Oral tradition tells us the earth began when Crawfish dove into the watery depths of the world and built the first landmass from mud at the bottom of the ocean. From these early beginnings, all things good sprang to life, including Me! So sit right back and I’ll tell a tale ….
Friday the 25th I went to the Dentist at 9 am to have a broken tooth fixed…. that I had cracked … on bread?? two days prior. This is where it started. The dentist felt my jaw crumbling underneath the broken tooth…. extracted it… did an emergency extraction of a molar on the opposite side… cut out the crumbling portion of my Jaw…. resectioned it… and put in bone grafts…. this gave me two black eyes and a black jaw line…. and apparently Covid.
I tested positive Tuesday…. Surprise! TWO YEARS!! for TWO YEARS I have done anything and everything they suggested to not get this…. and here it was finally.
Pause for the gratitude I feel for the fact that it was now… when there are medicines… vaccines… and room in the hospitals.
and it is a good thing… because even though I am fully vaccinated… and it is supposed to be a mild variant… It tried to kill me with in the first 24 hours. It is really disgusting to tell you about this… but I am a story teller so you get all the details!… I wake up feeling like someone has poured hot cement in my sinuses and chest everyday… Today for the first time, I had the presence of mind not to panic when this happened and choke down advil, which once it has kicked in allows me to be able to cough and swallow until I can breathe.
I’ve been quarantined in my bedroom since Tuesday- literally haven’t left it…. Mr Amazing just keeps sliding me what I need into the room. Ironically when we came to work at home- I bought this hospital tray as a desk…. bahahahaha soooo here I am using it in bed really in bed, not just sitting on a bed.
Why do I tell you all this? Well… because im not very professional.
While fevered I bought Mr Amazing a Digeridoo… and the cats an automatic laser pointer…. so this has not been for nothing <shrug>
Today was my secretly chosen date for Fairy Citys Annual Emergence (NUMBER 7!!!) obviously that is not happening… Luckily because I made it up- it can be rescheduled … there is something else eating away at this hippy heart and soul of mine… Ukraine. I have already donated every dime I can to help… and I feel completely helpless… I know that this will not mean anything to anyone but me… but I am dedicating my Fairy City this year to those brave people… to anything Anti-Putin …. all the words I paint… all the art I make… it is being acted out right now by those brave souls…. from the farmers laughing as they use a tractor to take a tank… to the people returning to fight…. to the people going to safety to return to fight another day…. they represent everything brave… and good… and kind… as well as the Syrian refugees… and those suffering in Myanmar… no… no not you… trucker convoy people… not you…. them! So on that note… So much love and light to all of you… and as always… We will be the hopeful
Globally, as of 18 February 2022, there have been 418,650,474 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,856,224 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 15 February 2022, a total of 10,279,668,555 vaccine doses have been administered.
Today our Governor held a press conference…. I who in the beginning of this all never missed a briefing. wasn’t aware of it ahead of time… part of my self care has been not watching and waiting … has been basically no “News” at all…. even the weather…. ha ha! So today I got the message that it was going to be a doozy a couple hours before it took place…. promptly forgot…. minutes before it started a different friend messaged and asked if I was watching…. so I did…. Here are the key bullets:
By March 31st our response will transition to what we are calling a “Steady State.” Our Department of Health will spend the next six weeks refining plans they have already started to develop to help get us there.
Some elements of the response, like testing and treatments, will transition to being the responsibility of our highly capable health care systems. This will allow our public health system to refocus on the elements of the response that a public health system would normally look after: disease surveillance, data collection and reporting, vaccinations, and public awareness.
This is not the “end” of the pandemic. This does not mean COVID-19 is going away. Or, that as a state, we are packing up and heading home. We will continue to see cases, and outbreaks, and hospitalizations, and, unfortunately, deaths. But it does mean that we are adapting how we respond to these things.
<Insert Deep Breaths Here>
I am SO ready…. I am Vaccinated… I am Boosted! It has been 2 years…. I have focused so much on the world and community these last 2 years… that I haven’t really talked about what condition I personally am in…. So here’s a run down:
They sent “High-Risk” people home from work- That was me…. Work is critical to me… not the money (trust me LOL) but because of my auto-immune issues it really was the last thing I could do…. Cant walk much or well…. etc… you know the drill…. so work kept me out in the world…. and then it was gone. (Not the work, the out in the world part)
Determined not to lose any strength or endurance…. I launched into some yoga poses…. a stepping machine…. and a drive daily.
All that stopped.
Then the stomach cancer.
Even walking or standing in my own home became hard.
So That Stopped.
Stomach cells of doom scraped out!
Return VERY intermittently to the office.
This week I was in my two days…. Last week too…. 4 out of the last 14 days I went to the outside…. at the end of the 4th day? I broke out in rashes and sunburned joints…. To say that I have lost ability is the understatement of the decade…. I’m not mad about it… hell no… I AM ALIVE…. and I am SO HAPPY to be alive.
But
Well….
I am going to need to get some strength back….
Look… I know I wont walk well again… I understand that without a hamstring walking distances is impossible…. but I would like to be able to sit in an upright position and engage in thought and conversation without it completely draining me of strength and energy…. so I’ve got some work to do.
I’ve got A LOT of mental health work to do as well… as well as spiritual work.
Spring is coming… I say that a lot… like a Mantra…. it is my mantra… this isn’t the game of thrones people! (though it has felt like it)
I am concerned that if right now it were required of me to work in office again full time, I would have to resign… (this is just conjecture btw. none of this is happening) …
I am also concerned with how to go out into the outside and do the things I love… without the people I love…. I have lost so many….
I am committed to doing both of these things however.
Baby Steps.
Now…. Lets take that situation I have shared about myself… my life… my well being… and apply it to the world… when you (like I often do) shake your head at the madness… the foolishness… the cruelty of the world… lets pretend it is me… and help it along… be patient with it… because you love it and know it is worth it (I really am so fortunate to have people feel this way about me, including myself)
Lets have the HARD conversations from a place of love…. and with grace have them often.
Lets not give up… or throw in the towel…
Lets celebrate the fact that we are still here… a little more weak… a little more soft…. a LOT more grey…. but here none the less.
Baby Steps.
After all… like they shouted from the rooftops in the beginning….
We are in this together.
My Fairy Sign Prediction from 2 years ago… is my biggest hope… and promise now.
Globally, as of , 4 February 2022, there have been 386,548,962 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,705,754 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 2 February 2022, a total of 10,040,768,270 vaccine doses have been administered.
Two years after the first COVID-19 cluster was reported in Wuhan, China, the U.S. has surpassed 900,000 deaths from the disease. U.S. hospitals are buckling under the weight of omicron — and it’s forcing them to put off essential procedures for everything from heart conditions to cancer.
The RNC censured Reps. Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for working with the Jan. 6 House panel — claiming that the Capitol riot was “legitimate public discourse.”
The Winter Games have begun. The International Olympic Committee, which faced its own criticism for holding the Games during a pandemic again, has maintained it will remain politically neutral. It was the second time Beijing hosted an Olympic opening ceremony. On Friday, it made history as the first city to host both a Summer and a Winter Games.
The Chinese President Xi Jinping was joined by Russian President Vladimir Putin, who he met with earlier in the day. Putin’s presence offered a needed ally for China at a time when the nation continues to be dogged over criticism for its human rights record.
I’m not going to further this post… if this has not been bone chilling enough… if you are not aware of the lynch pin theory…. Just remember you saw it here first
So much love and light to all… we are well… my adult children are now scheduled for boosters… we are celebrating every little thing… If we are going to be in this matrix… we are gonna have fun while doing it dammit…
You can reach a trained crisis counselor through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255 or texting 741741. (as we begin the third year of this pandemic… I will try to remember to start every post with this)
Globally, as of 7 January 2022, there have been 298,915,721 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,469,303 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 9 January 2022, a total of 9,126,987,353 vaccine doses have been administered.
It’s winter. It’s cold. It’s dark. I’ve been socially isolating. There… I said it.
I’m guessing I might not be alone. Social isolation in grief is oh so common. Social isolation in winter is oh so common. Conversations about social isolation? Not so common.
Sometimes social isolation isn’t just holing up at home and watching Netflix. It can be more nuanced. Let’s use my own social isolation as a social experiment in the form of a little self-interview:
Have you left the house?
Sure. I have been going to work, running errands, I do not live alone. I see other people all the time.
Have you been answering your phone?
Uhhhh . . . . not exactly.
Have you been replying to text messages?
Hmmmm . . . yes. Usually when someone finally texts me a question like
Your social isolation has felt completely terrible, right?
Wrong. I think it kind of started somewhere between the first of November and Thanksgiving I didn’t have to answer the question “how are you doing?”. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs. Not only did it not feel completely terrible… there were moments it felt glorious.
Well… if it felt pretty great then is wasn’t a problem, right?
Wrong again. When I was just taking a break and getting a little alone time… that wasn’t a problem. But that wasn’t social isolation, that was me being balanced and meeting my solitude needs. The problem was when I started actively ignoring people… avoiding people I love and care about.
You’re writing a post about your social isolation now… so did you know all along you were socially isolating?
At first I was just taking some happy… healthy alone time. I used the fact that I needed a break and that it was… at first… a good thing to stay in denial once it was creeping from alone time into isolation. Then I rationalized by saying things to myself like, “I’m still getting out and doing things – which really just means I’m going to work, it’s fine”. I still don’t really feel like coming out of it… or addressing it…. in fact I’m still feeling pretty much like being left alone.
You’ve admitted you have a problem… You are ready to work on this now right?
Let me introduce you to Omicron… Deltacron… and Flurona (End Interview)
Globally, as of the 19th November 2021, there have been 255,324,963 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 5,127,696 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 18 November 2021, a total of 7,370,902,499 vaccine doses have been administered.
I have been keeping an unpublished version of this…. adding to it periodically…. but Today was the day I asked my Tall Child if I could blog this….. so lets catch up – I left off my pandemic timeline April 2020… Sure I have written SO MANY updates since then… mostly if not all local and personal… but lets look at this from a broader scope… Here is what has happened
I have collected most of this from the Yale Medicine site, who has tracked events and written articles and laid them out by date- which made it easier for me to pick and choose events to mention each month.
May: Experts focus on “flattening the curve,” After months in lockdown, states slowly begin a “phased reopening,” based on criteria outlined by a very angry temper tantrum throwing Trump in coordination with state, county, and local officials. Meanwhile, scientists across the globe are in a race to develop vaccines.
June: Efforts to reopen the economy leads to new cases, and the curve is not flattening. THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE!!! Experts point to the dangers of large gatherings and use terms like “clusters” and “super-spreader events.” all while Tucker Carlson and crowd started suggesting this actually was all fake and planned.
July: Officials debate the best scenarios for allowing children to safely return to school in the fall.
August: The first documented case of reinfection is reported in Hong Kong. On a broader scale, COVID-19 is now the third leading cause of death in the U.S. (after heart disease and cancer). Ironically here locally, this is when school started… given the choice of online or in person…. because you know…. we underpay our teachers… so lets rub salt in the wound. We kept our child home.
September: The school year opens with a mix of plans to keep children and teachers safe, ranging from in-person classes to remote schooling to hybrid models. Meanwhile, the WHO recommends steroids to treat severely and critically ill patients, but not to those with mild disease. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that people who had recently tested positive were about twice as likely to have reported dining at a restaurant than were those with negative test results.
October: President Trump tests positive for COVID-19 after a gathering in the White House Rose Garden where multiple people were also thought to have been infected. And though rumors swirled that he was WAY sicker than reported… he did the infamous balcony removal of his mask like a petulant toddler- Meanwhile, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) grants full approval to a drug called remdesivir for treatment of COVID-19.
November: Cases rise again as cold weather drives more people indoors—the U.S. begins to break records for daily cases/deaths. Many officials around the country bring plans for reopening to a halt. As the holidays approach, the CDC urges Americans to stay home, limit the size of their gatherings, and avoid mixing with people who don’t live in their household. I saw NO ONE outside of my home for this holiday.
December: The FDA grants Pfizer-BioNTech the first Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) for an mRNA vaccine, a new type of vaccine that has proven to be highly effective against COVID-19. A week later, it grants another EUA to Moderna, also for an mRNA vaccine. But, as vaccinations begin, major variants of the virus are beginning to circulate. The UK reports that a new variant of the virus, called B.1.1.7, could be more contagious. By the end of the month, B.1.1.7 is detected in the U.S. We had Christmas outside with the kids and grandkids… for about 45 minutes freezing cold.
2021
January: In the U.S., the number of cases and deaths begins to fall. But more variants are spreading, including one first identified in South Africa called B.1.351, which is reported in the U.S. by the end of the month. Around the world, the race is on to vaccinate as many people as possible in time to slow the spread of the variants. Researchers work to understand how deadly or contagious variants are compared to the original virus. Tucker Carlson and Q-anons? well= they decide this is poisonous or will change your DNA… sooooo…. OH BUT PAUSE FOR AN INSURECTION!! okay, carry on
February: There is not enough vaccine supply to meet the demand. But the Biden Administration expects the addition of a third option (by Johnson & Johnson) to make vaccines more available to everyone. Meanwhile, companies are working to tweak their products to make distribution easier and to control new variants. So, while there may be hope that the end is in sight for the pandemic, it’s highly probable that we will still be wearing masks for some time to come. We cross the 500,000 death count in the US.
March: According to a 120-page report from WHO, the novel coronavirus that causes Covid-19 probably spread to people through an animal, and probably started spreading among humans no more than a month or two before it was noticed in December of 2019. The report says a scenario where it spread via an intermediate animal host, possibly a wild animal captured and then raised on a farm, is “very likely.” Did you know this? No? Why do I know this?? Because I am SO TIRED of people saying it was made in Wuhan by Fauci. Tigers in the Zoos keep testing positive!
April: The global tally of deaths from Covid-19 surpasses 3 million, according to data compiled by Johns Hopkins.
May – July: According to figures published by the CDC, the more contagious Delta variant accounts for an estimated 93.4% of coronavirus circulating in the US during the last two weeks of July. The figures show a rapid increase over the past two months, up from around 3% in the two weeks ending May 22.
August – September: The FDA authorizes an additional Covid-19 vaccine dose for certain immunocompromised people. The US FDA grants full approval to the Pfizer/BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine for people age 16 and older, making it the first coronavirus vaccine approved by the FDA. US CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky diverges from the agency’s independent vaccine advisers to recommend boosters for a broader group of people — those ages 18 to 64 who are at increased risk of Covid-19 because of their workplaces or institutional settings — in addition to older adults, long-term care facility residents and some people with underlying health conditions. So I got mine!!!
October: Pfizer/BioNTech say they are seeking FDA emergency use authorization for their Covid-19 vaccine for children ages 5 to 11.
November 2, 2021 – Walensky says she is endorsing a recommendation to vaccinate children ages 5-11 against Covid-19, clearing the way for immediate vaccination of the youngest age group yet in the US.
Today, On your real birthday – the second one celebrated in this pandemic, no less! I can’t believe we got here already.
Everybody online always cries about how HARD the diaper years are to get through. The sleepless nights. The poopy explosions. The fussy eaters. But the truth of the matter is that they haven’t gotten to the real struggle …yet. Did they forget what it was like when they were teens themselves?
I’m not saying you were a difficult child because I think you are a GEM compared to how I WAS growing up. But I had you through your teen years… And when two strong women face each other day in and day out, it can be a bit exhausting.
But exhaustion does not mean a lack of love and that’s why I wanted to write a letter to my daughter. I wanted to tell her everything I hope she already knows but still needs to hear from her mom. That deep down – I still see her. My little girl.
I miss you. Before I say anything else about love or admiration, I need to start there. Because with every single day that you age, it seems that you step one foot further into being my best friend…. instead of my daughter.
I am so proud of who you are becoming, my shining light. I’ve said this to you a million times and I will say it to you a million more. The gods gave me you because you are good – wholly and from the inside.
You see the world in such a special way. You haven’t been affected the way I have and I don’t think your perception will ever change. You are the ying to my yang. I am the “everyone is trying to kidnap you” and you are the “maybe they just want a hug” energy in our family. I think we need both.
Your children are special… Do you want to know how I know? Because I already went on that ride and it sucked. You actually have it so much worse than we did 25 years ago… and yet they got you. and you are good.
I can’t imagine what you deal with on a regular basis.
We’ve discussed this before – how the media is corrupt and designed to make us feel bad about ourselves just so we can continue to buy things. Hold onto that.
You are beautiful. Don’t ever forget that.
You Make Me So Proud
A letter to my daughter wouldn’t be complete without me telling you that you make me proud on a daily basis. I know this life has been tough and unfair. You made the best of it. You are resilient. You adapt and are capable of taking on so much more than you give yourself credit for – please know this.
Always Have Fun
I see you with your friends. You are crazy. You are the crazy girl with lots of laughs. Don’t ever lose that. It’s who you are. There will be moments in your life where the world might try to dull that. Don’t let it. Hold onto that superpower.
Happy Birthday Heather Feather…. you are soooooo loved.
I researched the average span of an apocalypse in dystopian novels… if it were zombies-100 days… Well… we are past that… so I guess those guys aren’t REALLY zombies…. the average length is 10-12 years. We are still at the beginning guys…
Globally, as of 7 September 2021, there have been 221,134,742 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 4,574,089 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 6 September 2021, a total of 5,352,927,296 vaccine doses have been administered.
I don’t know what to say about that… Ive been to the office a few times… but most days am still remote… due to the air quality and the hybrid schedule… I got my booster on the 27th of August
(because I am a tiny bit of cancer surviving autoimmune super hero) – so there is that. We are trying to be as safe as we know how… We have sent the smallest child back to school… high school in person even… she is vaccinated and masked (at least for as long as we see her) … The tinies are also in school again… and now I just find myself holding my breath… and waiting… waiting to see what more we can do….
I hold my newest youngest tiny close as he grows… born in this pandemic and thriving….
and I hold my breath and I wait some more… for anything to give… I am scared… so scared… I worry for those I love… for those I don’t… for all of us. 1 week from today I will reach the 48th anniversary of my entrance to this planet… I never thought I would live this long… to see all of this… I intend to see more. I watched the Afghanistan war begin… and 20 years later end… We will mark the 20th anniversary of 9-11 in four days…. all of those lives snuffed out…. yet we lose almost as many daily now…. I will march for Women on Oct 2nd (march might be symbolic as my legs do not really work well) …. DAMMIT I SURVIVED TRUMP!!! something has got to give…. anything….
and so I paint… and record as we near the 2nd year mark of this very long apocalypse
Globally, as of 20 July 2021, there have been 190,671,330 confirmed cases of COVID-19, including 4,098,758 deaths, reported to WHO. As of 19 July 2021, a total of 3,436,534,998 vaccine doses have been administered.
That opening is how you know this is going to be a post about the pandemic… Today we worked in the office for the first time… you know the first several months of this pandemic I was so proactive in talking to people… staying connected… checking on those I knew were alone…. then I, like everyone else hit a point that I hunkered down… holed up… and just survived… usually with out a shower… or pants on…. So here we are… 16 months later…. and a third of the work force is in the office… and I find myself in the office… I don’t really wanna scare anyone… but I thought that was the end for me… I thought that if the virus didnt get me… cancer would… but here I sit this evening….. with my most recent biopsy result being benign… finding myself reflecting again…
First Observation – People forgot gum or breathmints exist…. they exist for a reason…. use them…
Second Observation – after the conversation is over… but you are still leaving the area…. I can still hear you… hiccup burp man.
Third Observation – Tylenol… get it… you are gonna need it… and not only have I taken it… but I have shared it with many… it is very different under florescent lighting again… hearing conversations from upstairs… down stairs… the hall way… the constant beeping of the elevator that I have never noticed before… and so forth.
Most important observation – I love humans… I really really do… back to back I saw two silver haired … long haired… stoic and strong woman… I dont believe they even know each other… but the combination of them both being here… both having survived after I have had to say goodbye to some others… well… I choked up… then cried in relief silently…. discovered that I was one of those woman…. because they both stopped by to see if I too had survived… I listened to survival methods…stories of loss… and so much more…. I am so incredibly grateful to be here for it.
I don’t know what is going to come next… I do know that what has come so far is more than anyone thought they could handle… yet here we are.
From the desk of a beautiful co-worker.Look! Im in an office!
There are no words … no measure … no way to express my feelings… but hey! I’m stubborn! let’s try anyways…
I am writing this here in a bedroom that was once yours… Happy Birthday Johnathon… I do not know a better occasion than now to write to you and tell you a few l things that I want you to know.
It seems like yesterday that I was pregnant with you… I was looking forward to the day I could finally see your face and admire the miracle that you are. Needless to say… I am now looking at a new face… one that looks exactly like yours did.
And you were not just the cutest little miracle baby… but also a sensitive little boy with a good character and an amazing attitude toward life and its challenges. You have that since you were small.
Being a Parent is the hardest job in the world. Of course, there were times where I did not know how to handle you… Yep! I made a lot of mistakes by yelling at you. I’ve been reactive, and you know I did not have a manual on how to educate my child. Nor do you…. No manual can prepare a parent-to-be for parenthood. It is such a unique experience to have this innocent little human being in your arms at first, depending completely on you. And with time, you get more and more influence and responsibility on his evolution. It is the hardest job in the world until it is time to stop doing it… and let them do it with another innocent little human being in their arms.
It is a huge task that one needs to take on every single day consciously. And I know you will do it well… because that is who you are… a man with his heart in the right place.
You will be the best father one can be. You got an excellent example from your own dad when you were young. A fantastic example from the BFG as you got older. Honestly… you have a long trail of the kind of men it takes to love unconditionally. Because, the only task we have as a parent is to love your child unconditionally. Do you have any idea…. how proud I am to be your mother and grandma to your first born child.
You are the son that every mother can only dream of. I thank the Universe every single day for giving me you.
I promise you that I will be the best grandmother… Know that you and your family will always be welcome and loved unconditionally. I thank you with all my heart for being the man you are.
Once I became a mother myself… I understood my purpose so much better.
Take good care of yourself… please do not forget to take good care of yourself and to put yourself first. A parent who loves himself and practices daily conscious self-care is proven to be a better parent because one cannot give love from an empty vessel.
One last thing… your child is SO LUCKY to have you as his and come into your family. I cannot wait to see the shenanigans you two get up too…
We don’t always get along perfectly, I’m sure we never will. No matter what’s been said or done, Still love you… little pill.
I’m sorry I say it constantly; I’m sorry I’m not saying it out loud now. I express my truest feelings in writing- It’s the only way I know how.
Things that require me to say them Sometimes might go left unsaid; Still, writing you these birthday letters I know it will be read.
What if you don’t read it all through Or roll your eyes? These years of birthday letters show you just how time flies
I love you so much For the beautiful girl you are. My biggest fear right now? Next year you’re going to drive a car!!!
Sometimes I wonder if You look at me and see An obstacle to your wishful thoughts An obstacle to being more carefree.
When you daydream about growing up, About becoming an artist or wife, Look behind you, I’ll be cheerleading And grateful to be a part of your life.
If you didn’t know What worries me most about you… I worry about how you feel and how feelings control the things you do.
“Don’t worry about what others think” Is easier said than done. I worry that it bothers you still and with which crowd you’ll run.
Sometimes life tugs at me to hug you And squeeze you till you smile, This pandemic and quarantine was… Well! It has been a long while.
I hope you are proud of yourself Of how much you have grown. I just know that despite my love For you, much of it has been alone.
Though we have gotten closer and we have been brave. I’m not exactly the kind of friend whose company I know you crave.
You are my child, Even though I’m not your mother. And I love you as sincerely As I love your brother.
I have never hoped To take your mother’s place. Life has brought you as my stepdaughter In a gesture of hope and grace.
This year we truly have become friends But it’s still not my first priority. I’m just “mama bear” cheering for you, Even as you are raging against your parents authority.
So whether you really understand this or not, Although I may never know. The truth is I believe so much in you and… You taught me I am never too old to grow.
I wrote this poem just for you; I meant every single word I have said. Whatever happens in either of our lives, Remember what you have just read.
