My Dearest Lacey Cakes,

It is unbelievable to me that you are 12.  A pre-teenager and a Jr High student.

You are starting Jr High in a few weeks.  Jr High… a whole crazy world in itself and a huge new challenge for you.  You are my only stepdaughter, and my Mini Me.  I understand how it feels to be an introvert, highly sensitive and to be overly cautious because I was and still am that way myself.  I challenge you to find that sweet spot between being a rule follower and a risk taker.  We suffer from anxiety instead of going with the flow.  We fear way too much instead of trying new things.  I know how scared you are of change and that switching to a new school after seven years in the same protective elementary school has kept you up at nights.  I’m not going to lie… it has kept me up too.  As you start this next chapter in your life, I have some advice from one worry wart to another.

Try new things. Join clubs.  Talk to new people.  I know these are things I harp on the most, but they are the most important. I just want you to find things you like to do.  Not necessarily things that you are good at…  just things that you enjoy doing!  I don’t want you not to try something just because you think you won’t be good at it or that you’ll fail at something.  Failing is learning!  If you enjoy doing it but fail… just try again.  We will be here cheering you on no matter what.  If you try something and don’t like it… that’s fine, I’m just proud that you tried it!  You will never know if you don’t put yourself out there and take risks.  I know you get annoyed that I’m always asking you about the kind of person you want to be.  I only do it because I want you to figure out what you’re passionate about.  Sometimes it is something you would never imagine… until you are put in a situation that makes you try it.

Take some risks.  Now this is a tricky one – I’m not talking about behavior you know is wrong or illegal things.  You will be exposed to a wide variety of new things in the next few years and I hope that we have taught you enough to make good choices.  However… I’m wanting you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and face your fears.  There have been times when you have begged me not to make you try something new or go somewhere and believe me…  it has been hard for me not to back down.  My heart aches when you cry but when you come home and say “Kerry, thanks for making me do that… I had fun”, I know that I need to keep pushing you.  I want you to be young and have fun!  You only live once and the memories you make now stay with you forever.  I’m not promising they will all be great memories, but I would love for you to have memories of doing some silly things.  Some of my best memories are from slumber parties, giggling with my friends until we cried, summer camp, school trips, prank calling boys, and even tee-peeing houses.  Did I just admit to that??  Now I’m not advocating these things and there will always be consequences to your actions, but sometimes innocent fun is worth some punishment.

Choose your friends wisely.   Some friends will drift apart and start hanging out with new people with the same interests.  This can be exciting and also painful.  Just remember to treat others how you would want to be treated.  Don’t talk bad about people even if others are doing it.  Be confident in yourself and know that others lash out from a place of hurt in themselves.  These years are very confusing and emotional and it’s easy to get bogged down in the drama.  I know it’s hard to imagine now… but this time in your life is a very very small part.  It’s a few years out of about 80!  The most important thing to come out of Jr High with is your integrity.  Don’t compromise your belief system or friends to avoid a few weeks of an awkward situation.  Find friends that share your moral value system and hold on to them.  Some of them will be your life long friends and support system!

Live like your glass is half full.  I know it’s hard to be optimistic all the time… but please try most of the time!   Life is so much easier if you live with a positive attitude.  Trying new things and not caring if you fail is how you grow.  It teaches us to be stronger and to know that we can get back up and try again.  It’s a hard lesson for parents to let our kids learn since it breaks our heart as much as yours when you fail.  We have all failed at things but we have lived through it and so will you.  If you think positively… those failures open up a whole bunch of other options that you may never knew existed.

As you venture into this new exciting phase… please know how much I love you and how proud I am of the young woman you are.  We will always love and support you in whatever you do. Please do not be afraid of taking leaps of faith because we will always be there to catch you if you fall.  It’s time to let go of your fears and insecurities and believe in yourself that you can do it!

Happy Birthday Angel Girl – I love you