Jun 14 2022

I’ve been gone… but I haven’t forgotten.

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 14 June 2022, there have been 533,816,957 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 6,309,633 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 7 June 2022, a total of 11,864,214,773 vaccine doses have been administered.

But wait …. there is more…

As of 8 June 2022, 1285 laboratory confirmed cases and one probable case have been reported to WHO from 28 countries in four WHO Regions where monkeypox is not usual or had not previously been reported. This represents an increase of 505 laboratory confirmed cases since the previous Disease Outbreak News on 4 June 2022 when 780 cases were reported. As of 8 June 2022, there have been no associated reported deaths in these four Regions.

OH come on now! if we cannot laugh about it…. what can we do (I MEAN please wash your hands and wear a mask if you’re in public.)

There is so much I should be telling you all…. beside the fact that I am alive…. but … you guessed it! Ive been fairying… tis the season…. so just know I live… I love…. I laugh… the end.

Mar 05 2022

STORYTELLERS

Author: Kerry

Oral tradition tells us the earth began when Crawfish dove into the watery depths of the world and built the first landmass from mud at the bottom of the ocean. From these early beginnings, all things good sprang to life, including Me! So sit right back and I’ll tell a tale ….

Friday the 25^th I went to the Dentist at 9 am to have a broken tooth fixed…. that I had cracked … on bread?? two days prior. This is where it started. The dentist felt my jaw crumbling underneath the broken tooth…. extracted it… did an emergency extraction of a molar on the opposite side… cut out the crumbling portion of my Jaw…. resectioned it… and put in bone grafts…. this gave me two black eyes and a black jaw line…. and apparently Covid.

I tested positive Tuesday…. Surprise! TWO YEARS!! for TWO YEARS I have done anything and everything they suggested to not get this…. and here it was finally.

Pause for the gratitude I feel for the fact that it was now… when there are medicines… vaccines… and room in the hospitals.

and it is a good thing… because even though I am fully vaccinated… and it is supposed to be a mild variant… It tried to kill me with in the first 24 hours. It is really disgusting to tell you about this… but I am a story teller so you get all the details!… I wake up feeling like someone has poured hot cement in my sinuses and chest everyday… Today for the first time, I had the presence of mind not to panic when this happened and choke down advil, which once it has kicked in allows me to be able to cough and swallow until I can breathe.

I’ve been quarantined in my bedroom since Tuesday- literally haven’t left it…. Mr Amazing just keeps sliding me what I need into the room. Ironically when we came to work at home- I bought this hospital tray as a desk…. bahahahaha soooo here I am using it in bed really in bed, not just sitting on a bed.

Why do I tell you all this? Well… because im not very professional.

While fevered I bought Mr Amazing a Digeridoo… and the cats an automatic laser pointer…. so this has not been for nothing <shrug>

Today was my secretly chosen date for Fairy Citys Annual Emergence (NUMBER 7!!!) obviously that is not happening… Luckily because I made it up- it can be rescheduled … there is something else eating away at this hippy heart and soul of mine… Ukraine. I have already donated every dime I can to help… and I feel completely helpless… I know that this will not mean anything to anyone but me… but I am dedicating my Fairy City this year to those brave people… to anything Anti-Putin …. all the words I paint… all the art I make… it is being acted out right now by those brave souls…. from the farmers laughing as they use a tractor to take a tank… to the people returning to fight…. to the people going to safety to return to fight another day…. they represent everything brave… and good… and kind… as well as the Syrian refugees… and those suffering in Myanmar… no… no not you… trucker convoy people… not you…. them! So on that note… So much love and light to all of you… and as always… We will be the hopeful

Feb 04 2022

A Day Worth Recording Here… Both Chilling and Heartbreaking…

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of , 4 February 2022, there have been 386,548,962 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,705,754 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 2 February 2022, a total of 10,040,768,270 vaccine doses have been administered.

Two years after the first COVID-19 cluster was reported in Wuhan, China, the U.S. has surpassed 900,000 deaths from the disease. U.S. hospitals are buckling under the weight of omicron — and it’s forcing them to put off essential procedures for everything from heart conditions to cancer.

The RNC censured Reps. Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for working with the Jan. 6 House panel — claiming that the Capitol riot was “legitimate public discourse.”

The Winter Games have begun. The International Olympic Committee, which faced its own criticism for holding the Games during a pandemic again, has maintained it will remain politically neutral. It was the second time Beijing hosted an Olympic opening ceremony. On Friday, it made history as the first city to host both a Summer and a Winter Games.

The Chinese President Xi Jinping was joined by Russian President Vladimir Putin, who he met with earlier in the day. Putin’s presence offered a needed ally for China at a time when the nation continues to be dogged over criticism for its human rights record.

I’m not going to further this post… if this has not been bone chilling enough… if you are not aware of the lynch pin theory…. Just remember you saw it here first

So much love and light to all… we are well… my adult children are now scheduled for boosters… we are celebrating every little thing… If we are going to be in this matrix… we are gonna have fun while doing it dammit…

Jan 10 2022

Its not over til … Well… Its just not… Meet Omicron.

Author: Kerry

You can reach a trained crisis counselor through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255 or texting 741741. (as we begin the third year of this pandemic… I will try to remember to start every post with this)

Globally, as of 7 January 2022, there have been 298,915,721 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,469,303 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 9 January 2022, a total of 9,126,987,353 vaccine doses have been administered.

It’s winter. It’s cold. It’s dark. I’ve been socially isolating. There… I said it.

I’m guessing I might not be alone. Social isolation in grief is oh so common. Social isolation in winter is oh so common. Conversations about social isolation? Not so common.

Sometimes social isolation isn’t just holing up at home and watching Netflix. It can be more nuanced. Let’s use my own social isolation as a social experiment in the form of a little self-interview:

Have you left the house?

Sure. I have been going to work, running errands, I do not live alone. I see other people all the time.

Have you been answering your phone?

Uhhhh . . . . not exactly.

Have you been replying to text messages?

Hmmmm . . . yes. Usually when someone finally texts me a question like

Your social isolation has felt completely terrible, right?

Wrong. I think it kind of started somewhere between the first of November and Thanksgiving I didn’t have to answer the question “how are you doing?”. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs. Not only did it not feel completely terrible… there were moments it felt glorious.

Well… if it felt pretty great then is wasn’t a problem, right?

Wrong again. When I was just taking a break and getting a little alone time… that wasn’t a problem. But that wasn’t social isolation, that was me being balanced and meeting my solitude needs. The problem was when I started actively ignoring people… avoiding people I love and care about.

You’re writing a post about your social isolation now… so did you know all along you were socially isolating?

At first I was just taking some happy… healthy alone time. I used the fact that I needed a break and that it was… at first… a good thing to stay in denial once it was creeping from alone time into isolation. Then I rationalized by saying things to myself like, “I’m still getting out and doing things – which really just means I’m going to work, it’s fine”. I still don’t really feel like coming out of it… or addressing it…. in fact I’m still feeling pretty much like being left alone.

You’ve admitted you have a problem… You are ready to work on this now right?

Let me introduce you to Omicron… Deltacron… and Flurona (End Interview)

Jan 14 2021

The Pandemic… The Country… and Time… They all rage on

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 14 January 2021, there have been 90,759,370 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,963,169 deaths, reported to WHO.

Christmas came… and went…. so did New Years… the vaccine arrived and began distribution… I am still in my house… waiting patiently for my turn… I spoke to a friend today who has the virus… she is tired… she is sick… and she is a lucky one…This is how we Christmased… in a pandemic… I have not seen them since… My heart feels like it is breaking… but wait for it…

My heart is not broken yet… because it is getting hardened…. Oh why the hell not just throw it out there and save myself some time…. There is no sex trafficking ring underground the pizza parlor – they use Epstein island or the phone book… there’s no doubt someone’s got something somewhere on a laptop – I really don’t care… I’m sure my kids have things on their cellphone they don’t want me to see…Obama is not hiding in the publishers clearinghouse van coming for your guns… there’s no storm… no kracken… no conspiracy… there was no steal… the FBI has stated it was not antifa… they’re not deep state… there’s no deep state…. they flaunt their actions in public proudly and people cheer…. we voted… a winner has been certified… the time stamp of someone’s tweet or where they’re looking in a photo is not a code or message…. why ya all making the bald eagle out to be some angry pro wrestler? It’s a bird- I like it! But it isn’t wearing an Uncle Sam hat and beating anyone up… and then… the insurrection happened… because apparently they did not read this rant filled paragraph…. Trump was impeached AGAIN… and President Elect Biden will hold his inauguration with the National Guard sleeping on the hard marble floors of the capitol building…. Hate is a stranger to me… it is not something I’ve experienced very often … but it fills my heart this morning… I’m ashamed of “nearly half” … how were the lies believable when clearly the words “nearly half” by definition is not the majority … I’m ashamed… I hope they’re embarrassed and ashamed… disgust churns in my gut… don’t worry about me I will work through it.., love will win the battle inside me… Trump deserves to be in prison… Giuliani and Rubio as well as Hawley should serve time…”Removing Trump will only make his followers more violent” isn’t a call for unity. It’s extortion. I suggest you take care of your own battle… for it is so much uglier than mine.

And so I paint… and I work… and I talk about it… and I fight that battle that much like the things in the title of this post… rages inside of me…

They’re all on the instagram…. same name as the blog… incase you needed to be reminded why we keep fighting… why we keep loving… So I will close with that… so much light and love to you all who have found your way here… it is hard… this is effing hard… but we can do hard things.

Dec 03 2020

The Superhero and The Secretary

Author: Kerry

Before I go onto my story I would like to mention this pandemic is still raging out of control… but there is hope in the spring… the vaccine is coming.

Globally, as of December 3rd there have been 63,719,213 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,482,084 deaths, reported to WHO.

Worth mentioning however…. this will be my first post since the beginning of this thing that is not about this thing…. maybe with hope is coming some healing.

At first, When I became sick… I felt like my life was falling apart… doctors suggested it was stress… and thanks to Mr. Amazing I was finally to a point in my life that I could stop being the breadwinner and live a bit more simply…. So I left my big world traveling career… and with a book in mind… that a publisher friend whom I’d sent the synopsis to had already shown interest in… I left… I wrote the book… It won top mentions in writing circles… I never even submitted it for publication… because I wasn’t happy with it… and didn’t want to put the work into it that it would require to become great… Don’t get me wrong… I have it… and I will one day… when the wind blows me that way.

Hold on tight… The wind blows me all over the place in this back story to my super hero life.

Out of nowhere… I began to paint… Yep paint… Id dabbled here and there… but when you make a list of things you can do to be mindful and release stress… Travel (I did this quite a bit as well) … Painting…. etc… you get the idea… Infact ALL of this is captured in the posts of this blog.

Well guys… I’m a worker bee… a real over achiever… and I have been working my entire life…. So soon my home was overflowing with Paintings… everyones room had them… my friends had them… and soon my street art project was born (Fairy City- Search it)

During this time I contracted for a while… doing the same type of work as I had in my career… but part time… two years in fact I did this… and regardless of what happened with that… I feel like we were wildly successful.

But I was getting sicker… sneaking into the office early to disinfect everything I had touched because I had strep… or pink eye…. or whatever else happen to be the case at the time… and the sicker I became the angrier I became…contracting ended and I did an art show (like hurricane force wind changes)

I knew until I got healthy I was never going to be able to work like I had before… so that became my focus… I applied for a job at the state… not for the pay… but for the benefits…. but in order to work… I knew it was going to have to be something I believed in… So I headed to education… because I had at this point figured out I was a superhero of the streets (again… Fairy City LOL) but I needed to feel good about my daytime work as well… how could I affect the change in the world I wanted to see? Education. But, I needed no stress… and nothing hanging on me incase I disappeared due to whatever invisible thing was trying to kill me. So I landed a job as Executive Secretary in the EXACT right place… my disguise was almost complete…. add a couple tumors… some lymphoma…. chemo drugs… oh and kill the hamstring. PERFECT! No one would ever suspect who I really was… including myself.

Pause for a moment:

I HATE THE WORD SECRETARY- I HATE IT… yet, I applied for it… and loathed it even more. I have a degree… my mind is brilliant! unless I am forgetting simple words… or have brain fog… it works a thousand times better than my body at this point… and it works fast… it thinks of new ways to do things… better ways… it thinks out of the box! It gets shit done guys! My pride became my nemesis… My ego was mountain high… and it wasn’t okay with this new title. I had a lot of work to do on it…. and luckily as I went from hospital bed… to cane…. to wheelchair… back to walking sticks… I had the time to do so.

Story Continued: Job openings have been posted… and my DREAM job was one of them… a director position in Equity…. The REAL ability to put all those ideas and words I painted on fairy doors into action. I had the qualifications… and the reputation in the building (or so my ego, coworkers, and husband tells me) … and I stopped short … I have an autoimmune disease… I am barely hanging on sometimes… I have to lay down after I shower…

How could I maintain any kind of ethical integrity and apply for that job knowing I am no longer able to do it… Knowing that walking into a campus is all the walking I can do for a day… and suddenly… I didn’t hate the word Secretary any more… Most people with my diagnosis would be on disability… I am a force to be reckoned with… one these diseases have not faced before… I AM THE SECRETARY!!! I am affecting as much change in this world as I am able… and a bit more… and that is good enough….

Moral of this story? Sometimes the phrase “It is good enough” is literal… I am good enough.

Nov 16 2020

Comparison is the Thief of Joy… But this one has a good point for stealing it.

Author: Kerry

Cancer is NOT contagious.

A healthy person cannot “catch” cancer from someone who has it. There is no evidence that close contact or things like sex, kissing, touching, sharing meals, or breathing the same air can spread cancer from one person to another.

But you can catch something… right now… infact your chances of catching it are high…. so lets explore a few scenarios….

First – let me cite where I am getting my comparison- It is based only on numbers… https://progressreport.cancer.gov/end/mortality#:~:text=In%202018%2C%20the%20death%20rate,per%20100%2C000%20people%20per%20year.

Covid-19 is approximately 10 times more deadly than cancer in a VERY over all comparison…. because there are all kinds of cancers…. and all kinds of outcomes…. Okay…. So here we go…. Why choose cancer? because we all have lost someone to it… we all hate it… Most of us get screened for it…. we take other precautions as well…. we pray for a cure…. We do not really compare it to the flu 🙁

If cancer were contagious…. and you didnt know who had it and who did not… yourself included (feels very real huh) would you wear a mask to help slow the spread?

Would you celebrate when someones cancer wasnt that bad? rather than mock everyone for being afraid of catching it? because really…. LESS that 1% die… it is true… see the link above.

If Cancer were contagious…. would you run around like people were letting fear control their lives? and you just want the schools to be open full time and all the stores are open? and not believe the hospitals were filling up?

If Cancer were contagious… but there were a vaccine against it… would you get it and encourage EVERYONE else to do the same? or would you assume the government were coming for you?

Let me ask you this… If Cancer were contagious…. but only for one year…. would you go to family gatherings? because you like pie? and you won’t “be told what to do?’

If cancer were contagious…. but not everyone died from it… you know… you had some of those other life long things…. like no breasts… or a colostomy bag….. or… needed oxygen permanently. Would you think we could achieve herd immunity? by you know…. just taking our chances and getting it over with?

I have lost people I love dearly to cancer…. I myself have had cancer….

so if this comparison is stealing your joy

Good

Stay Home

Wear a mask

Wash your hands

Do not gather for Thanksgiving… or Christmas…. just don’t you guys…. please.

I only wish that in a year from now we would be getting back to normal…. without cancer. And before you get mad at me for this causing you anxiety… I’ve thought of this the whole time… I waited for a vaccine to point it out…. and if you are scared of the vaccine… I ask you… if it were for cancer? times 10? would you risk it? WE WILL BE THE HOPEFUL!

Globally, as of 16 November 2020, there have been 54,301,156 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,316,994 deaths, reported to WHO.

Oct 30 2020

Why I write today…

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 30 October 2020, there have been 44,888,869 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 1,178,475 deaths, reported to WHO.

Here in my state? it was a record breaking day for new cases… and we broke the 600 death mark… when this started… and I was looking at the projections 600 wasn’t even a worst case scenario…

It is easy to plug your ears and ignore the danger.

I tried to do that when the virus was in China. I tried when it popped up in New York.

I tried when someone 8 miles from me tested positive for COVID-19.
What’s going on in the world right now isn’t hype.

No matter how much you believe in “filling your mind with only positive things,” you can’t ignore it.

The Coronavirus is real and it’s here.

What are your choices?
You can consume yourself in the news… I suppose.
This is not an encouragement to dismiss or ignore what is going on in the world…. It is days like today that I give myself this talk

“Do not write to forget. Write to remember. Write to survive. Write to see because nobody needs a light until darkness falls.”
Note to self.

Maybe I will die soon. Okay. Consider this my memoir.
Maybe a loved one will be claimed by the virus.
Maybe the economy will fall apart.

Writing brings clarity…. Clarity can help lessen panic.
In addition to the other benefits of writing during this time — it’s a quarantine-friendly activity — putting words on page validates my existence. I am here. I am breathing. I am alive. The words say so.
I cannot solve what is happening… but I can write.
Do not retreat into fear. Extend toward hope. I type on this blog every memory I can think of. Channel all emotion to the page.
Even in the valley of the shadow of death… I can write.
If there were ever a moment in history to empty myself… it is now.

Its my Tiny Pumpkins birthday… I cannot see him

Tomorrow is Halloween… I cannot give out candy

My love of activism is being tainted by protests at private homes of public servants…. and someone shot up the Health Dept.

It is hard not to feel hopeless… this is all so hard.

and so I wrote it.

Sep 23 2020

Sometimes… the hardest days of your life still happen… even in a Pandemic

Author: Kerry

Globally, as of 23 September 2020, there have been 31,425,029 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 967,164 deaths, reported to WHO.

This post is not Covid-19 related… In fact it is not even Cancer related; though it is what is to blame… It is related to Judy Wight… My Aunt… My Friend… My encourager… My laughter inspiring blood relation who I will miss fiercely … passed away 23 September 2020.

After the phone call Friday I frantically racked my brain… my memory of our last conversation… it had been only two weeks prior… had I told her? did I tell her how much I admired her? loved her? appreciated her?

I had.

and as a side note… I encourage each and everyone of you to make everything that comes out of your mouth and keyboard in conversation about portraying that… because you never know when you are going to get that call…

I did not go see her… in her hospital bed… I couldnt (thats how the pandemic applies)

But I did send her the HUGEST bouquet of flowers I could.

and let her children know how much I wished there were anything I could do to help them…

I’ve known Judy my whole life… but when her father (my grandpa) passed away we became close… maybe not close as others… but for me? Who is so “lone wolf” it was very close… I admired the woman… I love the woman… I have done service with her… The most recent being a nursing home phone call program she put together…. oh have I laughed with her… our appreciation of mischief and irony are so well aligned…

And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend…. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better. But Because I knew you…I have been changed for good
“For Good” Wicked Musical Soundtrack

I’ll share a few times we have made each other laugh… and leaned on each other.

To say we related to each other may be a given..

And I will share a few photos of the many we have… because you can see what I mean… about her being so beautiful… so clever and witty… so loved.

When my time comes… as it will… because that is part of living… I sincerely hope people are as peaceful about it… as I am for Judy… I hope I have lived so well… and always have that next trip planned out overseas already… like she. I hope my life leaves them no doubt that it was such a well lived adventure… that though they may miss me… I didn’t miss out on anything. I hope my life is so well lived, that the conversations they have with me are about gratitude for each other, admiration and love, Like She.

Aug 11 2020

Corona Virus Chronicles

Author: Kerry

Entry – like 5 bazillion? 5 months today I have been quarantined… 5 months… There is a sense of a false light at the end of the tunnel… but it is a lie… and the second wave is coming.

Every year on the last day of school we head to the lake… weve been doing it for over a decade… not this year

July is full of birthday celebrations and adventures… not this year

I don’t really know what I would’ve done to celebrate my sons engagement- but it would’ve been something nice… a nice restaurant… something. But we didn’t.

We are trying to stay afloat financially… and trying to give everything we have to those who cannot… supporting local business is how… so here is what we did this year… end of school year… birthdays… engagement… end of summer… all in one.