Articles for the Month of May 2012

May 15 2012

Why he is Named Mr. Amazing… (I hope this makes the rest of you want to throw up a little)

Author: Kerry

This isn’t a real post… its more of a thought capture inspired by the comments of my spouses nick name… Mr Amazing… I get super mushy when I’m sleepy… I think the funniest thing about this whole post… Is I just became… “that girl”… you know.. that girl.. that publicly does stuff like this…

…You wake up at all hours to help me through the times that I can’t sleep…. You change tactics and approaches, and find ways to comfort me in the middle of the night so that I can get some sleep … We are both sleep deprived and if not for the help of tea/coffee we would be asleep on our feet…. I am so lucky to have someone who experiences everything right alongside me…. I never feel as if I am doing it all…. Have I thanked you for that? Thank you… Thank you for doing so incredibly much…  When I said I do, I meant it for life… You taught me that even I am capable of  really loving someone unconditionally… You have loved me through my ups and downs and I have loved you through yours. We fit together so perfectly how could I NOT believe that I was made for you and you were made for me? Thank you for being exactly who you are because for me… you are perfect…. I hope that you know how much I appreciate all that you do for our little family… how hard you work to support us… and how much of yourself you give to us… I love you more today than I did yesterday… it happens everyday…. You make me feel safe… loved… and appreciated…. Sure we argue… we panic… we aren’t perfect… but I believe that we grow more resiliant from it… from the communication that comes from it…. You taught me that…I love our life and the family we have become…. I know we will grow old together…

May 14 2012

Dark Shadows… MmmmmHmmmm

Author: Kerry

This weekend Mr. Amazing and I saw Dark Shadows on an Imax screen… I will say I was shocked to see some families with youngsters in there (one couple brought a toddler… seriously people) … Shocked, because the previews had made it pretty clear there was a lot of sexual innuendos… (Sign me up for some sexual innuendos Depp style please!) … I went in with high expectations… and I was not disappointed… Tim Burton magic occurred… I would see it again! I would not let my almost 13 year old see it, despite its PG13 rating however… so be warned… It was clever… original… funny… and creepy all wrapped into one.. and the witch was a litch (Apparently you have to be a D&D fan to get this reference) .. and one of the better characters ever created! Loved it! Plus… well… Johnny Depp….

May 11 2012

Thank You Mr. President!!!

Author: Kerry
Different isn’t wrong. It’s different.

How hard is it to accept one another…  to practice kindness… not attack people who see the world differently than we do.

Nothing will ever be achieved in saying the person who disagrees with you is a sinner or stupid. Attacking and name-calling isn’t intelligent discussion. It only forces people to dig in their heels (like smallest child is soooooooo good at) as they refuse to hear your argument…. I’ve been guilty of it in the past, but I realize now that if I want someone to really hear me, I have to stop being a bitch as I present the facts.

The facts, as I see them, are as simple as this: love is love. If two people want to celebrate their love by making a lifelong commitment, it should be their decision to make. My life will change in no way when  same-sex marriage becomes a norm. There may be benefits that come about, but there most certainly will be no harm.

My marriage will mean just as much then as it does now.

If you disagree with me, I’ll ask you to substantiate your opinion. If you quote a book in your reasoning, I’ll ask if you’ve really read that book. Perhaps you should to read it again? Because, you know, you can’t pick and choose which lines to live by.

I will ask you if you think it’s OK to stone a woman to death for sleeping with a man (Deuteronomy 22:23-24).

I will ask you if you think it’s OK for a man to sleep with his brother’s wife (Genesis 38:8-10).

I will absolutely ask you if children who curse their mother or father should die (Leviticus 20:9).

And then I will throw the thing in the toilet…. because honestly… knowing it means nothing… preaching it means less… its how I behave …  my actions… that I will judge myself by … and whoever else may judge me….. The book that has been used over and over again as a tool to judge… hate…harm… and rule, That book talks equally about love… charity… kindness… hope… Can we practice a little bit of that??

Besides...it will help the economy... Gay Bridal Registry... Wedding planners are all a frenzy!!

May 09 2012

… Wednesday… I have decided to scalp you

Author: Kerry

NO ONE TOLD ME that yesterday was not Wednesday.. No one said a word as I tweeted and posted proudly my #wordlesswednesday post! I had been holding onto that little gem for over a week! No one said a word…

THEN the Bloggess took the only thing I love more than her… Which of-course is Harry Potter… and made it a Rodent… a Dead one… in badly tailored clothes…   and I felt my sanity walking on a tightrope without an umbrella…. for the love of god! … Fine Fine… I love her more than Harry Potter… But if she fucks with coffee… its over

BUT THEN… Well… . Wil Wheaton’s cat got a damn twitter account… And I followed it… and then it was too good for my linens….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But he said it wasn’t my linens.. it was my cat.. and he is probably right… because my cat is a jackass…

But whether my linens are good enough for the cat or my cat is an ass…

I knew the end had come… So I prepared a meal from my “Things I don’t love anyone enough to make 🙂 “ Pinterest board…

and entered my Second Wednesday of the week… Pray for me…

 

 

 

May 08 2012

… Mother’s Day…

Author: Kerry

I remember when I found out I couldn’t have children… as all my friends were starting families…Holding precious little bundles… I remember being so sad… Because all I wanted was to be a mother… and crying each year … I remember when I became a mother (OH! There is another post there… And to think I had nothing left to write about when I started this)… Because they were wrong… and I had a little blue perfect bundle of my own… And I really came to understand what love was… and what life was about.. and who I really was… And he stared at me with adoring eyes that lit up whenever I entered the room… and when he told me he wanted to marry me when he grew up (he was two) and when he started to call me Yaya (Not momma, not my child apparently)… it turned to mommy… he laughed with me… he played with me.. he stuck lipstick up my nose and in my ears when I dozed off… Mothers Day! I loved it…
Then I became a Mother again … To a teenager… a broken little girl… who I had the honor of witnessing her mending… and thanked my lucky stars everyday for having been blessed with her … I couldn’t imagine life without her… And I accepted it, and I let it happen… and I was spoiled on Mother’s day each year… With mothers rings… and candles and incents… bubble baths… bathrobes…
Then there was the Mothers day… Towards the End with the father… He tried.. In his drunken, prescription pill induced haze to recreate any kind of goodness… He bought my favorite movie (I had pleaded for it.. and the time to watch it)… but when that time came… I couldn’t let him take the children… I couldn’t trust him with them… Not to drive… He grabbed them both… as I screamed in terror and fury after him… not to take them (They were so confused… they didn’t understand what was happening… only that I had lost my mind at this point… They didn’t know there was anything wrong with him… this was how they knew him… I had tried to protect them from knowing the truth… and now they didn’t understand)…. 16 and 6 years old… and he took them, I… in a heap of tears… and disappeared for two hours… I never watched the movie… I stayed on the floor… by the door until he brought them back… and I made him leave. That was the end… I know that now… It dragged on so much longer, but I knew at that point… He had taken my children
… And Mothers Day became something new…Mothers day became a day to celebrate children.. And the miracle of them… and my right… My RIGHT… to keep them safe, and be loved, and not about candles, rings, bubble baths… time alone… It became my day to remember how grateful I am for my children… And all children… and how magical they are… Suddenly Mothers day contained no pity… no anger… no self justified righteousness about being appreciated… and spoiled…. It became about the miracle of life…
I have had three momentous mothers’ days since that turning point…. … Mother’s day is the day I had my little sister’s children three years ago… because she wasn’t alive enough to be their mother that day… I was so grateful for the lesson that brought me… that I wasn’t the drunk sister, and I wasn’t the sister lying in a bed on life support… I was surrounded by all these small faces and fed all these mouths a breakfast I prepared! Not laid in bed and was served… and was so grateful….
Two mother’s day ago… My favorite gift ever from my Son (the one miracle I actually gave birth too)… He was so sad… Because his father was so cruel… he didn’t help him.. he had nothing to give… and I woke up to a small hand written note… with all the pennies he could find in his several hiding places (it was about a dollar and a half)… The note read… “Mommy, I love you… me love you long time (ha ha! He had heard this phrase)… Happy Mother’s Day”…. And all the change was wrapped up in it (This note still hangs on my fridge… I giggle each time I see it)… ;And I cried and cried, and hugged him and hugged him… and this was the year his sister decided to have three dates on Mother’s day rather than see me or call… I got a text… And it hurt at the time, but honestly, I must have done something right with her.. she was off and living her own life, independently…. Don’t worry… This is followed by my next favorite gift… Which I received last year (She was so terrified of missing it… I might have tortured her for her thoughtlessness) and the promise of a visit… on the right day…. (I’m not holding my breath)… and the favorite part of this gift was she was on her two feet, after the year she has had… and facing her own first mother’s day… even though she has buried her angel… and she thought of me… Just me…

I have several children who wish me Happy Mother’s Day besides my two (including my newest little addition courtesy of Mr. amazing I Now have Tall child, small child… and smallest child)… and I have several mothers I call besides my own and including my own!… and in the divorce decree… I get my son… And he will never again push me down, and take my babies… and I will hold and hug anyone elses babies who were blessed with the ability to birth them… but too lost to take care of them.. who need me too…. Mother’s Day… its really children’s day.
I don’t know who is reading this… I don’t know who continues to read my ramblings and rants… These can’t mean something to anyone but me… But I write them, because I Live Them… and it means something to me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Topic source from my fav place 🙂 

May 05 2012

Cinco de Mayo… The day that gets me!… Alt Titled: the 5 Best things to hit with a stick!

Author: Kerry

I now bring you the 5 coolest things  to hit with a stick!

1- This is awarded the Geek Pinata award

2- Coolest pinata ever! Scared to death of these things as a Child… Would love to beat it with a stick!
3 – Enough said 🙂 Arrrgh!!

4 – The Yo Gabba Gabba Pinata is placed here in honor of every toddler tv show I have suffered here, it could alternately be Dora, Blue, Bob, or lala

5 – Yeah… My Ass 🙂

May 03 2012

You’re welcome to read this…. I don’t have much to offer other than fried chicken

Author: Kerry

The lie I tell most often? “I’m not good enough”…

And “I have fried chicken”… I don’t really have fried chicken …. What I do have is  this story instead.

I don’t really know where to start…  at the beginning of the school year I gave my son the silent treatment for the first time although… this is not the first time he has done this… so before you judge my tactics…. he is a master of his art…. Shaggy blonde hair… innocent blue eyes… Looking up at me through those glasses I saved up for so that he would not be unstylish in Jr. High… While standing next to his viola that I rent (not just one, but two .. so he doesn’t have to carry it to school everyday) … and a hand on his keyboard (nice keyboard)… “I Practiced mom” and I glance down at his voice recorder, that is obviously not plugged in… and no chair is pushed up to the keyboard… no music on the stand  … My eyes make their way to the bag that holds all of his music books (I couldn’t even begin to recall what I have invested in those) … zipped shut.. untouched… And look back at him and suggest he try a difference response… he chokes and sputters a little… I shut his door and leave him to his practicing … and head to my bedroom… I close my door, giving myself a timeout…  Before I drive him in complete silence to his lessons (155$ monthly) … and he doesn’t break… The conflict in his mind is almost palpable… He is not going to burst into tears and apologize… he is too old for that … and I am not going to let it go… Calmly I turn to him and tell him I am not friends with liars… and so he can’t expect me to be friendly… I tell him to think of his own punishment… and it better hurt… He suggests no Netflix for a month… I scoff at him… With his schedule (that he chooses, good god please don’t start on me for pushing him too hard… I promise you I don’t have that kind of energy… this is him) There is no TV… and he doesn’t care… He then tries video games… again I scoff and suggest we find a new home for his fish (poor things died this winter anyways)… Tears! oh… almost over the rim.. is he going to break? … nope… He suggests giving up his Halloween Plans… this seems feasible to me… A few tears roll over his cheek and we agree… I don’t launch into the whole single mom bit… it obviously didn’t work last time… I don’t launch into that everything in my life I do… I do for him… So he can have these lessons he wants so badly… And these instruments… Instead I inform him that he could possibly end up a serial killer… Yes yes… I did… And I asked him if it was easier to lie to me this time… was that sick feeling is his stomach easing up… and if so… what would he have to do to get it back… I told him guilt was his friend… and he better embrace it… because if he didn’t feel it… he would be capable of horrible things… this scared him a little…

This post was inspired by… if not really done as prompted by  Mama Kat’s prompt: List a lie that you consistently tell…. 

May 02 2012

*cough*bullshit*cough*

Author: Kerry

It’s been a couple of weeks now… since the onset… quite a long run for me of not wanting to get out of bed… not being able to engage in conversation with my loved ones… feeling like I am looking at life through some kind of film.. or screen… or transparent shell…. Not sleeping … not really able to focus on anything… a book… a movie… a game..

…and I wanted to write about this pit  I seem to have willingly or unwillingly flung myself into… because it is on the list of cures… you know them right? call a friend… relax… take a bath… exercise… walk … work in the garden… paint… play music…These cures to fix these hours and hours of self loathing… personal berating… tears that come even when I sleep… which hasn’t been a lot… because whether this be depression… or anxiety… or insomnia… they are all lovers of each other… and are combined in one  mess… and it manifests itself onto others as words not meant to sounds that harsh… and frustrations… and exasperation… and unhappiness that simply aren’t real

….  So I sat here and prepared to get it all down and out… and talk about it… and then I looked around … and saw everyone else writing about it… The Bloggess as usual (usual=althefuckingways) … says it best … Even the Headologist tweets today about feeling so sad bastardy… and I found myself wondering what the hell is going on? I mean… the sun is shining in most areas… it is spring… the winter blahs are supposed to have dissipated…

And I thought maybe… just maybe… I should not dwell on it… and continue to breathe… and wait… and I took out the headphones that had music that perfectly expressed those feelings… I might have to feel them… but I am done embracing them for now… and I will wait… And I will even spare you the “this too shall pass” and “learn to dance in the rain” *cough*bullshit*cough* … I will leave you with the one thing… that always… no matter how far I am away from real… helps..
Honestly.. I couldn’t even tell you why …