(Well… I had purchased a banner that said this… but then had to edit this prewritten post because I did not want to send the sweary thing to your Moms; which is where you wanted to be….. which I get. I do. You have woken up here on your birthday most of your 16 years… and it is okay)

My Dearest Miss B! I HATE 16!!! I HATED myself at 16…. I hated heather feather turning and being 16… I hated Neenerfan being 16…. and I hate that you are now 16 (Although Im secretly proud of all of us) So instead of writing you a letter… Im going to write myself one… and hope beyond hope… that you realize it is true for you as well

Dear Kerry,

I’m writing to you as your 48 year old self but don’t panic, it’s less bizarre than it seems so please hear me out. 

Looking back now, there’s so much I wish I had known at the ripe old age of 16 so I’m here to share a few words on what’s to come for you and to hopefully serve up some guidance that will help you through these next few years.

So here goes.

First things first, please buy yourself a good cleanser, and moisturizer… it’ll work wonders. You’ll soon learn a myriad of different techniques that will simplify the process of applying makeup but be patient, these things take time.

Now that’s out of the way…

The chapter of your life you’re currently flicking through is a difficult one and I know that the positivity you used to hold on to so tightly is rendered with unwanted feelings. They’re growing like weeds and you’re finding it tricky to pull through those that weave around your feet, tripping your every step but you will be able to break free soon. Trust me when I say that it really does get better.

What’s to come is something I like to call your transitional period and I’m sorry to say that it’s an awkward one. But a lot of what lies ahead will lead you to the next step. Think of it as an escalator which takes you to the next level. However it’s a dodgy one so sometimes it breaks or pauses, prompting this feeling of being suspended in some kind of middle ground but things will be on the move again soon.

It’s not going to be easy, of course. The challenges won’t be erased with a blink of an eye but as you climb over one hurdle and then the next, you’ll become stronger. You should be prepared to stumble over some though – quite literally sometimes, obstacles still jump out from no where.

Right now you feel like your life is a big debacle with every challenge punctuating that thought. The sniggering laughs and sly comments about you coupled with your anxieties. But you’ll soon graduate from a place where these things hold you back.

The anxiety will evidently still be the catalyst to a lot of your challenges and upset but amongst the darkness of those moments, you’ll find energy to strive to reach the light. You’ll be in pursuit of things that make you happy, the things that fulfil the image you’ve marked out for yourself.

You feel awfully alone right now as you go through the motions with some friendships but don’t worry, those tear stained cheeks that punctuate each passing school day will soon become less frequent of an occurrence and bridges will start to form again.

You’ll come out the other side with friendships which have such tangible strength and those people will provide you with unwavering support which you will of course reciprocate.

But being you, the worry of burdening others with your quandaries will be one of the main reasons why you don’t reach out to these people. However, you will find another way of releasing all those worries.

You’ll write a lot more, hoping that engaging in this catharsis will purge all those unwanted feelings. The endless list of documents which hold these thoughts will eventually encourage the creation of your blog and as your words spread more widely, feedback from others will help you to ascertain the realization that you’re not alone.

There will be relief in expressing your thoughts in this way and hearing back from others but it won’t erase every trace, so it’s important to strike the right balance between writing and talking.

The move from where you are now to where you will be in five years time will be uncomfortable at times. Some things will constitute short-lived pain but that’s exactly what it is, short.

Some mistakes will be made between now and then too but you live and you learn kid, don’t feel bad, don’t fret. You will move on from all those little demons. There will of course be things that you can’t push away. Anxiety will still dominate some aspects of your life but you’ll step out of your comfort zone in a way you’ve never done before, in a way that you can’t imagine right now and the consequences of those extra steps will be so rewarding. 

Sometimes you’re scared that you’ll never escape some of your feelings, you sense an ominous click of the pause button when they become stronger and you feel laced with self-doubt but these things are only ever temporary.

With a reshuffle of thoughts and a tight grip on the positive ones along with the support of your family and friends, you’ll be able to pull through.

You’ll learn that sometimes the biggest challenge can be transformed into something with purpose. That purpose will turn into strength, your strength. Whilst you still come face to face with dilemmas and you find yourself in another muddle, you’ll find things that will guide you through, even when you least expect it.

So hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy road but there will be smooth and narrow stretches ahead, always focus on those moments.

Stay strong and stay determined.

You’re going to be ok, I promise.

Love from,

You, aged 48

Happy Birthday Lacey Pretty Facey… I love you beyond expression… I have so much faith in you from over here in the bleachers watching you play your part in this world… I hope you have a wonderful day.