Articles for the Month of April 2012

Apr 09 2012

Teen sold kidney for Ipad/Iphone … What would he do for a Klondike Bar?

Author: Kerry

Apple’s iPad costs an arm and a leg here in the United States, but in China, the organ you’d have to part with is the kidney:

It sounds like the stuff of urban legends, but the official Chinese Xinhua News Agency is reporting that five people have been arrested for alleged involvement in the removal and selling of a teenager’s kidney for transplant, according to the Associated Press.

The Xinhua story said the 17-year-old student, identified only by his surname Wang, gave up his kidney for money, some of which was used buy two of Apple’s most popular products — an iPad and an iPhone.  As the story goes, the mother of the student uncovered the plot. According to Xinhua, she asked her son how he could have afforded an iPad and iPhone, and he told her that he had sold one of his kidneys.

Is this the new “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

Apr 09 2012

The View from inside a Panic Attack

Author: Kerry

The view from inside a panic attack…  

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the same experiences as others… I do not claim to know what it feels like to be in your skin… Im just telling you what its like living in my own skin. Holidays, Such as easter are a huge trigger… I don’t know a lot of people who are in my situation that they are not a trigger for…

 They build for days… They didn’t used too… I used to just have them…. But I have learned enough coping skills that I can usually head them off… and function around them… in fact so practiced that I can do this without anyone being aware they are happening… This is a description of one that none of my behavior changing techniques have worked on… and I feel completely helpless too…               

Start Sunday one week prior…. Mild head ache… Muscles tensing… appetite gone… but I over eat regardless hoping to bury it in spicy Indian food … Release a little extra serotonin… bile rising in my throat… My noise tolerance and touch tolerance is wavering… sometimes I want to get lost in my senses… sometimes I cant handle them being touched at all… I’m snappy… Exasperated… stressed… every little task put in front of me is met with the question of how… how am I supposed to do that… how am I going to do that… I am already riding myself for not accomplishing everything I think I should be right now…. Pause… pull out a notebook… writing can help so much… Mr. Amazing bought me this domain saying that If I didn’t write… he thought my head would explode…  hoping the paper will make it seem less overwhelming…Monday arrives…thinking that I put way too much pressure on myself… and perhaps this just doesn’t need to be that big of a deal… the tense muscles are now cramping… Shoulders are hunching without thought given to them… thighs are clenched as I draw my legs up to my chest when I sit… when I sleep… I keep moving… still not giving in… Tuesday is here now… I do not eat much during the day… Over compensate for that at night… treating myself  and indulging in an hour of TV … I cannot get through a sentence without sounding sharp and biting… My stomach at this point has joined in the muscles cramps… it is rolling in protest… If it carried a sign like the occupy movement.. it would read “Ulcer will not be silenced”… and it flares up… Short breaths are all I am capable of now … filing away all of the emotions and fears that are accompanying this  kind of silent hyper ventilation…. My eyes begin to show strains of the… tenseness… funny breathing pattern… every once in a while I feel my heart hammer against the cage of my ribs… and I breathe deep… and try to think about anything else…. Wednesday… I am sick… It hurts to walk… I cannot relax my legs… and the muscles are weak from the constant holding… my feet fall asleep every time I sit because I am holding my legs so close… limbs in close to my core at all times… arms wrapped around my center… legs drawn up… every ligament tense and working… shoulders drawn up to the lobes of my ears at this point… I start wearing layers of clothes so that people cannot see these strange expressions of panic… I cannot drop my shoulders.. the muscles have locked… I begin lowering my head so the hunching is less apparent… My shoulder blades are cramping if I breathe deeply… I am on the couch… everything hurts… I am so cold (I think this comes from being so still) I am wrapped in a blanket and move like an old woman … careful… painfully… and the tears start… This is always the end for me… I cannot stop crying… I have officially stressed out everyone around me… and they aren’t even sure what is happening… I have cut them off… not allowed them to talk… lectured them endlessly for things that I honestly hold myself responsible for… such as remembering little details… I verbally empty my head… and every thought and fear I have… while sobbing and shredding tissues… I don’t allow Mr. Amazing to reason with these thought… I think them… reason doesn’t make that go away… and I finally exhaust my tear ducts… that are now almost swollen shut… and I crawl in bed with tissue… because often the crying continues through the night while I sleep… Monday morning … Today … I am embarrassed… Humiliated… weak feeling… trying to make up for my behavior… my fears of shortcomings… everything I tore myself apart for the night before… and my shoulders start creeping up again… and tears are hovering in the corners of my eyes… I do not interact with anyone around me… I am trying desperately to cramp back up… get those safeguards secure again… I think it might be over… I am not sure yet… I begin the coping mechanisms again… writing being my favorite.

Apr 08 2012

… That damn bunny!!!

Author: Kerry

I remember thinking that when I had kids of my own that there were some super lame holidays I just wouldn’t get sucked into…. and before we go all righteous on the religious meaning behind them…. you’re the people telling your kids fictitious characters come into their homes in the dead of night and leave them things…

… Santa I understood… he sees you when your sleeping… he knows when your awake… all that creeper stuff…. I get it.. besides I love Christmas magic… I really do… but let’s go over a few I don’t get…. the tooth fairy…. okay seriously disturbing… and I’m not the only one who thinks so… there are horror movies about it…. and beyond that… gross… what am I supposed to do with that tooth… I remember sneaking through my mothers drawer and finding them… eek… what’s she gonna do with them.. give them to me with my baby stuff…. “Thanks a heap for the rotting hunk of bone from my prepubescent mouth Mom! ”

… and of course the Easter bunny…. anyone wanna take a stab at explaining the sense behind this tradition and not make it sound lame? … good luck…. but of course by the time I had the small child .. I was not the only person with a vested interest in his up bringing… and MIL had known my plans to deprive him of this weirdness….. and blackmailed me with threats of trying to indoctrinate him into organized religion if I didn’t participate in her favorite holiday…. so… obviously she won…. he was almost two when we introduced this holiday to him…. he loved coloring the eggs…. he could have spent hours bathing those precious little cooked eggs in colors … and he left them in the fridge in his crayon decorated and stickered carton… went to bed happily chirping about eggs and them representing spring…. and the colors were so pretty… in the morning he awoke to a chocolate laden basket… with jelly beans… and stuffed bunny larger than his tiny toddler body…. the Easter bunny had come… and he ran to check on his eggs hoping the bunny had liked them… only to find the empty Carton on the kitchen counter …. his grandma and father were poised with cameras to catch the reaction of his first egg hunt…. I wish I had caught their reactions to his…. small child’s face skewed into the angriest most disgusted expression I had ever seen… then in a low voice spit out the words…”That damn bunny took my eggs! “…. shocked to say the least someone pointed out a hidden egg to him and suggested perhaps that bunny had just hid them…..(I laughed uncontrollably through the entire charade… muttering that damn bunny everytime he looked like he may have gotten over his fury… keeping his rage harnessed) … oh he found those eggs.. proclaiming the Easter bunny the “biggest jerk ” as he found the eggs one by one… until each of his beautiful eggs were back in the carton where they belonged… and then he ate that chocolate rabbit… it was in vengeance, biting those ears off angrily… for the prank that had been played on him….that damn bunny! the following year he drew scary faces on the eggs to try to scare the bunny off…. this year he is helping me make the basket for smallest child… and he still thinks the Easter bunny sucks …. I couldn’t agree more.

Apr 07 2012

6 times “Smiffbib” is the only appropriate response

Author: Kerry

1. I eat tacos with a fork.

2. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.

3. I don’t believe in democracy.

  4. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.

 

 

 

 

5. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

6. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.

Apr 06 2012

Pause for a Love story

Author: Kerry

Friday Flashback!!! ( I say that like it a theme… or a real thing… it’s not) I just found an old post I had written about the night Mr. Amazing proposed to me…

Tuesday, September 6, 2011
In the middle of Suicide awareness week… approaching all the 9/11 memorial images flashing across the web… 1 week before my 38th birthday… I would like to pause… and tell a love story…

Sunday night… 8 pm, I finally … Stop focusing on the self loathing… and the injustices…. resentments… insecurities… fears… I finally agree to a night out… Just the two of us… There is a Super Nova! We will never see anything like this again… We pack an ill-gotten telescope (Ill gotten because I was ill over what was spent on it) and swing through Walgreen’s for canned coffee (this was before I discovered the magic beans … Addicted to Coffee ), and gummy coke bottles (find some, trust me)… and we set off driving through the desert… These moments are so rare… Rare just the two of us… and we talk, about ridiculous things… we cringe a little over insecurities… Walk through every horrible past relationship we have had and make comparisons to the relationship we have now.. we discuss our isms….

 Then, on some god forsaken road… in some crazy little town… we stop… We get out… Careful not to shut the doors, you know… incase the boogie man comes… and we laugh… and we giggle… and we ooohhh and ahhhh at the night sky… He fumbles with the telescope… trying in the dark to make it work… We take turns down on the pavement, trying to see anything in the great black vastness of space… We line it up with the google stars app… but to no avail… we hide in the car as another vehicle passes… prepared to run… leaving the telescope … if they are the dreaded mass murders that always find stupid young kids in the middle of no where… I sit in the back of the hatch back… he sits on the ground… cursing the telescope… and I am laughing hysterically as the clouds set in… making the stars invisible to the naked eye… even the moon… and he is so frustrated…

… and I tell him he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me… and he stops… crawls across the pavement on hands and knees… and kisses me.. and tells me he is so glad I think so… and asks me to marry him… Ring in hand… I think I said the word yes… I believe if not, my kisses confirmed that I wanted too… I so want too… I slip the ring on my finger… I cannot see it in the dark… I am ridiculously crazy in love with him… we have a lot to get through… telling the kids… telling the exes (oh god.. the crazy other parents of our children)… Figuring out logistics… convincing me, that 38 isn’t too old… and the world isn’t too horrible… and I deserve to be happy and healthy … and  Forgetting everything else… I will leave this one as the love story 🙂

Apr 05 2012

… You probably had to be here…

Author: Kerry

Does everybody have “that guy” in your office that has that weird horse statue on his desk….Sure its probably some sentimental gift from Vietnam that was given to him by a close friend…. Well… Im “that girl” who cant leave it alone… it turns into a 5 year game of hide said horsey thing and hold it for different ransoms… or hide him bathrooms… or drawers… or planters…. or pose it in weird sexual positions with a gumby key chain? and write mass emails about their escapades???

Dear Weird Horsey,

You are my king and my prince. You are my knight in shining armor. We have so much in common. I am so glad we like the same things like going out to eat at romantic restaurants like Morton’s and watching movies. I can’t believe you were ever shy but I am glad you broke out of your shell before you met me.

I know you have been hurt in the past and I will never hurt you like that. I am yours and you are mine forever and always. I want to die loving you. I want you to be the last man I ever kiss. I hate that we broke up that one time but I think it made up realize what we lost.I cherish each and every day with you. You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. I love to hear you laugh, see you smile and watch you eat. You have a way about you. You are irresistible to me and I don’t know how anyone could let you go. I know I never will.

I didn’t used to be romantic but you bring it out of me. You have taught me so much and I admire your strength. The thing I love most about you is how you can change my mood from sad to happy. I love going places with you like weddings, the beach and walking. I am yours for as long as you will have me. See pictures below of our escapades

Love always,

Gumby

Apr 05 2012

… Got Sleep?

Author: Kerry

Set the goal not to tweet while sleep deprived… this Gchat was the result of said goal

Gchat –

Mr. Amazing: Do you want to transfer $30 back to my account so I can get Setebello for dinner?

 me: Roast in slowcooker… your family coming

Mr. Amazing: Oh… pot roast
  damn
  never mind
  oh well
  See… I offered

 me: That was pure evil

Mr. Amazing: lol
  monkey torture…

 me: Hey Kerry… Do you want to eat your favorite dinner? Or you want to play with a raw hunk of cow with ice cubes sticking to it in the morning and eat it that night

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

 me: With people over… (I hate people)

Mr. Amazing: ooooh… Oh… umm…. oh….. …uhhh…. ummm….. uh…. Oh OH… the second one?! 

 me: Tell the lucky lady what she won
  Well Bob… she has won a hunk of beef… that will cause her to be ill.. and she will do the dishes too!
 Just so you know… Ice cubes rip raw cow ass up… just like they would stick to your tongue
  … Got Sleep?

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO
  really
 rip raw cow ass up
  I can’t stop laughing

 me: YAY!
  But… Its true

Mr. Amazing: I didn’t think you would be stirring the cow ass with the ice cubes

me: It really was all a bit more complicated that you imagined I think… remember when I asked… at the last-minute this morning… Do you think it will all fit?
  I had to RIP ice cubes from the hunk of cow ass.. and rearrange them
  Gagging the whole time.. doing the potty looking type of dance and squealing in terror

Mr. Amazing: ripping off cow flesh
  it will just add flavor to the potatoes
  cow ass flesh flavor

 me: Right? That is what I figured…
  I will serve you a heaping plate of it tonight… assuming I remembered to turn on the slow cooker

Mr. Amazing: oh God
  please tell me you did

 me: Ofcourse I did… I checked twice… and locked the doors twice

Mr. Amazing: and make sure  to turn it to low

 me: and went back and checked my curling iron
  ….  I just sneezed gum into my hands… see.. these are the things you learn when I cant tweet it

Mr. Amazing: lol – would you have tweeted that?

 me: Yes… Yes I would have
Mr. Amazing: got sleep?

me: Belly Buttons can join Feet and Raw Cow ass on my , NASTY list again… what I would have tweeted

Mr. Amazing: belly buttons?
   like your own?
  are you inspecting your naval?

 me: Maybe?

Mr. Amazing: Why?
  Are you looking for something?

 me: …. I don’t have a valid response

Mr. Amazing: ROFL… I love you

Apr 03 2012

My Vagina hates Santorum…

Author: Kerry

Gchat Stream –

me:  I kinda want to make my status update of the day be “My Vagina hates Santorum” … But I dont think i can LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol   not a good idea

me: I didnt post it… but it was funny…

Mr.Amazing: questions will inevitably arise, like “how do you know? you have Santorum in your vagina lately?”

me: Noooo I dont think so… well maybe from you… but no one else im friends with would have the guts to respond to that LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol there is always womb for Santorum, Santorum, pro womb

me: ROTFL!! That is horrible

Mr.Amazing: Santorum will never clean your womb
that’s the worst ever – btw

me: That was soooooo bad!

Mr.Amazing: I am so pro life
but before a brain has formed, I have a hard time forming an argument
but seriously, I hate it

me:  So this is why even though I am pro life, I dont judge other people based on their opinions, I dont feel I have the right to legislate a womans womb so
keep government out of my womb
HAHA! that should be my status update
Mr.Amazing: no womb for government

me: Exactly!!!

Apr 02 2012

Mirror Mirror … Yes Please!

Author: Kerry
Mr Amazing and I went in expecting a darker version of Snow White… I was genuinely surprised and amazed at the animation sections, I had never seen animation like this… It was stunning…. Even more stunning though was the actress who played Snow White! “Snow White is a princess in exile, and the evil Queen rules her captured kingdom. Seven courageous rebel dwarfs join forces with Snow White as she fights to reclaim her birthright and win her Prince.” It was like a cross between Bollywood meets Ella Enchanted… and I was beyond enchanted… I laughed… I laughed outright several times… The Dwarves are the most wonderful characters ever! I loved the entire thing… It was super cheesy.. but they had fun with that… and made light of it… I would love to see this again… Dont listen to anyone but me! See it! and stay for the Indian Inspired dance scene at the end… ADORABLE!!!