Hello wall… I can’t seem to stop staring at you… through half closed eyes that feel like they are full of sand… and are rubbed raw… with the partnering of swelling that the tears always seem to bring… My head feels to heavy to lift off this pillow… smears of black mascara … smells like a mixture of my hair product… and laundry detergent…. I can’t breath in too deeply without sharp stabbing pains behind my shoulder blades from being clenched so tightly… shoulders hunched up to my ears…. Every 8 minutes the door opens… Mr amazing wants to know if I am okay… If I am convincing enough… he will go 15 minutes before checking again…. But I can’t seem to look away from the wall… I cant seem to find any reason what so ever to not try to continue disappearing into the mattress of this bed…. I feel so heavy…. I am half way through… Small Child comes home soon….

This song … This week