Because I need somewhere to put all these feelings… all of this despair… We are entering week three of this quarantine… and I feel very literally like I am breaking… not every day… but the past few days… maybe it is hormonal? with lil miss? or maybe I am really just falling apart… how is it that working is the only thing keeping me together… its been raining the last several mornings when I have tried to go and fairy… I’m eating too much… I’m not moving enough… I’m getting random fevers that I know are not the virus… but they make me ache… and I am so tired… I would give anything for a magic something to just put me to sleep through all of this…. I miss my kids… I cannot even tell you how much I miss my kids… I’ve never gone this long without seeing them… and I think Small Child is using this as an avenue to cut some apron strings… non existent apron strings because I am completely helpless in all of this as my kids go places… have dinner with people who are not me… My heart hurts… My head hurts… Mr. Amazing is doing everything he can to try and make things better… things are not better. I lost so many of my friends and freedom when I got sick… to have the rest stripped away by this pandemic is painful. I don’t know what I am doing with my life anymore… nothing feels right… and I cant sleep at night…
I think I need to find a way to put at least some stretches into my day… I’ve showered so much my skin is raw… I’m listening to music… I’m painting… I’m working… I’m trying… I am really trying.
I will check back in a few days… when the hormones have settled… and I am working on some hilarious shenanigans again… but today… I just needed to put the hurt somewhere besides my heart… because it is so heavy.
So it seems to me… I would have thought about blogging more as this all started… but I didn’t… in fact… i’m in the second week of this… and it just now occurred to me I may want to document some of this for future generations… So I start by saying this… good morning! The government wants to throw your parents into a volcano because people can’t hang out at Starbucks…
So those of us that can… are working from home… I bought a hospital bed table as a desk… only fitting
Why yes that is a giant cat tree in the background for Princess Fluffy Bottom Charlie Bosephus
If you happen to be my friend on Facebook… which you can only do if I know you in real life… much of this will be a repeat… but that’s what you get … you should’ve expected it if you know me in real life. Just saying… We humans are not the only ones losing our shit… overheard this morning in the kitchen from this fancy office of mine: Smallest Child: You’re feeding them again? Mr Amazing: Cats eat more when they are so insecure… its been a rough week. Smallest Child: Awwwww poor baby! Don’t worry Shadow… you’re beautiful… you too charlie!!! Me: BAHAHAHAHAHA Mr Amazing: Food insecurity??
Apparently I do have very clear memories of living in Agoura California… the morning of the 19th of March I hopped in my car to check on my fairy city before work… when a pretty good earthquake rocked my car… I waited and when it stopped I went ahead and started to back out… thinking… no big deal… when my family came running outside terrified… and I realized… they had no idea what was happening… and I was business as usual … Wanna know a secret? I started nightly check ins with my adult kids over a weeks ago when I became a shut in… and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. 🤣😂 highlight of my day. An earthquake… I couldn’t make this shit up guys… So that is the fear spoken of with my tinies. I present an example-
The earthquake prompted this public service announcement- I mean we have been drilling for this my whole life…. now the pandemic? thats a different story
<Uses cat carrier as a soap box> Well… That was disaster number… dude I’ve lost count… since my Grandpa Eccles died… right before he passed away he talked to me about space food and space water as I was a newly single mom and he wanted me to be prepared … he was a Scouting enthusiast and wanted me to be able to take care…. when the refinery exploded we evacuated without the super duper amazing 72 hour kit I had finally bought at his recommendation… when the pipes froze and the wind took out our power for a week … it sat in the closet forgotten… Corona virus prep- food and water bought- tasers ordered!!! it was still in the closet…. today the earth shook… and though it wasn’t HUGE and we had no property damage or anything- we prepared – we drilled- I demanded we review safety- and meeting places- water bottles put in the car… and granola bars 😬 no 72 hour kit though… Until now… as things have calmed down to the normal pandemic hysteria… we pulled it out… made sure it was up to date… and planned a little better… we also built princess fluffy bottom and shadow man an emergency kit… just In case… so use this time to be grateful… and remember all the things you forgot… we can do this guys! If my Grandpa could get me thinking that way… anyone can prepare-AND put together a pet emergency kit 🙂 wanna know how to quiet your anxiety? Have a plan. <drops mic like Moroni trumpet drops and puts the carrier by the door>
Yes – The Salt lake city Temple Moroni lost his trumpet… it was kinda the inspiration to some of the greatest puns and memes of all time and space LOLOL.
So many things happened as we were preparing to believe what was coming was really coming Covid-19, the outbreak… now pandemic… you will have to read what happened elsewhere… but since I am SUPER immune compromised… the BFG insisted I quarantine earlier than everyone was made too… which we are in the midst of watching happen now… and well Sundays just arent magic without these guys… social distancing sucks… but I’m grateful for for video chat… and filters 😍 love them sooooo much.
Tall Child – The best mom I have ever had the honor of watching raise her 4 babies.She has 3 Boys!!!AND My baby girl!
We Leprechauned… and Set up Fairy City… and well…. I will have to share those happy stories when I am feeling more happy… right now I am just missing my people 🙁 Out of town visits planned before the #coronavírus – let us demonstrate #socialdistancing
Small Child and Danielle … Yes… thats my baby boy who at 2 years old made up the word Smiffbib…. then he got all 20 and shacked up with his girlfriend (who I adore btw) and well Smiffbib.
March 12th this isolation from work began… I left as much love and light as I had that day… and I know the world will look COMPLETELY different after this… if I am lucky enough to come out the other side… I will be happy… but honestly guys… if not… im good. I mean… not that I want to give up or anything… but the acts of kindness … the sheer beauty of the human spirit that rises up and shows itself when this happened… well… im so very proud to be part of it… and part of this race… and guys… it will get better… we can do better… always… but damn… im so proud.
Okay- thats all for now. Understand this when I say. I am good. I have experienced more love… more hope… more joy… than any one person deserves. This life is beautiful and terrible and then beautiful again. I am here for it as long as it will have me… but if I had one thing I had to say today it is this… I LOVE YOU… I just fucking LOVE you… so much… people are good… so good… and we are such beautiful creatures of hope and kindness and curiosity… dont let anything take that from you… now… go do something… literally anything… to make things better. I Love you
