The lie I tell most often? “I’m not good enough”…

And “I have fried chicken”… I don’t really have fried chicken …. What I do have is  this story instead.

I don’t really know where to start…  at the beginning of the school year I gave my son the silent treatment for the first time although… this is not the first time he has done this… so before you judge my tactics…. he is a master of his art…. Shaggy blonde hair… innocent blue eyes… Looking up at me through those glasses I saved up for so that he would not be unstylish in Jr. High… While standing next to his viola that I rent (not just one, but two .. so he doesn’t have to carry it to school everyday) … and a hand on his keyboard (nice keyboard)… “I Practiced mom” and I glance down at his voice recorder, that is obviously not plugged in… and no chair is pushed up to the keyboard… no music on the stand  … My eyes make their way to the bag that holds all of his music books (I couldn’t even begin to recall what I have invested in those) … zipped shut.. untouched… And look back at him and suggest he try a difference response… he chokes and sputters a little… I shut his door and leave him to his practicing … and head to my bedroom… I close my door, giving myself a timeout…  Before I drive him in complete silence to his lessons (155$ monthly) … and he doesn’t break… The conflict in his mind is almost palpable… He is not going to burst into tears and apologize… he is too old for that … and I am not going to let it go… Calmly I turn to him and tell him I am not friends with liars… and so he can’t expect me to be friendly… I tell him to think of his own punishment… and it better hurt… He suggests no Netflix for a month… I scoff at him… With his schedule (that he chooses, good god please don’t start on me for pushing him too hard… I promise you I don’t have that kind of energy… this is him) There is no TV… and he doesn’t care… He then tries video games… again I scoff and suggest we find a new home for his fish (poor things died this winter anyways)… Tears! oh… almost over the rim.. is he going to break? … nope… He suggests giving up his Halloween Plans… this seems feasible to me… A few tears roll over his cheek and we agree… I don’t launch into the whole single mom bit… it obviously didn’t work last time… I don’t launch into that everything in my life I do… I do for him… So he can have these lessons he wants so badly… And these instruments… Instead I inform him that he could possibly end up a serial killer… Yes yes… I did… And I asked him if it was easier to lie to me this time… was that sick feeling is his stomach easing up… and if so… what would he have to do to get it back… I told him guilt was his friend… and he better embrace it… because if he didn’t feel it… he would be capable of horrible things… this scared him a little…

This post was inspired by… if not really done as prompted by  Mama Kat’s prompt: List a lie that you consistently tell….