According to the National Museum of the American Indian
The winter solstice begins a season of storytelling and ceremony… I would like to spend a few minutes of this solstice wrapping up my unfinished story… and begin on a fresh page… my new story. (and after you read that, I really do recommend reading the article from the Smithsonian above… its kind of amazingly perfect)

For some history…. THIS and then THIS

But if you have been following along these sporadic… every 60 to 90 days postings… I believe I left you here…

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I blogged about the tumor arriving two days after they removed it… I blogged about it being the size of a grapefruit or softball… before my post op check… and before pathology… and before anyone told me the doctors had kept me in surgery two hours longer than anticipated… Darth Lumpious was 13.5 centimeters… It was an eggplant not a grapefruit… and then pathology came back, although as predicted… it was benign.

Recovery did not go quite as expected…. obviously a tumor that large left a very deep (Multiple tissue layers sliced and stitched) very large gap in my leg… it also has permanently atrophied my hamstring and nerves… My skin did not grow and heal like one would expect… staples stayed in twice as long as normal… my body never began to heal and push them out… so we removed them… and began wound treatment….

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This bloody mess of a bathroom was after the initial clean up after returning from the ER… and when I finally decided that I needed a photo… This is all that was left… but I lost over a gallon of blood that had collected in the gap left… and filled and filled until it burst through the incision and all over my house… car…. husband… and ER…. RIP Towels Bathroom rugs and Clothes lost in the massacre. (FTW Cat Litter Absorbs Blood!!!) So here I am, almost 90 days out from surgery, and the initial incision is healed… still working on the under layers of tissue (Sutures are still there)… I will walk with a cane the rest of my life…. anything longer than a city block… and to be honest… more than that some days if it is cold… or I pushed too hard … I was angry about this at first… but then someone reached out to me… offered me a loved ones cane… left behind when he left the earth. Suddenly I understood using a cane was a privilege… and I gratefully accepted it.

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No Leukemia, Tumor Benign, Left with no other diagnosis… I was finally given a diagnosis of Negative ANA Lupus. Which if you have watched House MD, you will find as much comfort in this as I do…. Bahahahahaha… Of the 11 markers of Lupus, I have 5… but not the Positive ANA 98% of Lupus patients have… So rheumatology is where I am headed… and I am sure they will be able to help me… My fever of unknown origin has been back for a several months… and is now manifesting a new symptom… I am unable to regulate my body temperature…

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And during all of this life moved forward….
I manage my desk job… Mr Amazing runs the house… Cooks… Shops…. Covers me in blankets and removes my boots… To the moon and back doesn’t adequately describe my love for him…. It is the size of the Universe!!!

Tall child had a birthday party that will go down in history… Christmas has come…

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I have lost some friends…. memory… and ability.

But I have gained so much (yes… weight as well)

I am so grateful to be alive… I am so very grateful for my Talls, Smalls and Tinies… I have friends that never left… even when I forgot about them. (I forget everything currently in case you are wondering… I’ve had to scroll back to the top of this at least five times to see what I have written) … I do not know what I did in my life to deserve all of this… but it must have been good.