the we have the… “It’s a TRAP!!!”

pickles in the fridge the bread and butter tastes like shit evil pickles of doom

Fuck you Bread n’ Butter pickles… Fuck you….

 me:  ROTFLMAO! Gimme your monies! I will buy you pickles… and destroy the enemy ones

Slurpees on Saturday.

Me: Saturday is all good to go still. If <insert adorable niece anonymity here> falls off the bed, imma punch her in da face… I am ready for a night with no kiddos I think…

Mr. Amazing:  OMG I know, Lots of kids. Thanks for asking, I appreciate it, It will be nice to have a night with just the two of us, That way I can upset you without the smalls mocking me

 

me:  Bahahaha!!! Sounds like a romantic evening

 

Mr. Amazing:  Well, we all know the universal constant, I will do something stupid

 

me:  No uh, you do not…Quit that…You are amazing and I miss having slurpees with you

 

Mr. Amazing:  lol we have a night scheduled for it now

 

me:  ROTFL!

 

Mr. Amazing: Let me just pencil that in

 

me:  BAHAHAH! I was just trying to make you blush!

 

Mr. Amazing:  There, I put it on the calendar

 

me:  You behave

 

Mr. Amazing:   Slurpees with wife between 10 PM and 8 AM

 

me:  That long?

 

Mr. Amazing:  Just covering my bases

 

me:  BAHAHAH! okay okay, stop

 

Mr. Amazing:   I wouldn’t want something to get scheduled on top of that

 

me:  Oh comeon! just once let me shock you!

 

Mr. Amazing:  I am shocked

 

me:  bratface

Mr. Amazing:  seriously though it’s scheduled I set a 1 hour reminder  It’s a new moon on the 1st That’s also on my calendar

 

me:  ROTFLMAO!

 

Mr. Amazing:   it just says “Slurpees with Wife”

 

me:  ROTFLMAO! You know whats gonna happen now dontcha?

 

Mr. Amazing:   We won’t be able to I’m taking it off of my calendar just in case no offense

 

me:  ROTFL!!! Im Blogging this!

Mr. Amazing:  No you are not

me:  Ummmm Still blogging it

 

Mr. Amazing  nope I don’t need my mother to know what my slurpee schedule is, Oh Jeebus don’t blog it

I am going to create a blog called”Don’t Blog It!”

me:  What if I swap out the word sex for slurpees!!!

images

Frozen: Letting Go

I know.. .I know! Believe me I know that I shouldn’t waste my time getting drawn into this… I know that it is energy spent on something that shouldn’t be given… I read it yesterday… much like everyone else I would assume… and at first I laughed… Then my irritation grew… and as the day wore on I just couldn’t shake it… the words had settled in my skin… and my least favorite feeling in this myriad of emotions I go through is shame… I was ashamed of my friend who shared it on Facebook voicing her agreement (this is how I came across it to begin with, before it was ever picked up by the local media) … I was embarrassed to be living in Utah… where not only is this popular opinion but it was picked up by the media… Every fiber was annoyed… by the name of the blog… and every hateful word typed out… I am not going to counter her opinions… I just figured I would do a little review and opinionating of my own…. you know… from a well behaved person that has not lost her ever loving mind to hate and paranoia.

Frozen: Letting Go

Let me paraphrase… The movie opens with these two adorable sisters… laughing and playing in the snow and ice created by the eldest Elsa … Surely this is dark magic right? Sorcery? Witchcraft? don’t you worry… its a Disney Movie… and its JUST A STORY…  I saw it five times… Its full of dark magic and sorcery… and death… and treason… trolls who adopt the poor guy with apparently poor personal hygiene  being raised by a reindeer… but the poor guy with the Swedish accent it surely the problem… Oh that and the fact that the girl… who DOESN’T FEEL THE COLD takes of her repressive cape that she had to wear for a coronation is being considered to sex it up… hey hey… who am I to judge… I’m sure the people taking issue with this also wear these swim suits… and I’m cool with that…

else-and-anna

My favorite part of the movie is the Let it Go sequence… as I am sure anyone with a 7 year old knows… it is catchy… and dramatic… and the graphics are beautiful… and everyone is covering it!! (See my Themesong Thursday Post)

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the Queen.

Queen of isolation… I get that… Trapped by expectations

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Storm inside… raging emotions… Okay, I don’t have snow flakes sprinkling from my fingertips… but I am relating to this chic.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know

Ahhh sweet sweet emancipation… from worrying about what others think of me… from judgement… and cruel words.

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

Freedom from fear… self confidence… self discovery… Fantastic!

Let it go, let it go

Let go of the negative… hey smallest child… I hope you memorize each and every word of it!

I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry

Ha ha! okay okay… crying is okay… even if people see it… but not “You” not the people that I am letting go of… not the people that wanted me to be someone I am not

Sing sing sing… lots more words… storm rages on… etc

You get the idea… I take absolutely no offense to someone shedding what was forced upon them and coming to their own opinions, aspirations, dreams and I will cheer on my children whether it is at their graduation from college… or a pole dancing competition (please please let it not be pole dancing… so awkward)

——————————————————————————-

and so… in conclusion… if you have to take some moral to what is really just an awesome story with fantastic music and stunning visuals… take this… Love is unconditional… Sisters before Misters…. also… reindeer raise gentlemen… Braids are sexy and trolls are love experts…. That is all

SO someone needs to explain to me how she gets from cryokinetic power to same-sex attraction?

tumblr_myjvz4yLR71sqyhgqo1_r1_250

OH! and someone better tell their kids… whether oaken likes men or not (which I don’t understand why that is relevant when he is just selling some damn carrots) that a Swedish accent isn’t required for someone to be gay… they can choose that for themselves… and they will be accepted and loved and keep their voice 🙂

Frozen-oaken

Don’t make me pee on him…. really.

mama kats Write a post inspired by the word: punched.

There are several stories sparked by this… more than I care to admit…

I mean… really… who haven’t I punched… Let’s not answer that… and go with one of the more recent ones… fresh in my mind because Mr. Amazing, his sister, and mother were laughing and retelling it just yesterday…

Picture if you will: Christmas Eve… Family party at my In-Laws… My own little blended family issues are nothing when compared to Mr. Amazings much larger and hostile blended family… The only time I often see his step siblings are at this yearly party… We do not really remember each other from year to year… In fact… Last year they introduced me to one sibling (who? I don’t remember) and they exclaimed “He got married??” … Close? Not so much… still closer than my own family… so it take some getting used too.

So all those step siblings have children, I am not really sure who belongs to who, and I try to put faces to the names of the horror stories that are whispered among others… But really… there are just a lot of kids… I LOVE kids… so I am enjoying myself… when I see a pre-teenish boy rough housing with Mr. Amazing… I love this… Because even though there are some issues among the grown up children, it is so fun to see family interact that normally doesn’t… As I wander over to join my cute husband… I see this kid slug him… right in the gut… and ..

You guys! I didn’t even think about… There wasn’t ever a conscious decision behind it… I punched the kid back.

“Oooof!” Child clutches stomach

“Don’t hit MY husband!” Hands on hips… I may as well have lifted a leg and peed on him

“We were just playing?” baffled Mr. Amazing

<Shrug> “No One hits my husband”

The kid was fine… I gave him my candy bar from the left right right left oh my god right left  this is the longest game ever game.

…. I am sure I will never live it down…. Just like the one time Small Child informed me no one will spar with him in Karate if I am there in the bleachers… Oh but that is another story…

2014-01-20 14.03.37

Death of the Stache

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)

Stach

Shave for the love of god…

” A trend you’re not much a fan of “

mama kats

 

Funny that you should ask… I came across this prompt just as I was singing the praises of the 3rd day of December!!!

Look… I am all for doing things for a good cause… I participate in fundraisers… I pay it forward… I try to work a random act of kindness into each day… I never pass a bell ringer without dropping whatever change I have into his bucket… but by the time you are in the second week of November every man in the office looks like a mountain man… grizzly adams in the IT department over here didn’t get the memo that he should not continue to shave his scalp… whilst growing out his beard during No Shave November.

This is not my real IT guy… I just got this image off of google to illustrate my point

IMG_0018

But… Here we are in the first week of December and let the shaving begin… and somehow from this we gleaned some kind of cancer awareness… Couldn’t we come up with a better way? Because I am pretty sure woodland creatures have moved into your face.

Now that I have that off my chest… Let’s discuss this whole month of gratitude posts on Facebook… because every morning I wanted to stab my eye out with a fork… luckily I only have coffee for breakfast… no fork in reach.. and for that I am grateful.

I live in Utah… and while I do not belong to the popular religion of the area… most of my friends and family do… cue the angels singing and the pearly white gates of heaven opening… because they all posted each and every day what they were so grateful for…Seriously… if you have ever read my blog… you know I am a fan of the whole being grateful thing… I am truly so blessed in so many ways… but I would be lying if I didn’t wake up on December 1st and kiss the computer screen right on the first post bitching about the weather… The crowd at the stores and the amount of housework to be done… because I swear… on a stack of your holy book of bibley whatever that that was the LONGEST 30 days of thanks ever!!

Im grateful its over… and to raise awareness of my gratefulness… I will not be shaving during the month of December… We can braid the leg hairs and sing kumayah for Christmas!!!

<EndRant>